Page 85

Jasper strokes my hair, and quietly, I fold back his sleeve until it settles loose and comfortable around his forearms. It’s casual, so much more casual than I’m used to, and there’s something in this.

A vulnerability in his exposed wrists and Jaykob’s bare feet.

In nightclothes and late hours and shared fears.

The fact that they’re seeking one another out to do that sharing.

They can do this.

These aren’t men divided anymore. We aren’t divided.

They’ll keep each other safe.

My hand slides from Jasper’s cufflink, and I fold that one back, too, as I take a deep breath.

“We need to do it.”

Lucky’s answering exhale is swift, soft and defeated. When I look over, tension is incised on every muscle, but he nods to himself like he knew it was coming.

He doesn’t even try for a smile.

“Lucky,” I call softly.

I reach out to him, and he stares at my hand before crawling over to me. I slip off Jasper’s lap, settling between his legs and Beau’s, and when Lucky reaches me, he kisses me hard, and I stroke his face until he softens. When I finally pull back, he sighs, and his head drops against my chest.

“I know,” I murmur. “I know, Lucky.”

He lets me lead him into lying down, and I settle his head into my lap, drawing his long, golden hair over my legs. Gently, I start working through the tangles.

No one else says a word. They all watch us, waiting.

Jayk’s gaze is still turned inward, and the pocketknife turns slowly in his hand.

Jasper’s leg is warm and firm beside me, and I lean into it, feeling steadier.

“I have caveats.” The thoughts I’ve been toying with all week come at me in a rush.

“I agree this is the best choice we have, possibly the only choice, but that doesn’t mean giving anyone blanket trust. I’ve spoken with the civilians—with Ava and Ida and several others.

They’ll all come with us. It makes sense to be together rather than dividing our efforts. ”

Lucky’s hair twists and turns easily between my fingers as I start a small braid just above his ear. He has such beautiful hair, dark honey and amber and pale, buttery gold in turn. It slips through my fingers like satin.

Beau turns on the couch so he can see my face, and I glance up at him.

“We would all feel better if we approach any living situation there cautiously. We need to all be together, or within hearing distance, even if it means camping. We don’t let up watches, and no one goes anywhere alone.

Even if we’re deciding to trust them as a whole, they said they had.

.. was it just over two hundred men, they said?

” My lips tighten. “Numbers alone say that we’ll likely have some trouble, even if it’s not the majority.

We need Sawyer and Cole to take a clear, hard line on acceptable behavior. It needs to be enforced.”

“ Ah !” Lucky’s hand comes up and catches my wrist. “Beautiful, the masochism thing only really works when you get me going first.”

I blink, realizing I’m a moment from tearing a decent chunk of hair from his scalp.

I loosen my grip. “Sorry.”

Blue eyes twinkle at me, and despite the brutal edge to my care, I can feel him relaxing into me. I smile at him softly before I look up.

“Jayk? Do you think we can manage that?”

Jayk rubs a hand over his jaw, glancing at Dom.. . who just raises his brows, batting the question back to him.

It’s been happening all day, and I’m not sure what to make of it.

“Yeah,” Jayk mutters. Then he sighs, running a hand over the top of his head. “Yeah, Sawyer will agree to that.”

Relief flickers in me at one thing solved.

“I’ll talk to the civilians tomorrow, see if they have anything else to add.”

I tie off Lucky’s braid, tucking it behind his ear.

“And the last thing, darlin’?” Beau asks from the couch. It’s long enough that his long legs are sprawled behind my head, but his feet don’t quite hit Jasper. Warmth is tucked into his eyes and slight smile as he looks over me and Lucky.

My Beau, who has always fought for me to have it all.

I see the worry in him, too. “You know what this could cost?”

A hot, hard lump lodges in my throat, and Lucky sits up, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

It could cost me one of my brutes.

It could cost me all of them.

Sure, there are things I can do to help. Ways I can, and will, work on the sidelines in charged preparation and in the awful aftermath, but in the thick of it, I can’t be there. I have skills and strengths—ones I’m proud of—but... my books can’t stop an army.

My brutes can.

They’ll keep each other safe.

I don’t know if they’d admit it yet, but I’ve been watching them this week. I don’t think any of them have ever had so much fun.

They love each other as much as I do.

Shakily, I stand, and Beau takes my hand. Tears prick my eyes as I settle on top of him. His hand runs over my hair, then settles at my waist.

“I know the risk, Beau,” I whisper. “I’ve lived every day knowing I might die—that I might drink water I didn’t boil properly or food that I shouldn’t. The whole world is trying to kill us, and that’s bad enough, but living under the Sinners... we’d be in danger for the rest of our lives.”

Aching with fear, I give Beau a tremulous smile.

I look at Jayk, gruff and unsure in his armchair.

Lucky leaning into Jasper, my braid in his hair.

Jasper, watching over me with quiet understanding, as he always does.

And Dom, dark and brooding against the wall, his eyes burning gold on me and Beau.

My chest throbs.

“I know what kind of men I fell for,” I tell them, and the tears spill over as I huff a laugh that hurts everywhere.

“I can’t love you for all the ways you’re brave and good, but never let you be those things.

” I swallow hard, and my smile becomes pained, too.

“Those things will wither and die under the Sinners. It would kill you to watch people die knowing you could have done something. That we should have. You’re all. .. you’re so much braver than me.”

Beau frowns, his eyes shining, but I sniff and shake my head before he can talk.

I know he’ll protest, but he doesn’t know the worst of my thoughts.

How desperately I want to take these men and run far away from Sinners and civilians and Reapers and teenagers wearing chain mail.

That I would leave the world to rot and burn if it kept them safe.

If I thought they could do it and not loathe themselves, I would.

They’re miserable thoughts, but I’ll share them another time. Another day.

That selfishness belongs to another version of me.

For now, I need to let the best of them inspire the best in me.

Even if it kills us.

“We need a chance to make a better world than one the Sinners want to make,” I tell them.

Beneath me, Beau lets out a long, shaky breath.

When I glance around, the others are all looking at me with the same tight, barely contained emotion.

God, the way these men love me.

It’s enough to crack the last tenuous hold I have on my emotions.

I try desperately to rein them in anyway. “If we act now, we have an edge. Maybe a head start on Alastair.” I wipe uselessly at my cheeks. “I’ll help wherever I can, of course. I’ll organize the packing, for a start. I’m quite good... good at th-things like?—”

Dom’s arms come around me, lifting me off Beau, and I bury my silent tears in his neck.

He holds me fiercely. “No one is dying,” he swears, harsh and rough and just for me. “No one, Eden. I’m not letting that happen. You’re not burying a single one of us.”

My fingers curl in his hair like I can hold the promise to me. Like I can drag in his strength and his whirlwind, spicy scent.

“We’ll watch out for each other.”

Jayk’s jagged voice across the room strikes me like lightning. That promise from him, of all of them.

Over Dom’s shoulder, somber and lethally serious, he watches me—me with Dom—and he doesn’t move from his chair. Ryan’s pocketknife is still in his white-knuckled hand.

The others murmur their assent, and finally, my tears slow, as much from their sweetness as from my bitter fear. Dom sets my feet back on the floor, his eyes intense as they run over my face.

As they settle on my lips.

Suddenly, an obnoxious stream of music blares to life behind me, so loud I yelp, jolting back against Dom like his vote of protection extends to the Star Wars theme song.

Beau curses, twisting for the remote, and Lucky snorts a laugh. “That would have been so much funnier in the middle of the let’s-save-the-world speech.”

“Oh my God,” I stutter, not computing.

I turn to the TV screen to see words begin to scroll up and over a galaxy far, far away.

Beau manages to yank the remote out from under his ass, kicking Jasper in the ribs in the process, and he jams down on the pause button.

“What...” I cut off, then try again. “I’m sorry, what is this?”

Beau gives me a sheepish look as Dom’s hands settle on my waist.

“Uh, movie night?” Beau asks.

Like it’s a question .

Dom rolls his eyes, looking down at me before he moves over to the couch, shoving Beau into the middle so he can sit beside him. “We were too wired to sleep, so we were going to stay up. Then the rest of the idiot brigade showed up.”

Lucky winks at me as he gets up, dumping himself in Jasper’s lap. “Honestly, we spent more time arguing over the movie than the whole war thing, so props to you for being the responsible one.”

“They have shitty fucking options,” Jayk mutters darkly, and he gives me a grumpy look. “We’re not changing it.”

Jasper sighs, shifting to get comfortable, and I look between them all in bewilderment.

The ache in my chest shifts into something softer, warmer as they all settle in.

“We can change it if you object.” Jasper plucks a folded blanket from the side table and drapes it over him and Lucky. “We were supposed to wait until you arrived before we made a final decision.”

Jayk kicks his legs up over the arm of his chair. “Hm. That’s true. Might have been a bit... premature.” He tilts his head to look at Jasper, smirking. “Don’t you think?”

Jasper picks up a pillow and throws it at him, and it smacks the back of his head.

Beau whistles low, nodding like he’s impressed. “Nice shot.”

Jayk is still laughing as he tucks the pillow under him, and I narrow my eyes at him.

“Jayk, you lasted about thirty seconds longer than he did and with none of the foreplay.” When he stiffens, shooting me an affronted glower, I smile. “Unless you consider watching Lucky and Jasper touching me foreplay, of course.”

His brows slam down.

Lucky chokes on a laugh, then gives Jayk a serious look. “Have you always had a thing for cuckolding, Jayk, or was that a new discovery?”

Jasper hides a smile. “Don’t kink shame, Lucien.”

“Who’s shaming? Good for him, I say. Super happy to tie him up again.”

“Ha ha ha,” Jayk grumbles, and Beau nudges Dom, a sneaky smile on his face.

“Aw, look. Their first sharing experience together. They got too excited, huh?” He gives Jasper and Lucky, who’s sitting on his other side, a sympathetic look. “Don’t worry, you’ll improve.”

Dom snorts softly. “Maybe. I don’t think we’ve ever lost it before we got the job done—have we, Beau?”

But it comes out distracted. His attention is all on me.

He nods for me to join him on the couch, and I’m moving before I’ve registered the silent order. I take his hand, and he draws me onto his lap.

Beau watches me settle in, softly amused. “Legend says you’re still waiting.”

I shoot Beau a look under my lashes, and he winks at me, dragging my legs onto his lap.

Jasper hands us another blanket, and they tuck me in, tossing insults and laughter back and forth until Jayk grumbles at them to start the damn movie already.

Until, ignored, he finally snaps and storms over to snatch the remote out of Beau’s hand so he can start it himself, only to resettle on the floor by our feet.

I rest my head against Dom’s chest, taking them all in.

Thinking that there’s nothing in the world more worth waging a war for.