Page 33 of Dust and Desire (Sagebrush Cowboys #5)

Dustin

I hadn’t heard from Alex all day, which was a bit strange. Usually, we texted back and forth nearly all day. His responses were sporadic usually, taking a moment between jobs to reply when he could. But today was radio silence, and I figured it must’ve been a particularly busy day on the ranch.

So when Ali messaged me and asked me to meet her for dinner, I was more than happy to accept.

I shot a quick message to Alex, letting him know where we’d be and that he should join us when he was free.

Usually, they let him out around four in the afternoon, so he’d have plenty of time to clean up and meet us down at Dolly’s Diner before we’d even ordered.

But when I got to the diner, only Ali was there. In fact, I didn’t even notice Alex’s blue truck as I left the ranch. Maybe he was already on the way. Or at least I hoped he was. I was starting to get a little worried.

“Hey,” Ali said as I slid into the booth across from her. She looked different somehow, more relaxed than she had since arriving, her hair pulled back in a casual ponytail instead of her usual perfect waves. “You look worried. ”

“Just wondering where Alex is,” I admitted, checking my phone again. Still no response to any of my texts. “He usually gets off work by now.”

Ali’s expression softened with something that looked like understanding. “Maybe he got held up with something. Ranch work doesn’t exactly follow a nine-to-five schedule, right?”

“Right,” I nodded, though the knot in my stomach didn’t ease. “How was your day? Did you survive another riding lesson with Caroline?”

A flush crept up Ali’s neck, and she suddenly became very interested in the menu. “It was... educational.”

“Educational?” I raised an eyebrow, recognizing that tone. It was the same one she’d used in college when she was trying to downplay her interest in someone. “What kind of educational?”

“The kind where I learned I have terrible balance and Caroline has very strong hands,” she said quickly, then seemed to realize what she’d implied. Her blush deepened. “I mean, for catching me when I fell. Multiple times.”

I couldn’t help but smile despite my worry about Alex. “Ali Harris, are you developing a crush on my cowgirl friend?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she protested, but the way she couldn’t meet my eyes told a different story. “She’s just... interesting. Very different from anyone I’ve ever met.”

“Different how?”

Ali was quiet for a moment, absently turning her water glass.

“She doesn’t care about any of the things that usually matter to people in my world.

Designer clothes, expensive restaurants, what kind of car you drive.

She just... sees people for who they are underneath all that.

” She looked up at me then, her expression vulnerable.

“When’s the last time someone looked at you like that, Dustin?

Like you were enough exactly as you are? ”

My chest tightened. “Recently, actually.”

“Alex,” she said softly, and it wasn’t a question.

“Yeah.” I glanced at my phone again, the silence from him growing more concerning by the minute. “He makes me feel like I’ve been pretending to be someone else my whole life, and he’s the first person to see the real me.”

Ali reached across the table and covered my hand with hers. “That’s beautiful. And terrifying.”

“Why terrifying?”

“Because when someone sees you that clearly, they also see all your flaws. All your damage.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. “What if they decide you’re not worth it?”

The raw honesty in her voice made me squeeze her hand. “Then they were never the right person to begin with.”

She smiled, but it was shaky. “When did you get so wise about love?”

“I’m not wise about anything,” I laughed. “Just made enough mistakes.”

“You and me both.”

I stared at her as her expression darkened. “Do you mean me?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

Ali sighed, clearly not wanting to answer but knowing she was backed into a corner. “Yeah,” she said at last. “I guess I do.”

“I understand,” I replied quietly, knowing I deserved it.

“I was so mad at you,” she added, staring at the table.

“For the longest time. I tried not to be, but I couldn’t help it.

” She finally lifted her gaze, a sad look in her eyes.

“I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be angry.

If you’d been straight and cheated on me or something, I would’ve had every right in the world to be pissed.

But when you came out… I knew you’d been struggling.

It hurt you so much to even admit it to yourself that I didn’t want to add to your pain.

I pushed mine aside and tried to support you, tried to be a good ally. ” “You didn’t have to do that?—”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I did at first. But after you moved away, I was free to be upset, to talk badly about you or make crude jokes. And you know what? It didn’t make me feel any better. Because… well, because I still loved you. ”

I just sat there listening and feeling like the biggest jerk on the planet. “I’m sorry, Ali,” I said at last. “Really. If I could go back and change it… I would.”

“I know you would,” she nodded with a soft smile. “And that’s why I’m still friends with you. We’re still good together, just not as a couple.” Then she let out a big sigh. “But my dumb ass went and made the same mistake again.”

That caught my attention. I raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I never told you why I broke up with Jason, did I?”

“No,” I said, trying not to show my mounting curiosity. It seemed impertinent to ask.

“Well, I’m not too proud of it,” she began, sighing out the words.

“But he was in the shower one morning and I heard a strange notification from his phone. Turns out he doesn’t keep it locked, and I checked it.

” She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. “It turned out he was on Grindr.”

A sharp inhale escaped my lips before I could help myself.

“Yep,” she nodded. “Not only that, but the messages he was getting were from some guy that he had apparently fucked the afternoon before without me knowing.” She held up a hand before I could speak.

“I would’ve been thrilled if he told me he was bisexual.

A hot threesome with two guys sounds great.

But …” she added with that angry tone I’d heard more than once.

“Cheating on me is not okay. And to be honest, him trying to hide it hit a little too close to home.”

“I’m so sorry, Ali,” I said quickly, feeling like this was somehow my fault. “And just so you know, I never cheated on you. At all. The first man I’ve ever been with was Alex.”

“I know,” she said softly, reaching across the table to squeeze my hand. “I never thought you did. That’s what makes it worse with Jason. He didn’t just lie about who he was, he actively betrayed my trust.”

I nodded, understanding the distinction. There was a world of difference between being terrified of your own identity and deliberately deceiving someone who trusted you.

“Anyway,” Ali continued, waving her hand dismissively, “I didn’t come here to dump all my baggage on you. I came to see if you were happy, and clearly you are.” Her eyes softened. “Alex seems wonderful.”

“He is,” I said, glancing at my phone again. Still nothing. The knot in my stomach tightened. “I’m getting worried, Ali. It’s not like him to go radio silent like this.”

Ali frowned, studying my face. “Have you called the ranch? Maybe he’s still working.”

“I could try Logan,” I said, already scrolling through my contacts. “He’d know if something came up.”

As I was about to hit call, the diner door swung open.

My head snapped up, hope flaring in my chest, but it wasn’t Alex.

It was Caroline, her long dark braid swinging as she scanned the diner.

When her eyes landed on our table, specifically on Ali, her face broke into a smile that I’d rarely seen on her usually serious face.

“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” she drawled, sauntering over to our booth. She nodded at me but her eyes quickly returned to Ali. “Didn’t expect to see you here, city girl. Thought you’d be soakin’ in a hot bath after the workout I gave you today.”

Ali’s cheeks flushed pink. “I’m tougher than I look.”

“That you are,” Caroline agreed, her eyes lingering on Ali in a way that made me feel like I was intruding on something private. She finally turned to me. “You lookin’ for your cowboy? He left early today.”

My heart skipped a beat. “He did? When?”

Caroline shrugged, sliding into the booth next to Ali, who immediately scooted over to make room. “Dunno exactly. Logan mentioned he’d asked to knock off around lunchtime. Said he had somethin’ important to take care of.”

“Did he say what?” I asked, trying to keep the worry from my voice .

“Nope.” Caroline flagged down Dolly and ordered a coffee before turning back to me. “You tried callin’ him?”

“Texting,” I admitted. “I’ll try calling now.”

I stepped outside the diner, the evening air warm against my skin as I pressed the phone to my ear. It rang once, twice, three times before going to voicemail. Alex’s voice, warm and familiar, asking me to leave a message.

“Hey, it’s me,” I said after the beep, trying to sound casual despite the worry gnawing at my stomach. “I’m at Dolly’s with Ali and Caroline just showed up. Caroline said you left early today. Just wondering where you are. Call me when you get this, okay? Love you.”

I hung up, staring at the phone as if I could will it to ring. The street was quiet for a Thursday evening, just a few locals milling about, heading home after work or grabbing dinner. No sign of Alex’s blue truck anywhere.

Something wasn’t right. I could feel it in my bones. Alex never went this long without responding, especially when we had plans. And he certainly wouldn’t have left work early without telling me why.

I walked back into the diner, sliding into the booth where Caroline and Ali were laughing about something. They both fell silent when they saw my face.

“Voicemail?” Ali asked gently.

I nodded, running a hand through my hair. “Something’s wrong. I can feel it.”

Caroline’s expression turned serious. “What makes you say that? Maybe his phone died.”

“No,” I shook my head firmly. “He’s been acting strange all week.

Ever since...” I paused, thinking back. “Ever since we had dinner here with Ali last night, it’s been worse.

He was distracted while we were here, kept looking out the window like he was watching for something.

And he practically dragged me out of here before we even finished eating. ”

“Did something happen last night?” Ali asked, her lawyer’s mind clearly piecing things together.

I thought back to our evening, how tense Alex had been, how he’d positioned himself between me and the window, how his eyes had kept darting to the street outside.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But he’s been off for a while now. Like he’s hiding something. And now he’s just... gone.”

Caroline’s brow furrowed. “That ain’t like him.”

“Exactly,” I said, the knot in my stomach tightening. “Which is why I’m worried.”

Ali leaned forward, her expression shifting into the focused intensity I remembered from her lawyer days. “Dustin, think carefully. Has Alex mentioned anything about his past? Anyone who might be looking for him?”

I opened my mouth to say no, then stopped. There had been things. Little comments here and there that I’d brushed off as Alex being mysterious about his wandering lifestyle.

“He mentioned once that he never stays anywhere long because he doesn’t usually have a reason to,” I said slowly. “And when we first met, he seemed... I don’t know, like he was running from something. But I figured I was just making it up.”

Caroline’s jaw tightened. “Shit.”

“What?” Ali and I asked in unison.

“His apartment got broken into a few weeks back,” Caroline said, her voice grim. “Nothing but a journal was taken, but the place was tossed. And Sheriff Marcus increased patrols around the ranch after that. I thought it was just random vandalism, but now...”

My blood ran cold. “You think someone’s been following him?”

“I think we need to find him,” Caroline said, standing abruptly. “Y’all finish up here. I’m gonna go check his apartment, see if he went back there for some reason.”

“I’m coming with you,” I said, already reaching for my wallet.

“Me too,” Ali added.

Caroline looked like she wanted to argue, but one look at my face must have convinced her otherwise. “Alright, but we stick together. If somethin’s wrong, we don’t need to be wanderin’ around alone.”

We threw money on the table and headed for the door. The sun was starting to set, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink that would have been beautiful under different circumstances. Now it just felt ominous, like time was running out.

Caroline led us to her truck, and we piled in, Ali in the middle. As we drove toward Alex’s apartment above the feed store, I tried calling him again. Straight to voicemail this time.

“His phone’s off now,” I said, my voice tight with worry. “It’s not even ringing.”

“Or dead,” Ali offered, but she didn’t sound convinced.

The apartment was dark when we arrived, no sign of Alex’s truck in the small parking area behind the building. Caroline produced a spare key from her pocket.

“Logan gave this to me when Alex first moved in,” she explained at my questioning look. “In case of emergencies.”

This felt like an emergency.

The apartment was empty, but it looked like Alex had been there recently. His bed was unmade, clothes scattered on the floor like he’d changed in a hurry. But what made my heart stop was what I found on the small kitchen table.

A note, written in Alex’s familiar handwriting.

I’m sorry, Dustin. Don’t look for me. - A