Page 22

CHAPTER 22

LILAH

“I’ll have a large butter pecan latte, extra hot, please.”

“Of course,” the barista says. “Anything else?”

“A blueberry scone. Oh, and an old-fashioned donut.”

“Make that two donuts, avocado toast, and a small decaf honey oat milk latte.”

“You got it.” The barista punches our order into the tablet. “That’ll be thirty seventy-eight.”

Auden hip-checks me out of the way, placing her black card against the reader.

“Auden! You aren’t buying my breakfast for me.”

She ignores me, and I shake my head at her as I follow her toward the back of The Coffee Spot, a local shop we’ve taken to meeting up at over the last year. She sets her oversized tote on the floor—never mind it costs as much as some people’s rent—then pulls out her laptop, setting it between us.

“What’s this?” I ask.

“It’s nothing. Something I want to talk about later. First, I want to know how you’re doing.”

Auden watches me carefully, gauging my reaction. I don’t give her one, careful to keep my face neutral. While I have an idea I know why she’s asking after me, I am not giving anything away, hoping maybe if I don’t, she’ll move on.

The last thing I want to do is sit here and discuss Fox. In fact, for the first time in months, I don’t want to think about Fox at all. His parents are still here, so I’m staying at his place, and it’s slowly killing me because he’s walking around like nothing has changed. Hell, just this morning before he left for practice, he kissed the hell out of me until I thought I was going to fall over right there in his entryway.

We still haven’t talked about what happened in that supply closet. He’s just continued on like we’ve spent every other day together—full of laughs and fun and really, really, really great sex. He’s not outright said I love you since, but he’s said it in so many other ways. My coffee made just right every morning. A mug of ice cream brought to me late at night after he hears my stomach rumble. Every kiss, every simple touch. The way he looks at me like he’s never seen a more beautiful person.

And I have no damn clue what to make of any of it.

I am in love with you, Lilah Jane, and I refuse to apologize for it.

“What do you mean?” I ask Auden, pushing Fox’s voice out of my head.

She arches a brow. “I mean, you and Fox disappeared at your engagement party, and Hutch said he saw you crying afterward. And even though you look well fucked right now, you still look frazzled. So, something is clearly up. I’m just curious what it is.”

The barista stumbles, nearly dropping our beloved pastries to the floor before setting them on the table with a clatter.

“I, uh, sorry. I’ll be right back with your avocado toast and drinks.”

Auden flashes them a smile like she didn’t just openly discuss my sex life in front of a virtual stranger.

“What is wrong with you?” I practically hiss.

“What?” She tears off a piece of her donut, popping it into her mouth. “It’s totally what happened, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but did you have to broadcast it all over the coffee shop?”

“Uh, in case you haven’t noticed, we’re the only ones in here.”

I roll my eyes, but she’s right. Aside from the baristas, it’s just us, and I assume they’ve heard way worse. People will talk about anything in a coffee shop, even things they shouldn’t.

I grab my donut and shove it into my mouth. “Mmfinve,” I say around the fluffy dough.

Auden gives me a pointed look. “Want to try that again?”

I chew and swallow. “I said I’m fine.”

“Oh, that part I understood. I speak mouth-full-of-food fluently. I meant, want to try that without lying to me?”

All the strength I’ve been using to hold myself up these last few days evaporates. My shoulders fall forward, and the tears that have been stinging my eyes finally fall.

“Oh, Lilah.” Auden rounds the table, gathering me into her arms.

She holds me, letting me cry it all out, something I never do. I try to remain stoic, try to keep my emotions in check just as I was taught growing up, but screw that. I need to let this out. I need to cry. Because Arthur Fox is in love with me, and I think I love him too.

I think I’ve known for some time that it’s true, which makes my reaction the other night that much worse. But when he dropped that bomb on me, I froze. I completely shut down as worry after worry filtered through my head. I tried to shut them out. I’ve been trying to shut them out. But I can’t seem to stop the bad thoughts from spinning.

At some point during my breakdown, the barista must bring over our drinks, because when I finally pull away from Auden, my face hot and wet and covered in snot, our coffees are sitting in front of us with two glasses of water as well.

Thank goodness, too, because suddenly, I’m thirsty as hell. I chug nearly all the water as Auden settles back down across from me, her lips downturned as she lets me recover from my cryfest. I clean up my face as best as I can and even take a sip of my coffee before finally blowing out a heavy breath.

“So, maybe I’m not okay.”

Auden barks out a laugh. “Yeah, I’d say. Want to tell me what happened? Did you two break up?”

I shake my head. “No. We haven’t. His parents are still here, and we have a thing with my parents tomorrow. It’s the opposite.”

“The opposite?” Her brows pull together. “Well, that would be marriage.” She gasps. “Did you two sneak away and get married?”

“What? No!”

“Well…” She shrugs. “I’m just saying it’s possible. Pretty sure there are websites that can make it happen in under twenty-four hours, and with the way you two have been lately, it wouldn’t have surprised me.”

“The way we’ve been lately? What do you mean?”

“You know, acting like you’re all in love and stuff. Like you’ve gone and turned this real and like—oh my god. Something happened, didn’t it? You caught feelings for Fox.”

“Fox caught them.”

She gasps, her hand covering her mouth, eyes filling with tears. Looks like we’re both emotional today.

“That is just… Oh, Lilah. I’m so happy for you. I’m… Why do you not seem happy about this? You do like him, right?”

My chin wobbles, and I sniff, holding back the tears trying to spill. Yes, I like him. I more than like him. But it’s not that simple.

“He told me he loves me, and I said Oh. Oh , Auden. That was my response.”

She pulls her lips to the side. “I don’t understand. Why did you not tell him how you feel?”

“Because I… Because I can’t have feelings for him.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know how .”

“I’m not following.” She looks just as confused as I feel, popping another piece of her donut in her mouth.

I look down at the mug the barista put my coffee in, grinning at the turtle on the side. Why wouldn’t it be a turtle?

“I’ve never been in love before. I’ve barely even witnessed love. You and Hutch and Lawson and Rory…that’s it. We didn’t have love in my house growing up. My parents don’t even love me now. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to love someone. I don’t know how to be in a relationship. What if I hurt him? What if he hurts me? What if we wake up one day and look at each other and realize this isn’t what we want and we’ve just wasted so much time? What if we just don’t work? If this was all a fluke?” I look up for the first time, my throat scratchy and my eyes burning yet again. “What if he doesn’t really love me, Auden?”

She sets her donut down and reaches across the table, taking my hand in hers. “I think you know better than anyone I can relate to the whole parents-not-really-knowing-love thing. I mean, look at my relationship with my mother. It’s about as convoluted as yours. So, I get it. I understand your hesitation. I wish more than anything I could sit here and say you’re never going to hurt Fox or he’s never going to hurt you, but I can’t guarantee that. Nobody can. Is opening yourself up to another person scary? Every damn day. But what’s life without taking a little risk?” She smiles, and I have no doubt she’s thinking of the big risk she took with Hutch. “What does being with Fox make you feel like?”

“I don’t know. Good.”

“Good? That’s it?”

“Well, what do you want me to say?” I toss my hands into the air. “Do you want me to tell you he makes me laugh over the most ridiculous things? He’s the first person I want to tell a funny story to? The person who makes me feel calm after a chaotic day? Should I say I think about him when he’s not around and I want him around all the time? My heart literally aches thinking of life without him, and even though the thought of marriage still scares me, it doesn’t sound as scary if it’s with him? How ’bout I tell you how every time I look at him, I swear I lose my breath a little? If I lose him, I’m going to feel like I’m losing a piece of myself? I am so impossibly and irrevocably in love with him that I can’t think straight? Is that what you want to hear?”

I take a breath for the first time in what feels like minutes, and Auden stares at me, her lips twitching at the edge, a piece of donut stuck there, but I don’t think she cares.

I care, though. It’s annoying how she’s just watching me.

“What?” I snap when she doesn’t say anything.

It just makes her smile wider.

“Stop it.”

“I can’t.”

“Can too.”

“Fine. Then I don’t want to.” Her lips pull back over her teeth even more. “And yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, that’s what I wanted to hear. But more than that, I think it’s what you needed to say.”

My immediate reaction is to refute her words, but I think…I think she’s right. I did need to say it. I do need to.

“I love him, Auden.”

“I know you do.”

“I love him so much and I’m so scared and I don’t know what to do with my hands and I?—”

She grabs my hand once again, pulling me back from the ledge I’m so ready to jump over. “Breathe, Lilah. Just breathe. This is the exact same reaction I had when I found out I was preg?—”

She pauses, and my eyes flash to hers.

“Shit,” she murmurs, squeezing her eyes shut on a wince.

“You’re pregnant?”

She peels her eyes open one by one and nods slowly. “I’m pregnant.”

“What?! How? Well, not how, I know how and I really don’t need the details considering Hutch is basically like a brother to me, but… When? When did you find out? How did you find out? I—oh my god, you’re pregnant!”

I’m out of my chair, flying around the table to her. I haul her into my arms and hug her tightly. When we part, we’re both a crying mess again .

She laughs, wiping at the tears under her eyes. “We found out around Valentine’s Day. I’ve been dying to tell you, but I know you’ve had so much going on with your mother and the engagement party and all this stuff with Fox, so I didn’t want to add this on top of all that. Plus, they say you should wait to tell people, and I didn’t want to jinx it.”

“Auden…I would have been there for you no matter what else was going on. You know that.”

“I know. I do. I don’t know. Maybe I was just trying to get used to it myself.”

“And have you? How are you doing? I know you always told your dad he was never going to be a grandfather.”

“I meant it too. I didn’t want kids. I truly didn’t. Then we found out, and well…” She shrugs. “It happened, so we’re doing it.”

“Are you freaking out?” I ask as I slide back into my chair, handing her a napkin.

“Yes!” She laughs, then blows her nose. “Yeah, definitely. Hutch is too, though he won’t admit it. You should have seen his face after I took the test and it was positive. I thought he was going to pass out, which was really rude, because I felt like I was going to pass out. Who would have caught me?”

“Ugh. Men.”

She chuckles. “Right? I’m feeling better about it now. Only having mini panic attacks instead of big ones. Progress, right?”

“Majorly.”

She blows out a long breath, fanning her face. “Gosh, look at us. Two big life changes. I just…I never thought we’d be here.”

“You and me both,” I agree.

I’m in love and so is Auden. She’s pregnant, and I’m engaged.

Wait…am I still engaged? Am I marrying Fox now?

“What’s wrong? You look like you’re freaking out again.”

“No, no,” I say. “Well, maybe. I just don’t know what to tell Fox. I don’t know if this means we’re really engaged now or what. I… Shit. I guess I need to talk to him.”

“I think that’s a great idea. This is an…interesting situation you two are in, to say the least, but I’m sure you’ll figure it out. You know, since you’re in love and all,” she teases, singing love .

“Shut up.” I throw my spare napkin at her.

“Hey, hey! Be nice. I’m with child.”

“You only get to use that excuse for so long, you know.”

“Which is why I have no problem milking it to the fullest extent.” She grabs her donut again, taking a huge bite before sipping on her decaf coffee.

Huh. I guess that should have been my first clue. I’ve never known her to forgo caffeine. I was too stuck in my own head though, too busy worrying about Fox.

Fox.

I smile just thinking of him, already buzzing with the desire to talk to him. I want to call him now, but I think this is a better conversation to have in person.

“Now that we have our personal lives all figured out, do you think we can discuss our business lives?” Auden asks, rearranging the numerous plates on the table until she’s able to open her laptop.

“What business lives? I thought you left that behind for roots.”

“I did,” she says, click-clacking away on her keyboard, eyes darting all over the screen. “And I have roots now. It’s time to water them.”

“Okay…” I stretch the word out, unsure where she’s going with that.

She spins her laptop my way. “I give you water, AKA our next project.”

I look at the screen filled with inspiration photos she’s pulled from various websites. There are lots of upscale homes and architecture mixed with warm and cozy interiors. If I’m not mistaken, the photo on the right is one of her East Coast hotels.

“It all looks gorgeous, but I’m not following, Auden.”

She sighs, pulling the laptop back to her and clicking a button on the keyboard. A new slide pops up that reads Maddison Sinclair Designs – Your Home, Your Way . I peek at Auden over the top of the screen.

“What is this?”

“I told you, it’s our next project…if you’ll have me, that is.”

“Have you for what?”

“Oh. Duh.” She clicks the next slide, and I can’t believe what I’m seeing on the screen: a business proposal.

Auden clears her throat, then sits up high, and I instantly recognize this version of her—the badass CEO who will get what she wants.

“Good morning, Sharks,” she says, and I laugh, remembering all the time we spent in our dorm room watching Shark Tank together, Auden promising she’d have a killer business idea like one of them one day. She did, but she never needed the show to make her dream happen.

Just like she doesn’t need me now. No, she wants me now. And I’m not sure why.

“I’m here today to submit a proposal that you, Lilah Maddison, buy into Maddison Sinclair Designs, a company that specializes in not only building your dream home but decorating it too. You would get fifty-one percent ownership of the company in exchange for a quarter million dollars for startup.”

Next to Auden telling me she’s pregnant, this is the absolute last thing I expected to happen today. Yet…it’s exactly what I want.

I’ve been trying to figure out what I want for over a year now, and now that it’s sitting in front of me, I can’t believe I didn’t see it before—I want to work with my best friend again. It was my favorite part of working for Sinclair Properties. She’s smart, has great business sense, and isn’t afraid to take risks. Watching her over the years was magical. Running a business with her is a no-brainer, especially when it perfectly combines her love of building things and my passion for planning and decorating. It’s genius.

Wait. Did she say…

“Fifty-one percent?” I ask. “But that would mean…I’d be majority owner?”

“Yep. Not to brag or anything, but I kind of already had my fun running an empire.”

She did, and damn did she do it well. But I don’t know what to say to this. Literally no words come to mind. It’s all mush.

Auden closes her laptop, folding her hands together and leaning forward. “Look, I know it’s a lot, but I’ve been thinking about this for a while, since Hutch and I built our house last summer. It was so fun, and you spent so much time over there helping me do it.”

“Do you remember those terrible cabinets the contractors tried to put in?”

She laughs. “You threw a fit, and you have no idea how happy I am that you did. It’s what you used to do at Sinclair Properties too. You were always there to help steer me in the right direction when it came to decorating, and we both know you held that company together with your organization. This would be that, but in a different way, and we could do it on our own terms, at our own pace. We decide the clients we take on. We decide the pace. No shareholders. No boardroom meetings. Just us taking on the world. Besides, don’t you think it’s time for the world to see just how badass Lilah Jane Maddison truly is?”

She has no idea what her words mean to me. All the times my parents have put me down. All the times they told me I was wasting my potential. Every damn time they told me I wasn’t good enough.

They were wrong.

I am.

And Auden—the smartest, most business-savvy woman I know—betting on me proves that. I want to bet on me too.

“Okay.”

“Come on, Lilah, I—wait, did you say okay?”

I nod. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Ahhh!” she screams, as if we haven’t already been enough of a disturbance in this coffee shop. She claps giddily. “Oh my god, oh my god! We’re starting a business together! And I’m pregnant and you’re in love and oh my god!”

Her excitement is palpable, and I bounce a little in my own chair. That weight I’ve been carrying for over a year now as I’ve tried to figure out what I want to do with my life fades away like it was never there, and I know without a doubt I’ve just made the right decision. I reach for my phone, eager to tell Fox, but I stop at the last minute.

“Call him.”

I look up at Auden, who is watching me with a grin that slips as she continues to stare at me.

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because if I call him, I’m going to tell him I love him, and I really think I should do that in person, don’t you?”

Just like that, her grin is back. “You’re, like, so in love.”

“Shut up,” I protest.

“You loooooove him!” she sings. Loudly.

“Auden Sinclair! Stop it!”

“You want to kiss him.”

“Duh.”

“You want to marry him.”

“Ew.”

“You want to have his bab?—”

I cut her a look. “Finish that sentence, and I swear, I will walk away from our deal like that.” I snap my fingers to assert my point.

Auden mimes locking her lips and throwing away the key, but she’s still bouncing in her chair. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m practically doing the same, because I am in love.

So, so fucking in love. And I can’t wait to tell Fox.