Page 32

CHAPTER 32

GOOD FOR EACH OTHER

EMORY

One perk of being a morning person is that I'm used to being up before most people. That means I get a lot of things finished before others even start their days. One downside to living with another morning person is that I don't have nearly as much time to finish these things as I might hope.

I'm not quite finished when I hear Kayden shuffling down the hallway. I catch myself spinning the smooth wooden handle of the mixing spoon between my fingers as I wait for him to come around the corner. Maybe this was too much. Or not enough. Maybe I shouldn't have done it at all.

"Merry Christmas." I let myself beam. If there's one day I don't have to wear my usual indifference to seeing him, it's today.

"Merry Christmas, Nyx." A smile carries across his lips, but then his attention drifts behind me. To the mess I've made of his kitchen. "What is all this?"

"This?" I turn around and feign shock. "I was just going to ask you that same question. I think we may have had overnight baking burglars."

He walks over to the pair of cookie sheets waiting to go in the oven and then draws a finger through the dusting of flour covering the counter. "Baking burglars who left raw cookie dough and a bowl of cinnamon sugar?"

"Baking burglars who bumbled their batter. Pretty sure I read that exact headline somewhere before."

He cracks the oven door and peeks inside. Even a few feet away, I can feel the heat rolling out of it. "You should have told me you like to bake on Christmas morning. I would have helped."

"It wouldn't have been a surprise if I told you." Not that walking in to find a kitchen that looks like a crime scene is the kind of surprise I was going for. "You told me yesterday that your mom's snickerdoodles used to be number two on your Christmas list, so I thought… Well, they might not be any good. I'm sure they're nothing like you remember."

He reaches out and hooks his index finger around mine. Such a small point of contact, but it's almost enough to melt me. "You made snickerdoodles because of that? Nyx, no one's ever…" The look he gives me turns the shaking of my insides into a full-blown earthquake. "We have a lot of cookies to eat."

"You do," I tell him. "I don't like snickerdoodles."

"This is all for me?" I nod as he examines the kitchen, squinting as he notices the batter that splattered onto the cabinet above the mixer. "Then I suppose I should find someone to help me eat them."

He turns, stretching our arms between us until my finger slips from his, and I follow him as he leaves the kitchen. Assuming this is a joke all the way up to the point when he gets on the elevator.

"Where are you going? The cookies don't smell that bad, do they? At least try one of them before you walk out in disgust."

"I'm going to get someone." His gaze moves up and down my body. "I think you look great just as you are—you're always perfect to me—but I know you. You'll probably want to change."

"Who are you bringing? Kayden?" The doors close on my words.

Maybe this is all just a joke, and he's really going to the gym. But he's wearing jeans and a sweater, and he doesn't have that giant bag he always takes with him on mornings when he disappears .

Damn it. Definitely not joking. And based on what I've learned about him in the last couple of weeks, I wouldn't be surprised if he opens his house to war refugees on Christmas Day.

I have no idea how long I have to get ready, no idea who's coming, and every part of me except my left pinky toe is covered in flour. So I speed through one of the quickest showers of my life and do the least I can stand to do with my hair and makeup. It's still enough that Lily would make fun of me for doing so much if she were here.

Following Kayden's lead, I'm just wearing a pair of jeans and a sweater. I've barely slipped into my shoes when I hear the elevator chime and the doors slide open. Then the sound of Kayden's voice. His voice and another that sounds an awful lot like…

"Bonita?" Even before she turns and looks up at me, my heart drums on my ribs, and my stomach twists itself so tightly that it might never come undone. Her grey pixie cut is perfect, just like it has been both of the other times I've seen her. But today she's smiling, as if Kayden just told her the funniest joke in the world. Why? Why is she here? Why is she happy?

Her smile doesn't waver as she looks at me. It grows, and she holds her arms out for a hug like we're old friends. "Imagine my surprise when Tara called me up and asked if I'd be willing to talk to Dr. H.'s fiancé. Then imagine how surprised I was when he asked me to spend Christmas with the two of you, but I'm glad he did. He told me you've been struggling. Come here, honey."

Me? What I've been feeling can't compare to what she's been going through. But like a lost little girl, I cross the room, wanting nothing more than for her to throw her arms around me and tell me that it's all alright.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry I didn't do more. I should have done more." Suddenly, this feels just like being back in the clinic's exam room. When she hugged me as tears poured down my cheeks.

"Honey, you did so much for him. Rucio wasn't an easy patient. I know he wasn't, but I watched you do everything you could for him."

"It wasn't enough." I choke the words out through my closed throat. "Kayden?" I don't know what I'm asking him for. Confirmation that I could have done more? To know why he did this? A way out?

No, I do know what I'm asking for. Him.

Right now when I'm hurting, all I want is him. To feel his arms wrapped around me, pulling me tight against him. But the realization that I'll never get him in the way I want, makes me cry even harder.

"Aww, honey." Ms. Gonzales lets up just enough to kiss both of my cheeks before squeezing me even harder. She's almost a foot shorter than me, at least a hundred pounds lighter, and fifty years older, but she gives the kind of hugs that make your bones pop. "You did way more than that Dr. Karchin ever did. He barely even looked at Rucio. No wonder my baby bit him so hard. But you loved him, and I'm glad his last moments were with you. Your fiancé wants me to tell you that I forgive you, but you don't need my forgiveness. It was just his time."

The instructors stressed this exact point time and again in school. Sometimes we can do everything right and still not be able to save a patient. Sometimes it's just their time. Didn't Dad tell me this was the hardest lesson for him to learn? It's one reason the suicide rate is so high for veterinarians and vet techs. We choose this career because of the love we have for these animals. We'll do anything to prevent their suffering, but we never think about what we go through when we can't.

"That man of yours is something special," she whispers so only I can hear her. "I had five husbands, and not one of them got that look in his eyes that yours does when he talks about you. It's the look a woman deserves from the man who loves her."

I sniff, but I don't have the heart to tell her that he's not my man and whatever look he gives me isn't what she thinks it is.

"And he's fucking gorgeous too. I mean, Dios mío!" She takes a step back. We both look at Kayden and then burst into laughter.

Kayden's smile gets broader as his gaze flicks between us. "Come here." I wave him over and throw my arms around him. "Thank you. You didn't have to do this for me. "

As we separate, his lips brush my cheek, and my heart skips a beat, even though I'm sure it was just an accidental touch. "And you didn't have to make snickerdoodles for me this morning. But you did. We're good for each other like that, Nyx."

I'm not sure if I'm good for him—good at serving my purpose as his fake fiancée, I suppose—but I do know he's good for me. And I know that one day, after all this is over, someone else will get to keep the real Kayden Bouchard. The man who does things like this just to make them feel better. But I won't be that person, and the thought deflates me.

"Wait. Why do you keep calling me that?"

"Calling you what? Nyx?"

"Yeah. What's it mean?"

"Who says it means anything?" His lips curl into a teasing sneer. "Oh wow, look at the time. The food I ordered should be here any minute. I hope you like Chinese, Bonita."

He puts an arm around the older woman and guides her across the room, sneaking a glance back at me when he thinks I'm not looking. If I didn't know better, I'd swear his grin grows just a little wider when my eyes catch his.