Page 59 of Endless Anger (Monsters Within #1)

LUCY

Willa and Eli share a silent look before they resume picking up debris from Lake Lerna’s bank. I groan when they shift their focus away from me, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Come on , you two. It would be fun.”

I’m not used to begging people to go out with me, so their hesitance is making the anxiety ratchet up in my chest.

Willa laughs, pointing at me with her pickup stick. “Lies. Attending a Curator house party after what happened at the last one? I like being alive, thank you.”

Eli purses his lips. “Well, they said it was hazing, so…”

“Do you have any personal experience to back that up?” Willa asks.

“You weren’t hazed, so how do you know how dangerous it may or may not have been?

What if all those rumors are true about the forest parties and the rituals they do during them?

Death’s Teeth isn’t the only group with a reputation, you know. ”

“Are you…saying Tag was murdered? By Curators ?” Eli’s laugh is humorless, as much as we’ve ever gotten from him.

His dismissal makes me even more uneasy.

I know what I heard .

Willa cocks a pierced eyebrow. “Are you suggesting we go and find out?”

“It’s not like you had other plans,” he says, shrugging and giving me a sheepish glance. “As long as you refrain from attempting to be initiated, I think you’ll be fine.”

“So…” I interject, tilting my head. “We’re going?”

“This sounds like a trap,” Willa replies, squinting at Eli. “How am I supposed to trust someone who defected from Visio Aternae in favor of the Curators? Aren’t you, like, on their payroll now or something?”

A small blush crawls up his face. “I didn’t defect. My dad suggested I broaden my horizons. You try arguing with the state’s top prosecutor.”

“Selling your soul is broadening your horizons?” she asks.

He doesn’t respond, moving down the embankment.

Willa frowns, turning her back to us as she silently ponders.

In truth, I don’t want to go to the stupid party, but we have a holiday break coming up soon, and in-person classes were canceled for the week due to a last-minute faculty retreat drawing a good portion of the professors away.

I don’t know when I’ll be able to get Beckett alone before we leave.

And I can’t travel home with the weight of the unknown on my shoulders. It’s too unsettling.

Asher doesn’t want me to get involved, but since Beckett and I have a history—albeit, one I fully regret—I figure maybe he’ll give me something . As long as I don’t go anywhere alone with him, I’ll be fine.

Hence the invitation to these two.

Willa groans. “Ugh, fine . I’ll go. Professor Dupont canceled rehearsal for the weekend, so?—”

“So slacking off should be okay?”

The three of us jump at the sound of the professor’s voice. My head whips to the side as he approaches in a dark green sweater, his brown hair askew, a strange flush to his cheeks. Almost as if he ran here, though he doesn’t seem winded in the slightest.

His green eyes find mine, and he nods. “Ms. Wolfe. Glad to see your commitment to wildlife cleanup prevails.”

I bow my head back. “Thanks for not telling the dean I enjoy it. ”

“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of spilling secrets.

” He maintains eye contact for a fraction too long, and I swallow, my mind flickering back to the papers that fell out of his briefcase that day in the quad.

The Death’s Teeth emblem hidden within. “I prefer it when my students trust me. Makes teaching them much easier.”

Willa waves a hand. “If I say I trust you, can I be moved up from understudy in Hamlet ?”

He glances at her, and she blinks, as if taken aback by having the very attractive man’s undivided attention. Before this semester, I wasn’t really accustomed to it either. It’s unnerving, and that’s without whatever he’s hiding.

“Did I hear you say you were glad that we didn’t have rehearsal this weekend?”

Willa’s face pales. Eli shuffles farther down the embankment, distancing himself from the secondhand embarrassment.

“Uh, well…not exactly,” she stammers. “I just pointed out that going to a party was possible since we?—”

“A party?” Professor Dupont folds his arms over his chest. “Not the Curator one, I hope?”

“Um…” She looks at me for assistance.

I sigh, adjusting my vest. “Yes, that one. Your brother loves his soirees.”

Professor Dupont’s jaw clenches, highlighting his supreme bone structure. “Indeed he does.” He stares off into space for a few seconds, then seems to shake whatever internal struggle he’s having and refocuses on us. “Well, ladies, I trust you’ll keep out of trouble in the event that you do attend.”

“That’s always the plan,” I mutter, still studying him like a scan under a microscope. “How come you’re not at the retreat?”

“Oh, I’m much too busy here. Campus unrest has caused me to stay late in my office many evenings over the last few weeks, allowing students reprieve from the terrible things happening.” His gaze simmers as it clashes with mine. “You’re always welcome too, Lucy. ”

I nod, though there’s no way in hell I’m taking him up on the offer.

There’s no doubt that Sutton Dupont is hiding something. Maybe a lot of things.

And I bet his brother knows about them.

The first night I get my dorm room key back, I return and see all Celeste’s stuff is gone. Her parents had come at some point after the crime scene cleaning crew and removed everything, leaving behind a couple of sweaters for Yuri and a pair of gold earrings for me.

Two steps into the room, and my throat closes up. It feels wrong being here when she isn’t, so I turn around and go down the hall, opening Asher’s door.

He’s lying in bed with his back against the headboard, clad in a pair of green-and-black plaid pajama pants. His knuckles are dirty, dried ink smudged in the ridges, as he fans his hand across his sketchbook, glancing up when I enter.

“I was wondering when you’d make a booty call,” he says, grinning. It wipes off his face in seconds though when he peers closer at me. “Shit. What happened?”

Shaking my head, I open my mouth to explain, but no words come out. Only a fat sob escapes, rendering me a blubbering mess again as I press my fists into my eyes.

No matter what, I see her. Dead and alone because of me.

The mattress creaks as Asher moves. “Lucy.”

Sniffling, I suck in a breath of air and let my arms fall. My smile feels watery and forced. “Sorry. I just needed a minute.”

When I look back at him, his arms are wide open, legs spread slightly. The sketchbook sits on his nightstand, abandoned in my favor.

My throat burns as I push one foot forward. God, I don’t want to need him like this, but I can’t help it .

He’s always been the safest place in the world for me.

Another smaller sob peals out of me, and I sprint in his direction, launching myself at him. He catches me with a tiny grunt, wrapping me totally in his embrace as I bury my head in his neck.

This is real, I tell myself. Asher’s real. Alive. The heart beating in his throat and chest are proof of that. If nothing else, I have him.

“I couldn’t do it,” I mutter into his skin, keeping my eyes closed. “I couldn’t be in there by myself.”

“That’s okay.” He strokes a hand over my head. “It hasn’t really been that long. These things take time.”

“I just…” Staring at the expanse of skin before me, watching it blur, I force down my fear. “I keep thinking about how I just stood there. They were hurting her, and I didn’t do anything. I didn’t move, didn’t try to get help or intervene.”

Shame swirls around my insides, holding me tight in its ugly grip.

“How can I call myself a good person when at the time someone needed help the most, I was a total fucking coward? I was so concerned with my own well-being that I just let them kill Celeste instead. Maybe if I’d done something, she’d still be here.”

Asher tenses under me. “And maybe if you’d tried to help, you’d both be dead. Avernia would be burned to the ground, and the wildfire would spread, because I’d make it uncontainable.”

Pulling back a little, I meet his furious gaze. Brown irises hardening like raw quartz.

“You’d burn down the school for me?”

“Lucy.”

He cups my cheeks, sliding his thumbs over them as more tears fall. My heart aches, pumping so hard against my ribs that it feels like it might break out of me entirely.

“I would raze the earth just for a smile from you. There is nothing I would not do, and especially if you were ever harmed or endangered. I know you hate violence…you would not enjoy the man I’d become in the event of your demise. ”

Tentatively, I lift my fingers to his lips, brushing the tips over them as he speaks, like I’m trying to imprint his words on my body.

I love you, Asher.

I love you so much.

Please, let what you’re saying be true. I want to believe it is.

I would love you no matter what you did.

Sighing, I slump against his chest. “Still. I lasted sixty seconds in my dorm room. It’s pathetic.”

“You experienced a traumatic event, Luce. You’re not pathetic. You’re human.”

“Same thing.” Wiping my nose, I look up at him. “You saw it all too, and you’re fine.”

“She wasn’t my friend.”

“But you’re always fine. Nothing affects you, and it never has.” Straightening, I push my hair from where the tears have glued it to my face and exhale shakily. “Teach me your ways, O Great One.”

The corners of his mouth twitch. “This isn’t a dysfunction you need to learn. There’s nothing wrong with feeling.”

“I know that, I just…wish I didn’t sometimes.” I slump forward, my forehead leaning against his chin. “It’s hard.”

“Most things that are worth anything in life are hard.”

“Ew. You sound like my dad. Or your dad.”