Page 35

Eden

Honesty hurts.

Dishonesty hurts worse.

Outside, the sky is finally thawing from a dispirited blue into a ripe blush, and Ida raises one hand in a brief hello before she turns back to Ethel, fussing over her in her seat until Ethel bats her away.

Dom settles into the porch swing, his large body taking up more than half of the seat, and after a hesitant moment, I sit beside him. He angles himself toward me, and his knee brushes my thigh. Every inch of him is firm, heated ... gorgeous.

Stop, Eden.

Clearing my throat, I firmly stare out at the forest. It’s better than staring at his thighs, which feels like my only other option at this point—and my God, I’m a problem .

My foot taps on the deck. Keep it together, woman. You have so much groveling to do before you should even dream about his thighs.

But I can’t help it.

Dom’s presence has always been a physical thing to me. Something weighted and significant, like he makes the very air denser, electric , just by sharing it.

The mug is hot and full in my hands, and I let the scald ground me.

I shouldn’t make this about us. It isn’t fair. It’s about him , and all the reasons he’s wrong to take this on himself.

The image of Dom on his knees has scarred me. I can’t sleep without seeing the defeated slump to his shoulders, or the hurt in his eyes when he realized how deep my lies ran.

He rocks us, very slowly, but my peaceful morning is different now. Charged.

There’s an odd lack of anger in him that I’m not sure I deserve. The roiling thunderclouds around him have settled into something heavy and thoughtful. Something I don’t know how to penetrate.

My stomach churning, I sip my slop, trying to work out exactly what I want to say. The hot, greasy liquid in my hollow gut is not sitting happily, but I drink more anyway.

Beside me, Dom drinks as well.

When we take our fourth matching sip, I work up the courage to glance at his face—only to catch his grimace.

A grimace .

At my slop.

I stare at him, aghast. “You hate my slop?”

Dom eyes me over his cup, calculating. “I like having slop with you.”

A small, offended squeak escapes me as he takes another wincing sip.

“That’s not the same thing.”

He casually looks out at the forest, but there’s a sneaky, reluctant humor in the hard edges of his face when he shrugs. “ Nope .”

The twinkling lightness on him is unexpected, mesmerizing , and just like that, my choked indignance turns into a laugh.

He’s teasing me.

The slow swing suddenly feels like I’m flying high.

“Well,” I mutter tartly. My ears feel strangely hot. “You don’t need to suffer through the slop if you want to spend time with me, you know.”

The rocking pauses, suspended, then resumes.

The strange, soft curve of his lips deepens. “Good to know.”

A low flush of confused heat rolls over me. He wants to spend time with me?

God . . . why ?

I clear my throat. “The Reapers. Do you know where they’ve settled? We need to talk to them. There has to be a compromise, one where we don’t need to leave with them. Do you think if we just gave them some advice, maybe some weapons, that they’d?—”

“It’s not up to me anymore, Eden,” Dom breaks in quietly, and the amused tuck of his mouth has vanished. “You’ll have to ask Jayk about that.”

My throat filling, I look back over at him, studying him the way he’s been studying me— wistfully .

I want to be worthy of his trust.

I want to protect him from all the ways I wasn’t.

“Jayk told me he loves me,” I confess, staring down into the mug. “He wants me all to himself.”

The slow sway doesn’t stop this time, but I feel Dom’s attention sharpen.

Swallowing, I look out at the shadowy trees. At the pink and orange streaking out from behind them.

“I told him no, of course. That I was in love with.. .” With all of you. Awareness breathes between us, and I hesitate, then stumble on. “I told him that I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t choose.”

Dom takes another sip, letting me speak, and his face is impassive, giving nothing away. The morning is already muggy and sweat begins to prickle along my hairline.

I would give anything to know what he’s thinking.

“He’s sure he can convince me to choose him—or that he can fight anyone else off, one or the other,” I tell him, sighing irritably.

I tuck my knees up to my chest under the large shirt, putting my empty mug to the side.

“It’s hard, you were right. I don’t want everyone at each other’s throats, but I just feel.

..” My chest swells. “Things with me and Jasper, they’re different now.

I can finally just be with him, and it’s.

.. he’s so.. .” I trail off, smiling.

“He’s been wonderful. But God, you know how he and Jayk are on a good day.

This is going to be a nightmare. Not to mention that Lucky’s been anxious.

Jayk pulling this caveman act isn’t helping. ”

Still angled toward me, Dom leans forward, his elbows braced on his knees as he looks cryptically over our battlements. Orange sun filters over his face until his deep olive skin glows, his dark hair almost seeming to catch alight.

And I still can’t make out a thing he’s thinking.

But he’s still quiet. Thoughtful.

“I don’t think Jayk will have to worry about Beau, at least,” I continue softly, my throat sticking.

“He’s so angry with me, Dom. He can’t even look at me.

God, I don’t even know where he is right now.

All his things were just gone . I’d hoped that when we were both back here, he’d finally have to talk to me, but he’s been so frustrating, and stubborn , and he.

.. he walked away. He’s been making these jabs, and I. ..”

He just gave up on me.

Hurt blooms in my chest all over again. All of this is a mess.

Every one of us is a mess. But Jasper was right.

There is a family here, and I can see it now—what we could all look like together if we could get past all of this.

But I don’t know if it’s possible. I don’t know if we can ever get there, if I’m the only one fighting for it.

..and when they’re all so busy fighting each other.

I look at Dom, sun-caught and quiet.

Or when they’re not fighting at all.

“He’s staying with me,” Dom finally says, glancing back at me briefly. “Beau. Snores all night, too. Sounds like a chainsaw.”

“He is?”

Beau talked to Dom. They’re actually talking. After their fight yesterday, I wasn’t sure whetherthey would be able to forgive each other.

I bite my lip against the surge of emotion.

A family.

Maybe I’m not the only one fighting for it after all.

“That... I’m glad.” I nod, and a smile breaks free that quivers a bit too much. “That’s... that’s good. You need each other.”

When Dom glances back up at me, he doesn’t smile back. “He’ll figure it out, Eden. He lost everyone he ever loved once, and he loves hard. He’s not about to lose you, too.”

All his strength is sun-warmed and hazed soft, and it takes me a minute to realize it’s because my eyes are misting up. This time, I need to duck my head, pressing my forehead against my tucked knees as I try to catch my breath.

I didn’t realize how badly I needed to hear that until the words were in my ears.

Beau and Dom are working things out. If they can do it, then surely Beau and I can, too.

“What is this, Eden?” When he finally breaks the silence, his voice is rough. Carefully controlled. “Why are you telling me all this? About Jayk, and Beau, and... What is this?”

I swallow hard, then shore up my courage.

“Rule six, sir.”

The husky words might as well have been a slap considering the way he flinches. Tension sharpens every angle of him, and I rest a gentle hand on his thigh, but I can’t stop now.

“You told me to talk to you when I was upset, or if I need something, so I am. Rule six .” My voice is firm. “And that’s why I need to tell you that you’re wrong. About Cyanide. About all of it. That wasn’t your mistake, okay? There wasn’t anything you could have done.”

Dom grimaces at his half-full cup and sets it aside. He stands up, jostling the swing. Caught off guard by the abrupt change in him, I drop my legs off the seat to steady it.

“Drop it, Eden.”

My heart thunders. He said it calmly enough, with no bitterness or judgment, buthis shoulders are anvils again. All his sneaky humor is gone.

“No.”

My reply comes out sharp, and tension simmers between us. I grip my thighs to stop my hands from shaking when I look at him. The razored intensity under his calm reminds me of the way he was last night, his control right before he snapped at Beau.

I stand up, too, smoothing down my shirt. “No, sir. I won’t. I’m the one who lied to you. I went behind your back and freed Alastair, even after we talked. You did everything to protect us.” Dom shakes his head, and I try to swallow the frustration in my voice. “It was on me .”

Dom turns back to face me, leaning against one of the posts on the porch. The sunrise is breathtaking behind him, a melting pot of pinks and oranges and purples.

His face is lethal. “Why?”

The single word is an unexpected gunshot, and I press my hand against my stomach, stepping back. “W-why? I don’t.. .”

“Why did you lie to me?” His question is clipped. Short . “Why go behind my back? Why not come to me later?”

My hair falls around my shoulders as I shake my head—it’s a helpless tangle, one I never would have allowed before I met my brutes.

It’s only with them that I’ve learned how to be messy.

“It’s complicated,” I start. Panicked memories of Day Death, of police sirens and screams and pretty deputies who should have known better, burn the back of my eyelids. “I made a mistake, I?—”

“You didn’t trust me.”

I falter, staring at him.

Dom’s lips hook up on one side, but it’s a dark, humorless kind of smile.