Page 21 of Dust and Desire (Sagebrush Cowboys #5)

Dustin

I t had been a week since the break-in at Alex’s apartment and so far, he hadn’t spent a single night in his own bed.

Instead, he stayed with me, our every evening spent wrapped in one another’s arms. It was pure heaven and every day that went by was another that I felt more confident and surer that this is what I wanted out of life.

Up until now, I’d been secretly questioning whether or not I’d made the right choice with Ali.

At the time, the divorce was more of a selfless act.

I wanted to save her from the clearly unhappy situation she found herself in with me.

If I was the one that asked for the divorce, I could be the bad guy and let her retain some dignity.

But now that I’d actually found the courage to pursue what I’d secretly wanted all those years…

well, I felt like myself. And not only that, I was actually happy.

Which, to be honest, was a fucking wild feeling, one I’d never truly experienced until now.

I didn’t know it was possible to be so blissfully wrapped up in affection and sex and beauty like I was with Alex.

He was just some dusty cowboy who had, quite accidentally, answered all my hopes, prayers, and dreams .

And even though I’d only known of him for three weeks, I knew I was falling for him. Hard . And that scared the shit out of me.

How could a summer that started just like all the rest, turn out to be so undeniably wonderful?

I felt like I was living in a dream. A hazy mist enveloped everything in my world, turning it soft, mysterious, and nostalgic.

It was as if one of my romance novels had come to life and I was the young lord, coming back home from a long trip.

And there, as the morning fog parted, was Alex, waiting with arms wide to welcome me back into the sweetest place I never wanted to leave again.

Needless to say, while Alex was working on the ranch, my fingers were furiously typing away on my laptop.

No longer did I just doodle my thoughts into the corners of journals or half-assed blog posts that would never get published.

Instead, I was aflame with creative energy, writing characters, ideas, and scenes that left me breathless and tight in my jeans.

Romance was what I was experiencing, so that’s what I wrote.

Although my stories had a distinctly British Edwardian twist. I always was a sucker for a good period romance.

Bridgerton had pretty much changed my life the moment it came out. Not that I’d admit that to anyone.

But I found myself unable to let go of the cowboy aesthetic.

Alex’s visage had worked its way into my mind, and it wasn’t letting go.

So my story, against my own wishes, slowly turned into something unexpected.

A cowboy in England, the distant cousin turned heir to a title and a large estate in shambles, come to claim his riches against his will.

And his soon to be lover, a local solicitor who was handling the transfer of the estate.

It seemed maybe a little too on the nose since I was also a lawyer and Alex was my cowboy.

But I didn’t let that stop me from fantasizing.

And the sex between them? Well, it left me panting and leaking every time I had to write a scene.

After one particularly erotic scene where the cowboy tied his young lawyer to the bed and fucked him, I decided to take myself on a walk to cool down.

As much as I wanted to slip my jeans down and stroke my leaking cock, reliving the scene over in my head, I knew I wanted to save myself for Alex that night.

The sex with him was always much better than anything I could do to myself anyway and I wanted to be fully present in those moments.

So, with a languid stretch and a readjustment of my dick, I forced myself away from the laptop and to the front door.

There, I slipped on my black cowboy boots, the pair I’d come to love since arriving in Sagebrush, and set out into the afternoon sun.

The Texas sun hit me like a brick, and I lifted my hand to block the glare even though my sunglasses were the darkest pair I could find.

I made a mental note to get a hat one of these days.

The guys swore by them, said they wouldn’t be caught outside without one.

But I found myself hesitating. Boots were one thing, everyone needed shoes.

However, buying a cowboy hat almost felt like I was pushing into a world I didn’t belong to, like I was trying to lie about who I really was.

After all, I wasn’t a cowboy, I was a lawyer from New York who bought his way into a rural life. I didn’t exactly earn it.

Turning away from the sun, I headed down the long lane back to the main house and the rodeo arena.

Classes would probably be in full swing this time of day, so maybe I could watch the barrel racing for a bit.

Either way, it was good just to get out of the house.

I’d been far too cooped up the past week.

The air was thick with dust as I approached the arena, and I could hear the rhythmic thunder of hooves before I even rounded the corner.

I paused at the fence, watching as a teenage girl with long braids guided her chestnut quarter horse through the barrels with precision that made my heart race.

Caroline stood in the center, stopwatch in hand, nodding approvingly as she finished her run.

“Not bad, Michaela! You shaved off another two seconds!”

I leaned against the weathered wood, content to observe without drawing attention. There was something hypnotic about watching these riders work in perfect harmony with their mounts, a dance of trust and instinct that I’d never fully appreciated before coming here.

“Enjoying the show?”

I turned to find Colt Dawson beside me, his hat tipped low against the sun.

I hadn’t seen him since that day at the diner.

It had been… what? A week maybe? More? Usually I followed Colt around like a lost puppy, content to drink in his good looks without ever getting close enough to touch.

It was unlike not to be smitten with him.

But as I stared at those handsome features, ginger hair, and green eyes, I realized he suddenly held much less sway over me.

“Just needed some fresh air,” I replied, trying to sound casual. “Been writing all morning.”

Colt nodded, his eyes fixed on me. “Logan and Dakota said you’ve been keeping to yourself a lot lately.” He grinned wide, that cocky smile of his always present. “Well… not alone , anyway.”

My heart began to race. “I… uh… I don’t know what you mean,” I said, pretending to be very interested in what was going on in the arena.

“Uh-huh,” he chuckled. “Sure you don’t.” He leaned against the fence beside me, watching for a moment as well. “You know, I think it’s really great that you found someone to spend your time with. You deserve that. And Alex seems like a nice guy.”

The words hit me like a physical blow, and I felt heat flood my cheeks. “I... we’re not...” I started, but the lie died on my lips. What was the point? Clearly everyone knew.

“Hey,” Colt said softly, his voice losing that teasing edge. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. It’s just... you look happy. Really happy. And that’s a good thing.”

I glanced at him, surprised by the sincerity in his tone. “Do I?”

“Yeah, you do. You’ve got this... I don’t know, this glow about you that wasn’t there before.” He smiled, and for the first time it felt genuine rather than performative. “Whatever Alex is doing, it’s working.”

My throat tightened with emotion. “I didn’t realize it was so obvious.”

“Only to those of us who have eyes,” Colt said with a shrug. “And honestly? Good for you. Life’s too short to spend it alone when you could be with someone who makes you smile like that. ”

I touched my face unconsciously. “I’m smiling?”

“Like an idiot,” he confirmed with a grin. “It’s actually kind of adorable.”

The easy camaraderie between us felt different now, less charged with the nervous energy I used to feel around him. I realized with startling clarity that my crush on Colt had evaporated completely, replaced by something deeper and more real with Alex.

“Can I ask you something?” I said, turning to face him properly.

“Shoot.”

“How do you know when it’s... when it’s real? Not just infatuation or loneliness or whatever?”

Colt was quiet for a long moment, his expression growing thoughtful.

“I think... I think it’s when you stop trying to be someone else around them.

When you can just be yourself, flaws and all, and they still look at you like you hung the moon.

” He paused, his voice dropping. “When you stop performing and start living.”

The words resonated so deeply I felt them in my bones.

That was exactly what Alex had done for me, given me permission to stop pretending, to stop trying to be the person I thought I should be.

Is that what Eli had done for Colt? Sure, I’d been there when they made up, but I never realized how deeply they must’ve felt for one another.

Logically I knew they were in love, but hearing Colt speak now…

I knew it was a once in a lifetime kind of love, not just convenience.

“Yeah,” I said quietly. “That sounds about right.”

“So, it is real then?” Colt asked, and there was something almost wistful in his voice.

“I think so. God, I hope so.” I ran a hand through my dark hair heated by the sun, suddenly feeling vulnerable. “I’ve never felt anything like this before. It’s terrifying and wonderful and I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“None of us do,” Colt said with a laugh. “That’s what makes it an adventure.”

“An adventure,” I repeated, the words settling into my chest like a warm ember. “I like that. ”

We stood in comfortable silence for a while, watching Caroline guide another rider through the barrels.

The dust kicked up by the horses caught the afternoon light, creating golden clouds that danced in the air.

I found myself thinking about Alex, probably out there somewhere mending fences or checking cattle, his shirt sticking to his back with sweat, that easy smile on his face.

“You’re doing it again,” Colt said with amusement.

“Doing what?”

“That dopey smile. Jesus, you’ve got it bad.”

I laughed, not even trying to deny it anymore. “Maybe I do.”

“Good for you, man. Really.” Colt pushed off from the fence, adjusting his hat. “I know you’ve been crushing on me for some time?—”

“I didn’t—” I began. But he cut me off with a wave of his hand.

“It’s fine,” Colt grinned. “Really. But I’m glad to see you’ve got someone who can return that affection.”

“I…” I paused, letting out a long sigh. “Thanks. And sorry if I was annoying.”

“You weren’t,” he nodded. “It was adorable. But I love Eli more than anything in the world.”

“I know that. He’s a good man.”

“He is,” Colt agreed, patting me on the shoulder. “But that doesn’t mean you’re completely off my mind. If someone didn’t come along soon, Eli and I had half a mind just to show up at your tiny house one night and fuck you just to make you feel better.”

My heart leapt into my throat. I opened my mouth to reply, but no sound came out. Heat flooded my cheeks, and my dick gave an almighty twitch.

Colt threw his head back and laughed. “God, I knew that would throw you for a loop.” He grinned from ear to ear, patting me on the shoulder.

“Don’t worry, we can talk about it when you and Alex get settled.

I’ve chatted with him a few times and I have a feeling he wouldn’t be opposed to swapping partners for a night or two. ”

“Oh… my god…” I stammered, barely able to breathe .

“On that note, I should get going,” Colt chuckled.

“Promised Eli I’d help him with the farm paperwork tonight.

” He paused, looking back at me. “You know, if you ever want to talk about... navigating all this relationship stuff in a small town... I’m around.

It’s not always easy being different here, but the right people make it worth it. ”

I felt a surge of gratitude for his unexpected kindness even though my heart was still racing from his sudden confession. “Thanks, Colt. I might take you up on that. And on the other thing… eventually .”

“No rush,” he said. “And no pressure. It’s just a fun idea for later. Focus on Alex right now.”

He tipped his hat and walked away, leaving me alone with my thoughts and the rhythmic sound of hooves on dirt.

I stayed a while longer, letting the Texas sun warm my face, thinking about how much had changed in just a few weeks.

The man who’d driven down from New York had been lost, searching for something he couldn’t even name.

Now I felt like I was finally becoming someone I could recognize in the mirror.

My phone buzzed with a text from Alex.

Working late tonight. Storm coming in and we need to get the cattle moved. I’ll be there as soon as I can.

I typed back.

I’ll keep dinner warm. Be safe.

His response came quickly.

Always am. Miss you already.

Three simple words that made my heart skip.

I pocketed the phone and headed back toward the house, already planning what I’d have ready for him.

I could just go to the diner for food, that would be a guaranteed win.

Nobody cooked as good as Dolly. But the other part of me wondered if he might like something else, after dinner, kept warm.

Like maybe my ass… It was an exciting prospect.

I’d yet to do that sort of thing with him, but I was too curious to wait much longer. I just had to make sure I was ready.

As I walked past the arena, I caught sight of storm clouds gathering on the horizon, dark and heavy with rain.

The wind was picking up, stirring the grass and making the trees whisper secrets to each other.

On the far side of the arena a dusty red truck was parked in the grass.

It must’ve been the father of one of the students.

However, it seemed like he was staring at me, following my every movement.

Then again, I probably looked out of place in a designer t-shirt.

I brushed it off and quickened my pace. The storm wasn’t going to wait, and I wanted everything to be perfect for Alex when he came home.