Page 15 of Dust and Desire (Sagebrush Cowboys #5)

Dustin

I hadn’t been dreaming at all, something I was not used to.

The night passed in a wave of darkness, and I felt more rested when I awoke than I had in months.

Maybe even years. I didn’t open my eyes right away though.

Instead, I hugged the pillow tight, savoring the warmth of the sun’s rays filtering through my window onto my bare skin.

I felt peaceful and content with the world.

Shifting back, I tried to snuggle my way into the arms I’d fallen asleep in, wanting to spend just a few more blissful minutes in bed before my anxiety caught up with me.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get much of a choice. When my body found nothing, I rolled over and stretched, trying to grab Alex and pull him toward me. All I found instead was an empty bed and a rumpled quilt. I opened my eyes.

He wasn’t there.

Immediately my doubts came crashing in. Had Alex snuck out in the middle of the night?

Was it because he didn’t like me? Or maybe it’s because I was so bad in bed.

After all, I didn’t have any experience with men.

The blowjob was probably so awful that he ran off.

Or maybe it was because I’d asked him to be rough with me.

That could be it. I supposed it was sort of a kinky request for our first time.

Or maybe I just didn’t mean anything to him.

Now and forever, he would always be my first. But to him, maybe I was just another guy in a long trail of broken hearts he’d left scattered over middle America.

My spiral was just about to go out of control and ruin my entire day when I saw the piece of paper sitting on the bedside table. It was a sheet from my grocery list and the pen from the kitchen sat on top of it, weighing it down.

I reached for the note with trembling fingers, almost afraid to read it. The handwriting was a little messy but still legible, with the bold strokes of someone used to working with their hands rather than a pen.

Morning, beautiful. Had to help with the early feed. Didn’t want to wake you. You looked too peaceful. Last night was amazing. Meet me for dinner tonight? Just the two of us. I’ll pick you up at 7p.

- Alex

A small heart was drawn next to his name.

I clutched the paper to my chest, relief washing over me like a cool rain after a drought. He hadn’t left me. He hadn’t regretted what happened between us. He wanted to see me again.

I fell back against the pillows, a giddy smile spreading across my face.

The sheets still smelled like him, like hay and leather and that sweet cologne he wore.

I buried my face in the pillow where his head had rested, inhaling deeply, letting the memories of last night flood back.

His hands on my skin. His mouth. The way he’d looked at me like I was something precious.

I was hard almost immediately thinking of him, my hips grinding against the mattress without my permission.

But I didn’t care, it felt good to be wanted by another man, to be sucked by another man, and to be commanded by another man.

It was the thing I’d been missing my whole life.

I rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling, my cock still throbbing against my stomach. The memory of Alex’s taste lingered on my tongue, and I couldn’t help but wonder what else he might taste like. What other parts of him I might explore tonight.

Tonight. Dinner. Just the two of us.

My stomach fluttered with a mix of excitement and nerves. This wasn’t just a hookup anymore, this was a date. An actual date with an actual man who actually wanted me. I could scarcely breathe.

I grabbed my phone from the nightstand, checking the time. Just past nine. I had ten hours to get through before seeing him again, and suddenly that felt like an eternity.

I forced myself out of bed, wincing slightly at the soreness in my jaw. The memory of why it was sore sent another pulse of heat through me, and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself down. A shower. I needed a shower.

The hot water felt good on my skin, washing away the dried evidence of last night’s activities.

As I soaped up my body, I couldn’t help but notice the slight marks Alex had left behind.

There was a faint bruise on my hip where he’d gripped me and a tender spot on my neck where he’d sucked just a little too hard.

Each one sent a thrill through me. Evidence that it had been real and not just one of my late-night fantasies.

After drying off, I made coffee and settled on the porch with my laptop, determined to get some writing done.

The blank document stared back at me, but for once, the cursor didn’t feel like an accusation.

Words came easily, flowing through my fingers and onto the page, not polished or perfect, but honest. Raw. Real.

I wrote about desire. About discovery. About the feeling of another man’s hands on my skin for the first time. I didn’t know if anyone would ever read it, but it didn’t matter. This was for me. A record of the night everything had changed.

My phone buzzed beside me, interrupting my flow. My heart leapt, hoping it was Alex, but it was Ali’s name that flashed on the screen.

Ali: How’s my favorite ex-husband?

I stared at the text, guilt immediately flooding my system.

Ali and I had managed to maintain a friendship after the divorce, a tentative one at first, then stronger as the months passed.

She’d been supportive of my move to Sagebrush, even as she questioned why I’d chosen such a remote location.

But we hadn’t spoken in a few days, and now here she was, checking in just as I’d finally taken this step.

It was like the universe was toying with me. And not in a good way.

Me: Still breathing. How’s NYC treating you?

Three dots appeared immediately.

Ali: Same old chaos. Just closed a big case. Celebrating with too much wine and takeout.

I smiled, imagining her in her apartment, curled up on the couch with a glass of red and containers of Thai food spread across her coffee table.

Me: Congratulations. You deserve it.

Another pause. Then the dots appeared once more.

Ali: Actually… I have someone coming over tonight to help me celebrate. A friend I met at work.

Me: Oh? Somebody I know?

Ali: No. This is a new guy.

My heart thudded a little harder as I stared at her text. I wasn’t jealous exactly, but something about the text made my stomach knot up. Ali didn’t belong to me, I knew that. But the idea of her with another guy, alone in her apartment, well… I don’t know. It just felt… weird.

“It’s been two years,” I grumbled to myself, turning my head toward the ceiling with a sigh. “She’s not a nun. I’m sure there’s been plenty of guys.”

But why was she telling me about this one?

It took me a moment to formulate a reply that didn’t sound accusatory.

Me: So is this a date or just a celebration dinner?

It still sounded accusational. Fuck.

Ali: It’s a date. Well, more than that I guess. I’ve been seeing him for a while now .

Me: I’m happy for you! Why didn’t you say anything?

Ali: I don’t know… I feel stupid for keeping it a secret now. It’s not like we’re married anymore.

I tried to ignore the hurt that coursed through me at those words. It was my fault we’d gotten divorced. She was probably still upset about it. Hell, I still was, and I was the one that filed.

Me: I want you to be happy, Ali. And I know it didn’t work out with us, but I still want you to find your perfect guy and live a good life. And I’d like to be your friend if I can. You’re still important to me.

There was a very long pause before those three dots came back.

Ali: Thanks Dustin.

When no more messages came through, I went inside and put something on other than pajama pants. I needed a walk to clear my head.

I grabbed my jacket and headed out into the crisp morning air, my feet carrying me along the familiar path toward the creek without conscious thought.

The same path Alex had led me down last night, where everything had changed between us.

The memory of his mouth on mine, the way he’d looked at me in the moonlight, sent warmth flooding through my chest despite the cool breeze.

But Ali’s text had stirred up something uncomfortable in my gut.

Not jealousy exactly, but a strange mix of guilt and.

.. what? Relief? The rational part of my brain knew she deserved happiness, deserved someone who could love her the way she needed to be loved.

But there was still that small, selfish part of me that felt like I was losing the last connection to my old life.

Like this was the final nail in the coffin for Dustin Corvus, the New York corporate lawyer and everything he’d ever worked for.

I kicked at a loose stone on the path, watching it skitter into the tall grass.

Maybe that was the point. Maybe I needed to lose those connections to fully embrace who I was becoming.

Last night with Alex had felt like the first honest moment I’d had with another person in years.

No pretending, no forcing myself to be someone I wasn’t.

Just me, raw and real and finally, finally myself.

The creek came into view, its surface sparkling in the morning sun. I settled onto the same rock where Alex and I had sat, where he’d first kissed me. The memory made my lips tingle, and I found myself touching them absently, still hardly believing it had happened.

I shed my jacket after only a couple of minutes, the sun burning away the coolness in the air quickly.

The dew was already off the grass and in less than an hour, the entire prairie would be baking under the Texas sun.

My phone buzzed again. This time it was a text from an unknown number that had an area code I’d never seen before.

Unknown: Hey gorgeous. It’s Alex. Got your number from Caroline. Hope that’s okay. Can’t stop thinking about last night.

My heart did a little flip as I saved his contact information, adding the heart emoji next to his name like he’d drawn on the note.

Me: More than okay. I can’t stop thinking about it either.

Alex: Good. Because I’ve been distracted all morning. Nearly dropped a hay bale on my foot.

I laughed out loud, the sound echoing across the water.

Me: I’d hate to be responsible for any workplace injuries.

Alex: Worth it. You’re worth a lot more than a bruised foot.

Heat crept up my neck at his words. Even over text, he had this way of making me feel desired, wanted in a way I’d never experienced before.

Me: Where are we going tonight?

Alex: It’s a surprise. But dress casual. Jeans are fine.

Me: I don’t really have anything else anymore. I threw my suits away when I moved here.

Alex: Perfect. You look incredible in jeans. Though you look even better once I get you out of them.

My face burned as I typed back.

Me: Alex...

Alex: Sorry. Can’t help myself. I’m a horny dude, but I can dial it back if you want .

I stared at his message, my chest tight with longing. I loved the idea of him wanting me, half hard in a barn somewhere. The thought scared me almost as much as it thrilled me.

Me: Me too… I’m just not good at saying it

Alex: That’s okay, beautiful. See you at 7. Try not to overthink everything between now and then. 3

I smiled despite myself. He already knew me well enough to know that’s exactly what I’d do.

Me: I’ll try.

Alex: And Dustin? Last night was perfect. You were perfect.

I clutched the phone to my chest, my eyes stinging with unexpected tears.

When was the last time someone had called me perfect?

When was the last time I’d felt like I deserved that kind of praise?

God… I wanted more of it, needed more of it.

It seemed the answer to decades of prayers had come at last and his name was Alex Reyes.