Page 113
Beau
Love means safety.
“It’s almost dawn,” Jasper mutters, checking his watch for the fifth time in the last two minutes. “The next parley with the Sinners is supposed to start at any moment. Eden and Dominic should be back by now.”
He’s pacing like a mare in labor outside the entrance to the side tunnel, like he’s been doing all night. His hair’s a mess, he’s still in last night’s clothes, and anxious lines bracket his mouth.
Not one of us looks any better.
Eden and Dom left for their secret meeting with Alastair at midnight.
Since then, we’ve only seen Eden once, hours ago.
She ducked her head in to reassure us she was alive and that they were still talking—and that was pretty much all we got before she hightailed her pretty little behind from whence she came.
In the gym, with dozens of civilians finally starting to stir for the day, we’re sitting by the door, our rifles lined withing reach against the wall.
Lucky is tossing a ball against the wall, over and over, his eyes blank. Jayk’s been storming back and forth between here and the defenses outside for most of the night, but he’s finally stopped.
I checked on my patients, nearly cried like a baby when I saw Ethel finally sitting up in bed, with apples in her cheeks, and Kasey snuggled in next to her like a blanket. Ida next to them both, looking like she was trying not to cry.
Every day I’ve had civilians slipping me their extra rations to give to her—all the little things they’ve been keeping back. Chocolate bars or jerky. Stale hunks of bread and dried fruit.
And I gave her everything I had, too—every bit I had greedily stashed away after the raid for the next time I needed to eat my feelings.
These days I’m working real hard to listen to my very clever girlfriend and talk those feelings through instead.
Besides, those old hippies are my grandmas now, too. These days, I have sisters and cousins and aunts flooding my halls... and my family always comes first.
The extra food was enough.
Kasey is up there, probably still chattering a mile a minute, and Ethel was feeling feisty enough to sass me about my lack of showering and apparent body odor, so it was more than enough.
It was everything.
Almost everything.
Eden and Dom still aren’t back.
The back of my head falls against the wall, and I rub my tired eyes.
“Do we go out?” I ask, worry eating at my gut. “If it’s taking this long, it has to be good news, right? They’re working things out?”
Jayk suddenly snags Lucky’s ball out of the air, and Lucky stiffens, blinking out of his mindless staring. Jayk is unshaven and looking rougher than usual, and I brace myself to break up a fight.
But then Jayk just bounces it back to Lucky, and they silently start tossing it back and forth instead.
It’s cute.
But it’s still not enough to stop me from staring at the heavy door to the side tunnel. Anxious worry claws at me. What could they be talking about for so long? I just need them to?—
The door bursts open, and we all surge to our feet.
Eden rushes through first, Dom right on her heels.
Their expressions aren’t encouraging.
Eden’s pale and tense, and she pushes her glasses back up her nose, blinking at all of us as she hurries past. “Oh, hi. Hi . Have you been out here all night? I told you all to go to bed. What time is it?”
“Dawn,” Jasper answers, dropping a brief kiss on her lips as she walks past, then catches her arm. “Are you?—?”
Gently, she tugs herself free, and I see how deep the circles are under her eyes.
“Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m okay. We’re just late for the meeting, and Alastair wants to feel everything out with the other groups there before he agrees to anything,” she calls back, but she doesn’t stop walking toward the hall.
The concern only deepens on Jasper’s face as he follows close behind her.
“Nice to see you, too, sugar. Thanks for the rundown,” Jayk mutters, tossing the ball back to Lucky with an eye roll, but at least he doesn’t look like he’s about to punch a wall anymore.
Lucky frowns, but jogs to catch up to Jasper and Eden.
Dom nods at us to move, and I fall into step beside him. The sudden burst of movement after hours of sitting on the floor isn’t kind on the knees. Or the nerves.
“You really having us walk out there blind? Did you come to terms with Alastair? What took you so long?” I ask him, Jayk right behind us.
Dom is as grim as Eden. His heavy jacket widens his shoulders, and he brushes against me with every step.
“I—” His jaw tenses. “I think we got there. Alastair’s a fuck to negotiate with.
We made an agreement but... we had to make some concessions.
” He glances at me. “You’re not going to like them.
We were still arguing about it when we left.
He wants to finish it out there. Needs to act like it’s all his idea, of course. ”
We push out onto the porch, and Jayk jogs up beside Dom. “ Concessions ? The civs are staying here. The Sinners aren’t fucking?—”
“The civs won’t be touched,” Dom snaps... then he stops mid-stride on the grass and turns to Jayk. He runs a hand over his exhausted face. “Sorry. Long night.”
Jayk’s arms cross over his chest, his brows lowering as he looks at Dom. But he’s not angry. He looks worried.
Just beyond him, Sawyer is hovering, looking pale, his mustache twitching nervously.
Ah, damn. We can’t have him running again, but I feel for him. He’s just a farmer.
Dom sees him the same time I do, and his jaw flexes. “You stay here this time, Sawyer. We have it covered.”
Instant relief breaks out over his queasy expression, and he nods. “Sure, if you think it’s best. Thanks.”
Dom jumps off the porch, but he slows, his eyes on the distant field beyond the moat.
Bane and Sullivan are already setting up their chairs, and there’s at least five more Sinners than there were at the last meeting—most of them talking to Bane.
Eden, Lucky, and Jasper are loitering near the bridge beside Arthur.
“Why the fuck are they bringing more men?” Jayk scowls. “I’ll be up top. I have a fucking bullet for Bane if he tries that shit again.”
Impatiently, he peels off, heading for Platform Three.
I squint against the rising sun as Alastair and Mateo stride out of the trees.
It’s about to start.
Worry bites at me, and I shake my head.
“That’s it, I’m going out there with you. You need me. I know your cues better than Jasper if things go south,” I tell Dom in a rush, bracing for an argument.
Bracing for him to tell me there won’t be a fight, and that he’s sure they sorted it all out.
I’m ready for him to tell me it’ll be fine.
Instead, Dom sighs, a silent war in his expression. “Fine, but no losing your temper and shooting this time, no matter what he says. Eden was right. Bane has too much fucking influence. Alastair is going to make this ugly for us so he can make himself look good, so just...”
Silently, I cringe at the memory of firing on the Reapers.
I cringe even more deeply as I remember how bad I let things get bottled up, but... I’m not there anymore. Just yesterday, I told Dom I was mad he hadn’t cleared a drawer for me yet, and he spent five minutes making room for me.
Turns out talking about it really is just a lot easier.
And I’ve been a fucking idiot... one who has a whole damn mess to make up for.
My time with Jasper these last few weeks hascleared up a lot.
“I’ll keep it together, Dom.” I meet his eyes. “I’m with you. You and Eden. I’ll follow her plan to the end.”
That promise means different things to me now than it did most of my life.
The Plan that Dom and I always talked about was something two teenagers brewed up—it was a plan that was always about us not wanting to lose each other to time, or moves, or different lives.
It was a plan that included a woman, any woman, because monkhood didn’t suit us, and even pretty as Dom is, that kind of love bug never hit us.
All my ideas about loyalty and love and friendship were always swept up in the dramatics.
Defending each other under fire and putting him before anything and everything, no matter what.
Love was supposed to be flawless and our partnership unbreakable, and I imagined dying someday right by his side, doing something heroic.
My plan was built on quicksand.
But then I met Eden.
And she refused every pedestal I tried to put her on.
Eden has been saving herself her whole life.
She’s never lived in a flawless world or found limitless loyalty.
To Eden, everything is breakable. She doesn’t want heroism, or her problems to be kissed away, because heroism kills and those problems will still be there when the kisses are done.
She doesn’t want everything to be fine , because she knows it can’t be, not always.
Eden’s Plan is better than mine ever was.
It’s a plan for grown-ups.
It’s a plan built for love with flaws, and rage, and fears, and pain.
It’s a plan she custom built for our whole family, where one person isn’t above anything and everything.
.. but where everyone stabilizes each other.
It’s a plan where love means safety, and cracks are explored and tended carefully.
It’s a plan where it’s okay not to be fine.
And it’s a plan where no one has to die, not until we’re all old and ready to go off easily into the night.
That’s my plan now too—for today and all the ones after.
Dom stares at me, and he must see something of what I’m feeling in my face because his Adam’s apple dips hard, his jaw flexing.
And I see his reply in his eyes.
I love you, too.
“It’ll be okay,” he mutters after a long moment. “With this deal, we’ll be okay.”
Around us, civilians are moving, switching out the watch, and Dom stiffens.
“I already told everyone I want all hands on deck for these meetings.” His voice lifts. “Jennifer, get back on watch. Sloane, you too!”
They pause, exchanging a look. Jennifer’s hair is flying away in a thousand messy strands, and Sloane is so fatigued she looks drunk.
Breathing out slowly, Dom adds, “Please?” He nods at the meeting. “They’ve brought backup.”
His expression is tight, but it’s a gentler order than I’m used to hearing from him.
Jennifer drags out a long sigh. “ Fine . You can take my watch later as a thank you.”
“Deal,” Dom says dryly, rubbing his forehead.
Sloane just eyes him, then the men on the clearing, and heads back toward the platform.
He’s stressed. We’re all too tired.
“Come on, Dom. Let’s get this done. The sooner we’re through this, the sooner we get Eden all to ourselves again. I have plans.” I clap my hand to his shoulder, and Dom’s snort is mostly a heavy exhale.
“I’m not dressing up this time,” he mutters, and I grin.
When we meet up with Eden and Arthur, the Sinners are already still and watching.
Waiting for us.
Lucky and Jasper head back to join up with Jayk, and my eyes fix on Eden’s ghostly, worried face. As Dom takes to the bridge, I lean down to press a kiss to her forehead, letting my fingers twist through her hair for just a moment.
“You did so well, darlin’. Just a bit of ugliness and we’re in the clear,” I murmur.
I have to admit, the idea of playing bitch-boys to the Sinners for the foreseeable future doesn’t sit right, but if it means peace and food and trade, I can live with it.
Eden softly touches her hand to my chest, and then she draws herself up.
Her expression is flint.
“One more bad day, then we’ll be safe,” she says.
I nod, and she turns to stride over the bridge.
Every inch our queen.
Smiling softly, I follow.
Table of Contents
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- Page 113 (Reading here)
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