Page 23
CHAPTER 23
FOX
“Well?”
I look around the room at my fellow Serpents Singles members, and they all stare back at me, displaying a mixture of emotions. Hutch and Locke are grinning. Lawson’s jaw is dropped, and Hayes has his brows raised. Keller looks unbothered, per usual. The rest of the gym has already cleared out, everyone going home to catch a nap before tonight’s game I assume. We’re the only ones left.
“Is anyone going to say anything?”
“What do you want us to say?” Keller asks, sounding bored. “You fell in love with Lilah. Big fucking whoop.”
I rub a towel over my head. “Uh, okay. I just figured you guys would be pissed because I’ve been lying to you and we’re not really engaged.”
“We knew.”
This comes from Lawson, which surprises the hell out of me.
“You knew?”
He nods. “Yeah. Why do you think I’ve been screwing with you about being your best man so much?”
“I don’t know. Because you’re obnoxious?”
He grabs his chest. “I am highly offended, Arthur Fox.”
I roll my eyes at him. I don’t think Lawson has been offended a day in his life. “How did you know?”
I slide my eyes to Hutch and Locke. One of them has known for certain nearly this whole time, and I suspect the other sussed it out a long time ago. They both hold their hands up in innocence.
“I kept my lips sealed,” Hutch says.
I look at Locke, who shakes his head. “Wasn’t me.”
“Then how did you guys know?”
Hayes raises his hand. “Makes you feel any better, I had no clue until just now.”
“Dude, how?” Lawson asks him.
“I don’t know. Maybe because I’ve been busy raising a kid and juggling a new nanny and Quinn’s school schedule.”
“Whatever, but it was pretty obvious.”
“How was it obvious?”
Lawson shrugs. “I don’t know, man. Kinda weird how he was allegedly secretly seeing Lilah before New Year’s and then suddenly they were engaged when they spent Thanksgiving and Christmas apart. You don’t exactly do that with someone you’re so in love with that you’re getting engaged that quickly. Just didn’t add up.”
“Shit,” Hayes mutters. “I guess that does make sense.”
I look at Keller.
He lifts a shoulder. “Just knew you were full of shit. Good at reading people and you’re a terrible liar.”
“I am not. We fooled plenty of people.”
“Maybe old, senile people. Locke excluded, obviously.”
“I’m not fucking old,” Locke growls at Keller, though I don’t know why he bothers anymore.
I look at each of them. “So none of you care?”
They all shake their heads, and that relief I’ve been dying for hits, but it doesn’t completely chase away the ache that’s been in the middle of my chest for days.
“You don’t look entirely good with that. Should we be upset?” Lawson asks.
“No. I mean, yeah. Sort of. I lied, so that’s pretty shitty of me.”
“Fuck’s sake. Here comes the ‘good boy’ complex.” Keller drops his head back on a groan, but all I can focus on is two words.
Good boy.
They send a shiver right down my back, and unfortunately for me, they notice.
“Okay, one, that was gross.” Lawson points at me. “I know that reaction there, good boy .”
I narrow my eyes at him for using it again.
“Two, you don’t always have to be so…so…well, honorable. You’re allowed to just be a regular shitbag like the rest of us.”
“Speak for yourself on the shitbag front,” Keller says.
Lawson flips him off, eyes still on me. “It’s not like you lied to be malicious. You did it for a good reason.”
“Ever the good boy .”
Now it’s me who flips Keller off. He snickers.
“So, we’re good,” Lawson says. “Stop worrying that handsome head of yours, okay? Need you focused in net tonight. We have a playoff spot to keep.”
Everyone gets pumped at that. We’ve managed to not only recover from our slip to fourth place but jump all the way to second. We’re crushing it right now, and the only thing I want more than to continue that is for things to go back to normal with Lilah.
“Shit, guys.” I pull the towel from around my neck and toss it into the laundry bin. “Thanks, I guess. For being so cool about it, I mean.”
“Oh, we’re not really ‘being cool.’ We’re going to mock you endlessly for this one,” Hayes says. “Give it time.”
I can’t even fault them for that. I have it coming, and we all know so. Apparently “time” means minutes, since the second we get back to the changing room, Lawson pretends to propose to Hayes, and he’s all dramatic screams as he accepts. It’s fucking ridiculous and over the top and just enough to distract me for a few minutes. It’s officially the quietest my mind has been in days, but it doesn’t last long, as I reach into my bag and my fingers collide with something foreign.
I pull it out and am surprised to find the tiniest turtle I’ve seen yet, no bigger than a thimble and cute as hell.
Lilah.
“That from her?”
I turn to find Hutch still hanging around, his bag slung over his shoulder.
I nod, swallowing thickly. “Yeah, it’s from her.”
“What is it?”
“A turtle.”
He frowns, not understanding, but he doesn’t question it. “Have you talked to her at all?”
I shake my head. “No, not yet. I’m…I’m giving it time, you know?”
He nods. “Sometimes that’s all you can do. And if it doesn’t work, then… Well, fuck, I don’t know what, but you’ll be okay. It’s going to suck, but you’ll come out the other side.”
“Like you did after being left at the altar?”
He looks surprised I’ve brought it up. It’s something he’s mentioned in passing before but hasn’t gone into great detail about.
“No, not like that.”
I pull my brows together. “Are you saying you’re not over that, then?”
“No. I mean, yes, I’m over that.” He scratches at his short beard. “The whole being-left-at-the-altar thing… I know I don’t talk about it a lot, but it’s complicated. I was fucking crushed for a long time and had a huge chip on my shoulder because of it. But the more time I had away from it, the more I realized it was the best thing to ever happen to me. I thought I knew what love was back then, and I was wrong. I had no fucking clue. I was just going through the motions with proposing. Thought it was what I was supposed to do, you know? But it wasn’t right. We weren’t in real love, and I didn’t realize that until Auden came along.” He smiles softly. “Then I knew. It was real. It is real with her.”
“And if something happened with you and Auden? Would you survive that? Would you come out the other side?”
He floats his mouth open, then snaps it shut, like he’s never even considered the option of them not working out. I wish I were that confident in Lilah.
“No. I don’t think I would. But I also don’t think about it, and it’s not something you need to be thinking about either. You’re talking like you’ve already given up, like Lilah’s already made up her mind.”
I roll the tiny turtle between my fingers. “What if she has? What if she doesn’t feel the same?”
“She does.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I am. Because I know her. Because I know you. Because it’s impossible not to love you.”
I look up at him, unable to keep from smiling at the sour look on his face.
He crosses his arms over his chest. “Shut up.”
“You getting soft, Hutchy?”
“That’s it.” He backs away, holding his palms up. “I’m out. You’re starting to sound like Lawson, and I can’t handle two of him.”
I chuckle as he disappears around the corner, and I sit there, still playing with the turtle. When did she even slip this into my bag? How long has it been in there? Was it recent? Is it a sign?
“Hey, Fox?”
I lift my head. “Hmm?”
“It’s real.”
“What?”
“With Lilah. It’s real. Just remember that.”
With that, he taps the doorframe twice, then takes off down the hall for good this time. I sit there for a long while, trying to convince myself he’s right.
With everything going on, the last thing I want to do is have breakfast with Lilah’s parents. However, it’s my parents’ last morning in Seattle, and there is no way I’m missing that, especially not with their flight a few hours away. If we’re lucky, this breakfast will finish on time so they can get to the airport. And if I’m lucky, I’ll get at least one glance from Lilah, who still hasn’t looked at me all morning.
When I came home from my game last night, she was passed out on the couch, a blanket half hanging off her and a notepad sprawled across her chest. As badly as I wanted to talk to her, I couldn’t bring myself to wake her. So, I scooped her into my arms and carried her to our makeshift bed, where she curled against me like she does every night.
We haven’t said much since then, and now, we sit beside one another, our legs pressing together as her parents ignore everyone’s existence like they’d rather be anywhere else. This was their idea, and I’m starting to think it was just to show off their betrothed daughter to all their stuck-up friends. We’re at the same restaurant we got engaged at, and my parents stick out like sore thumbs in here. My father’s cowboy hat sits on the edge of the table, and my mother’s dress—while completely gorgeous—is so far out of current trends it’s not even funny.
I should have never brought them here. Not because I’m embarrassed by them—that’s not the case at all—but because I can feel these people staring. I fucking hate it. I’d rather be in net taking shot after shot with no goalie stick while my team is down a man. Literally anything else than this.
“So, Lilah,” Mama says, breaking the silence. “I couldn’t help but notice your sketchpad on the kitchen counter this morning. Those designs you were working on were gorgeous.”
Selene snaps her head toward her daughter. “Designs? What designs?”
“Oh, uh.” Lilah tucks her long dark hair behind her ear, setting her fork on her plate. “Well, Bonnie, I…I’m starting a business. With Auden.”
I whip my head to her. “You are?”
“You are?!” her mother squawks over me. “This is the first I’ve heard of this. Deacon, are you hearing this?”
“I’m hearing this, my love.” He scoffs. “Can’t believe I am, but I hear it.”
Lilah ignores them, her eyes trained on me for the first time today.
“You’re starting a business with Auden?”
She nods. “Yeah. I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you last night, but I fell asleep. We talked about it yesterday at the coffee shop and just dove right into planning. It’s been a whirlwind.” She nibbles on her bottom lip. “Are you mad?”
“Mad? No. Why would I be mad? I think it’s incredible. You’re going to be great at it.”
Red tints her cheeks, and she grins. “You don’t even know what it is.”
“I don’t have to, Lilah. I always think you’re great.”
“Well, I think it’s a terrible idea.” Selene titters. “Can you imagine the power imbalance with Auden’s net worth? And what happens when she decides she’s bored and wants to sell the company?”
“Actually, I’ll be the majority owner.”
“You’re kidding.” Selene laughs haughtily, and the sound grates on me so badly I have to grit my teeth to keep from saying anything.
“Majority owner?!” Her father laughs. Literally fucking laughs. “As if you have the competence or the skill. You’ve spent the last ten years being a secretary, Lilah. Running a business takes far more than that. There is no way you’re going to make it. You won’t even last a year. You?—”
“Enough!” My chair screeches against the floor as I stand, slamming my hand down on the table so hard every dish rattles from the force.
Everyone in the restaurant freezes, and now all eyes are definitely on us, but I don’t care. I can’t bite my tongue any longer. I glower over at a startled Selene and Deacon.
“Do you have any fucking idea how incredible your daughter is? Any clue how smart she is? How talented she is? Hell, do you know anything at all about her? Huh? Do you?”
They don’t answer, not that I expected them to. They’re too damn busy staring at me like I’m the problem here. If they want a problem, I’ll give them one.
“I didn’t fucking think so. You should be ashamed. You call yourselves parents, riding on that high horse of yours, thinking you’re better than everyone else, including your own daughter.” I shake my head in disgust. “Her favorite color is a dusty rose. She drinks water and lemonade and just about every other damn thing there is out of a mug because she thinks it makes it taste better. She texts her sister every day, even if it’s just a thumbs-up emoji, to let her know she’s thinking of her. Even though she hates that hideous ring on her finger, she wears it anyway because it’s what you want out of her. And when she worked alongside Auden—not for, just to be clear—she was the one who schmoozed and impressed the contractors and investors and businesses that were brought in on each and every single Sinclair hotel. Lilah. Nobody else. She ran that company just as much as the woman whose name was on the building, and now she has an incredible opportunity to put her name on something, and you’re what? Shitting on her because it’s not what you want her to do? Well, fuck that. She deserves this. She deserves to finally be recognized for her hard work. She deserves to not live in your shadow or anyone else’s. She deserves to fucking shine like the bright star she is. What she doesn’t deserve is your bullshit. So why don’t you do us all a damn favor and shut the hell up for a change.”
I’m out of breath by the time I finish, my chest heaving with a mixture of exhaustion and pure fucking rage. I’ve had to endure far too much of this, listening to Lilah’s parents trash her, and I’m done with it. I don’t care if it pisses Lilah off that I’ve said something. I can’t listen to it for another second.
I turn to my mother, who has been quiet through the whole thing. “Mama, I’m sorry. I know you raised me better than to raise my voice at people, but, dammit, some of them just deserve it.”
Her lips twitch, and she rolls them together, doing her best to look fierce and upset with me as she nods, patting my hand.
“Dad, I?—”
He shakes his head, cutting me off. “Don’t need to say a damn thing to me, son. Never been prouder of you in my life.” Then he trains angry eyes on Deacon and Selene. “For the record, I agree with every damn thing my boy just said. And if you got a problem with that, take it up with me.”
Fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever loved him more. I take a steadying breath, then finally look to Lilah, who is sitting there with her mouth ajar, baby-blue eyes wide.
“I’m sorry, sugar,” I say to her softly. “I know they’re your parents and you love them, but I couldn’t sit by and listen to them degrade you again. I just couldn’t do it. Not when you’re you, always taking their licks on the chin like a champ, pretending what they say doesn’t have any effect on you when it does. They hurt you, cut you right down to the bone. As much as I admire the hell out of you for holding your head high despite that, I can’t be a willing participant any longer. You deserve better than that, and I hope one day you’ll realize that.”
I stare hard at Selene and Deacon, who have pushed their noses into the air like the snooty bastards they’ve been since the day I met them. Still, after all that, they don’t say a word.
I throw my napkin down on the table.
“This is ridiculous,” I say. “I’m not sitting here a minute longer with them.”
My parents don’t waste a second, both pushing their chairs back and gathering their coats. I look at the woman I got down on one knee for in this very restaurant just earlier this year, but she doesn’t move. Lilah just blinks up at us, never once making a move to follow.
No. Instead, she drops her head to her chest, effectively turning away from me, and it’s crushing.
It’s “Oh” level of devastating.
Hutch was wrong. This isn’t real. And Lilah just proved that.
With one last long look at her, I turn, leaving my heart behind. Mama wraps her arm around me, her motherly instincts sensing I need comforting, and my father follows closely behind as we make our way to the front of the restaurant.
“I’m so sorry, son.”
“Thank you,” I say, but I feel anything but thankful right now. In fact, I don’t feel anything at all.
“I’m proud of you, though. While you’re right—I didn’t raise you to talk to people like that—I’m damn sure glad you did. Those people are awful.”
I flex my fist, fighting the urge to turn back and lay into them more. They’d certainly deserve it.
But I don’t turn back. I keep walking, and it takes every bit of effort I have to do so, to walk away from the woman I love, the one who clearly doesn’t feel the same way.
I push open the door.
“Wait!”
I stop.
“Wait!” Lilah calls again.
When I turn, she’s standing, hands on the table as she stares after me with fear in her eyes. She looks down at her parents, whose faces are turning redder and redder by the second.
“What are you doing?” her mother chides. “Sit down, Lilah Jane.”
“No.”
Selene tosses her head back like she’s just been slapped. “Excuse me?”
“I said, no. ” Lilah scoffs. “You know, I have no damn clue why I have no problem telling anyone else off, no issues speaking my mind or taking what I want, but when it comes to you two? I’m a fucking doormat. And why? All because I’m starved for your love and affection. Because I hoped one day you’d wake up and realize I’m your daughter, not your puppet. Fox was right—this is ridiculous, and I do deserve better. I deserve better parents, people who love me for me. Who don’t try to shove me into a box and make me something I’m not. Who don’t want me around just to show me off to all their friends.” She waves her hand toward the other patrons, who are all completely entranced by what’s unfolding before them. “I deserve more. I deserve…” Her blue eyes find mine. “I deserve to be loved.”
I swallow, so fucking proud of what I’m watching.
Finally! I want to shout, but I don’t. I let Lilah have her moment, because fuck, she deserves that too.
“Mother, Father,” she says, “I’m not engaged.”
“What?” her mother hisses. How is it that got her attention out of everything that’s been said today? “Of course you are. You’re engaged to this…this… hockey player .”
My mother makes a move toward Selene, but my father grabs her, holding the small woman back. I’d laugh at it if this were happening at any other time.
“No, I’m not.” Lilah pulls off the tacky ring she’s been wearing, tossing it onto the table with a loud thunk . “I never have been, and Fox isn’t my boyfriend. This whole thing was fake. Completely staged.”
“What?!” Her mother begins to cry. “I don’t understand this, Lilah.”
“What part? That this is fake? That I lied and said I had a boyfriend, and this incredible man over here stepped in to play the part because he’s good ? Because he is. He’s kind and loving and everything you’re not.”
“Why?” her mother manages between her fake sobs.
“Why? Because I was too damn scared to stand up to you and tell you to butt out of my life! Because I was so damn worried I was going to become the thing I feared the most—you. Bitter and old and alone. Because, while you might be married and appear happy and in love in front of everyone else, I know the truth: you’re just as miserable as you like making everyone else.”
“That’s it!” her father shouts, tossing his napkin on the table and shoving to his feet.
I’ve never moved faster in my life, crossing the restaurant and putting myself right between Lilah and her father. He scowls up at me, Lilah’s heat at my back, but I don’t budge. This guy thinks I’m afraid of him? No. Fuck this guy.
“Deacon, I’d like you to back up now.”
“That is my daughter, son.”
“Yeah? And she’s the woman I love. So I’m going to say it again—back up. Before I make you back up, sir .”
His nostrils flare, but he must realize I am not joking, and he wisely takes a step back.
I turn to Lilah, my hands going to her cheeks. “Are you okay?”
She nods. “I’m all right.”
“Good.” I turn back to her parents. “We’re leaving, and you will not follow us nor contact her. You won’t bother Lilah at all until she’s ready to speak to you, if that even happens. Are we understood?”
Deacon opens his mouth, ready to argue, but thinks better of it. He snaps it closed, then nods once. I don’t even give a shit what Selene thinks. I simply place my hand on Lilah’s lower back and usher her from the scene. Not until we’re all outside do I finally take a breath.
“Holy shit,” I say, running my hands through my hair. “Holy shit.”
Lilah nods, gulping in breaths of air herself. “I agree. That was…”
“Yeah.”
I don’t know who moves for the other first, but suddenly, Lilah’s in my arms and our mouths are moving against one another. We’re kissing like I’m some soldier who’s just come home from war, which is fitting because it certainly feels like I just went through a battle.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know my parents are standing nearby, but I can’t seem to find it in me to care. I can’t stop kissing her, mostly because I’m scared if I do, she’ll leave, and I really, really don’t want her to leave.
Lilah’s the first to break the kiss, her once frantic movements slowing to a more normal pace until our lips are barely ghosting against each other.
“Lilah, I?—”
“I love you.”
I jerk back, looking down at her.
Did she just…
“What did you say?”
“I said, I love you. But what I really meant was: I am in love with you, Arthur Fox, and I refuse to apologize for it.”
It’s my words. It’s what I said to her in the supply closet.
She loves me. Lilah Maddison fucking loves me, and if that’s not the sweetest damn thing I’ve ever heard, I don’t know what is.
“Well?” she prompts. “Are you going to say anything?”
I say the first thing that comes to mind.
“Oh.”
“Oh? Oh? Are you serious? I just told you I love you, and you—dammit, Fox!” She pinches me. “Seriously?”
I laugh, pressing a quick kiss to her pinched lips. “Fair is fair.”
“That was mean.”
“No, what was mean was making me wait days to hear you say that.”
“I know.” She sighs, dropping her forehead to my chin. “I know, and I’m sorry. I knew it then. When you told me, I knew how I felt about you. I just couldn’t… I don’t know. I couldn’t get the words out. I locked up. Got scared.”
“Scared? You? Nah, I don’t believe it.”
She pulls back, her blue eyes brighter than I’ve ever seen them before, and I don’t know if it’s because she’s finally released herself of all her parents’ bullshit or our conversation right now, but whatever it is, I love it. I love seeing her like this.
I just fucking love her.
“I know I act brave. I know I act like I know what I want, like I have…control. But I don’t. I get scared just like everyone else. And yeah, loving you scares me, Fox. Scares the hell right out of me because I’ve never been in love before. Because I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know if I’m going to drive you crazy or if you’ll drive me there first. I don’t know if we’ll wake up tomorrow and regret it all or if we’ll stay together until we’re old and wrinkled. I don’t know any of it aside from the fact that I love you, Arthur. I love you so damn much. I didn’t plan to. I didn’t plan for this to become real, but it did. It did and I can’t be sorry for it. I don’t want to be. I just want you. I want us. I want real .”
I’m nodding before she’s even done talking because I want all that too.
“Yes,” I say, slipping my hands over her cheeks, kissing the side of her lips. “Yes. I want it too.”
“You do?”
“So badly, sugar. I want it all with you. All the messy.” I kiss her cheek. “The good, the bad.” Then the other one. “Everything in between.” I trail my lips right to her ear and whisper, “ Especially the old-and-wrinkled part.”
Her eyes flutter closed as I kiss her mouth, showing her I mean it, every fucking word of it. When we finally come up for air, she’s blushing, and it’s a look I know I won’t tire of anytime soon.
“You know your parents are standing like fifty feet away, right?”
“I know they’re around here somewhere.”
“So, we should probably, I don’t know, stop making out, right?”
“We should.”
But we don’t. I kiss her again and again and again, just for good measure. When I finally pull away, it’s long past appropriate, but judging by my mother’s smile when I find them hiding out around the side of the building, they don’t seem to mind one bit.
“Thought you two might want a minute alone.”
“Probably a good call.” I tug Lilah to my side, silently vowing to never let her go.
“I take it you worked things out?”
I look down at Lilah, who nods.
“Yeah,” she says. “I’d say we worked it out, Bonnie.”
“Oh!” Mama claps excitedly. “I’m so glad. So happy for you two. See, Artie? I told you it’d all work out if you played until the final buzzer.”
“You did.”
We stand around and talk for a few more minutes until my parents need to leave for the airport.
“Son,” my dad says, “I think we might need to have a chat whenever your mother and I get back home.”
I nod. “Yeah, I kind of figured.”
“But for now, it looks like you have some more important things to deal with.” My dad pulls me into a hug. “I love you, Artie.”
“Love you too,” I tell him, releasing him and watching as he wraps Lilah into a hug.
He whispers something to her, and whatever it is has her shoulders shaking with silent cries as she buries her face against him.
Mama takes his place, kissing my cheek. “Can I tell him everything?”
I nod. “Please. And I really am sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, Arthur. You’re the exact man I hoped you’d turn into. That’s all I can ask for. And you,” she says, moving toward Lilah. “You beautiful soul, you. I’m proud of you, kid. I know I’m not your soon-to-be mother-in-law and I have no idea what the future holds for you and my son, but know this—I am only ever a phone call away. I’m in your corner. Forever, Lilah.”
My girl, who is barely holding it together, nods, tears streaming down her cheeks as my mother hugs her tightly. I kiss her cheek and give her one last hug before they climb into their rental car, waving at us through the window as they pull out of the lot.
Lilah looks back at the restaurant, which her parents are presumably still inside.
“Do you want to go back and talk to them?”
She shakes her head. “No. I really, really don’t.”
“Probably for the best.” I scratch at my chin. “Uh, I’m sorry for kind of exploding in there. I just…”
“Don’t,” she says. “I’m not even remotely mad. I promise. If anything, it just made me love you more.”
“Say that again.” I swing her around to face me. “That part where you say you love me.”
She giggles. “I love you, Fox.”
“God, that sounds good.” I nuzzle my nose against her neck.
“Now you say it.”
“I love you, Fox.”
“Arthur…” she warns.
I chuckle against her. “I love you, Lilah.”
It’s all I can manage before our mouths are fused together again, and I’m so not complaining. I have no idea how long we stand there unable to keep our hands off each other, but we eventually make our way through the parking lot back to my truck.
“Hey, Fox?” she asks as I pull open the door for her.
“Yeah?”
“What’d your mom mean by the ‘final buzzer’?”
I laugh, shaking my head as I help her into my truck. “I’ll explain on the way home, okay?”
“Mmm,” she hums contentedly. “Home. I like the sound of that.”
“Yeah? Me too, sugar. Me too.”
I make sure she’s tucked inside, then I close the door, rounding the truck with a smile I don’t think I’m ever going to lose.
And it’s all because of her.