Page 4

CHAPTER 4

THE THROES

EMORY

"Hi baby, it's just me." The familiar antiseptic smell wraps me as I drop to my knees and open the cage door.

I've been back in Denver for two days, but work has already made Salt Lake City a distant memory. Most of it. The parts I wish I could forget, though, keep resurfacing at the worst moments—like now. I'm checking on a post-op patient, but all my brain wants to do is remember how that pompous jerk's tongue felt between my thighs.

"Call him Daddy," I spit out the words. "He wishes."

I run a finger down Lana's front leg, lingering on her paw so she knows I'm here. She struggles with her heavy eyelids, barely able to open them halfway.

"You're a sleepy kitty, aren't you? I'm sorry to wake you, but I need to check on you." I carefully slide her to the edge of her cage to examine her incision.

She tries to watch me, but with her drooping eyelids and giant collar around her neck, she can't see a thing. The mix of residual anesthesia and pain medication make it hard for her to stay awake.

"Your incision looks perfect, baby," I whisper to her. "You'll have a nice clean scar, and once your fur grows back, no one will ever be able to see it. No mean kitties making fun of you. No, ma'am. You'll be strutting around your house cancer-free in no time at all. You'll see."

I might disagree with my dad about a lot of things these days, but he's a damn good vet. His surgical work is better than most of the dedicated surgeons I trained with in veterinary school. I just wish he could believe that I might be half as good as him. Maybe even almost as good, if he would give me a chance.

"But he won’t do that anytime soon, will he? No, I'll never be anything more than a glorified assistant in his eyes." I stroke the top of Lana's head until she falls asleep again. "Just a glorified assistant who apparently wasted eight years getting her degree."

The sweep of a hand across the small of my back causes me to jump just as I get the cat settled back into her cage. "How is she?"

I turn around, spine stiffening as I face my dad. He's peering into Lana's cage. There's no doubt he cares for every one of his patients. There was a time when I knew without a doubt that he cared about me too, but unlike my memories of Kayden, those memories have settled to the bottom.

"Vitals are where they should be. Urinary output is good. Obviously still sedated, with no signs of pain." I rattle it off like I'm a resident answering to my supervisor. "And the incision looks great, but you already know that because yours always do."

"Good." He nods at me before walking back toward his office. It's almost eight, but both of us are still here working, thirteen hours after we started this morning.

"Dad?" His only acknowledgement is his slowed gait as I rush to catch up with him. "We have a needle biopsy scheduled in the morning. It should be simple, so I thought maybe I could do it." On my own. Without him taking the case from me the way he does every time I accidentally get something more interesting than trimming a dog's nails.

When we get to his office door, he stops and looks at me, head tilted like he's about to explain something to a child. "Sometimes simple things become more complicated than we expect. It's best if I do it. You keep observing for now."

"Like I have for the three years since I got my degree? Like I did when I shadowed you almost every day while I was growing up?"

He rests his hand on my shoulder. "Emory, you know my feelings about this. You have to show me that you're ready."

My jaw tightens. "How? Unless you let me take a chance? You'll be right here in the same building. If anything goes wrong, I'll call you in, but it won't."

I don't know why I bother. We've had this discussion more times than I can count, and it always ends with him refusing to give me any more responsibilities.

"I know you have the skill to do it, Emory. It's just—" he exhales, lifting his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Why don't you clean cages one through six and then head home? Less work for Tabitha to do in the morning."

I feel myself shrink like I always do around him. "Okay."

"You know I love you, sweetie." He shuts the office door behind him before I have a chance to say anything else.

What's the point of saying more anyway? I work just as hard as him, but it's never enough. So I clean the cages, and when I'm finished, I leave without a word.

I just want to get home, take a long shower, and spend what's left of the night with a slice of emotional support cheesecake.

But when even a shower with water so hot that it stings my skin doesn't relax me, I know there's not much hope for tonight. I drop to the couch with my hair still wrapped in a towel and call Lily.

"Bad day?" she doesn't even bother saying hello.

"Maybe I just wanted to talk to my best friend?"

"Your best friend who was lost in the throes of passion with her amazing fiancé when you called?"

In the background, Brant makes a noise I assume is supposed to be the sound of a person in the throes, whatever those are. He sounds exactly like the constipated Great Dane I treated last week. That poor boy was in some throes until I helped get everything moving again for him.

"In other words, you're watching a movie. Hi Brant."

"Hey Emory. I'll go fix some popcorn and leave you two to talk."

"Thanks, hon." Lily pauses for a second, probably giving him time to leave the room. "So what's up?"

I couldn't hold back my sigh if I wanted to. "I just got home from work; you know what's up. I asked him if I could do a simple solo case tomorrow. A quick anesthesia and biopsy that would take less than five minutes. Do you know how many times I did that in school? But not only did he tell me no, he asked me to clean the cages. Like I needed to be put in my place for daring to ask for more responsibility."

"Em, I'm sure that's not the reason he did it, but that still doesn't excuse him for not letting you do more. You're amazing. He has to be able to see that."

"Apparently all he can see is the little kid following him, telling everyone that I'll be a vet just like my dad one day. A day that still hasn't come in his mind."

"I bet you were a cute kid."

"Oh, I was adorable. That was back when I still thought my freckles were cute."

"They are cute."

I look down at the cinnamon-colored dots covering my bare shoulders, and a chill goes through me as I remember Kayden's lips on them, telling me they're beautiful.

"I just feel like a piece breaks off me each time I go to work. It's a job I should love—I do love it on the rare days when he's not there."

"You know what I'm going to suggest," Lily says.

"You know I can't."

"Why not? You're good, right?"

"Like you have to ask." I spent my entire childhood being trained by one of the best vets in Colorado and then graduated top of my class from the second best veterinary program in the country .

"Any other office would love to have you."

"But I can't leave. This has been the family business since before I was born. Dad always bragged that I would take over someday. At least he used to. But it doesn't matter. I could never do that to him or Mom."

"Why not?" she asks. "You deserve more. And maybe you both need some space to reset your relationship."

"Aww, my little Lily has grown into a beautiful and mature flower. But that would never work."

I lie on my side, letting my legs dangle from the couch. I used to love making Dad proud of me, but it never happens now. He never gives me the chance.

"It could work," she insists. "And like I said, any other office would love to have you. Any office anywhere in the country . Maybe even in a certain town where your best friend lives. Your best friend who gets so lonely without you."

The towel loosens as I shake my head. "My best friend who has a wonderful fiancé and a teenage girl she's raising. And not one, but two professional sports teams full of friends."

"None of them are you."

"Well, that's a given. Can you imagine how great it would be, though, if everyone were like me? What a wonderful world."

Lily sighs. "You're avoiding the topic, and that means I'm right. Otherwise you would argue. You love arguing. You can live with us—no. Live at my dad's house. It's on the market, obviously, but I might have priced it too high. Brant thinks I subconsciously don't want it to sell."

"I agree with Brant. The realtor said you have to?—"

"See what I mean? You love to argue. My point is, there's been no interest in that house, so you could stay there as long as you need. We'd be neighbors. You have to admit that would be amazing."

It would be. I miss spending time with my best friend. FaceTime and phone calls just aren't the same. And this would give me a chance to prove how good I am. A chance that Dad will obviously never give me.

Mom would probably understand, but Dad would be furious. I grin as I imagine his face burning through the full spectrum of reds as I tell him I'm leaving. I spent my entire life trying to live up to what he wanted from me. This would be the last thing he would expect.

And there's Kayden. Just the thought of him causes my thighs to tighten. But neither of us wants anything more than that one night, I remind myself. Regardless of my body's opinion.

"Em? I know it's close to your bedtime, but you didn't fall asleep, did you?"

I blow out a long breath as I look across the room at the wooden figurine of Barrow that Dad carved for me when I left for college. It looks just like the dog that grew up beside me, even down to the shine of his nose.

"Look, I'm not saying yes. But if I?—"

Lily's squeal is so loud I have to cover my phone with a throw pillow to suffocate the sound.

" If I do this, you can't use me as an excuse to not sell that house. You know you need to do that. For you."

"Yes, because I'm only the head trainer of a professional baseball team, and I'm engaged to a pro hockey player who only makes ten million dollars a year. We're really desperate for money."

"That house has too many bad memories for you." I refuse to let her deflect. "Keep the good ones, but put that house and the bad ones behind you. I'll stay there, but only until it sells."

I swear her scream this time is even louder than the last one. "Oh my god, Em! I'm so excited!"

"Really? I couldn't tell."

But the more I think about it, the more excited I get too. A chance to get a start somewhere else, away from Dad. Completely on my own. This is just what I need.