Page 34 of Falling for A Lie

Chapter twenty-three

Soren

Present Day One Week Before Fight Night…

Seeing Radley today broke my heart. It brought back everything from that night. I never got to say goodbye or tell him how grateful he saved me and my sisters. Thankfully Henderson had sent me a text before our session to let me know he wasn't alone in the gym, and I could slide my mask over my face before walking in with the guys. It's not the oneI use for Valkyrie but for The Ladies. It only covers my mouth leaving my eyes, to show. The Valkyrie mask looks like a warrior's skull half white and gold with beautiful details adorning it, and the otherhalf is burnt and cracked, it strikes fear in those that see me.

I walked in but was too busy laughing at something Miles had said before the door opened. The only reason my attention snapped in his direction was that Finn whispered in my ear that I had caught Rad’s attention, and he could tell that he wanted to walk in our direction. The fear of being seen before I was ready to ask for their help had me snapping my spine straight and my hands trembling. I'm not sure what stopped him from coming our way but I was grateful for small mercies.

I lied to Henderson and said I wasn't feeling well., opting out of training for the upcoming fight I'm forced to take part in on behalf of The Ladies of Ash. He smiled and offered to go over my training before the fight. The big man treats me like a lost daughter Before we left I asked to use the bathroom, snatched a small pad and paper from the guest table, and scribbled a quick note for Radley on it. As soon as I opened the bathroom door, I only made it halfway before the screams to retreat tore at my mind, begging me to leave before I was caught and exposed. The smell of Radley’s body wash clung to the air like a beacon calling me home, and I forced the tiny voice that kept begging me to leave to shut the fuck up for once.

“Who's There?” His voice was loud and unwavering like mine would have been if I had uttered a single word, so like a coward, I stayed quiet as I slipped the note onto his clothes and took off out the door like Satan's hell-hounds were chomping at my heels. I ran until I made it back outside of the gym, ripping the mask from my face I ordered Finn to get us the fuck out of there and he did.

“ Are you okay, Sor?” Len's voice breaks through the whirlwind of my mind, making me snap my attention to her for a split second before returning my focus to the road.

“I.. yeah, I'm okay. Just got a lot on my mind today.” I mumble the pathetic excuse out, hoping it sounds somewhat believable. From the look I can see she's giving me out of my peripheral, that thought is shot to shit.

“ You know that I know you. Right? Like better than you know yourself sometimes.” She grins at my open mouth, “ Better watch it Sor, you're gonna catch flies.” She cackles and pushes my shoulder playfully. “ Honestly Sis, what's got you so shut off lately?”

“ Jace killed Ben and I saw Radley today.” I blurt out and instantly regret it from the silence that follows the outburst, I sneak a glance in her direction and my heart breaks at the fear that's etched into that beautiful face.

“ H..how do you know it was Jace? Do the Lords send their own after members sometimes, if they step out of line?” She says through a breath she must've been holding

“ Miles & Finn caught Jace and who I'm assuming is Alec leaving Ben's house with black trash bags, and they had blood on them... When...the guys finally entered Ben's, it was obvious what had taken place. Not to mention, that some psycho sent pieces to the Lords and Ladies but only the ladies had a note attached. ”

“ What are we going to do ?” She asks quietly, looking at me with matching doe eyes that remind me so much of our mother and sister.

“I plan to make a deal with the guys... Anything to keep you four safe, I'd do it. “ I admit, without the shame, I thought I would have when I told her of my plan

“Sor, are you sure that's a good idea?” Her quizzical gaze makes butterflies flutter in my gut and I swallow the dry lump clogging my throat.

I slam my hand on the steering wheel, letting the emotions spill out of me, “ They are the only ones I know that will protect you, Carla, Finn & Miles. You four are all I care about. I'd burn this planet to ashes If I thought it would keep the monsters away from you four. “

“ This shouldn't fall on just you! We aren't kids. We are your equals! “ she screams, tears freely falling from her beautiful face, staining her red band tees with wet spots.

“But it does Len, equals or not if something ever fucking happened to you or the others, do you think I could go on living? You are the reason I'm still here. Without you, there'sno me. ”I move my hand from the steering wheel and grab hers to squeeze, so she understands how much I'd give to make sure nothing ever happened to them.

She holds my hand tightly in her small one before she utters the words that shatter my heart in two “ Have you ever thought, that's how we see it as well? You're our everything, you have been since we were children and you took on a responsibility that wasn't yours to take on in the first place. You were a child playing mother. You should have had a life and we stole that from you, Sor... “ Her voice breaks with each word and the tears are now flowing freely between the two of us as we bear our souls to one another.

“I would do it all again. Taking on that responsibility, I would do it with a smile on my face, knowing what I know now. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me—both you and Carla. I felt it the moment Mom placed you two in my arms. I loved you, and I knew that no matter what happened with our parents, I would always have you both.” The only sounds are our sobs as we break down together in the darkness of my car.

“ Soren, I cannot say goodbye to you. Love shouldn't be so demanding that it takes and never gives. It's not fair.” She hiccups through another gut-wrenching sob, and I have to pull over the side of the road .. so I can pull my baby sister into my arms.

“ Come here Len...” I pull her into me and cradle her like I used to when she got hurt playing with Carla, I'd rock her and keep her pressed to my chest until she forgot about the small scrape that came from falling on her tiny knees. She grips into my shirt and we sit there and cry. letting everything that's ever happened to us leak out into the darkness surrounding us.

The pain of never being enough for our parents.

The pain of a broken childhood, and being forced to grow up too fast.

The pain of always having to sacrifice ourselves.

The pain of no matter how hard we try, we will never be safe while Jace is alive.

The pain of shouldering everything so it doesn't crush them, like it has me.

The pain of what I must do, even despite my sister's pleading.

That will never be enough to stop me from putting them first. If it means I go behind their backs from here on out to assure that they remain safe while I darken my soul, then so fucking be it. My soul was already tainted, I refuse to let theirs become stained as well. Len buries her face in the crook of my neck as she sucks a soft breath in, trying to regain her composure.