Page 32 of Fallen: Darkness Ascending, Vol.1

The thought nearly knocked me on my ass as sure as that stumble from earlier, and I swayed on my feet.

Simiel put a hand against my lower back, and yeah, I flinched, but I didn’t feel overwhelmed with the need to get him the fuck away from me, which—and I knew this without a shadow of a doubt—was bonker-sauce.

“You okay there, darlin’?”

Ugh. Why does he sound fucking Southern of all things? This was all so fucking weird. But then there was that memory. The one I didn’t let myself remember unless it was in the form of a nightmare, all those years ago, with Joshua, in the fire station.

Shaking my head, I shoved myself away from Simiel. The downside was that I ended up right in front of Xathanael. I couldn’t back down now, though. Something was unlocking in my head, and if what all these assholes were saying was true…No, I had to know.

“Is this why people keep dying? Is this…There was this fucking thing when I was young. At a fire station. Is this nephilim thing the reason?”

Cadriel stood next to Xathanael, and they pushed forward to get the white-haired prick to back up. “Yes, Faith. Yes.”

It hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks.

There was an explanation, a reason my life had been a goddamn shit show from the beginning.

There was a reason. And yeah, it was me, but it was about what I was, not just some curse or string of bad luck.

And apparently it was something that wasn’t supposed to be possible, so that meant that it… it wasn’t my fault.

A shuddering breath left me. “So, what does that mean? Can you fix it?”

Quicker than I expected, Simiel was right near our little group, and he leaned against the desk, folding his arms across his broad chest as the corners of his mouth turned down.

“No, sugar. Can’t change what you are.” Disappointment drowned me, and I was sure they all saw it. It also furthered the question of whether I was just going insane and all of this was a delusional breakdown. “But you can learn how to use it, learn control.”

I shook my head, anger rising again. “Control over what?”

“Control over your powers, Faith. A nephilim is a rare breed indeed. Unpredictable because there is so little information about them. Your kind…the angels are not meant to sire children. It is among the worst offenses when an angel denies a holy order. They are…the angels are terrified of what a nephilim might be able to do. ”

“The power of an angel with a soul to anchor it. Helluva threat to those fuckers. Upside, you can see into the ethereal realm and lock up a seraphim apparently, which could be totally hot in the bedroom.” Simiel smirked, winking at me before chewing on his lip.

“Who needs ropes when you got angel juice, huh?”

“Fucking christ.” Xathanael rolled his eyes and turned away from us, knocking me to the side as he stomped toward the back of the room where a spiral staircase led up and disappeared as he shouted, “That’s a fucking problem.”

“Ignore him.” Simiel took Xathanael’s place in front of me, his presence nearly too much for me to tolerate. “He’s an asshole.”

“I’ll say.” Xathanael was a giant prick in my book, and I didn’t care how attractive he might have been, I wasn’t going to let him get away with that shit. These assholes were going to let me go. Or I was going to run face-first into that wall and wake myself up from this nightmare.

“One who may have a point, however.” Cadriel eyed Simiel with his violet stare—one that I was just now realizing wasn’t the result of contacts—clearly concerned. “You said she locked you down.”

Simiel shrugged, ever the nonchalant goth boy. “Just my movement.”

“Okay, explain.” I glared at both of them, crossing my arms as the weight of the underground room pressed down on me. “You clearly know what you’re talking about, but I don’t, and I don’t fucking like it. Either that or this is all a lie, some delusion, and I’m going to wake myself up.”

Cadriel narrowed their eyes at Simiel, this silent dare to say something right now because it was not the time for it.

As they stepped a hair closer, I gave them a once-over again.

They were still very tall, a common trait apparently, and their office chic attire didn’t fit in with the other two.

Simiel was all black and red and chains all over, and Xathanael had been as basic as you could get—black cargo pants, black boots, black tee.

That was it.

“It is not a dream, Faith.” Cadriel held up their hand, purple nails flashing, and I backed up on instinct.

It made them retreat, with both hands held up in surrender.

“Apologies. I’ll try to explain this as best I can, but I need you to surrender your disbelief.

Everything that you thought you knew is likely wrong. ”

Scoffing, I rolled my eyes. “Sure. Amazing. Just on with it.”

With Cadriel and Simiel so close, though, my skin did that humming thing again, and I felt that pull toward them. That little voice in my head was saying, “Yours,” a little too loud for my liking.

“Have you heard of a nephilim before?” Cadriel cocked a brow.

“Big giants from the bible? Yeah, my adoptive dad was real devout, actually.”

With a sigh, Cadriel pinched the bridge of his nose, and Simiel held back a laugh. “That’s a mistranslation, as is much of that book, which humans wrote with little to no understanding of these things. What they actually are is a bit of what pop culture has depicted and what is written.”

“By some douche bags, by the way, which some more douche bags voted on,” Simiel added, and now I was the one trying not to smile. Damn him. That’s my line.

“Anyway, they are the offspring of an angel and a human, and the ‘giant’ was actually referring to the level of power they were capable of. You are a nephilim.”

I raised my brows at him. “And how do you figure? Cuz I’m pretty sure I’m not going around using some half-angel kid powers.”

“Actually,” Cadriel eyed me, and I swallowed hard beneath the force of that violet stare, “you have been. We’ve been able to pick up on faint but persistent energy signatures, and there are the deaths that even you have noticed.

Retribution. You might not have been conscious of wanting to do it, but the wrath was there. ”

My stomach clenched, and I tumbled back against one of the wooden desks that had been shoved against the wall, making the books rattle. Had Cadriel really just said I wanted those people dead? I wasn’t a goddamn murderer. I wouldn’t want…

“Retribution? I…I didn’t do anything. I didn’t want anyone to die!”

“We’re not saying you did?—”

“They probably deserved it anyway.” Simiel shrugged again as Cadriel shot him a look.

“I am sorry. This is a lot, but it’s part of not knowing how to use your gifts. We can help you, but it will take time.”

Fury was dragging tears from my eyes, and my heart rate was wild. Something rumbled beneath me, and I shook my head. They were wrong. I wasn’t the cause of all that. Except…I knew I was. I was born something impossible, and it had come with some fucked up consequences.

Thieves and killers and some people who’d been guilty of being cruel or harmful.

Yeah, I’d thought about them dying. I’d pictured it in my head moments before it happened, watching the touchy asshole fall down the stairs and crack his neck, the bone poking through the skin, had just been the most recent one.

“Hey,” Simiel’s voice cut through my thoughts, “you’re gonna bring the place down. Can you take a breath for me?”

I looked around, noticing the way things rumbled.

Shit, had I done that? Had I…done that before?

I forced myself to take a breath, the scents of my “hosts” infiltrating my nose.

They smelled so different. People didn’t smell like anything, maybe some natural skin fragrance or perfume.

But these two. It was like inhaling Pixie Stix and cinnamon.

“I…” It took a moment more to find my voice, swallowing down the tension and anxiety that was still silently demanding I release it. “I was left at a fire station. The chief ended up adopting me. One of my parents wa s…”

“When was this?” Cadriel lowered their head, getting into my line of sight to force me to focus on those purple eyes.

“Thirty-one years ago.”

“Tell me what you know of your mother if you can.”

The request was gentle enough, but it still stung.

I knew Cadriel didn’t mean anything by it.

I could see it on their face, so I forced myself to conjure up the strength to lay it all out, already starting to run my thumbnails beneath the others to provide the right physical stimulation.

I wasn’t repeating this damn story once it was out.

“She left her medical records and a note that said I was to be cared for and loved. Said she loved me but was in danger. From the license and documents she left behind, I later learned that her name was Michelle Ramirez. She had tan skin and auburn curls.”

I was pretty sure I was crying, but I wouldn’t let myself think about it, staring at the rows and rows of books on the shelves behind Simiel without really perceiving them. I was going into shutdown mode..

“The chief who took me in…s-saved her information. No one could ever find her, and…and she said in the letter that my father had d-died. But I had his eyes, honey gold, and his darker skin. I don’t know anything else about her.

And the chief couldn’t find anything. He, uhh,” my voice cracked, “he was k-killed when I was a kid. Foster care after that.”

“Rhymael.” Cadriel nodded to himself, and both Simiel and I furrowed our brows at him. “Apologies, but I believe he was your father.”

My stomach fell through the earth. “What?”

“He went missing around the same time as your birth, and he was known for his gold eyes. Rumor had it that?—”

“That the angels killed him for going against the code. But hell, it had never been confirmed, and there were no details.”

Simiel looked pretty shocked for the guy who treated everything like it was some joke, and my skin felt too tight as the walls pressed down around me. That rumbling started up again, and I tried to force myself to breathe, to back off from the cliff that led down into the pits of rage.

But it was like grasping water. I couldn’t get a hold of my emotions, the need to move and rock and shake my head unyielding.

“Why…” The rest of the question drifted away from me.

“Angels are not meant to lie or conceive with humans. It’s forbidden.”

“Why?! And why the fuck is this coming up now?!” My fists shook as I balled them up at my sides over and over again, something screaming inside me to break free. “Why am I only of interest now?! And why the fuck do you all know about the angels so much?! Are you both one of them?!”

Cadriel, whose hands remained up in a non-threatening gesture, approached me, working to close the gap between us. I didn’t want him there, I didn’t want anyone to touch me, but I was frozen to the spot, too upset to move.

No, no, no. Don’t come over here. I can’t…I’m melting down. I know I am, and I can’t stop it.

“There must’ve been something to attract the angel's attention. They’re calculated and inflexible, so once they set their nose to something, they will continue to pursue it until death.

They likely couldn’t find you. But there was something that must’ve happened to alert them… some use of incredible power.”

“I didn’t fucking do anything! Don’t you think I’d remember if?—”

Everything stopped as a lightning strike of memory pierced through my brain.

The shooting.