Page 35 of Dust and Desire (Sagebrush Cowboys #5)

Alex

I t nearly killed me to ignore Dustin’s texts.

Once he started calling me and leaving voice messages, I felt a very real pain in my chest and had to turn off my phone.

I just couldn’t stomach hitting the ignore button anymore.

He meant the world to me and there I was, trying to pretend he didn’t exist.

It broke my heart.

But I knew I didn’t have a choice. And I couldn’t go back, not even for one night.

That’s why I’d split in the middle of the day, left only a small note behind, and got a room in the next small town over.

If I was anywhere near Dustin, anywhere that I might run into one of the wonderful people from Sagebrush, I’d never be able to leave.

And if I didn’t leave, Keith would hurt Dustin… or worse.

I didn’t sleep that night. Not a wink.

When morning came, I did everything I could to busy myself.

I wasn’t due to meet Keith until sunset.

It meant I’d have to go back to Sagebrush and even step on Baker Ranch land again, but nobody ever went to the abandoned north barn.

Nobody would see me arrive and nobody would see me leave with Keith.

If I was lucky, they’d find my rusted-out truck someday parked along the backside of the barn. Even then, I doubted it.

When I checked out of the motel that morning, I went to a diner to get some breakfast. But I could barely stomach my coffee, much less food.

So, I went on a walk and that’s what I did for most of the day.

I just wandered around, thinking about everything I’d ever done wrong in my life and how it had all led to this.

I was gonna lose the man I loved more than anything to a rich asshole with an ego and a small dick.

But if it kept Dustin from harm and stopped him from being dragged down with me, it was worth it.

I didn’t want him getting caught up in the stupid things I’d done as an angry kid. He deserved better than that.

By the time the sun started sinking toward the horizon, painting the Texas sky in shades of orange and pink, I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer. My hands were shaking as I climbed into my truck and started the engine. The drive back to Sagebrush felt like heading to my own execution.

The familiar rolling hills came into view as I crested the last rise before town, and my chest tightened with a longing so fierce it nearly doubled me over.

This place had become home in a way nowhere else ever had.

These people… Logan, Caroline, and especially Dustin, had become my family. And I was about to lose it all.

I took the back roads to avoid driving through town, winding my way toward the abandoned north barn on the far edge of Baker Ranch property.

The old structure sat in a hollow between two hills, hidden from the main ranch buildings and forgotten by everyone except the occasional coyote looking for shelter.

When I pulled up, Keith’s red truck wasn’t there yet. Part of me felt a flicker of hope. Maybe he wouldn’t show, or maybe this was all some sick game. But I knew better. He’d be here. He always kept his word when it came to the things he wanted. And that hideous wedding ring had my name on it.

I sat in my truck for a few minutes, gathering what little courage I had left, then forced myself to get out and walk toward the barn. The old hinges creaked as I pulled open the heavy wooden door, and the musty smell of hay and dust hit me immediately.

My breath caught as my gaze fell on the figure standing in front of me. But it wasn’t Keith’s lithe form waiting for me in the dim light filtering through the gaps in the weathered boards.

It was Dustin.

He stood in the center of the barn, his dark hair disheveled like he’d been running his hands through it, his blue eyes blazing with an anger I’d never seen before. His whole body was tense, coiled like a spring about to snap. He was staring right at me.

“You son of a bitch,” he said, his voice rough with emotion.

“You were just going to disappear? Without a word? Without even giving me a chance to—” His voice cracked, and he had to stop and take a shuddering breath.

“To fight for you?” Dustin finished, his hands balling into fists at his sides. “After everything we’ve been through?”

I froze in the doorway, shock paralyzing me. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Dustin wasn’t supposed to be here. Keith would arrive any minute, and then?—

“How did you find me?” I managed, my voice barely audible over the thundering of my heart.

“You stalker is in jail,” Dustin said flatly. “Dolly caught him trying to escape through the bathroom window. Had her shotgun on him before he could blink.”

The world tilted beneath my feet. “What?”

“Keith Bordeaux,” Dustin spat the name like it tasted foul. “The man who’s been terrorizing you for years. The man you didn’t trust me enough to tell me about.”

I took a step toward him, then stopped, afraid of what I might see in his eyes. “Dustin, I was trying to protect you?—”

“Bullshit!” His voice echoed through the empty barn, startling a few birds from the rafters. “You don’t protect someone by lying to them, Alex! You don’t protect someone by making decisions for them!”

“He threatened you… and Ali,” I said desperately. “He had pi ctures of us together. He said he’d hurt you if I didn’t leave with him.”

Dustin’s expression flickered, a brief softening before the anger returned. “So, your solution was to just... what? Sacrifice yourself? Disappear from my life without even giving me the chance to help?”

“What could you have done?” I threw my hands up in frustration. “Keith is dangerous, Dustin. He’s obsessed. He’s been following me for years.”

“And I would have stood by you!” Dustin shouted, crossing the distance between us in three quick strides.

He wasn’t the timid ex-lawyer I remembered.

This man was full of rage and passion. “I would have faced him with you. But you didn’t give me that choice.

You decided for both of us you fucking idiot! ”

We were inches apart now, close enough that I could see the hurt swimming beneath his anger, the betrayal that darkened his eyes to stormy blue. It gutted me.

“I couldn’t risk you,” I whispered, my voice breaking. “I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you because of me.”

“That wasn’t your decision to make,” Dustin said, his voice dropping to match mine. “I’m not some delicate thing that needs to be sheltered, Alex. I’m a grown man who fell in love with you. Hell, I’m at least seven years older than you! I would have done anything to keep you safe!”

The words hit me like physical blows. “I was scared,” I admitted, the truth finally spilling out. “I was terrified that if you knew about Keith, about the terrible things I said to him when we were together... that you’d see me differently. That you wouldn’t want me anymore.”

Dustin’s expression softened marginally. “What things?” he asked, his tone still sharp. “Or are you going to hide that from me to? Tell me what he threatened you with that could be so horrible.”

I took a deep breath, tears forming in the corners of my eyes. Reaching up, I pulled my hat off, turning it in my hands nervously .

“When Keith and I got together,” I said, forcing myself to stare at the rotten dry straw on the barn floor. “I was… young and angry . ”

“Why?” he asked flatly.

“Because…” I took another breath knowing all my personal secrets were about to be spilled at last. But they should’ve been shared long ago. “Because my parents kicked me out of the house when I was sixteen. When they found out I was gay.”

Dustin just sighed. “Alex…”

“You don’t understand,” I said, tears already running down my cheeks as I turned away from him.

“It wasn’t just that they kicked me out and I went to live with a friend or something.

I had nowhere to go. I dropped out of school, I did odd jobs to get by…

” My voice softened to barely a whisper.

“I did… lots of things that no sixteen-year-old should be doing just to hitch a ride. Anything to get away from them and what they threatened to do to me.”

“Alex…”

“That’s not the worst of it,” I said, cutting him off.

“The worst part is that when I met Keith a few years later, I was still so bitter and angry that I… I made a lot of death threats against my parents.” My heart was pounding in my ears, and I could barely breathe.

“He has all the texts. Every single hateful word I’ve ever said.

And if he uses his influence to get them out into the world…

nobody would trust me again. Not even… not even you . ”

Dustin’s expression changed, the anger giving way to something deeper, more pained. He stepped closer, his hand reaching out to gently turn my face toward his.

“Is that what you think of me?” he asked, his voice low and wounded. “That I’d abandon you because you were hurt and angry as a teenager? That I’d judge you for surviving something no child should ever have to face?”

I couldn’t meet his eyes, shame burning through me. “The things I said, Dustin... they were vile. Violent. I fantasized about hurting them, about making them suffer the way they made me suffer.”

“But did you ever act on it?” His question was gentle but direct .

“No,” I whispered. “Never. I just... said things. Terrible things.”

“Because you were a child who’d been betrayed by the people who were supposed to love you unconditionally.” Dustin’s hand moved to cup my cheek, forcing me to look at him. “Do you think I don’t understand rage? Do you think I’ve never had dark thoughts?”

A bitter laugh escaped me. “You? Mr. Corporate Lawyer with the perfect life?”

His eyes flashed. “Perfect? I lived a lie for thirty years, Alex. I married my best friend knowing something was wrong, that I was lying to her and to myself every single day. You don’t think I had moments of despair? Of fury? Of wanting to burn everything down around me?”