Page 14 of Falling Together

Chapter 14

Erin

Erin still couldn’t believe she almost kissed Blair the night before. Or was it that she almost let

Blair

kiss

her

? Was there really a difference?

Okay, there definitely was. If she almost let Blair kiss her, that meant Blair

wanted

to kiss her, which meant the feelings she was trying so hard to suppress were not one-sided. Obviously, she didn’t know the extent of Blair’s feelings. Hell, she didn’t know the extent of her own. All she knew was when they almost kissed, she couldn’t think of anything in the world that she wanted more. Hell, she still couldn’t. That was the problem. Blair made it so she couldn’t think straight at all, and she needed to. Because her life was not her own. It was hers and Nolan’s, and she had a responsibility to make sure she did not do anything that could cause him to get hurt.

If things became messy with Blair, he

would

get hurt. It was clear he was attached to her, and Erin refused to do anything to potentially ruin the bond that they had formed. All she wanted was for the two of them to be happy. Watching them chat animatedly about all the animals they were going to see as they got into Blair’s car was so much better than a kiss. Getting the call from Blair asking if Erin would be upset if they got home a little bit after her because they were having so much fun was more fulfilling than having those lips on hers.

I can do this. I can keep my feelings under control. No big deal.

Blair certainly wasn’t going to make it easier on her, though. As soon as those thoughts had run through Erin’s head, she looked outside and found Blair carrying Nolan in her arms. He was tucked up against her, holding what appeared to be a stuffed giraffe. When Erin opened the door to let them inside, she realized Nolan was fast asleep.

“Do you realize you just broke the cardinal rule of all parents?” she asked with a laugh, because if she didn’t

tease

Blair, she might be tempted to do something else instead.

“And what would that be?”

Erin nodded her head at Nolan. “Never let a child fall asleep this late in the day, because they’re not going to bed that night if they do.”

Blair visibly cringed. “Shit. I’m so sorry. He just fell asleep about five minutes ago. Do you want me to wake him?”

“Nah. That five minutes is going to give him enough energy to stay up for at least an hour past his bedtime, so might as well let him rest for now.”

Blair looked toward the stairs. “Should I take him to his room?”

His room

. The scene of the almost-crime. “No, that’s okay. He’ll get scared if he wakes up by himself after falling asleep in the car. Why don’t you put him on the couch?”

After laying him down, Blair turned toward Erin and brought her hands up in a praying motion. “Please let me stay. It’s the least I can do after messing with his sleep schedule right after you surprised me with one of the best days of my life.”

“Today was one of the best days of your life?” Erin was sure Blair was just saying that to flatter her, but it worked. Erin wanted Blair to stay and tell her everything about the magical day she spent with Erin’s son.

“It really was. I had so much fun with that little rascal of yours. I can’t thank you enough for planning that for me.”

“And you’re willing to stay longer after spending the whole day chasing around that rascal of mine?”

This whole not kissing thing is

very

hard.

“Is that so hard to believe?” Blair tilted her head and creased her eyebrows as if she was truly confused, but the smile that had been on her face since she walked in the door remained.

“After my ex, yes. I swear she couldn’t even spend an hour with Nolan before claiming that she needed time to herself.” Erin shook her head as she thought back on that time. “There were so many signs I didn’t see. That I

should’ve

seen.”

Blair took Erin’s hand and pulled her over to the loveseat, where they were forced to sit close together. “I think a lot of the time we only see the things we want to. That’s not your fault.”

That was nice of Blair to say, but Erin wasn’t so sure she agreed with her. “I don’t know. There were some pretty giant red flags.” Erin turned to face Blair more fully. Even though she told herself she shouldn’t make Blair listen to her drone on about Bianca again, she couldn’t help it. She felt comfortable with Blair in a way she didn’t with anyone else. “You know how I told you I’ve always hated my last name?”

“Of course.” Blair squeezed Erin’s hand, reminding her that she had never let go of it after sitting down.

Instead of letting go now, she squeezed Blair’s hand in return and tried to ignore the shockwaves that the contact sent throughout her body. “I opened up to Bianca about that at some point during our first year together,”

almost a year into dating, but Erin wasn’t going to admit that to the girl she had told after only a month.

“And she always used to talk about how she couldn’t wait to give me her last name once we got married. Well, we got married, and life got in the way, and I just never did it. I always planned to. I just… I don’t know. That was on me.”

“So, what happened?”

“She kind of pulled a fast one on me after I gave birth. Even though we always talked about giving Nolan her last name and then

actually

getting my name changed, when they brought us the paperwork for his birth certificate, she said his last name should be mine. I was having some complications, so I wasn’t in the right frame of mind, plus there were other people in the room, so I just went with it. Looking back, I wonder if she already knew she would eventually leave us; like maybe that was some twisted way of trying to make it easier on us when she walked away. No connection, aside from a little boy who has her eyes.” If Erin didn’t love that little boy so much, those eyes would probably haunt her, but she was slowly getting to the point where all she saw when she looked at him was

him. Thank god.

Blair sat in silence, looking completely dumbstruck, and Erin worried she had said too much.

“Shit,” Blair said finally. She looked over at the couch where Nolan slept, then back at Erin. “That’s really fucked up. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. You’re not her.”

“You’ve got that fucking right.” She then pointed at Nolan and said, “Anyone who could walk away from

that little boy

has serious issues.”

The intensity in Blair’s eyes made it clear how much she cared about Nolan, and it made the urge to kiss her come back all over again.

Instead of giving in to that desire, Erin pulled her hand away from Blair’s. “We should probably talk about what almost happened last night.” Erin didn’t want to, but if her past had taught her anything, it was that ignoring something that was right in front of your face only led to heartbreak.

“What almost happened last night?”

Erin was about to panic that she had made the whole thing up in her head until Blair smirked. “I’m just kidding. I know we almost kissed. I was there.”

Erin couldn’t help but laugh as she playfully hit Blair’s shoulder. “You’re such a jerk.”

Blair grabbed ahold of Erin’s arm and held it between them. “Maybe. But I’m the jerk that

you

almost kissed.”

It was so playful and fun, and in a different world, Erin would have made some comment about how they should turn that

almost

into the real thing. She would have leaned in and done what she refused to acknowledge she wanted to do since the first time she saw Blair. But this wasn’t a different world. This was the world where every decision she made had an impact on someone else’s life—a very important someone.

She took a deep breath because she knew the next words out of her mouth were going to be words that neither one of them wanted to hear. “I almost crossed a line last night that I shouldn’t cross.”

The smile immediately dropped from Blair’s face, and she let go of Erin’s arm. “Because I’m the babysitter?”

“For so many reasons. I don’t do casual. I can’t. Not when I have Nolan.”

Blair appeared genuinely confused by this comment. “Whoever said that’s what I want?”

“You’re twenty-two, Blair.” Dating Erin involved elements Blair had probably never considered at her young age. Even people who were the

same age

as Erin often had no interest in dating a single mom.

“So? How old were you when you got into your relationship?”

“Twenty-two. But we both know how that turned out.”

“Listen, I know I can’t promise you that nothing will go wrong, but—”

Erin put a hand up to stop Blair. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to hear what Blair had to say, but she was afraid if she did, she would end up letting go of all the rules she made for herself when Bianca left. “That’s exactly the problem. For the last year, I told myself if I ever actually dated again, I wouldn’t have the other person meet Nolan until I knew things were very serious between us. Nolan wasn’t as cognizant of what was happening when Bianca left, so he bounced back somewhat quickly. He’s already attached to you. I don’t know what he would do if you ever left.” Erin laughed as she said the words, because she couldn’t believe how she sounded. Blair was supposed to only be his babysitter for the summer. She was putting a lot of pressure on the girl who had just been interested in a summer job. “You asked if this was because you’re the babysitter, but that’s not what it is. The problem is you’re so much more than a babysitter, and if you want to, we’d love to have you in our lives, even after this summer.”

“And I take it

in your lives

doesn’t involve kissing.”

Erin couldn’t stop her eyes from drifting to Blair’s lips just at the mention of kissing. She forced them back up and Blair smirked at her. “No. I wish it did, but it can’t.”

Blair shrugged. “Staying in your lives is definitely a good consolation prize. Nolan isn’t the only one who’s gotten attached.”

Blair being so understanding didn’t make it any easier for Erin to stay where she was sitting on the couch and not lean forward to finally find out what those lips tasted like. Luckily, these thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her phone ringing. When Erin took the phone out of her pocket, she saw it was her sister calling.

She held the phone up to show Blair. “Sorry. I need to take this.”

“Of course. Take your time.”

Blair’s body relaxed deeper into the loveseat and Erin stood to take her sister’s call.

Erin walked upstairs before picking up. After her sister called her out at the Fourth of July party, she worried what she might say. “Hey, April! What’s up?” she asked once she was in her bedroom.

“I have some bad news.”

Even though nothing about her sister’s tone made it sound like this was an emergency, Erin’s heart rate still picked up from her words. “What’s wrong?”

April chuckled. “Chill out. It’s nothing that bad. We just can’t go to the beach anymore. Sydney’s travel softball team made it into some all-star tournament the weekend we were supposed to get back, but of course, now the coach wants to have practice every day that week. If she doesn’t go to practice, she can’t play, and you know how much this sport means to her.”

“Of course. I completely understand.” Erin’s niece loved softball. She saw the way her eyes lit up whenever Erin talked to her about it. Even though it wasn’t always easy, Erin made it a point to get to Sydney’s bigger games, because she knew how happy it made her. “Give me the details for the tournament once you have them. We’ll try our best to make it.”

“Oh my gosh. You don’t have to do that. I know how tough it would be after being away with Nolan for the week.”

“Honestly, I don’t even know if we’ll go anymore.” Erin still hadn’t told Nolan they were going, because the kid had no concept of time and would bother her about it every day until they finally left. With the trip still over a week away, she wasn’t ready for his pestering yet.

“Why not? You already took off of work, right? You should go. You never let yourself relax.”

Erin cackled. “There is nothing relaxing about taking a three-year-old on vacation by myself.”

“Hmm. It looks like you’ll have to take my original suggestion and ask the

babysitter

to go with you. That could be fun, right?”

Fun or absolute torture?

“I can’t ask her to do that.”

“Can’t or won’t?” her sister asked with a teasing tone.

“Just send me the damn details of her all-star game, okay?”

“Fine, I will. But only if you consider my suggestion.”

“Fine, I will,” Erin said, mocking her sister more so than actually agreeing with her.

“Perfect. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”

“Love you too. Tell Syd I said congrats on the all-star tournament.”

“Will do. Bye!”

“Everything okay?” Blair asked as soon as Erin flopped onto the loveseat right beside her.

“Yeah, it’s fine. My sister and her daughter just had to bail on our beach trip, because Syd’s travel softball team made it into some all-star tournament.”

Blair sat up slightly. “Beach trip? When is that supposed to happen?”

Erin mentally slapped herself on the forehead.

Did I really not tell Blair we wouldn’t be here? Shit.

“The last week in July. I didn’t tell you about it?”

Blair shook her head. “Nope. Definitely not. That’s no big deal, though. I know you have a lot on your mind.”

Such as trying not to act on these feelings we are now very much aware that we both have.

“Yeah. Sorry. I guess it’s good I didn’t say anything since it’s not happening anyway.”

“You don’t want to go without her?”

Erin explained the same thing to Blair as she had to her sister. Going to the beach alone with Nolan was a lot for her to take on solo.

Blair pointed to herself. “I could go with you. I figured I’d be babysitting that week anyway, so I’m free.”

Erin laughed. “Babysitting is a little different than being stuck in a hotel with us for a week. I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“Technically, you

didn’t

ask. I offered.”

Erin had to admit that the offer was tempting. The thought of a week away with Nolan

and

Blair sounded pretty damn amazing, which probably meant they

shouldn’t

do it. How could she control herself under those circumstances? “I don’t know if that’s the best idea. Given our… situation.”

Blair smirked that trademark smirk of hers and it definitely did not help the butterflies taking flight in Erin’s stomach. “Our

situation

being how kissable my lips are?”

Erin couldn’t help but laugh. Blair, somehow, made everything feel lighter and less stressful. “I don’t know. I might not be able to find them anyway with how big your head is becoming.”

Blair put her hand over her chest as if she was offended. “Ouch. That hurts. I have feelings too, you know.” She elbowed Erin in the side. “Come on. What do you say? It could be fun.”

It really did sound fun in theory. And maybe this was good. If they were going to be friends, they needed to be able to hang out without the constant longing. This could actually be therapeutic for Erin. “You know what? You’re right. Let’s do it. Nolan would love it if you came.”

Blair’s smirk returned once again. “Just Nolan?”

Damn her.

“Okay. I might like it just a little bit too.”