Page 36

CHAPTER 36

LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND

EMORY

"Oh my god, thank you again, Em." Lily has only had a drink and a half, but she's already zoomed into that clingy stage of drunkenness where hugs last and last and last. Just like this one right now. "I love you. You're the absolute best."

Chloe clears her throat beside me.

"The absolute second best next to Chloe."

"And the man you'll be marrying in a couple of days?" I add.

Lily screws her face up into a pout. "Brant and Chloe are just assumed, okay? You're the absolute third best. But my point is I love you all."

This should be when a person would let go and take a step back, but Lily just wraps her arms even tighter around me. Oh my god! I mouth to Chloe. She's the only other sober person at this party. At least Steph and Michael have enough sense to sit around talking about the facials and manicures we all just got back from. Neither one of them is weaponizing hugs. Help?

Chloe looks around the room and then back at me before raising an eyebrow. Don't even tell me she's considering leaving me like this. My shoulders are already aching from Lily's death grip, and if her arms stay around me much longer, we're going to need a trip to the emergency room to release them. At last, Chloe nods. "Hey, who wants to do some karaoke?"

Everyone snaps to attention—including Lily, thank god—as Chloe streams a karaoke app from her phone onto Kayden's television. Lily insisted that she didn't want to go out tonight, so we decided to host her bachelorette party here, since the boys are over at Brant and Lily's house doing whatever it is a group of guys do when they get together. It probably involves lots of body noises, lewd comments, and sharing tips on car maintenance. I'll never understand why every man has to be an expert on all things mechanical.

Once Chloe has it going, she tosses her phone on the couch between Steph, Michael, and Lily like she's tossing a piece of meat into a pride of starving lions. The way they all grab for it, trying to be the first one to choose their song, it does seem similar.

"Hey, uh, Em?" I've only known Chloe for a year, but I can't believe the difference in her. She's still that same funny, sarcastic kid that I couldn't help but love when Lily first introduced me to her, but she's so much more confident now. So willing to let people see the sweetness that she was afraid to show before. Every time I see her, I get a new glimpse of the incredible woman she's becoming.

"Hey." I put my arm around her shoulders and pull her close to me. "Thanks for saving me. It might have been tomorrow afternoon before Lily decided to let go of me on her own. And thanks for staying sober with me so I didn't have to be the only one."

"Um, I'm sixteen. The state of Utah kind of pre-determined that I would be staying sober tonight and all nights for the next five years." I love that she still doesn't realize underage drinking is a thing. "Besides, Lily would kill me. And then Brant would kill me again once he found out. I don't want to be overly dead for their wedding. But I wanted to ask you something… if it's okay."

This must be serious. Chloe doesn't beat around the bush about anything. "Who is he?" I whisper as I drag her to the kitchen, away from the others. "Or she? Or they? I should have just gone with 'they' in the first place, shouldn' t I?"

The way her cheeks flare and she squirms without making eye contact lets me know that I nailed it. There is someone. It's a shame I don't want children, because I would obviously be a natural at this mom thing.

"Roman." There's a brief flash of a smile as she says his name, which means she must really like him. "You sorta met him at my birthday party. But don't tell Lily! Please! She thinks we're just friends. And that's not really what I wanted to talk to you about anyway."

Oh. I feel my back stiffening. "If this is what I think it is, I don't know if I'm the right person to talk to. You should talk to Lily. She's not as innocent as she seems." We just stare at each other for a moment. "Okay, so she is, but she's had a very-not-innocent best friend for several years now, so she's fully contaminated. Oh shit, I probably shouldn't say that. Never mind. I didn't say anything. Just make sure that you two are safe if you do anything. Or just don't do anything. But if you do, um, you know what to do." Maybe this mom thing is harder than I think. "And just always follow your heart. Don't do something that doesn't feel right." Good recovery.

"Em, gross! It's not like that. We barely even kiss. He's kinda shy. But that's not what I wanted to talk about." Chloe's cheeks puff as she blows out a breath and looks around the room. "Being a vet means that you can prescribe medicines, right?"

My mind instantly shifts into work mode. "Is Silver okay?" Earlier, her dog was weaving through everyone's legs, using his best sad eyes to blackmail us into petting him. When I look for him now, I see him curled into a tight ball in the corner of the living room. He's pretending to be asleep, but he's obviously ready if anyone drops even the smallest crumb. "He seems fine, but I'd need to examine him to know for sure. Have you noticed any change in temperament? Or bowel habits? Those can be very important clues."

"Gross again! It's not him. It's me…" She looks over my shoulder and then closes her eyes. "I found a hair. On my chin. A thick one. And I guess since it never started for me, I just assumed it would never happen. But it is, and now it's all I can think about, and I can't do it, Em. I can't go through a boy's puberty. Please. You know what it's like. I can't do it. I'm not a boy. Please say you'll help me. Please. "

Her eyes shine when she opens them and tears spill down her cheeks. I hug her tight. So tight she might not be able to breathe, so I loosen up just a little. I do know what it's like. The constant anxiety. The fear as you wonder what the next change will be, knowing that each one is more wrong than the last. The panicked desperation as you realize that your own body is betraying you.

"Chloe, you need to talk to Lily about this. You know she'll support you and do everything for you. Brant will too."

"I have, and she made a doctor's appointment for me. My therapist already gave me the letter of support, but the appointment with the endocrinologist isn't for two weeks. A lot can happen by then! Can't you just give me something for now? Just to make sure I'll be okay until I see the doctor? I'm a girl. You know I am. Please don't make me go through this. I can't go through it, Em. Just write a prescription and say it's for Silver."

"Oh, honey. You know we all love you and would do anything for you, but I promise two weeks won't make a difference. It seems like a lot now because you're scared, but you'll be fine. I promise this isn't going to suddenly turn you into a boy. Besides, you know the state is looking at everything right now because of the adoption. They might get curious if they find a bottle of GnRh antagonists prescribed to your dog."

"It's two whole weeks!" She sobs against my chest. "Then what if this doctor says no? What if he's one of those people who thinks people like us shouldn't exist?"

I cup her wet cheeks and force her to look up at me. "He's not, or he wouldn't even see you as a patient. Lily knows how this works. She went through it when she was a teenager. You trust her right?" The girl nods, and I kiss her forehead.

"You have a real family now, kiddo." Not like her birth family that kicked her out when she told them she was trans. "Lily, Brant, me, Kayden, that drunk squad in the living room. Hell, you have an entire hockey team who would gladly use the burning embers of that doctor's office to roast hot dogs if he tries to jerk you around. You're potentially the most loved girl in Salt Lake City. I know it's hard when you're scared, but trust us? We're not like your birth parents. We'll always do the very best for you. Okay?"

When I take my hands away, she lets her gaze drop. Several seconds pass in silence as she stares at the floor. Then she nods. "Don't tell Lily I asked you?"

I wipe the tears from under her eyes, and she finally looks up at me. "I won't," I promise, taking her hand as I lead her to the dining room table. Twenty feet away, Lily finishes drunkenly murdering "Shake It Off." As the last note of the song fades, my eardrums would sigh in relief if they could.

"Now, let's talk about your boyfriend."

"Oh my god, he's not my boyfriend. Can we just pretend I never said anything?"

"Not a chance." I laugh. But before I can interrogate her, the elevator chimes.

I stand just as the door opens and Kayden stumbles in. My heart hammers in my chest as I rush to his side. "Is everything okay?" He was supposed to spend the night at Brant's with the boys while the girls and Michael all stayed here.

When he sees me, he tries to stop. His feet cooperate, but his upper body doesn't. It sways forward. Luckily, I'm close enough to catch him. "No," he says. "Maybe. Yes, everything is fine." His head jerks back, and he looks at our bodies pressed together like he's just now noticing it. "No, it's not. Emory, I…" His mouth works up and down, but no sounds come out. "I can't let myself hurt you." When he finally says it, the words are so quiet and mumbled they're hard to make out.

"You're not hurting me." I'm doing that to myself by falling for him. But in three days, this is done. Three days until we stop pretending. The morning after the wedding, Kayden flies to Detroit for the All-Star Game. When he comes back, I'll be moved out. We won't have to see each other again.

Only three more days with him .

"I need to go to bed." He tries to take a step, but trips over the tip of his own shoe. Even with me already holding onto him, it's all I can do to keep him from falling flat on his face and taking me down with him.

"Okay, come on. I'll help you get there. I'll help you get changed."

"No!" he practically screams, causing Steph to stop her surprisingly very good version of "Don't Start Now" just as she was getting to the first chorus. "Not you. Someone I'm not in lo—some… just someone else. Anyone." He looks at everyone forming a half circle around us now and points at Michael. "You. I don't love you. Take me to bed and take my clothes off."

Michael's eyes move back and forth between Kayden and me. "That's certainly a unique pick up line, but I already have a boyfriend. Sorry, sweetie. Are you sure you don't want Em to help you?"

Kayden shakes his head so hard I'm worried he'll lose his balance. Even though I don't want to let go of him, I motion Michael to take over for me. He slips his arm under Kayden's, and they make their way down the hall. Halfway to his bedroom, Kayden crashes into the wall before Michael can correct him. He turns back to look at me, and it looks like he wants to say something. But he bites his lower lip before he can and lets Michael lead him the rest of the way.

As soon as they disappear through the bedroom door, Chloe slips her arm around me. "Let's talk about your boyfriend, Em."