Page 35

CHAPTER 35

I DON'T LOVE EMORY

KAYDEN

"You know what this party needs?" Poppy sways back and forth on Brant's couch, clearly drunk. "A stripper. Many strippers. Isn't that right, Zachary?" He flails his arm around, trying to find his husband, who's sitting right beside him. "And someone needs to get arrested. Then get naked. Or do you Americans get naked before you get arrested? Zachary?"

Zachary pulls Poppy against his chest and kisses the top of his husband's head. "This is his first bachelor party, so he's been watching a lot of movies to prepare himself. I think he set his expectations too high."

The room around us explodes into cheers as Sammy and Jonas finish their duet of "A Whole New World." Other than Sammy's painfully failed attempts to hit the high notes, they didn't kill the song the way I thought they would. In fact, all the guys have handled Disney karaoke much better than I expected. Except Poppy. He was already two drinks too far when he tried to sing "Kiss the Girl" from The Little Mermaid. Scuttle the Seagull would have sounded better.

"You two didn't have bachelor parties?"

Zachary shakes his head. "We didn't have a lot of friends at the time. A few of his teammates and my family—the ones who could accept the fact I was marrying?—"

"A man? Even in this era, they were still homophobic?"

Zachary traces a fingertip down Poppy's cheek. Poppy's eyes are closed, but he grins at the touch. For a second Zachary closes his eyes too, as if he's trying to memorize this little moment. My chest aches as I imagine holding Emory that way.

"No," he continues, "the ones who could accept that I was marrying a hockey player. I come from a long line of football fans who just can't understand how someone can love hockey. They still don't understand it, but they accept it. My dad even goes to a couple hockey games each year, but he would deny it if anyone asked him."

I chuckle and stare down at the bright pink drink in my hand. A Spinnie Minnie. Vodka, sour lemon, and an unnaturally pink syrup I found online that tastes like it's made of fourteen different kinds of sugar plus a little Splenda, because why not? Perfect for Brant's bachelor party since he hates colorful, sweet drinks.

I toss back the glass to finish my drink. As I do, the room starts to move. Just a little, but maybe I'm not as far behind Poppy as I thought. After a few seconds, the room finally settles, but my insides don't. I blow out a breath, trying to work up the courage to ask the question that's been scaring me all night. "What was the one thing that made you know you wanted to spend forever with Poppy?"

"It wasn't just one thing," he answers. "We just felt so natural together. Even our silences were comfortable. When he wasn't around, I thought about him all the time. Wondering what he was doing, wondering if he was thinking about me, counting down until I could see him again. Nikita became an extension of me. So it's like asking 'when did you know you wanted to spend forever with your left leg?' I just couldn't imagine a life without him."

I lean back so far, I nearly tip over my folding chair. That's the answer I didn't want to hear to the question I've been afraid to ask. "You never thought about just being friends with him?"

"Hey, you're empty." Brant sits beside me and swaps my empty glass for the full one he's been carrying around untouched for at least half an hour. "Now, you're not. Mmm, these are so fucking good." He pretends to finish the last drops from what was my glass.

"You know, if you don't like them, you can just say so."

"I have. Several times. But you want to hear me say it again, don't you?"

I hold the polka dot glass up to my lips and stare over it in what I hope is a sophisticated and dramatic way before I take a long drink. It's like drinking a pink Sour Patch candy, and I love it. From the number of empty glasses littering the room, I'd say nearly everyone else loves them too.

I let my gaze drift around the living room that I turned into a karaoke bar for tonight. Sammy and Jonas are arguing about whether to sing "Circle of Life" or "Let It Go" next. Milo, who flew in from Denver just for this, is slumped in the corner, holding his hands out in front of him, as if he just discovered them. His lips are moving, and I'm pretty sure he's counting his fingers over and over again.

I nod in answer to Brant's question. But once I start, I can't stop, and I turn into a human bobblehead. Thankfully, Brant slaps his hand against my forehead to hold it still.

And that's why he's my best friend.

"I hate them," he says slowly, like I wouldn't be able to understand him otherwise. "They taste like I'm drinking a bottle of corn syrup."

" Pink corn syrup," I correct him. "With lots of vodka. Lots and lots and lots of vodka." Maybe too much vodka.

"But I love you, so thank you for making them just to piss me off. And thank you for doing this. Though, I can't say I ever imagined I'd have a Disney-themed bachelor party."

I wrap my arm around him and try to pull him tight. He doesn't move. "You're going to be the daddy of a sweet little girl. I'm just helping you get ready."

"A sixteen-year-old girl who would die of embarrassment if she ever found out I sang 'Be Our Guest' without being held at gunpoint. "

"It would be even weirder if you started spontaneously singing it while being held at gunpoint," I point out.

He tilts his head, considering what I'm saying. "Fair. So what were you and Zachary talking about before I came over?"

"Nothing."

"Kayden was asking about love." Zachary unhelpfully answers. Loudly. At the exact time the room goes quiet.

Sammy and Jonas stop arguing and look at me. Milo sits up and stops inventorying his fingers. Even Poppy is suddenly awake again. "And another thing," he continues like he hasn't been out of it for the last few minutes, "that scavenger hunt would have been a lot easier if you gave the clues in English. Or Russian… Or German. I know German too."

"Having it in a language no one here speaks was the point!" I defend myself. "It's just like that motivational Japanese sign I hung on my dressing room stall two seasons ago. The one no one knows the true meaning of."

"We all know what it means! You were cheated. You just refuse to admit?—"

Poppy tries to sit up and turn toward me, but Zachary wraps his arms around him and holds him tight on his lap. "Stay here with me, Niki." Zachary leans forward to brush a kiss across the defender's lips, and Poppy forgets about the sign and settles back down. Once he does, Zachary turns to Brant. "Kayden asked me how I knew Nikita was the one."

"Oh, did he?" Brant narrows his eyes. "I wonder what's made him so curious about love?"

"Hey! I resent the way you're squinting at me! There was no reason. Haven't you heard of a thing called small talk?" I've never been more aware of everyone's attention on me, not even when I'm alone on the ice about to take a penalty shot. "There was definitely not a very specific reason I was asking, so don't even suggest that."

The guys who aren't too drunk for basic vocalizations murmur under their breaths. "We can tell when you're lying," Sammy says .

"No you can't." My cheeks flare.

"Well… maybe not, but we can tell that you've been acting different recently." Everyone murmurs again. "I've never seen you like this. You're happy."

I stand up, because apparently my drunk mind thinks I'm better able to defend myself from a standing position. While desperately clinging to the back of a chair for the balance that I lost three drinks ago. "You're still practically a rookie," I snap at him. "You've only known me a year and a half. Besides, I've always been happy."

"Have you?" Brant asks.

"I don't love Emory, if that's what you're trying to say with your… talking mouth. I just… I…" I can't decide if the room spins more with my eyes open or closed, so I settle on keeping my right eye open while I close my left. "I need to go home. I'm ordering a car."