Page 36

“You didn’t tell me, pet, because you knew I wouldn’t listen. You didn’t trust me.” Finally, I see the bitterness, but he’s only looking inward when he says softly, “And why should you?”

This time, it’s my turn to stiffen, and a balmy gust of air buffets us both, stirring me. No amount of morning peace and quiet tree lines can compare to the bright, livid way I wake up around these men.

My anger sparkles, bright and alive.

Another thing they taught me.

I lift my chin. “You’re wrong, sir. I do trust you.”

At sir , Dom’s eyes flare like solar storms.

“Bullshit.” He pushes off the post, looking down at me, and my eyes widen at the sudden loom.

“You raised your issues, told me what you learned while they had you, and I didn’t listen.

I didn’t anticipate Aaron. I let major breaches get past us, damn it.

And what about later, Eden? If you really trusted me, you’d have said something, but you didn’t. ”

“I almost did,” I snap back.

The morning is already heating up, becoming moist and sticky. Starting to feel lightheaded, I tug the T-shirt back from my chest to give myself some air. As he prowls forward, hard-eyed and certain, there seems to be less and less of it.

“At the bond-fire,” I splutter, edging back around the porch swing, “before my room and the blood and... I was going to tell you.”

I was going to tell him more than that. Under the candlelight and wrapped up in his arms, I almost told him everything.

I wish I had.

“You were afraid.”

Lionlike and intent, Dom presses forward, and I back up, my breath quickening.

“I’m not afraid of you.”

His arm slams up over my head, and I realize I’m pinned against the wall. He doesn’t have a hand on me, nothing at all to stop me escaping, but that’s the last thing I want. There’s a light sheen to his lips now, like he’s wet them, and I need their taste. I can feel my pulse throbbing in my neck.

Throbbing everywhere.

No, I’m not afraid of Dominic.

The golden eyes staring down at me are fierce, and all my arguments line up in my head, like soldiers waiting on the battlements to return fire.

But his next shot is delivered softly, and oh so perfectly on target.

“You were afraid I’d make you leave,” he says.

My breath catches.

My arguments waver, momentarily caught by how deeply he’s considered this. Caught by the memory of endless, rolling trees and too-quiet birds. By the desperate press of that damn toy bear’s stomach.

His lips compress like I just confirmed it.

“I did that. That deal.. .” His hard exhale falls over my cheeks, and he looks up like he’s searching for something.

The sky churns behind him before his eyes block it out.

“You should never have had to worry about being alone. There’s a difference between compliance and submission.

I don’t know if we managed to land on the right side of it, but there should never have been a question. ”

“ Sir —”

“Stop calling me that!” Dom’s resignation snaps, and he crowds me against the wall, but I don’t flinch.

I trust him . His voice lowers to a growl, and the hurt spills free.

“I fucked up with you from the moment we met. That isn’t a leader worth a damn, Eden.

I’m not a good dominant. I’m not a good man.

” His lips twist. “I’m mediocre. At best . ”

He pulls back, and I press a hand against his shirt to stop him. I know he could pull away, but he doesn’t. To Dom, my gentle pressure acts like a chain, and he stops still.

His firm, heated muscles press against my knuckles.

“You didn’t make me afraid of being alone, sir .

My mother did that. My ex-husband. My whole damn life.

You didn’t. This is a different world. People don’t risk themselves for others.

They just don’t. But you did , no matter how begrudging you were at first. Over and over again, you did it for me and all these people.

You kept me safe. You came after me. Do you know how—” I break off, remembering too much.

There are too many people who left me behind. Too many people who pretended to be good and weren’t. I look up at him with every memory of them playing in my mind.

“Do you have any idea how rare you are?” I whisper. “You don’t have to be perfect, Dom, but there’s nothing mediocre about you. You are nothing short of exceptional.”

Something gleams in his eyes, and his throat cords.

I flatten my hand against his chest, and his heart pounds under my palm.

“That deal... I won’t pretend it was the best idea, or that it was handled perfectly, but we’ve all learned from it.

This is my home, now. You’re my. . . damn it, you became one of the best friends I have.

And maybe I didn’t trust you back then, even after I was taken, but you took the time and you earned it. All of you. You earned my l ?—”

His gaze flashes at me in warning, and I cut off the word I know he doesn’t want to hear right now.

That he might never want to.

My heart rips, and I glare back at him hopelessly as my throat begins to burn, wishing I knew the right words. “I betrayed all of you. If I was worried about being cast out, it was because of that.”

Dom’s bitter smile becomes sadder. He doesn’t need to say it, I know he doesn’t believe it. Of course he doesn’t.

“You—” I begin, frustrated. “ No . You don’t get to just do that. You can’t just decide that everything is your fault, or.. . or that my bad actions are your responsibility. It’s infantilizing!”

That seems to catch him off guard, and Dom pulls back with an incredulous snort.

“Do not snort at me,” I snap, poking his chest.

A dark winged brow cocks up as he looks down at my finger, but this is too important, and I’m not in the mood.

“I’m not a perfect person, Dom. My choices aren’t some derivative of yours.

I have plenty of flaws of my own, and they were raging while I was listening to Heather hurt Alastair and Mateo.

I was terrified of what it could mean for the women and children if they died, and I did bring that to you because I do trust you.

It’s not your fault I didn’t abide by your decision, sir—and you shouldn’t have to worry about being betrayed by the people who are supposed to support you. ”

He pulls back, but my hand shakes on his chest, my fingers digging into his shirt.

“I do trust you, Dom. I just... took too long to realize it. And, God, I really thought Alastair would free the captives. I thought I knew better but... I didn’t.

He lied. He took Heather, and Bentley, and we have no food, and that’s. .. that’s on me .”

Dom’s breathing hard, and the air around us is too hot, too dizzyingly thick, to be able to catch it.

“Sam would have killed us, Eden.” He’s bitter honey, resigned and dark. “I let Aaron see the plans. Jasper is right—we’d still have been betrayed no matter who was in charge, no matter how much you told me.”

Dark strands of hair sway and curl around his ears. It’s longer than I’m used to seeing.

The military cut bleeding out.

“A mistake,” I repeat, watching him with hot, wet eyes. “ One .”

Dom’s eyes flash in rigid, instant defense. “It’s years of them. Drop it.”

He turns to stalk away, but desperation rips through me. I catch his arm, and his bicep flexes under my grip.

“No. Rule six, sir. I’m talking to you. You can’t just?—”

His arm snaps around my waist in a hard band, his mouth an inch from mine. “ Forget the rules, Eden.” If his words were a single gunshot earlier, this is a barrage, quick and battering. “They don’t matter now.”

The sliding door slams open, but fear catches me like a riptide, and I can’t let this go. Even if he doesn’t want me, even if it’s not to save us, I need him to understand that all of this, the situation we’re in, doesn’t rest on him alone.

I know what dark places feel like, and I’m not leaving him alone in his.

“You’re our captain. We still have the Sinners to deal with, and now the Reapers? We need you,” I insist, tears edging my voice, and he shakes his head with a scoff that has too much of a cut.

The sun breaks over the trees, and Dom is intense, burning just as bright. Just as wickedly hot.

“And here I thought you were happy for Jayk,” he snipes, and it’s a wide shot.

I press closer to Dom, frustrated. “ Don’t bring him into this. It isn’t about him. Jayk can do anything he sets his mind to, but he doesn’t want this, not really. He’s only doing any of it because he doesn’t feel like any of you respect him.”

“Is that something a good leader does? Makes their team feel small?” He’s a violent blaze, barely contained.

Heat blossoms in my cheeks, those electric shivers start prickling over my skin. “So, work on it. Fix it. You can bring them together, sir.”

His hands travel over my hips and down to grip my ass, dragging me hard against him. “I told you to stop calling me that. Now. I haven’t earned it.”

The snark comes out of me this time. “If you don’t want to be my dominant, sir , then maybe you should stop ordering me around.”

“Okay,” a familiar voice breaks in. “I think that’s enough.”

Ignoring it, I bite my lip, searching Dom’s eyes as they darken unhappily.

Selfishness curls through me. I want him to be okay, more than anything, but I do want us to be okay, too. We haven’t even had a chance to be something yet, not really, but it’s always been there, waiting.

Even when we were friends, sir danced between us.

“Do you really want me to stop saying it?” I ask him. My chest is too tight. The implication is too big, and it drowns everything else out. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, because I will stop if you ask me again. If you don’t wantthis, you need to tell me.”

Dom looms over me like a volcano about to blow. His eyes are flaring, igneous, and... torn .

Angry, fearful tears fill my throat.

“Do it, then.” I shove at his chest, but he catches my wrists as my eyes blur.

“No.”

“Do it!” My tears spill over, scalding my cheeks. “Tell me it’s done.”

“You don’t trust me!” he roars, and I stare at him in shock. He drops my wrists, and his voice is as hard as a brick. “Trust is everything .”

My knees hit the porch before I realize I’ve decided to kneel, and Dom freezes.

I settle back onto my heels, tucking my chin, and the minutiae of the position comes to me like breathing. Like air. The pretty posture, the open wrists. The porch wood bites into my knees, and it reminds me of church pews and penance.

The position usually feels like peace—a safe place to slip into and the world goes quiet.

Today, I find a different kind of strength in it.

Today, it feels like defiance.

The hot wind batters us, and it throws my hair into something wild and witchy. Dom’s golden eyes are locked on me, his lips parted. I’m not entirely sure he’s even breathing.

The next tear that slips down my cheek is a challenge.

“Say it again, sir. Tell me again how I don’t trust you.”

But it’s not Dom who answers.

“No, darlin’,” Beau breaks in, firm and clear. “I don’t think either one of you should say one more word. You two are in a time-out.”