Page 17 of Fan Favorite
C harlie!” Edie Pepper said brightly. “It’s me!
Edie!” And when Charlie Bennett still looked sorta stupefied, Edie brought an imaginary flute to her lips and reenacted the opening steps of their Simpsons marching band routine right there on the Key mansion patio.
“Ba-ba-baba-ba-babababa!” She finished by tossing the air-flute high in the air and twirling her body (with only a slight stumble) before catching the flute again behind her back.
Yah! She hadn’t done that move in years!
Edie leaned forward and gave Charlie’s forearm a little shake. “Remember?”
“Edie,” he said finally. “What the fuck.”
“It’s so good to see you! You look great,” Edie said, because that’s what people said to people they hadn’t seen in a long time and because, girl , he did.
IRL Charlie looked even better than Instagram Charlie.
Edie had scrolled and scrolled and scrolled through so many images of the new and improved Charlie Bennett—staring off into the distance sexily, staring straight at the camera sexily, looking confused (but sexily)—that to suddenly be in the presence of this living, breathing, slowly-blinking-and-pulling-at-his-tie Charlie Bennett was maybe the most wonderful, most endearing thing Edie Pepper had ever experienced, and just like that, all her nerves floated away.
Without a filter you could see the texture of his skin and the red splotches spreading across his neck.
Without a strategic crop or blurry background, you could drink him in as something more than just a body with washboard abs.
Without the likes and comments and follows, Edie saw him as she knew him, and it was like having the most delicious secret, because what Edie saw in that moment was not some great adventurer, not some superficial ladies’ man.
No, what Edie saw was the same sweet, awkward, nervous Charlie Bennett of her childhood, and it reminded her of the boy who’d been too scared to kiss her for the first time, so she’d had to lean over and do it herself.
Edie felt such a rush of affection for him that she just wanted to make him feel comfortable, and what better way to do that than to remind him of home?
So, she said, “Hey, how’s your mom?”
“Oh,” he said. “She died.”
“Oh my god!” Edie gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth. “I hadn’t heard! I’m so sorry!”
“She didn’t die,” Charlie said, shaking his head as if to clear it.
“I don’t know why I just said that.” Then he turned and spoke directly into a looming camera.
“Can we do that again? That was weird. I don’t know what’s happening.
” He turned back to Edie and ran a hand through his curls. “She’s totally alive. Wow.”
“All right, let’s reset,” Peter yelled, appearing from behind a large potted palm. “Edie, why don’t you go ahead and walk up again.”
Edie startled—for a second, she’d totally forgotten she was on a TV show.
To her left, the dark portico was full of people and equipment.
Lights and cameras and cameramen, sound guys holding boom mics and wearing headphones, producers typing away on their phones or whispering into walkie-talkies, and Peter— who had been behind a plant —was now standing in front of her, asking her to walk up again.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously,” he said. “And Bennett, you know the rules—don’t break to the camera to get out of tough conversations. Verisimilitude is king.”
“Fuck off, Peter,” Bennett said. “You think you’re so fucking clever.”
“We’ve all got jobs to do, man,” Peter shrugged. “Mine is making magic every Tuesday night.”
“Literally, does anyone care that I have a dinner reservation? Because I’m just wondering if anyone cares,” Adam Fox yelled at no one in particular. Then to Peter, “This shit is outside my contracted hours, and you know it.”
“Yeah, yeah, okay, let’s reset,” Peter said, stepping between Edie and Charlie.
“Everything’s fine.” Peter put one hand on Charlie’s bicep and the other between his shoulder blades and guided him back to the sofa.
Seamlessly, Jessa hooked her arm through Edie’s and began to tug.
But Edie stayed rooted to the spot. Jessa was talking, but Edie wasn’t listening.
Because as Peter and Charlie stepped past the coffee table, there on the couch, bathed in a gorgeous, diffused light, was the most elegant, most self-possessed (not to mention skinniest ) woman Edie had ever seen.
She stared off into the distance, shoulders back, head tilted slightly so her dark brown hair cascaded down her back like a Pantene model.
Her clavicle looked sharp enough to cut glass.
Her lips were Kardashian full, and her dark eyes were shaded by thick, natural brows.
Edie pulled at the wrap of her ill-fitting dress and shifted her weight in the borrowed mules.
Slowly, the woman turned her perfectly symmetrical face and they locked eyes.
Edie scrambled to place her, mentally scrolling the “Meet the Contestants” webpage she’d memorized on her way to LA when she’d still had her phone and the luxury of scouring the internet like a crazy person.
But before Edie could figure out which perfectly perfect contestant she was, the woman’s eyes slit, her mouth got snarly, and she lifted her tiny bird wrists into the air and flipped Edie off with both hands.
“Fuck. You. You. Fugly. Bitch,” she mouthed with the sort of deliberate girl-on-girl terrorism Edie hadn’t experienced since the sixth grade.
MEET THE CONTESTANTS
Zo
24, Retired Ballerina
New York, New York
After spending twenty years training in ballet, Zo is beauty, grace, and confidence personified.
Zo spent three seasons as a principal dancer at the prestigious American Ballet in New York City before a knee injury sent her life in a new direction.
Now, Zo’s looking for her next big love and hopes to find a man who will support her dreams of getting back onstage—or maybe even on the big screen!
Her favorite musician is Cardi B. because she “speaks her mind.” Zo powers her barre workouts with true crime podcasts, and her favorite serial killer is Ted Bundy!
Bailey
28, Pilates Instructor
Santa Barbara, California
Bailey is a gorgeous and vivacious blonde who loves being active and grew up riding horses on her family’s ranch.
These days Bailey’s into Pilates, yoga, trying out new vegan recipes, bike rides, and sunsets on the beach.
Her greatest dream is to become a mother to at least three little ones, and Bailey can’t wait to find the perfect man to start a family with!
Bailey’s favorite holiday is Christmas because she loves decorating the whole house and giving gifts that make her loved ones smile.
Bailey’s a family girl at heart, but still, she hopes to have an awesome nanny one day so she can travel to Fiji and lie on the beach drinking mai-tais with her super sexy husband.
Max
29, Long-Distance Runner/Track Coach
Kansas City, Missouri
Maybe it’s the exercise, maybe it’s the protein shakes, but Max glows from the inside out.
Max got her start in synchronized swimming and competitive gymnastics and now competes in marathons and Ironman competitions all over the world.
Max needs a man who takes initiative and isn’t intimidated by the fact she can probably out lift him at the gym.
She’s a self-starter who knows how to change a tire and has read Suze Orman’s Women and Money three times.
Max says she’s never been in love, but she’s not worried—she’ll know it when she sees it.
Because it’s not how fast you get to the finish line, but what you learn on the way there.
Aspen
24, NBA Cheerleader
San Antonio, Texas
Aspen’s an independent woman looking for a man who doesn’t mind holding her purse while she lets her star shine.
Aspen’s biggest turn-off is jealousy—it’s not her fault she works with a bunch of NBA players!
—and men who don’t like to have fun and be part of the social scene.
(Also: men who wear flip-flops.) Her perfect man will be a great Instagram boyfriend with a fantastic career making lots of money because Aspen’s love language is gifts—receiving them, that is!
—and she loves a man who knows her worth.
Lily
26, Aromatherapist
Portland, Oregon
Some people describe Lily as “too nice,” but she knows that those people just need more love in their lives!
Lily’s passionate about meditation, the healing power of crystals, aromatherapy, and helping others.
In her free time, Lily loves hiking the Oregon coast and giving tarot readings to the homeless.
Lily’s looking for her soulmate and needs a man who’s comfortable with PDA, because when Lily’s in love, she wants the whole world to know!
If she could do anything, Lily would raise penguins in her backyard because they are just so cute.
Marisol
25, Fitness Model
San Diego, California
Marisol’s passionate about living a healthy lifestyle and wants to find a man who shares her values.
A gym partner would also be great, but Marisol is more than just a pretty face and a slammin’ bod—she wants her man to cherish her for who she really is: a kind heart.
When the time is right, Marisol wants to tell Bennett about her triumphant 100-pound weight loss journey and see if he can hang with her big Mexican family.
Marisol believes you can do anything you set your mind to, and once a year, when she’s ready for a splurge, her favorite food is pizza!
McKayla
24, Bartender
Tucson, Arizona
McKayla spends her weekends popping bottles at her favorite clubs, and when the party really needs to get started, she’s the first one to dance on the bar.
But don’t get it twisted: McKayla may be a thrill seeker who’s passionate about fun, but she’s also a good girl who doesn’t kiss on the first date and loves reading British history.
According to McKayla, Anne Boleyn got a “raw deal” because the perfect man “always has your back.” McKayla’s fav celeb is Doja Cat because she’s “wild” but “real.”
Imani
23, Model
Los Angeles, California
Imani describes herself as sexy and sassy.
She’s got a lot of opinions, and her perfect man wants to hear them all.
Her dream relationship is just like Beyoncé and Jay-Z’s iconic collab “’03 Bonnie and Clyde”—that is to say, a total ride or die.
As a model, Imani finds herself on the road a lot, but when she’s home, she loves to cuddle up on the couch with her man.
Her biggest turn-off? Gross feet! Being a model is pretty great, but if Imani had to choose another career, it would be either makeup artist or dolphin trainer, because dolphins are majestic!
Parker
25, Artist / Heiress
Palo Alto, California
Growing up in Palo Alto, Parker always felt like an outsider, even though her family’s wealth landed her in the best schools and social circles in Northern California.
But really, Parker doesn’t care about money or privilege because she is an artist .
To prove it, she once burned a stack of hundred-dollar bills right in front of the New York Stock Exchange, a clear demonstration that individual wealth cannot change systemic problems. Parker’s portraits of snarling women have landed her in the pages of Artforum and the New York Times .
Parker says she needs a man who’s not afraid of her Gemini vibes and vintage denture collection.
Emily
28, Humanitarian
Washington, DC
Emily wants to be a force for good. Inspired by Mother Teresa, Greta Thunberg, and Malala Yousafzai, Emily joined the Peace Corps and spent six years giving back to underserved communities in South America.
Now that she’s back in the USA, Emily is proud to be a leader of an antiracist book club for white women (you have to dismantle the system from within!) and likes to spend every morning drinking kombucha and reading the Washington Post .
Emily’s looking for a man who shares her dream of a free and equitable society—and who’s not scared of her rescue dog, Brad Pittbull!
Bai
29, Violinist
New York, New York
She may have resting bitch face, but Bai’s heart is solid gold.
Bai loves nothing more than to be swept away by the beauty of classical music, and when she’s not wowing audiences as part of the New York Symphony, Bai’s wandering the MOMA (her favorite artist is Magritte) or dining out at the city’s best restaurants (her favorite food is tuna tartare).
The child of immigrants, Bai’s always pushed herself to excel and is looking for a man who understands drive, ambition, and making your family proud.
Bai’s most embarrassing fact? She loves fondue!
Kimberlee
23, Kindergarten Teacher
Denver, Colorado
Kimberlee’s looking for her very own Prince Charming and dreams of one day getting married at the most magical place on earth: Disneyland!
Kimberlee centers her life around Jesus Christ and wants to marry a man who can lead her and their little ones in faith.
Kimberlee loves Hallmark movies, chocolate chip cookies, and the outdoors.
But she wants Bennett to know she’s not just a “nice girl.” Kimberlee may be filled with Christ’s love, but she also has a dark side!
She hates getting up in the mornings and cilantro!
Chantel
28, Lawyer
Washington, DC
Chantel’s a small-town girl with big city dreams!
Born on the Louisiana bayou, Chantel always knew she wanted to leave the crawfish behind to attend Howard University (with a major in political science) and then Harvard University (law).
After a lot of hard work and dedication, Chantel’s career as an attorney is soaring, and she’s ready to make time to find her perfect man.
He brings her coffee every morning and a glass of wine every night.
He’s career oriented with the kind of smarts that can solve the New York Times crossword, even on Sundays!
During the week, you can find Chantel stomping Capitol Hill in her designer shoe collection, and on the weekends, stopping by her favorite spa or watching her guilty pleasure, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air .