Page 20

Chapter Twenty

P hilippa arrived at the Black Swan. The last Friday of the month meant it was payday for everyone, and the pub was full.

Philippa peered across the room. She’d told Alex not to wait for her, as she’d be a bit later arriving. As she felt the warmth of the bodies hit her, she wondered if she’d made a mistake. She tried to peer through the crowd but couldn’t spot her date.

She looked around the room. She’d not been to this pub before, and she was struck by how many women and non-binary people there were. It made her smile. There was a safety in being there that she felt immediately. She’d never felt that about the pubs on Broad Street she’d frequented in her youth.

An arm complete with bangles appeared from the sea of bodies, followed by the rest of Alex. “Who are you smiling at?” she asked Philippa.

“Hello, you,” said Philippa. “I was just happy to see so many queer people in one place. I’m still trying to get used to this stuff.”

“That is lovely,” said Alex. “I should really be more appreciative of living so close to the community.”

“Well,” said Philippa, “it’s good to see you. I love your necklace. Is it new?”

“It is,” said Alex.

A face appeared behind Alex’s. “Yep,” said the woman. “I bought it for the birthday girl. And as for you, we’ve all been dying to meet you.”

Philippa’s mouth dropped open, but she closed it quickly at a warning look from Alex. They walked over to a table where a handful of others were sitting. “It’s your birthday?” asked Philippa in a stage whisper.

“Yes,” hissed Alex. “I didn’t want to do anything for it, but this lot insisted.”

“That would have been helpful background information before I arrived,” whispered Philippa, sitting in an empty chair and trying to organise her face into an expression that wasn’t incredulous.

The woman who had spoken to them was called Clodagh, and her blonde curly hair framed her smiling face. “So, Philippa, how did you and our girl here meet?”

Philippa looked at Alex, before launching into the story. Alex added the embellishments about how she had spotted Philippa straight away, and everyone around the table lapped it up.

“That is gorgeous,” said Clodagh. “It’s about time someone tamed her. This is my partner, Rae.”

Philippa smiled and held her hand out for Rae to shake.

Their curly modern mullet made them look achingly cool, and Philippa couldn’t help feeling a little square in their presence, until they said, “I love your eye makeup. I’ve been trying to achieve that kind of smoky look for ages. Can you show me how?”

“Sure,” said Philippa, who’d been doing her eye makeup that way for years and didn’t really think about it anymore.

There was an assortment of people around the table, all of whom welcomed Philippa warmly. She was struck by how friendly Alex’s people were. She wondered why Alex needed Philippa there with her, why she didn’t feel she could turn up to her own birthday gathering alone.

Philippa was asked the usual questions about what she did, and she also talked about Dottie. “Ooh,” said Clodagh, “I definitely need to see a pic. She sounds awesome. Have you met her yet?” she asked Alex.

“Not yet,” said Alex. “It’s important not to go too quickly when kids are involved.”

Philippa was once again impressed with the smoothness of the lie.

Although, she reflected, it was less a lie, more a fact with embellishment.

Again. And of course she was right. Dottie didn’t even know her mum was gay, so meeting a new partner was still some distance away.

Also, she reminded herself, Alex wasn’t actually her partner.

“But I can’t wait,” added Alex, smiling warmly at Philippa and popping a hand on her thigh, making Philippa almost jump out of her skin.

“How about Seren? How’s she?” asked Rae, addressing Alex.

Philippa hadn’t heard that name before. She wondered who Seren could be.

An ex, perhaps? But would Rae ask about an ex in front of Philippa, her supposed ‘current’?

She had a sudden flash of jealousy and forced herself to think rationally.

Alex wasn’t hers to get jealous about. Her leg tensed, and as if sensing her thoughts, Alex rubbed her palm up and down.

“She’s ok,” said Alex. Her face clouded, and Rae pressed their lips together. Alex looked around her. “But enough of all that. Where are my other presents?”

“We thought you’d never ask,” said Rae, whipping out a gift bag from beneath their seat.

Alex’s friends had bought her beautiful and thoughtful gifts. Rae had excelled themself in particular, with a tiny watercolour set that could be put in a pocket.

“This is great,” said Alex, taking her hand from Philippa’s leg to examine each of the tiny pieces of the set. “I haven’t painted properly in ages. It takes so long to get everything out, but I can just chuck this in my bag and get it out anywhere. Thanks, Rae, I really appreciate it.”

“I didn’t know you painted,” said Philippa, curious to see the sort of art someone like Alex might produce.

“Well, I don’t at the moment,” said Alex. “That’s the problem. This might kickstart me back into it.”

“I’d love to see your work,” said Philippa, momentarily forgetting the others.

“Any time,” said Alex. “I’ll show you the studio in my house next time you’re over.”

“Now that’s a euphemism I haven’t heard before,” said Clodagh with a chuckle.

Philippa smiled at the gentle teasing from Alex’s friends. She enjoyed being seen as part of a couple. As part of this couple.

“Alex!” came a high-pitched squeal from two tables away. Footsteps followed, heralding the appearance of a younger woman with purple hair and multiple piercings. “Oh my God, where have you been? You never called!”

Alex looked startled. Her friends looked at her expectantly. “Oh, hi, er…” she trailed off.

“Olivia, you remember me,” said the woman, who looked like she’d had a few drinks too many. “We hooked up after that drag show here a couple of months back.”

Philippa followed the conversation between the two like a tennis match, unsure of what to do or say.

Was this one of the broken hearts? She wasn’t sure Olivia looked particularly broken hearted.

That jealousy was back. Alongside something else she couldn’t quite place.

Something that sat uncomfortably in the pit of her stomach.

“Of course. Hi, Olivia. How are you?” said Alex, standing to leave the table. She walked away with Olivia, her hand on the other woman’s back. She was saying something to the younger woman and pointing back at the table.

Olivia nodded and said something, then put her arms around Alex’s neck. “Our girl’s always been popular,” whispered Clodagh, who had moved over to sit by Philippa. “But I get the sense you’re different.”

Philippa turned to say something, but before she could speak, Alex was back.

“So sorry,” said Alex. “Right, my round.” There were shouts of dismay from the group.

“No, be quiet, I know it’s my birthday, but I like to pay my way.

” She stood and reached out a hand to touch Philippa’s shoulder. “Help me carry the drinks?”

Philippa followed Alex to the bar, not sure what to ask her, or whether she even should.

Alex wasn’t actually her girlfriend, after all.

But she remembered what Clodagh had said, that she was different.

Was that true? Or was it just that she was fake, and something about that made the relationship seem different to the ones Alex’s friends had seen her in before?

“Sorry,” said Alex, “Olivia was someone from a little while ago.”

“Don’t worry,” said Philippa instinctively. “I’m not actually your girlfriend, so we’re all good.” Her stomach was in turmoil. Somehow, she felt as though she was lying, although of course she wasn’t.

Alex looked at Philippa for a few seconds before speaking. “Of course,” she said, finally. “But still.”

“Your friends seem really nice,” said Philippa. “I can see they care about you.” Alex smiled and nodded. “And I meant what I said before, I’d love to see your paintings.”

“Really?” said Alex, looking thrilled. “I’d like that.”

“Good,” said Philippa, “we’ll do that.” She smiled back at Alex, lost for a moment in her perfect skin and shining eyes.

“What can I get you?” came a bored-sounding voice from the bar.

“Er sorry,” said Alex, and delivered the long drinks order for herself, Philippa and her friends.

“And we’ll have a tray, please,” said Philippa, observing that they didn’t have enough hands between them.

“You’re so good at this stuff,” said Alex, while their drinks were being prepared.

“What stuff?”

“Adulting,” said Alex, smiling with one side of her mouth.

Philippa laughed. “What is it you’re doing, then?”

“I’m not sure. I think perhaps just making it up as I go along,” said Alex.

“And you think I’m not?” Philippa leaned one arm on the bar. “You look like you have adulting pretty sorted.”

“I’m not convinced,” said Alex.

“I am,” Philippa told her. “You seem to have it all worked out. You’re so creative and funny and popular. You’ve got a successful business, and you always manage to look effortlessly cool. I know I’m just a bit sensible and square and boring.”

Alex frowned. “You’re not.”

“I am, I…” Philippa began, but before she could say any more, Alex’s finger was on her lips.

“No, you’re amazing,” said Alex. “You did the scariest thing ever. You changed your whole life because you realised who you really were. You left your husband and became a single parent. You’ve started again without looking back, at the same time as being a really hot, high-powered lawyer.

And don’t get me started on your hair and how you never leave the house without your lipstick on and an amazing jacket.

” She moved her finger. “You are probably the most impressive, cool, attractive person I know.”

The bar was busy, and the crowd moved, pushing the two women together so their faces were nearly touching.

Philippa parted her lips to respond, but she didn’t know what to say.

It was the most Alex had ever said in one go, and it was taking a little time to process it.

Alex reached out her hand to touch Philippa’s side, steadying them both against the bar.

In the crowd, they had somehow found a moment of privacy to themselves.

Philippa felt Alex’s eyes on her before she felt her lips.

Alex’s lips on her lips. The gentlest touch.

Her brain froze, but her body didn’t. She’d not kissed a woman before, but somehow, that wasn’t even a consideration.

What stunned her was the way this had seemed to happen organically.

That was new. She’d never been in a moment where a kiss had felt inevitable before.

She pressed into Alex, who moved a hand to her back.

“Here you go, ladies,” came the bored bartender’s voice, and the women sprang back. Their drinks. Philippa had forgotten about those. She’d forgotten about everything.

“I need a moment,” said Philippa, pushing through the crowd and racing to the door of the bar, before hitting the cold night air.