Page 56

These aren’t questions I’ve ever even thought to ask before, and I feel like a fucking idiot for it. I’ve never wanted to be in charge. Following orders suits me just fine, and I’ve always been pretty damn happy to leave the moral grappling and hard calls in someone else’s hands.

Only.. . only, if I’m honest, it’s not like I never had doubts about calls.

I’ve had questions. Worries. Over Eden and the deal, over lying to her about the hunters hanging around Bristlebrook before that all blew up, over letting civilians go, over Sam, over.

.. a lot of things. I always just told myself it wasn’t my place.

That’s being a soldier, right? I let it not be my place.

No, I benefited from it all on the sidelines even when I disagreed. I just let Dom take the actual responsibility for it.

The burden.

I swallow hard, a sick feeling spreading through my gut.

We took in the civilians, but only when Eden asked. She was the one who pushed us to help the captives. She was the one who did something about the torture happening in front of her.

She broke the shitty-ass deal and stood up for herself.

Shit. Maybe we are the bad guys.

And I’ve been a fucking coward.

Beau sits forward, staring at the cap. “Dom?—”

“Maybe it was only too hard because you were doing it by yourself. We were all kind of just.. . existing apart, for a while there.” The words spill out of me, and Dom looks down at me, stone-jawed.

Something flickers behind his eyes, though, and I try to work up a smile for him. “But we were good tonight, right? We made a good plan, and we did it together. We didn’t even murder anyone.”

I feel Jasper’s eyes on me, but I can’t look at him right now. I’m not used to feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, but right now, it’s all I’m feeling.

Avoiding his gaze, I add in a rush, “And I mean, for the bigger picture stuff, I don’t know what Red Zone does to get their food and whatever else they need, but they have to have worked something out, you know?

They have tons of people there, a bunch since they were kids —it wasn’t like they’ve been contributing more than acne and BO.

Maybe we can get some tips from them? And being short on medicine sucks, but there have to be scientists and people who know how to make that shit still around somewhere, right? We could find someone.”

Jasper gives me an amused look. “I’ll place an ad in a newspaper, shall I?”

“Okay, sarcasm. That’s nice. First, bite me. Second, point taken.”

Dom’s lips finally twitch, and he smiles into his cup as I redirect.

“So, we go old school for medicine, Eden-style. Hit the basics.” I shrug, looking down at the grass to find I’ve shredded the patch in front of me to the dirt. “I don’t know. We could spitball.”

The moonlight shifts with the clouds, and a burst of laughter goes up from Jennifer’s group, but it dies down after a moment.

Nodding slowly, Jasper ventures, “We need more allies. We’ve kept to ourselves a lot. With some trade, we’d have more options.”

Dom lifts a brow. “We need something to trade for that.”

Jasper matches his tart expression. “You all have skills, do you not? You can rig up defenses, create explosives, assist with surveillance cameras. Beaumont, I’m sure you could train people in basic first aid.

Clare was a labor and delivery nurse. Jada is an electrician.

Sloane was in carpentry. The civilians have an enormous amount of collective experience.

Just some initial thoughts, butwe do have things to offer. ”

My excitement sparks as he waves a hand. He’s right. We’ve kept pretty close to Bristlebrook, not wanting the risk, but we could go farther out. There will be other communities somewhere , even if they’re in hiding.

Hell, we have the Sinners, Reapers, Red Zone, and ourselves all within a week’s walk. How many more are out there? Sure, we need to get past the maybe-not-a-siege siege first, but...

But Beau is looking between us like we’re suggesting using his balls as a golf tee.

“This all sounds well and good for peace time, but I think you’re all forgetting that we have the Sinners on our ass,” Beau points out.

“They’re going to come knocking. What’s to stop them from taking anything we manage to barter, same as they’re doing with the Reapers?

They have an army. I don’t know that we could stop them. ”

Dream squasher.

I get to my feet, looking out toward the Reapers. All the campfires, one after the other, burning against the dark. The civs are watching over them too, but they’re all tucked away. Quiet.

They don’t want to attack us.

I just know it.

“Depends how many new friends we can make, doesn’t it?” I grin down at Beau.

I always said I could use more friends.

Friends make for a great army.

He rolls his eyes, throwing his cup at me, and I bat it away.

“Those friends sound great in theory, but when exactly do you see us having time to go door knocking? We’re locked in here. Right now, we’ve got exactly three options for allies: Red Zone, the Reapers, and the Sinners, and they ain’t exactly playing nice together, Lucky.”

Dom rubs a hand over his head. It’s weird to see his hair longer than a quarter inch. I can’t tell if it’s a finally-loosening-up thing or a please-help-I’m-letting-myself-go thing.

He drops down onto the grass, his back against the porch, like his brief shot of optimism was too much for his body to handle.

“Those options are shit. If we defend the Reapers against the Sinners, it’ll be war,” Dom finally says. His eyes turn to cold, chipped metal. “And Alastair still has Heather and Bentley. We go against him, they’re as good as dead.”

Across the grass, Beau grimaces at Dom. “Right. And if we don’t join the Reapers?—”

“They starve us out,” Dom finishes. “Or we have a fight on our hands anyway to get them off our doorstep. We pick either side, we’re in for one.”

This time it’s my turn to stare at them.

Man, these guys are pessimists .

I scratch my head. “Can we go back to the whole everything-will-be-okay, teamwork-makes-the-dream-work, make-peace-not-war conversation, or . . .?”

Dom and Beau exchange a silent, bemused look, and it takes me so off guard, I smile.

They’re back to their married-couple conversations.

But then Beau shakes his head with a soft snort, and humor shadows Dom’s face before they both turn too-patient expressions toward me.

“Sure thing, Lucky.” Beau pats the grass soothingly. “We’ll just hug it out with them. It’ll all be fine.”

Dom nods, straight-faced. “Hugs not war.”

Oh, no, no, no. They don’t get to use their bestie powers on me .

“I— You...” I splutter. “You’re both being so dramatic. It is not that bad!” I gesture up at the porch, where two bags of food still haven’t been packed away. “Things are looking up!”

Indignant, I catch Jasper’s eye, sending him my own disbelieving couplepathy look...

And he raises a puzzled brow.

Damn.

That one was a total soft ball, too.

Rubbing my forehead, I sigh. “I can’t believe Dom and Beau are a better couple than us.”

Jasper still looks like he has no idea what I’m talking about, but amusement touches his features. “They do have several years on us, darling boy.”

Dom gives Jasper a dry look. “Nineteen next year.”

Beau tilts his head. “Bronze? I’m thinking cufflinks.”

Dom snorts, draining his drink.

Smiling, Jasper curls a finger at me, beckoning me to come to him, and my stomach leaps.

I jump up on the porch, and he tilts his leg to the side, making room for me. Mollified, I move closer until I can settle back against his chest.

“You need to back me up, babe. Tell them it’s not all bad.” I yawn, his heat surrounding me, and Jasper strokes my hair.

“It isn’t.” He sets his cup to the side.

“I think we’re all getting ahead of ourselves.

Maybe it will be war, but we’re not there yet.

” He’s patient and calm when he looks over us, and it steadies me, too.

“Lucien’s right. We’ve had a win tonight, and that buys us time.

We can radio Red Zone in the morning. We can afford to wait until they arrive before we make any major decisions.

Who knows? They might open up options for all of us.

” His heart beats sure and constant against my back.

“And we can use the time before they arrive to watch the Reapers. Learn. Decide whether we can trust them.”

Dominic glances up at Jasper, his gaze surprised and considering.

After a long moment, he nods to himself.

“We’re still likely in for a war, one way or another,” Beau says. “We need to prepare for it.”

“See?” I tilt my head to give Jasper an exasperated look. “Glass is always half empty with him.”

He gives me one back that I do understand.

Please stop.

Aw, it’s working.

His gaze flicks back over the others. “If it’s war, then we need to make sure we’re on the right side of it.”

Dom is still looking inward, and I sober.

“We can play by the rules, Dom—the important ones anyway. Even if it is war.” I meet his eyes. “We just need to start playing on the same team again.”

To my surprise, his throat cords, and he looks away. His jaw is still stone, and my earlier guilt pings me again.

Damn, we’ve all been fucking dicks, haven’t we?

Finally, he nods, still not looking at us, and Beau lets out a long, pensive breath, watching him too.

When Dom finally looks up, he nods.

“And Jayk?” he asks dryly. “We thinking he’s going to be getting on board with all this?”

At that, Dom scoffs, and the look he gives Beau back is just as dry. “I don’t think this is the part he’s going to fight us on.”

This time, we all look up at their window. They’ve cracked it open now, and the curtains flicker in the breeze.

“Well.” I sigh. “At least we’re allies in that, too.”