Page 9 of Endless Anger (Monsters Within #1)

LUCY

EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD

“This school fits Lulu’s personality perfectly,” my younger sister, Logan, mutters under her breath, leaning over the dining room table to study the brochure. “Look how creepy and dark it is! Why are we still debating where she’ll end up?”

Our mom gently guides a brown Chiweenie foster dog off her lap, then scoots her chair in. Her blue hair is pulled back into a low bun, and the tattoos covering her arms are fully displayed in the Aplana Animal Society T-shirt she has on.

At her side, our father, with his slightly unbuttoned dress shirt, suspenders, and the slicked-back black hair with gray peeking over his ears, feels like a massive contrast.

He’s smooth edges and she’s a messy canvas, yet somehow they work.

Mom takes a sip of her water, giving my sister a look. “No one is debating anything, Logan. Where Lucy goes is entirely up to her.”

I glance at Dad, whose jaw tightens as he dutifully stares at his phone. She looks at him too, then shoves her elbow into his side.

“ Right , Alistair?”

“Of course, m’ eudail, ” Dad says in his English accent, putting his phone down next to his dinner plate. His icy blue eyes find hers, and he leans in to flick her nose. “You needn’t worry about me. I said I would respect Lucy’s decision, and I meant it.”

My gaze narrows. “Is that why my Avernia pamphlets keep magically finding their way to the garage trash? Or in the pool? Or why they’re usually shredded and unusable by the time I find them?”

He blinks at me, the picture of innocence. “How can you possibly accuse your doting father of such things when we have a house full of rabid beasts?”

“It’s not like your room is clean and a dog wouldn’t be able to grab something,” Lachlan adds, always coming to Dad’s defense. His shaggy black hair obscures his brownish-gold irises as he digs into the steak in front of him, but I can practically see him salivating for the older man’s approval.

“Don’t blame the dogs,” Mom replies, glaring over her water. “I’ve worked very hard with the current lot to scale back their destructive tendencies.”

“If it’s on the floor already though, I’m not really blaming them,” Lachlan says. “That’s just the natural course of evolution happening. Maybe Lucy should clean her bedroom.”

“Maybe you should mind your business,” I snap, jabbing my fork in his direction. Little shit.

Dad laughs, raising his eyebrows pointedly at me. “You’re going to miss this if you move too far.”

“Alistair,” Mom scolds. “Stop manipulating her.”

“What? I’m only stating the facts. Do you or do you not love our meals together?”

I shrug, pushing a piece of garlic tofu onto the portobello mushroom patty at the center of my bowl. I’m the only one not eating steak. “Maybe it’ll make each future one more special?”

“She’s gonna go wherever Asher Anderson goes anyway,” Logan interjects. “It’s not like there’s any convincing her otherwise.”

“Why would Asher factor in at all?” Dad asks with a frown .

“Uh…” Logan makes a face, her golden gaze—a mirror of Mom and Lachlan’s—volleying between the four of us. “Because she’s in love with him?”

White-hot shame slashes across my face, flames of embarrassment snaking their way down my neck and over my chest. “I am not .”

“Liar, liar, pants on?—”

“All right,” Mom says, setting her utensils down. “Is this really appropriate table conversation?”

Dad bristles, sitting up straighter. “I’m certainly interested.”

“Because you’re a busybody,” she tells him.

“I am, yes, in more than one sense of the word.” He lets his gaze drop down over her, and something in the air shifts between them.

Something wildly uncomfortable.

“ Okay then .” I shove back from the table. “I’ve got to get to Foxe’s, and I don’t want to catch the live-action Cora and Alistair show. I’ve been scarred by that enough at this point.”

“Oh please.” Mom scoffs, though her cheeks are flushed. “We’ve never done anything with you all awake in the house.”

Logan pretends to gag. “That doesn’t make it better.”

“You three should be glad your parents have such a healthy appetite for each other,” Dad adds, slinging his arm over the back of Mom’s chair and tugging her close. “We’re fantastic role models.”

“Pillars of affection, really.” She grins at him, tilting her head back for a kiss.

Logan and I retreat from the dining room, but Lachlan remains at the table, scarfing down the rest of his meal without making eye contact.

He’ll probably wait until they disentangle themselves and then follow Dad outside to talk about archery, Lachlan’s only real hobby outside of being an annoying shit.

“Sorry if you didn’t want them to know,” Logan says as she pauses at my bedroom. “I…kinda thought it was obvious.”

“What?”

She blinks. “You know, the whole Asher thing. ”

“Oh.” I shake my head, inching into my room. “Nonissue. I’m not in love with him.”

One of her eyebrows arches. “If you say so.”

Throat tight, I watch her skip down the hall to her room, and a few minutes later I can hear her whisper-yelling at the computer as she hops on some sort of game for a live stream.

I spend several seconds staring at the closed door, wondering if I’m really that transparent.

And if I am, how come he hasn’t noticed?

A while later, Dad knocks on the wall, strolling inside with his hands in his trouser pockets. He glances around my room, smiling softly to himself as he runs a finger over the dog tags on my dresser.

“You know I don’t care where you go to school,” he says, turning to me as I slide my boots on. “I just like riling up your mum.”

I roll my eyes but give him a small smile. “Yeah, I know. She makes it super easy.”

“That she does. I think she secretly likes it though.” He runs a finger over my desk, collecting dust. “Only reason we’ve gotten through two decades of marriage.”

“Because she’d kill you if she didn’t like it?”

“Precisely.”

Brushing off his hands, he continues until he reaches my side, plopping down on the bed next to me. The mattress shifts, and I inhale deeply as he crosses his ankles, finding comfort in the familiarity of his cologne and warmth.

Everything else feels like it’s changing so quickly, it’s nice to know that this is a constant. That when I’m gone, I’ll be able to come back and see things the way they are now.

The way they’ll always be.

“I’ll miss you no matter where you go,” he says, bumping my knee with his. “It won’t be the same in this house without you yelling at us to conserve water when we brush our teeth or trying to convince us that tofu is good. ”

“It’s not like I’m dying. I’ll be back.” I pause, placing my foot on the floor. “And tofu is good, you just cook it wrong.”

“Whatever you say, Lucy.” Dad nods. “But when you come home to visit, it won’t be the same.

It never is. I guess I’m just having a bit more difficulty adjusting to this major change than I’d anticipated.

I apologize for throwing out your brochures and burning the student tour invitation you got last week. ”

My eyebrows arch. “I didn’t know about that one.”

He smirks. “I’m very good at erasing evidence, my girl.” Pausing, he leans back on my bed, stretching his long legs. “Can I ask a question?”

“It’s a free-ish country.”

The former governor smirks. “Why Avernia College? There are plenty of private liberal arts schools scattered across the states and bigger universities we’d be able to afford. Similar programs, some farther away. Better reputations. So why that school?”

“Do you believe in fate?” I counter.

“Absolutely.”

“Well, I was in the attic with Quincy Anderson when she first found out about Avernia and how her grandmother attended a long time ago. I watched her sift through this box of their dad’s old stuff.

Pictures, letters, scraps of clothing, and hospital bills.

Random stuff Uncle Kal kept that she hadn’t seen before. ”

“That stuffy old doctor is terrible at sharing.”

I nudge Dad with my knee. “Yet he’s one of your closest friends.”

“Well, it isn’t like I had much say in the matter. Your mum and Elena clicked far too well for me to sit back and let her have all the fun.”

My mind flickers back to the question I asked Asher long ago about our parents’ relationships behind closed doors, but I quickly push it away. No fucking way am I asking my father for more information.

“Anyway,” I continue, “Quincy was just so elated at the prospect of this historical tie to the university, and I swear I’d never seen that look on anyone’s face before.

It felt like fate had brought that box out of hiding.

And the way she talked about the school after enrolling, it just feels like the close-knit, forward-thinking community I really want.

A place where I can be myself and not feel like I need to wear a mask around everyone. You know?”

Dad glances down at me. “I get it. Plus, watching people you know go through it makes the journey seem less terrifying. Right?”

I smile, nodding. “Exactly.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Arms crossed over her chest, Mom enters the room, already glaring at Dad. She’s in a fuzzy orange robe we got her several birthdays ago, apparently having changed after we left downstairs. “Would you stop harassing our daughter?”

“Does it look like she’s being harassed, m’ eudail ?”

She grabs his arm and hauls him to his feet; the significant difference in their height, him being over a foot taller than her, is almost comical. “Lucy, baby, get ready for your party. I have something for you to give your aunt Violet if you don’t mind taking it for me.”

I nod. There’s no arguing with her.

“And for the record,” she tells me, pausing in the doorway with Dad glued to her side, “wherever you go, you’re gonna do great. So don’t let anyone else’s opinion sway you, and pick whatever’s in your heart.”

They leave, and I spend a few extra minutes sitting there, swinging my legs back and forth.

Would it be the end of the world if I didn’t wind up at Avernia College? I doubt it’d matter at all in the grand scheme of things, and I know I could get in elsewhere. Probably.

I just…don’t want to.

For years, I’ve had my eyes set on this one place. Any time I looked anywhere else, I’d be drawn right back to those hallowed halls, and since I’ve spent a lot of my life resigned to the fact that I can’t have everything I want, this is something attainable.

Something I can do that might actually have an impact on the world around me. Maybe if I can get away, burying myself somewhere no one knows my name or my history, I’ll feel like I’ve accomplished something.

It’s stupid to hang on to such a surface-level dream, but at the moment, it’s all I really have. With everything else changing so quickly, this feels like the one thing I have any semblance of control over, and I want it.

I need it.

Exhaling, I eventually get up from the bed and make my way downstairs again, taking the tray of seed starters Mom shoves into my arms.

Avernia will be different , I tell myself.

The way Aplana never was.

All I have to do is make myself believe it.