Page 29

CHAPTER 29

IF I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER, I'D THINK YOU LIKE BEING ON TOP OF ME

EMORY

A low moan slips from me before I'm even awake. It feels like I'm wrapped in the essence of warmth. It pours into my back and spreads from there, and it's so nice that I refuse to open my eyes. I try forcing myself to doze off again so I can enjoy this indefinitely, but the more I try to make myself fall asleep, the more awake I become. Finally, I give in and blink my eyes open.

Sleep still drapes over my mind as I look around the room. At the dresser that isn't quite right. The door that isn't in the right place. The rug that—realization hits me like a log sliding off a semi. That's Kayden's dresser. Kayden's door. That means the warmth I feel behind me… My heart shoots to full throttle.

"Mmm, morning." His words are slurred and drowsy. And content. As if waking with his body pressed to mine, his arm around my waist, is exactly how he wants to wake up.

I shake away the thought. He doesn't want that. He's half asleep and probably doesn't even realize he's talking to me.

I try to wriggle free, but his arm is wrapped too tight. What I thought was comfortable now feels like a prison. "Kayden, let me go. How did I even end up here?"

The long breath he releases rushes across the back of my neck, raising goosebumps all over my body. I'm glad it's still too dark for him to notice. "How did you end up in this bed? The same bed you've been sleeping in for almost a week? You fell asleep on the roof, so I carried you. I thought maybe you'd wake up when I slid my arms under you, but you were out. You barely even stirred when I laid you down here."

"You carried me? But Kayden, I'm—" Oh god. The roof. The stars. Rucio. My body shivers as I remember the reason I was on the roof in the first place.

He gently nudges me onto my back. "Nope. I know what you're thinking, and we're not doing that. Yesterday is gone. Let it be in the past."

"But I—" he puts a finger over my lips before I can say anything else. His hand smells unmistakably like him—like vanilla orchids growing in the canopy of a dense forest.

He leans over me, so close that his nose touches mine. And all I can think about is how easy it would be to surrender. To let myself fall. To stop pretending and just… feel. I know it's not reciprocal, but maybe that makes it better. Seth destroyed me because I thought he felt the same way I did. But when he made his feelings loud and clear in the middle of that hallway, I crumbled right along with the future I imagined for us. But I know Kayden doesn't feel the same as me. And I don't have an expectation of a future with him.

Kayden finally pulls his finger away when I nod, silently agreeing to not talk about yesterday. But I can't talk about the thoughts running through my mind either. So I default to humor. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you like being on top of me."

Faster than I ever thought anyone could move, he straddles me, pinning my thighs in place with his. "Maybe I do like being on top of you." Even in the early dawn light that's sneaking past his curtains, his eyes are an icy blue fire that burns through me. "Maybe I just like being with you," he whispers.

My heart had started to slow, but now it slams the accelerator to the floor again. It's for sex, I try to reason with it. This is all just physical for him. A chance to fuck someone while he's convincing his team's owners that he's about more than just that. And it's… fine. More than fine. If that's what he wants, maybe I want it too.

"Maybe you're just looking for another chance to stick your dick in a world-class pussy."

His grin tugs at something inside me. The way his entire face lights up as he looks at me. The way the skin around his eyes crinkles just a little as his eyes dance. "World-class? Sure, its stats are really impressive, but there has to be some better pussy out there."

I know he's teasing me by throwing my words from last night back at me, but hearing it sparks a jealousy I haven't earned. He's not mine. I have no right to feel possessive of him or his dick, and I need to remember that. "Maybe. But that pussy would never settle for your dick, so I guess you just have to take what you can get."

He grinds himself against me. Damn, he's already hard. "It's a good thing my dick loves your pussy then."

The L-word makes my cheeks flare. But it's only a figure of speech. Even if it meant more, which it obviously doesn't, I certainly don't feel any… L-word for him. The feeling trying to push up inside me is not that. Not by a long shot. It can't be.

"Your exquisite pussy," he goes on talking as if he's not locked in the middle of an internal crisis. "Well, how 'bout my exquisite erection? Huh, Emory? You gon' take that dick? I'm gon' get it all up in yo vag. Get it up in yo vag with my dick."

I slap a hand over his mouth and then add the other for good measure. "I swear to god if you say one more line from that movie, my vag is going to build a wall, and you won't be putting anything up in it." I can't help but laugh, though, as I uncover his mouth, ready to clamp down on it if he even thinks about saying anything more. "Paul Rudd might be hot—okay, he is, I can't deny it—but that's not the movie scene that does it for me."

Kayden arches his back, and it makes his dick press even harder into me. "Oh, you have a crush on Paul Rudd? Interesting. "

"He's cute and plays dorky characters. I happen to like cute and dorky."

He draws in a long breath. "My god, what is that smell? Oh, that’s the smell of desire m’lady." His lips twist into a cocky smirk.

It's just sex, I remind myself as I pull him back down on top of me. No matter what my insides do when I feel his weight pressing down on me. Just sex, and I'm not going to let any feelings stop me from enjoying it. I sniff along the side of his jaw. "Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair to me."

His prickly, stubble-covered cheek brushes against mine, and each of the hairs shoots a separate spark through me to my core. "I have an idea," he whispers. "Something I've always wanted to try, but I've never had the right partner."

For just a second, the blood stops flowing in my veins. "And you think I'm the right partner?"

"I know that you ar—" He swallows whatever he was going to say with a loud gulp. "I want you to trust me, Emory. Do you?"

The word no is on the tip of my tongue, but I can't say it. Because it's not true. An icy flood roils through me, sweeping away everything in its path, except the one thing I wish it would. The absolutely-not-the-L-word isn't trying to push up. It's already sprouted. And that means our story is sure to end in my heart breaking.

"You're going to hurt me." My voice is so embarrassingly small. I wish I could take the words back as soon as they leave me.

His eyes soften as he presses a soft kiss against my chin. I don't even flinch anymore as his lips come within inches of my mouth. "I'll never hurt you. I…" His jaw works, as if it's chewing the words he wants to say next. "But you didn't answer my question. Do you trust me?"

Not only is the plant sprouted. I'm about to pour fertilizer on it.

I nod.

"Good girl. Normally, I'd say don't move while I'm gone, but you might want to get all the moving out of your system. Be right back." He kisses my chin one more time and then slides to his feet .

My attention is fixed on him as he walks across the room to the dresser. He slides open the bottom drawer, searching through it for several seconds before finally standing and facing me. And I see that he's holding several lengths of rope, a blindfold, and a pair of safety shears.

Each step closer causes the heat at the apex of my thighs to burn hotter. I've never told anyone, but I've wanted to try this for years too. But I've always been too scared.

"Should we use safe words?" He asks, setting the rope on the bed and straddling me again.

This is my final chance to back out. My last chance to lie and tell him I don't trust him enough for this. He'd understand.

But I believe him when he says he would never hurt me. At least not intentionally.

"My safe word will be hhwhiskey."

He shakes his head as he takes my right wrist, rubbing circles with his thumbs and then brushing a kiss on my pulse point. I'm already squirming. "Don't you mean whiskey?" he asks. "You're saying it weird."

"Saying hhwhat hhweird?"

"All of it." He slips a loop of rope over my right hand. The friction heats my wrist just enough to notice as he tightens it, then he moves on to my left wrist. Just like the other one, he massages it with his thumbs before kissing it and slipping the rope around it. "I love that movie. You're lucky I happen to like cute and dorky too."

He walks on his knees up the length of my body, his underwear—and what lies within—dangerously close to my mouth as he secures the ends of the ropes to the headboard. "Red boxer briefs? What happened to black?"

He shrugs as he slips a finger between each of my wrists and the ropes, making sure there's space. "Red's my favorite color. Are these too tight?"

I tug. There's no slack. Even in my fantasies about this moment, my heart would be racing at this point. But I don't remember the last time I felt this calm.

"They're perfect."

"Good. Lift your head for me."

I do, and he gathers my hair before slipping the blindfold into place, sending me into darkness.

I feel the mattress shake, but I can't tell where Kayden is until he finally speaks. "Such a good girl, Emory. I'm standing right beside you. Do you feel okay?"

I'm so relaxed that it takes more energy than I have to form words. The best I can do is an "mm-hmm" that's barely more than a murmur.

Suddenly, a frigid jolt shoots through my leg, leaving a wake of goosebumps. My breaths are ragged as it moves up my legs. First my left. Then my right. Even once it's gone, its cold wet path echoes across my skin, tingling from ankle to thigh.

"What was that?" I ask breathlessly.

"Too much?"

I shake my head. It was shocking, but it definitely wasn't too much. Whatever it was, I want more.

"You'd tell me if it was?"

"Kayden, have you ever known me to keep an opinion to myself? Do whatever you want. I trust you."

"You'll hhwhiskey if I do something you don't like?"

"I'd hhwhiskey out of hearing your voice right now if I could. I really hope talking me into a coma isn't part of your plan this morning."

"That's my girl." His chuckle reverberates on my inner thigh, and I reach blindly for him with my leg, hoping to hook it around him and guide his mouth to a place it might be useful. But I just flail in the dark.

He tsks and lassos my ankle with a length of rope. Then does the same to the other leg. The ropes quiver as he stretches them before tying them off—leaving me spread wide on his bed.

"I think you forgot something," I point out, raising my hips .

"I didn't forget a thing."

The mattress sinks under his weight as he settles between my legs, and I draw in a sharp breath when he lifts the bottom of my shirt and brushes his lips along the exposed skin just above my waistband. Heat blooms from each kiss, marking a trail across my body.

"I have scissors." Cold bites at my skin, followed by a quick snip. Then another. Then a long rip.

"I've always wanted to do that." He barely has the words out before he plants a kiss along the sensitive skin above my clit. It's as if he's claiming that territory as his own. And if he keeps journeying south, I might just let him. But his warmth disappears, and I feel the mattress shift again.

"Kayden?"

"Shh." The sound comes from my right. I struggle to focus on him, listening to every sound he makes, but he goes so quiet, I can't even hear him breathe.

From nowhere, something sweeps across my folds, and I gasp. My entire body spasms at the light touch.

"What the fuck?"

Without a word, he does it again. And again. And now I'm straining against the ropes. Every single muscle in my body is tight and completely out of my control.

"Such a good girl." Whatever it is moves to my clit. The ghost of a circle it draws causes my breath to stutter. "Feather play," he explains, as if my brain is capable of processing anything other than the teasing sensation as he moves down and then back up my slit.

I angle myself against the light touch, trying desperately to get more of it, but the ropes hold tight as I pull against them. I've never gone from zero to the edge of orgasm this quickly, but here I am, about to topple.

"You like it," he says. There's no question in his voice as he floats the feather along the insides of my thighs and back up to my clit. Circling over and over. Electricity shoots out in all directions as my body trembles and starts to buck .

He stops.

"Hhwhiskey," I call out as soon as I catch my breath. "Hhwhiskey! Hhwhiskey!"

"But I'm not even doing anything."

"I know!" I snap at him. "That's the problem. You can't just stop." I'm so close that I could bring myself to the best orgasm of my life just by shifting one leg against the other if they weren't spread so far apart.

"That's not how safe words work."

"It should be," I growl.

He lifts my shirt in answer, exposing my breasts. His mouth falls over my nipple, sucking like he's trying to drain it dry. My head arches back. Then I hear a soft click.

I still my breaths to ready myself for whatever is coming—every inch of skin tingling in anticipation, like I'm holding a wet finger to an outlet—but I could never be ready for this. When I feel the suction on my clit at the same time Kayden's warm mouth sucks my nipple, even breathing becomes impossible.

What. The. Fuck?

Whatever it is, it pulses between my legs. Sucking on my clit at the same time Kayden's warm mouth draws in my nipple. A series of quick suctions followed by long slow pulls. And Kayden matches each one with his mouth.

"Kayden…"

"You're so good for me, Nyx." His words sound as ragged as my breaths. "God, I wish you really did—" He wraps his mouth around my nipple again, cutting himself off.

"Wish… what?" Getting the words out through my shattered breaths is difficult, but even thoughts stop as every nerve in my body forms into a tight ball, only to burst out in all directions.

The orgasm that rushes through me nearly overwhelms everything. I'm only vaguely aware of the creaking headboard as my muscles contract, pulling on the already taut ropes. I only barely feel the stinging burn across my wrists and ankles .

Wave after wave rolls through me until I'm sure I can't survive one more. Being so open—helpless—intensifies this beyond anything I've ever felt. Only when I'm sure I must be dead does the sensation finally slow and then stop.

Kayden kisses his way from my breast to my shoulder, down my arm to my hand. With a quick tug, it comes free from the rope. He does the same with the other side. After freeing both of my hands, he kisses a circle around my wrists. His tender lips tracing what I'm sure has to be a red line etched by my orgasm before he reaches up and slides the blindfold from my head.

The light is so bright I can only see his dark silhouette towering over me. Then moving away. I desperately throw my arms around him to hold him in place, pulling myself up against him in the process. "Stay."

Even with my eyes squinted, I see the way his jaw tenses. "I'm not the one who's going to leave," he mumbles before catching himself and painting on a smile. "I'm not leaving," his voice is more sure now. "Just going to untie your legs."

We hold each other's gaze for a moment—my arms still tight around him—but then I drop my hold on him. "Okay," I whisper.

He doesn't even leave the bed. Just turns his back to me for a few seconds to free my legs and then twists to face me again. When he does, I wrap my hands around his neck and pull him down while I lower the back of my head to the pillow.

"I don't want you to leave." His voice breaks as he nuzzles his nose against the crook of my neck. "Don't go back to Lily's old house."

It feels like a flock of birds takes flight inside me, wings beating frenetically against my stomach. I've never felt this before. Not even with Seth.

"You want me to stay?"

His exhale is a warm breeze across the skin at the base of my neck. "I do."

"Because you want more of this?" I pray he'll say no, and there's a long pause that fills me with the hope that he will.

"Yeah. For this."

I close my eyes, and my chest goes hollow as all that hope vanishes.

Maybe I can't deny what's growing inside me anymore, but there are only two months left until Lily and Brant's wedding. Just two months of weeding out this feeling every time it grows back.

"I'll stay," I tell him, knowing this will poison the soil and make it impossible for anything else to ever grow in me again. "But only in the guest room."