Page 20 of Dust and Desire (Sagebrush Cowboys #5)

Alex

I woke before dawn, used to getting up before the sun to start my work day.

However, when I picked up my phone to check the time, I saw a late-night text from Logan.

He was telling me to take the day off and grab my things from the apartment.

He was calling in a repairman for the window and wanted me to switch to one of the other apartments.

He apologized profusely for the inconvenience and said I could return to work when I was ready.

I felt guilt that he apologized for something that was obviously my fault.

I was the one with the jealous ex chasing me across the country, not him.

However, I couldn’t turn down spending the morning in bed with Dustin.

Rolling over, I pulled him into my arms. He snuggled his face against my chest, placing light kisses against my skin even though he was still asleep.

I wrapped my hand around the back of his head, swirling my fingers through his hair. He really was incredibly beautiful.

There was a pang of guilt though as I watched him, taking in every gorgeous feature.

He didn’t know about my crazy ex or the fact that he’d most likely broken into my apartment and had my journal, meaning he knew every intimate detail of my life.

If it really was Keith, I had no doubt he’d come knocking, eventually.

But a part of me, however illogical, wasn’t willing to accept that Keith would go through all this trouble just to keep up with me.

It had been three years… surely, he would’ve moved on by now, right?

Maybe the break-in and the red truck were just a strange coincidence…

But how could I take that risk? Keith could be mean, and I didn’t want Dustin to get caught up in the middle of it, not when he was so fragile and just barely leaning into whatever this was between us.

Then again, if I told him everything… wouldn’t it just scare him away?

At this point, Dustin wanted to be close to me, but he still had all the energy of a nervous hare about to bolt.

I didn’t want to lose him, not when we’d finally just gotten started.

And the harder truth, the one I was avoiding admitting, was that I liked him too much. Two dates and I could feel myself falling for him. God… it made me feel desperate and pathetic, like the kind of guy that everyone blocked on dating apps when they got too possessive.

So, there I was, holding a man that I could neither admit the truth of my feelings to or the reality of my past without scaring him away.

It seemed like my only choice was to keep up the carefree cowboy attitude until he felt more comfortable and safe.

Then I could slowly expose my past to him and hopefully…

hopefully he wouldn’t run off screaming.

And when an appropriate amount of time had passed, I’d tell him how I felt about him.

Besides, it could just be puppy love. Right?

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push away the spiraling thoughts.

This was exactly the kind of overthinking that had gotten me into trouble before.

Maybe I was being paranoid about Keith. Maybe the break-in really was just some random crime.

And maybe what I was feeling for Dustin was just the novelty of being with someone who actually seemed to care about me. Maybe, maybe, maybe…

Dustin stirred in my arms, his dark lashes fluttering against his cheeks before those stunning blue eyes opened and found mine. A sleepy smile spread across his face, and my heart did that stupid fluttering thing again.

“Morning,” he murmured, his voice rough with sleep.

“Morning, beautiful,” I replied, brushing a strand of hair from his forehead. “Sleep well?”

He nodded, stretching languidly against me like a cat. “Better than I have in months. You?”

“Like a baby,” I lied smoothly. The truth was I’d been awake for the better part of an hour, my mind racing with all the ways this could go wrong.

But looking at him now, soft and content in the morning light filtering through the curtains, I made my decision.

I wasn’t going to burden him with my baggage. Not yet.

“What time is it?” he asked, nuzzling closer.

“Early still. Logan gave me the day off to deal with the apartment situation.” I pressed a kiss to the top of his head, breathing in the scent of his shampoo mixed with our lingering intimacy. I loved the smell of my sweat on his skin. “Means I get to spend the morning with you.”

“Lucky me,” he said, and there was something in his voice that made me look down at him. His expression was vulnerable, almost shy. “I was worried you might want to... I don’t know, that last night might have been too much.”

“Too much?” I propped myself up on my elbow to get a better look at him. “Dustin, last night was perfect. You were perfect.”

The relief that washed over his features was so profound it made my chest ache. How could someone so incredible be so uncertain about their worth?

“I just... I know it wasn’t exactly… normal ,” he said quietly. “The blindfold thing, asking you to... take control like that. It’s not exactly vanilla.”

I cupped his face gently, forcing him to meet my eyes. “Hey, listen to me. There is nothing about you that’s not normal. Nothing. What we did last night was beautiful and intimate and exactly what we both needed. ”

He leaned into my touch, closing his eyes. “I haven’t felt this comfortable with someone in... well, maybe ever.”

The words hit me like a punch to the gut, both thrilling and terrifying. This beautiful, broken man was trusting me with pieces of himself, and here I was keeping secrets that could shatter everything between us.

“Me neither,” I admitted, because that much was true. “You make me feel… good .”

“You’d be the first,” he replied, going quiet again.

“What’s the supposed to mean?” I asked, forcing his chin up so his gaze met mine.

“You know my story,” he said, those blue eyes of his getting watery. “How I’ve been disappointing everyone my whole life because I couldn’t come to terms with myself.”

“Dustin,” I said roughly, grabbing his chin between my fingers.

“I’m gonna need you to stop beating yourself up, alright?

That was years ago. You told the truth, you figured it out, and you moved on.

” I looked him over, making sure he was listening with his entire being.

“You’re not a disappointment. You’re just a person, like the rest of us, trying to figure it out one day at a time. ”

He stared at me for a long moment, something shifting in his expression. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Make me believe it might actually be true.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

I leaned down and kissed him softly, tasting the vulnerability on his lips. “Because it is true. And maybe... maybe I need you to believe it as much as you do.”

He pulled back slightly, studying my face. “What do you mean?”

Shit. I’d said too much, let my own insecurities slip through. “Nothing, just... we all have our demons, I guess.”

“Alex.” His hand found my cheek, thumb brushing along my jaw. “You can talk to me too, you know. It doesn’t always have to be about my baggage. ”

The irony wasn’t lost on me. Here he was, offering me the exact opening I should take to tell him about Keith, about the journal, about everything. But looking into those trusting blue eyes, I couldn’t bring myself to shatter the peace we’d found.

“I know,” I said instead, catching his hand and pressing it to my lips. “Right now though, I just want to focus on this. On us. On the fact that I get to wake up next to the most incredible man I’ve ever met.”

A blush crept up his neck. “You’re going to make me cry again.”

“Happy tears this time, I hope.”

“Pretty happy,” he confirmed, pulling me down for another kiss. This one was deeper, more urgent, and I felt my body responding despite our conversation. His hands roamed over my back, fingers tracing the muscles there with reverent touches.

“Mmm,” he hummed against my lips. “I love how you feel.”

“Yeah?” I shifted so I was hovering over him, drinking in the sight of him spread out beneath me in the morning light. “What else do you love?”

The question slipped out before I could stop it, loaded with more meaning than I’d intended. His eyes widened slightly, and I saw the moment he understood what I was really asking even though I knew I shouldn’t.

“I love...” he started, then stopped, color flooding his cheeks. “I love how safe you make me feel. How you don’t judge me for the things I need. How you look at me like I’m worth something.”

My heart hammered against my ribs. “You are worth something. You’re worth a lot of something.”

His eyes softened, and he reached up to trace my jawline with gentle fingers. “You make me believe that. And I... I’m starting to think maybe you’re worth something to me too.”

The words hung between us, fragile and new. I couldn’t speak for a moment, afraid I’d shatter whatever was growing between us. Instead, I leaned down and pressed my forehead against his, breathing him in .

“I like the sound of that,” I finally whispered.

Dustin smiled, a shy, genuine thing that made my chest ache. “Me too.”

I rolled onto my side, pulling him with me so we faced each other, legs tangled beneath the sheets. Morning light filtered through the curtains, painting golden streaks across his skin. I traced one with my finger, following it from his shoulder down to his hip.

“I could get used to mornings like this,” he murmured, eyes half-closed as he enjoyed my touch.

“Then let’s have more of them,” I said simply, as if it were the easiest thing in the world. As if there weren’t complications and work lurking just outside this bubble we’d created.

He caught my hand, bringing it to his lips. “I’d like that.”

We lay there for a while, trading lazy kisses and soft touches as the sun rose higher outside.

It felt surreal, this quiet intimacy with a man who’d crashed into my life like a meteor.

Part of me wondered if I was dreaming, if I’d wake up alone in my apartment with nothing but the memory of what could have been.

“What are you thinking about?” Dustin asked, interrupting my thoughts. “You look miles away.”

I forced a smile. “Just thinking how lucky I am to be here with you.”

He studied me for a moment, and I worried he could see through the half-truth. But then he smiled back, that beautiful, trusting smile that made my guilt twist deeper.

“I’m the lucky one,” he said. “Never thought I’d find someone like you in Sagebrush, Texas.”

“A cocky cowboy with nothing to lose?” I teased, grateful for the lighter turn. “There’s gotta be a million of us.”

“A man who sees me,” he corrected, his voice suddenly serious. “Really sees me. For the first time.”

The weight of his words settled on my shoulders. He trusted me to see him, to know him, while I was keeping parts of myself hidden away. The hypocrisy of it burned, but the fear of losing him burned hotter.

“I do see you,” I said, because that much was true. “All of you. And I think you’re pretty spectacular.”

His cheeks flushed again. “Even with all my hangups and insecurities?”

“Especially with those,” I said firmly. “They’re part of what makes you who you are. And who you are is someone I want to be with.”

The words slipped out again before I could stop them, more honest than I’d intended. Something about Dustin made it almost impossible to keep them back. I watched as his cheeks burned red, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he just slipped a hand down my hip, giving it a light squeeze.

“You’re making it hard to keep my hands to myself,” I murmured against his neck, feeling the way he shivered as I slid my hands down his torso.

“Who says you have to?” he whispered back, his voice taking on that breathy quality that made my pulse race.

I pulled back to look at him, studying the flush spreading across his chest, the way his pupils were already dilating with want. “Insatiable,” I teased, but there was no complaint in my voice.

“I’ve got a lot to catch up on,” he said, a coy smile spreading over his face.

I laughed, low and rough, as I pressed my mouth to his throat. “Well, we’ve got all morning,” I murmured against his skin, feeling his pulse jump under my lips. “And I’m nothing if not thorough.”