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Chapter Thirty-Six

“ W hat are you waiting for?” asked Philippa with a grin, as she peeled off her running gear and dropped it on her bedroom floor.

“Understood,” said Alex with a laugh. Moving quickly, she shrugged off her clothes and followed Philippa into the shower.

Philippa kicked a rubber duck out of the shower tray onto the tiles. “My apologies,” she looked at Alex, “not the vibe I’m going for.”

“I’m here for any vibe if it means I’m here with you,” said Alex. “And besides, I think that duck has voyeuristic tendencies.”

“It wouldn’t surprise me,” said Philippa stepping into the steaming water and pulling Alex by the hand to join her.

Philippa reached for the shower gel and soaped up her hands.

She ran them over her own body and then over Alex’s, enjoying the feeling of the suds on their skin.

Alex pulled her in for a kiss, but Philippa had her own plans.

She placed her hands either side of Alex’s hips and pushed her to the tiled wall of the shower.

“Oh, I see,” said Alex between kisses, “it’s like that, is it?”

“It is,” said Philippa, peppering her neck with kisses before kissing her breasts and running her hands down her stomach.

Alex sighed. “I still think you’ve done this before.”

Philippa giggled and brought her hand down to stroke Alex in a way that made the other woman stop talking. Philippa kissed Alex on the mouth hard, swallowing Alex’s groan. She held the woman up against the wall, moving her hand up and down, getting almost as much pleasure from it as Alex was.

Alex reached around to squeeze Philippa’s bum with one hand, while curling her other arm around Philippa’s back for stability. She gasped and pushed her head back, taking advantage of the empty house to make all the noise she needed as she reached orgasm.

“You’re going to need to give me a minute before I’m any use to you,” said Alex, a few seconds later, her eyes still closed, the water running down her face.

“I can live with that,” said Philippa, “for a short while, at least.”

“Slave driver,” said Alex, opening her eyes and smiling. “Although I must confess, you look very sexy all covered in soap suds and water.” She brought her hands up to smooth back Philippa’s hair, which had fallen over her eyes.

Philippa threw her head back, exposing her neck, which Alex happily kissed. Philippa could feel the hot water pounding on her back as Alex explored her with her mouth.

“Ok, Samfire, your turn.” Alex took Philippa’s hips and turned to push her against the tiles.

Philippa gasped. “They’re cold!”

“And yet you didn’t hear me complaining,” said Alex, licking her lips before slowly making her way down the solicitor’s front.

Philippa sighed. “I could get used to this, you know,” she said quietly.

“Me too,” agreed Alex, pausing as she reached Philippa’s midriff. Slowly, she teased Philippa, kissing her at the base of her stomach and the top of her legs.

Philippa could feel the blood rushing in her ears, the water pounding around her, and her heart racing. Alex hadn’t even brought her tongue to her centre yet, but the anticipation was the sweetest suffering she could remember.

Kneeling before Philippa, Alex looked up. “May I?”

Philippa nodded. “Yes,” she whispered, “I may die if you don’t.”

“Well just call me a hero,” said Alex, before moving her mouth into place, and setting off sensations Philippa couldn’t recall experiencing before. There was something exposing and vulnerable and incredibly sexy about having Alex in this position, using her mouth to pleasure her.

“You’re…” Philippa tailed off, before giving in to the moment and closing her eyes. Within minutes she was arching her back and groaning, while Alex held her.

The lovers eventually made it out of the shower and into the bedroom, where Philippa furnished them both with towels.

“So,” said Philippa, “is it true, what they say about you? Are you just amassing notches on your bedpost?”

Alex gave a rueful smile. “No,” she said, rubbing her hair with a towel. She stopped to look at Philippa. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my fair share of fun. And I’ve definitely been generous with my time since I split up with Jess.”

“Generous,” said Philippa, raising an eyebrow as she dried her back.

“You know what I mean.” Alex started putting on her clothes. “But I’ve never pretended to anyone I wanted a relationship, I’ve never lied about who I am or what I want.”

“Hmm,” said Philippa, Alex’s words catching her off guard. “Whereas I have.” She sat on the bed, wearing just her underwear.

“Hey,” said Alex, “what did I say?” She moved to sit by Philippa.

“Sorry, it’s not you. I mean, you’re right. You’ve never lied. But I have. I lied to myself all those years, and to Paul. And to everyone I know.” Philippa pulled a t-shirt over her head.

Alex put an arm around Philippa’s shoulders. “But that’s different. It wasn’t a malicious lie, or a selfish one. It was a complicated one, laced with denial and confusion.” She dropped a kiss on Philippa’s cheek.

“Perhaps,” said Philippa. “But for at least the last five years I’ve known I needed to address who I really am.”

“And now you have,” said Alex. “And the thing I love about you is that there isn’t a hint of bitterness to you, you don’t seem to resent the years you spent with Paul. You’re just here in the moment, wanting to enjoy life.”

Philippa smiled, feeling a little better for the reassurance.

But there was something else nagging at the back of her mind.

“And here I am, in the moment, wanting to enjoy my life. Enjoying you.” She got up and picked up a pair of jeans to pull on.

“But I’m going to be completely honest. I want this to be more than just sex.

I want to be more than just someone you have fun with for a little while.

” Philippa zipped up her trousers and fastened the button.

She looked down at Alex. “I know this isn’t cool, and I’m very much not playing hard to get, but I really do want to have a real relationship with you, Alex.

And being even more honest, I feel things.

I don’t think I can do any more of this with you if I don’t think that you might feel those things, too. ”

“Feel things?” echoed Alex, thoughtfully. She pulled on her socks.

“Yes,” said Philippa, who was organising her hair in the mirror, trying to distract herself from how invested she was in Alex’s response to her monologue.

“And aside from all of that, my help around getting you access to Seren has absolutely nothing to do with what I’ve just said.

Whatever happens now, whatever we do, whether we have a relationship or not, you have my help, support and friendship. ”

“And that,” said Alex, “is precisely why I am beginning to ‘feel things’, as you put it, as well.”

“You are?” asked Philippa, daring to look at Alex.

“Yes. And I’m completely terrified by the prospect. The last time I had a serious relationship I ended up in the place I am now – at the whim of someone I no longer respect, fighting desperately just to get access to my own daughter.” Alex frowned.

“I can completely understand that.” Philippa moved to where Alex was sitting on the bed and knelt in front of her. She took Alex’s hands. “I don’t need you to commit to me here and now. I just want to know that it’s a possibility.”

“It’s definitely a possibility,” said Alex, smiling down at Philippa. “But don’t you want to have some fun? Play the field? Meet all the girls?”

“Have you seen the field?” asked Philippa. “Because I’m not sure I want it. I don’t have any need to be with anyone other than the person I’m…” she stopped herself. “The person in front of me right now. I’m forty-six years old. I don’t have time to mess around practising. I want the real thing.”

“That is so very you, Phil,” said Alex with a laugh.

She pulled Philippa up so they could stand opposite one another.

“Ok, here’s the deal. I, Alex Fletcher, feel things for you, Philippa Samfire.

I promise that you are not a notch on my bedpost, or merely someone to have fun with.

Although that doesn’t preclude us from having fun. ”

Philippa smiled and tucked a lock of Alex’s damp hair behind her ear.

Alex continued. “I don’t know where this will lead, but I know I want to find out, and I want to do that with you. I’m a horrible scaredy cat, so I can’t promise not to have a few wobbles along the way. But I can promise to tell you if I do.”

“Deal,” said Philippa, holding out her hand to shake Alex’s.

“A lawyer to the last, I see,” said Alex.