Page 9
CHAPTER 9
LILAH
Another drink and four dances later, I’m feeling better about my decision to attend this party, and I’m certain it has everything to do with the man doing the chicken dance across from me—my new fiancé .
I have zero idea why Fox is doing the chicken dance when the chicken dance song is not playing, but it makes me laugh, and I could use a laugh right now. It’s safe to say this evening is turning out nothing like I thought it would.
I’m engaged. To Arthur Fox. A man I kissed .
I kissed him, and I have no clue why. Maybe it’s because everyone was staring at us so expectantly. Or maybe it’s because I wanted to throw him off-kilter like he did me by announcing to my parents we’re engaged. While I’m still reeling from this development, I can’t help but admire why Fox did what he did—he was trying to protect me. If that’s not the sweetest thing ever, I don’t know what is. How could I possibly be mad at him knowing that? How could I be upset when all he’s trying to do is help?
Are we idiots for doing this? Yes. But am I okay with that? Also yes, especially knowing my parents are still trying to interfere with my life, even after I’ve told them I’m in a committed relationship. It doesn’t matter that it’s not real. My word should be enough for them, yet it’s not.
“You’re ridiculous,” I tell him. “People are staring.”
“Yeah, but it got you to laugh, so I don’t care.”
That same warmth I felt on New Year’s Eve slides over me, and I try hard to ignore the implications of that, mainly because it means it wasn’t just the alcohol making me feel warm and fuzzy.
It was Fox.
That realization smacks me right in the face, nearly knocking me over, and my movements slow.
“You good?” Fox asks, still enthusiastically “clucking” his way through the song.
I hate that I like it. I hate that he’s being so embarrassing and all I can do is laugh and join in with him. I hate that he stepped in to help me again. I hate that he cares enough to do it. I hate that he’s just a really good guy, and my parents are terrible people who will probably squash that right out of him. And even more, I hate that I’m willing to let it happen to protect myself.
“Bathroom.”
It’s all I manage before I disappear through the crowd, needing an escape from…well, just about everything. From my guilt that I’m basically walking an innocent man to the gallows. From my parents’ voices that are constantly inside my head. From the fact that this went from one innocent date to an engagement , and I’m just allowing it. Add in the fact that Fox—sweet, handsome Fox—is just dancing away without a care in the world right now, and I can’t handle it. I need to breathe.
I regret the choice instantly. I’m stopped every few feet to accept congratulations on my “engagement” and to be inundated with questions about dates and even plans for babies. It’s all too much, and if I don’t get free soon, I might explode. When I finally push through the crowd, I draw in a deep, steadying breath, trying to get my heart to stop racing, but I can’t. All I can hear is my mother’s voice in my head.
“You’re reckless, Lilah.”
She’s right. I am reckless. This —our ruse—is reckless.
“Where’s your ring?”
I jump, whirling around to find my mother standing alone in a dark alcove like some evil character in a movie, waiting to make their move on their latest victim. I was so lost in thought I didn’t even see her there.
“Mother!” I grab at my chest, my heart racing like I’ve just jumped out of a plane or something equally firmly on my Never Doing That list. “What are you doing?”
“Where’s your ring?” she repeats, her eyes dropping to my very bare left hand.
For someone recently engaged and so in love they couldn’t wait to brag on it any longer, I should probably be sporting something to show that, but I’m not, because this is fake. She doesn’t know that, though.
“It’s, uh…” Shit, shit, shit. Think, Lilah. “We haven’t picked it out yet,” I rush out, and I know right away it’s the wrong thing to say.
One of her overly plucked brows rises. “You’re telling me this man proposed with no plans? Not even a ring?”
“It was very spur of the moment.”
“Yes, that much is obvious. He didn’t even ask your father for permission.” She hums, and who knew a hum could sound so disapproving? “That’s fine. You’ll take your grandmother’s ring.”
“What?” It bursts out of me in a panic. I clear my throat, taking a deep breath. “I just mean… Are you sure?”
My mother tips her nose high. “Of course I’m sure, Lilah. That ring was always intended for you. You should wear it.”
“You’re not saving it for Sadie?”
She sighs like she’s annoyed with this conversation. “It goes to the oldest daughter. You know that.”
Shit. I forgot about that little detail.
I swallow. “Then I’ll wear it.”
“Great.”
“Great,” I echo, but it doesn’t feel great.
I don’t want to wear that ring. Not only is it hideous and not my style, it doesn’t belong on my finger. I’m not engaged. Guilt about our lie creeps in, but I ignore it, cramming it down to deal with later.
“Your father and I are going out of the country for a vacation tomorrow”— that’s news to me —“but let’s have lunch when we return. I’d love to get to know your new… friend better.”
The last thing I want to do is have lunch with my mother and Fox, but even so, I nod. “Okay.”
“Great. I’ll have Debra reach out and coordinate things next week. Sound good?”
I want to say: Having lunch with you is the last thing I want to do. Or: The thought of sitting in a restaurant with you, pretending to be a loving mother-daughter duo, sounds like literal torture. Or even: Do you even really want to have lunch when you’re having your assistant reach out to coordinate instead of doing it yourself?
But I keep those private thoughts just that.
Instead, I nod. “Okay.”
A grin that could rival any supervillain spreads across her lips as she clasps her hands together. “Perfect. I will see you then.”
She spins on her heel and walks away without another word. No goodbye. No small talk about her and my father leaving. Nothing. She just goes, leaving me to stare after her, trying to figure out what Fox and I have gotten ourselves into, and how exactly I will tell my fake fiancé we’re having lunch with the devil herself.
“Can I ask you something?”
“We’re engaged now, Lilah.” Fox tosses me a wink as we wait for the valet to pull his car around after finally escaping the party. We stayed far too long if you ask me, and I’m glad to be out of there. “You can ask me anything.”
My lips twitch. He’s so casual about it, making me even more curious.
“Why are you in the Serpents Singles Club? I mean, none of those other guys would have stepped in to help me like you did if that meant pretending to be in a relationship.”
“I like to think they would have. They talk a big game about hating love and all that stuff, but I don’t think they really do.”
“Do you?”
“Not at all.”
“Then why’d you join the club?”
He shrugs. “Because it was something to do.”
“Come on.” I bump my shoulder against him. “It has to be more than that.”
“It’s really not. I believe in love. After seeing my parents married and still in love after so long, I kind of have to, right? I just… I don’t know. It was an easy excuse to focus on my game and nothing else.”
“And now?”
“Now…” He exhales heavily. “I think I actually need to focus less on my game.”
“How does that work out?”
He runs a hand through his hair. “A lot of being a goalie is a mental game. Yes, I have to be good enough to make saves consistently, but it’s possible to be too into the game. Sometimes, you just have to go out there and have fun, you know. Be loose.”
“And that’s what you’re struggling with? Being loose?”
He nods. “Yeah, I think so. At least, I hope that’s what it is and that I’m not just washed up.”
He chuckles, trying to play it off as a joke, but there’s a hint of honesty behind his words. He actually thinks he’s playing badly, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. But he has to be the one to believe it, not me.
“Well, what do you usually do to relax?”
His back snaps straight, and he looks at everything but me. It takes all of three seconds to realize why.
“Let me guess—sex?” His cheeks turn a deep red, and I know I’m right. “Then have some.”
He coughs out a laugh. “Are you offering, fiancée ?”
Images of Fox and me sweaty and out of breath beneath my pink sheets filter through my mind, and my nipples pebble beneath my silky dress. It has nothing to do with how cold it is out here. I’m perfectly warm under Fox’s jacket because of course he gave it to me again.
I clear my throat. “Speaking of that…” His brows shoot up. “Get your mind out of the gutter. I meant speaking of us being ‘engaged.’”
“You don’t have to use air quotes, Lilah. We both know this is fake.”
“Still, it feels weird to say, doesn’t it?”
“A little.”
A lot, but I don’t correct him. “Anyway, my mother cornered me and asked about my ring. Or I guess lack of ring would be more accurate.”
“Oh.” He slips his thumb over his bottom lip, and I track the movement, remembering how good his lips felt against mine just two hours ago. “I hadn’t thought about that.”
“No, I suppose you didn’t have time to before throwing me under the bus.”
He grins sheepishly, and it’d annoy me if I didn’t appreciate it so much. Truthfully, I could have stopped him right there. I could have ended the whole charade with one little word. But I didn’t. I went along with it. I’m to blame for this as much as he is.
“Well, I guess we could go shopping for one.”
I laugh. “You are not buying me a ring, Fox. You’ve already done too much. Besides, I’m to wear my grandmother’s ring.”
“Your grandmother’s ring? And I thought it was supposed to be my family who should be the traditional ones, being Southern and all.”
“Um, did you forget my mother is trying to marry me off to the highest bidder?”
“Too bad for her. I don’t share.”
He’s teasing, but it doesn’t make my heart stutter any less, which instantly reminds me of the kiss from earlier because that’s exactly what happened then, too. I ignore it now, just like I did then.
“Anyway, she wants to bring the ring to me when she and my father return from vacation.”
“Okay,” he agrees with a shrug.
“At lunch.”
“All right.”
“Like a public lunch, Fox.”
He chuckles. “I understood that, and that’s fine.”
“You’re good with this being public?”
“I really don’t think anyone is going to make a big deal out of us going to lunch together, do you?”
“Well, no. I guess not. I just…”
My words are cut off as the valet arrives with his truck. After signing a few things for him, Fox generously tips the guy. Then, he opens my door, rounds the vehicle, and slips in next to me.
“How are you so okay with all of this?” I ask him once we’re tucked into the car, him looking far too good as he shifts into drive, one hand on the wheel and one on the shifter.
“I don’t know. I guess it all just doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to me. A party here, a lunch there. It’s whatever. I’m still getting to spend time with you, so it’s nothing.”
I like how he says that. I’m still getting to spend time with you. Like that’s what he’s getting out of all of this. It’s sweet.
“When does she want to do lunch?”
“I’m not sure. She said she’ll have her assistant reach out to set a time and day.”
“She has an assistant ?”
I nod. “Two, actually. Don’t ask me why. A demanding social schedule, I assume.”
He lets out a low whistle. “Rich people are wild.”
I crack out a laugh. “Tell me about it.”
We ride in a comfortable silence for several minutes, my mind racing with so many thoughts. This night didn’t turn out how I expected, but given the easygoing nature of the guy next to me, I might actually be okay with that.
The planner in me is dying inside about how up in the air this whole situation is, but for once, I kind of like the thrill of being surprised. And even more, I like the thrill of surprising my parents at every turn. The look on their faces earlier when they found out I was engaged…it felt like sweet, sweet revenge for every silly stunt they’ve pulled over the years. I still feel terrible that Fox is stuck in the middle of all this, but if he’s okay with their crazy, then I guess it’s okay.
At least I hope it is.
“I think we should go on a date,” Fox announces, so suddenly I choke.
Like full-on have a coughing fit right there in the confines of his fancy car. I might die. Or maybe I’m being dramatic. I don’t know. All I know is Fox just asked me on a date.
“A date?”
“Yes, a date. We’re definitely doing this all backward, but I think we should go on a date. Get to know each other.”
“A date sounds like…well, dating, which is what I was trying to avoid with my parents.”
“True, but this is a date with me. That’s different, right?”
It is different, and that might be the problem.
“And besides,” he continues, “we’re supposed to be convincing your parents we’re together—we don’t want to be tripping over each other at lunch with your mother.”
Dammit. He’s right again, though some of me wishes he wasn’t. The more time I’m spending with him, the more I’m enjoying spending time with him, and I don’t know if that’s a good idea, especially if we’re trying to keep this ordeal we’ve gotten ourselves into in check.
“Rules!”
“Excuse me?”
“Rules,” I repeat. “We should set some ground rules. I mean, I think dating is okay, but maybe we should set some rules before we go.”
He nods. “That’s not a bad idea. Got any locked and loaded?”
“We probably shouldn’t see other people.”
He huffs out a laugh. “That’s not a problem for me. I haven’t been on a date in… Shit. Years, probably.”
“ Years? ” I wince at how incredulous I sound, even to my own ears. “Sorry. Not trying to judge, but…”
“But you are?” He laughs lightly. “Yeah, it’s been years.” He lifts his shoulders again as he navigates the streets of Seattle, heading toward my apartment. It makes me sad our night is ending. Even with all the madness of today, I’ve had fun with him, and I’m not sure I want to let that go. “Hockey takes up a lot of my time, and the last time I tried to date, it didn’t turn out so well.”
I’m practically bouncing in the passenger seat of his very fancy car, wanting desperately to ask what happened, but I don’t. Instead, I roll my lips together and keep my curiosity to myself.
As if he knows, he laughs. “You can ask, Lilah.”
“What happened?” It’s out of my mouth before he’s even finished his sentence.
Another laugh. “I don’t know, honestly. We were fairly serious, then one day, she just started listing off all the things she hated about me, like eating the same meals before games, my need to take a pregame nap, how she didn’t want to follow me across the country for hockey, and the next, she was packing her stuff, and that was that. We were done.”
“You lived together?”
“Sort of. It wasn’t official or anything, but she had a lot of stuff at my place, that’s for sure. The bonus was getting my closet space back.”
He might joke around, but there’s no mistaking the hurt in his voice. It’s obvious the breakup came out of nowhere for him, and I can’t imagine it felt good for someone to just list out all the things they don’t like about you, especially since they have so much to do with a huge part of his life.
“I’m sorry, Fox.”
He glances over at me, his brows raised in surprise. “What for?”
“She obviously meant something to you, and she hurt you.”
He opens his mouth to say something, then thinks better of it, shaking his head. “It is what it is. Besides, it worked out for the better. Because of our breakup, I got to join the Serpents Singles Club.”
Of course he spins it around to something positive. That’s just the kind of guy he is.
“Anyway.” He clears his throat, shifting in his seat as he makes a left. “You don’t have to worry about me seeing other people. I promise you’ll be the only person I’m fake engaged to.”
Another joke. Another grin I like far too much.
“Sounds fair. Any other rules we should instate?”
He thinks for a moment before saying, “Kissing?”
All the air is sucked out of the car. Or at least that’s what it feels like because I suddenly can’t breathe. All I can think of is our kiss a few hours ago. Fox’s lips against mine. The way his body pressed against me. How good my hands felt in his hair. How natural it was, like we’d kissed so many times before.
How it made my entire body tingle, and I felt it right down to my toes.
How I still feel it.
And how I wish I didn’t.
“Stop!” I yell, and Fox slams on the brakes.
The car skids to a stop, and he looks over at me in shock.
“Holy shit. I… Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I… Sorry.” I attempt to swallow around the knot that’s formed in my throat. “It’s just…you won’t be able to find parking anywhere near my apartment. Here is fine.”
Fox’s brows draw together, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he parallel parks like a professional and throws the car into park. We sit in silence for several moments, the only thing to be heard is my harsh breaths as I try to regain control of my breathing.
And he lets me. Fox lets me have that moment.
I’m not sure how long it lasts before he quietly gets out of the truck, crosses around the front, and pulls open my door for me. I accept the hand he holds my way and let him lift me from his truck, making sure my dress doesn’t drag against the ground.
Fox’s hand finds the small of my back as he leads me down the sidewalk to my apartment. He lets me keep quiet the whole way, offering nothing but his soft touch and reassurance that he’s there. Why does he have to be so nice? Why does he have to be such a gentleman? Why can’t he be more like all the other tools I’ve dated?
We walk into my building, and Fox follows me to the elevator because of course he’s walking me all the way to my door, even though there’s no way I’ll get lost between here and there. The ride is quick, and we’re standing in front of 4D before I even realize it.
“Well, this is me.” I hitch my thumb toward the door.
He laughs. “See you tomorrow?”
I tip my head to the side. “Tomorrow?”
“I have a game. Hutch mentioned you and Auden are coming. Is that not right?”
Shit. With everything that happened tonight, I completely forgot.
“I’ll be there.”
His brows rise. “Really?” He grins, shoving his hands into his pockets and rocking back on his heels like he’s trying to contain his excitement. “Good. That’s good.”
I laugh. “Yeah, that’s good.”
I turn to unlock my apartment, then push open the door.
“Lilah?” Fox says as I step over the threshold.
“Hmm?” I ask, turning toward him.
“You can kiss me.”
For the second time tonight, his words steal my breath away.
“I…”
He shrugs, like what he’s said is no big deal. “If you want, I mean. You can kiss me if you want to.”
Then he steps forward, pressing his lips to my cheek, his five o’clock shadow scraping against me in the most delightful way.
“Good night, sugar,” he says softly, then he dips his head before turning back toward the elevator.
I don’t say anything. Where would I even start? No. I just stare after him with wide eyes, my jaw dropped in surprise.
Fox steps into the car, facing me, and just as the doors close, he winks. It’s the last thing I see before he disappears, and I’m left with the realization that Rory was right—I absolutely do have a crush on Fox, who is now my fake fiancé.
And I have no clue what to do about it.