Page 55 of Endless Anger (Monsters Within #1)

“Part of it was me wanting to keep you safe. I thought if you came to Avernia unattached from me, no one would know you even knew who I was, and whatever the students like Beckett Dipshit?—”

“Dupont.”

“—tried to do or say wouldn’t affect you.

I was convinced this was a bad place to be an Anderson, and I used that as an excuse to bail.

” He looks up, shrugging. “But the truth was that I was terrified of you resenting me. That night you told me about how I was a crutch and that you needed to figure out how to be your own person… I wanted you to do that. I thought my joining you here would somehow inhibit you from it.”

Tears sting my eyes when I remember how personal the rejection felt. I glance down at the chipped vinyl counter, running a fingernail over it. “So bailing was the preferential option? The only option?”

“I didn’t know what else to?—”

“Bull-fucking-shit, Asher.”

Whirling on him, I jab a finger into his chest. A concoction of volatile emotion swirls within me like a violent tornado, and I press into the hollow point beneath his collarbone, anger pulsing through me.

For a second, I latch on to the rage. I let it travel along my limbs like a fireball, consuming me as some sort of catharsis for the girl who spent years wishing he’d show up or at least explain himself.

“I needed you.” My voice wobbles despite my best efforts, but I don’t stop.

Not yet. “It was terrifying being out here by myself. I mean, Aurora was here, but she gets along with people. She makes friends easily, and it felt like I was in fucking kindergarten again, standing on the sidelines, waiting for her to invite me to come play.”

A tear spills down my cheek, and he silently wipes it away with a thumb.

“With you… I never had to wait for an invitation. You dragged me along no matter what you were doing or who you were doing it with. I felt wanted, and maybe it’s stupid, but I needed that. Or at least I craved it. Everything else was so much fucking work, and being with you?—”

My words get lost in my blubbering, the dam behind my eyes breaking with the onslaught of emotions and sensations, all competing for space in my brain at once. Asher’s throat bobs, and he gingerly wraps his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into him.

I sob until the cries turn into coughs and keep my face buried in his chest even after they subside.

Again, I’m reminded of when he found me in the forest, alone and petrified, still reeling from Celeste’s death.

“I got so tired,” I murmur, sniffling. He doesn’t ask of what , like he already understands the implication—of trying, failing, being alone. The weight of it was constant, pressing down on my shoulders as if to flatten me .

His hold tightens. “I know, baby.”

Baby. Something about that word versus all the other nicknames he’s ever given me makes my stomach flip, and I eventually pull away, wiping my nose on my towel.

Squaring my shoulders, I lift my chin. “All right, well. Now that we’ve taken care of that, we can start with the next part of your apology tour.”

“Which is?”

“Breakfast.”

“Are there any vegan places on campus, or are we gonna have to ask to borrow Foxe’s?—”

Something hits the closed bathroom door, a crashing noise making me nearly jump out of my skin. It’s locked, so no one can just come in, but when Asher starts to walk over to it, the booming sound happens again, like a large object is being repeatedly thrown up against it.

He reaches for the handle, unlocking it, and I move toward him. His head whips around, and he glares at me. “Stay there.”

I frown. “Don’t tell me what to do, pretty boy . I’m not letting you be clobbered to death while I stand by doing nothing.”

“You have no sense of self-preservation,” he snaps, a pleading look flickering in his brown eyes. “But I would like to preserve you. So stay there a second, for Christ’s sake.”

Crossing my arms, I lean on the sink, gritting my teeth against the urge to defy him anyway. But if there’s something dangerous on the other side of that door, without clothes or a weapon, I’m not going to be much help.

Slowly, he pulls the door open, keeping the front of his foot pressed against the bottom in case it’s suddenly shoved wider. He sticks his head out into the hall, glancing left and right silently for several minutes.

My body tenses as I wait, and suddenly I’m back in the forest, fear keeping me paralyzed. It isn’t until he lets the door swing shut, coming back and grabbing my face, that I realize I’m trembling.

It’s easy to forget about the violent crime when everyone else seems to, doubly so when there’s other stuff going on in your personal life.

Staying busy means not having to think about the things no one on campus wants to talk about and not having to face the reality that life is more out of your control than you ever noticed before.

“Did you see anything?” I ask.

“Nothing. Probably just a prank.”

I let that sink in, wondering if he’s being honest. For my sanity, I choose to believe him, but other thoughts still nag me.

“What were you doing in the forest that first day?” I question, even though I’m not sure I really want the answer.

Asher exhales, but he doesn’t seem to hesitate, really. More like he’s trying to decide how much of his soul to bare.

As if it doesn’t already belong to me.

Always has.

“I was looking for you,” he says, and when he leans in to kiss me once more, I wonder if it’s the whole truth.

And if it really even matters.