Page 41 of Doubts of the Egoist (Egoist #3)

In no time, the bumpy dirt road chafed the soles of his feet raw.

The lack of streetlights hampered his progress as he could barely see where he was stepping.

No car drove through the night, and no bird chirped; only the strong wind howled as it stormed through the forest, bending the treetops.

It swept down the road, twirling around his feet, tearing at his jeans, and making Kuon’s teeth chatter.

His imagination ran wild. In the darkness, the fantastical landscape looked like ugly silhouettes of raging monsters lined along the road’s edges.

They creaked and bent, reaching branches to snatch a lone wanderer.

Whenever the moon peeked from behind the clouds, its silvery light shattered the illusion, transforming the monsters back into tall pines and magnificent oaks.

The night’s chill pressed on his lungs with a humid freshness. Though the end of summer brought sultry days, the nights were cold and damp, prompting him to rub his shoulders with icy hands to boost circulation.

Shuddering under a powerful gust, Kuon covered his face with both hands, shielding his eyes from the cutting, penetrating sand. Then the first drop hit his palm.

“Perfect… Rain is just what I need,” he grumbled, trying to silence the soul-sucking loneliness.

He held up his palm, waiting for another drop to hit, but seconds ticked by and his hand remained dry.

He squinted up. The wind chased away the clouds, slowly clearing the starry sky.

The longer he stared up, the brighter the night became.

Something tickled his cheek.

“Huh?” He ran his hand over his face to brush away the sand but instead smeared wetness. He zoomed in on his fingertips, glistening in the faint moonlight.

“What the…” he whispered, stunned and confused by the wetness, then a battering ram of realization crashed through his ribs, forcing a backwash of emotion. The suppressed, smoldering feelings blazed through his chest, burning the air from his lungs and forcing him to fold into himself.

Humiliation, indignation, remorse, betrayal, anger. A raging, soul-destroying, helpless rage at Yugo, the endless dark road, the cold weather, the wind and sand, and finally at himself for being such a fool, flooded every corner of his soul once cleared by the emotional numbness.

An angry trickle slid down his chin, gaining strength as the energy left him. He crouched and covered his face with his palms. “Ugh… Fuck you, Yugo.”

High beams dazzled , chasing away the night’s darkness beneath the thicket of spruces.

Not wanting to be seen, Kuon squinted and blended into the shadows but winced as something stabbed his heel.

His feet were raw and chafed; his big toe was bleeding.

Spruce needles sank into his battered, frozen soles, adding to his misery.

Grasping a branch, he lifted his foot, plucked a thorn from his heel, and flicked it aside.

A luxurious black SUV whizzed past, heading toward Yugo’s mansion. Then it swerved from side to side as if the driver had lost control. A loud screech of tires pierced the night. The rustle of wings joined the howling wind, as dark shadows flitted across the strip of stars overhead.

The SUV swung into a U-turn and pulled level with him. The driver’s window rolled down, revealing a blond head

“Puppy? What a pleasant surprise. Did you sense me coming and want to greet me first? You really shouldn’t have,” Tobias said.

The mockery, hiding behind the crooked grin, made Kuon lose interest. With a theatrical gesture, Tobias glanced at his wristwatch and said, “Hmmm, well past midnight. I guess I missed all the fun and the magic has already dissipated. Did the carriage turn back into a pumpkin, the horses into mice, the footmen into lizards, and the clothes back into ordinary rags again? Shouldn’t the shoes have stayed on, though? ”

Kuon let the sarcasm slide as he unconsciously examined the car which shared its master’s edgy aura.

He’d heard that the Knight XV was a Fort Knox on wheels, but he’d never seen one.

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t impressed; the car looked like a tank straight out of a James Bond movie.

The high beams provided enough side light to make out his pitiful reflection in the mirror-smooth car fender.

Kuon looked up. In contrast to the freshly polished car, its master looked like he’d just been through hell.

Tobias’ dirty blond, shaggy hair was disheveled and greasy.

His tanned face with dry, weather-bitten skin had a yellowish bruise on his left cheekbone.

His pale lips were chapped, and week-old stubble covered his chin, making Kuon think the man had last shaved around the same time he had.

Kuon scoffed, then resumed walking. It was too cold outside to stand still.

“Ah, I guess it’s worse than I thought,” Tobias droned after a too-long moment of mutual scrutiny, the car rolling, perfectly in sync with Kuon’s pace. “Come on, hop in. I’ll drive you home.”

“Don’t waste your time. I’m not going back,” Kuon said, trying to sound confident despite the gooseflesh prickling his skin.

“How far do you think you can go barefoot? It’s barely twelve degrees [6] outside.” When Kuon didn’t answer, the tires screeched again, and the car blocked his way. Tobias lost his grin. “I said, get in. I won’t repeat myself. Now.”

After a brief hesitation, he realized that getting physical with Tobias was an idiotic idea.

Judging by the look in the man’s eyes, that would be an inevitable outcome of Kuon’s prolonged stubbornness.

So, he circled the car and pulled open the passenger door.

The cold handle burned his frozen fingers, and he almost groaned when his back met the warm honey-brown leather upholstery.

Kuon glanced at the time; he’d been walking for more than two hours.

He twisted at the waist to look over his shoulder at the huge compartment, which had two seats facing forward and two more facing backward.

Yugo sure paid his lieutenants well if they could afford a car like this.

“Even though I have a pretty clear idea of what this is about, you’re an idiot for going out like this while you’re on immunosuppressants.” Eyes trained on the rearview monitor; the blond swung the car around.

Kuon would have agreed, but somehow, the realization that he knew nothing about Tobias, while the man had obviously scrutinized his medical history, annoyed him.

“You have no idea what’s going on, so don’t make assumptions because I’m not going back.

” Kuon wrapped his fingers around Tobias’ wrist, stopping him from turning the wheel.

Under the surprised gaze of the colorless eyes, Kuon clenched his teeth to keep them from chattering.

Face to face in the dark, he noticed pinpoint pupils.

Is he high? Have I completely run out of luck?

“I don’t have to be a geniusss to underssstand that Mio happened.

” Tobias’ hand reached up to Kuon’s face and brushed the skin beneath his eye.

Kuon flinched away from the cool touch as if it stung.

“Your eyes are red and hot. Have you been crying?” Tobias didn’t smile as his snakish, unblinking gaze fixed on Kuon.

“Poor Puppy, want me to comfort you? I promise I’ll be much gentler than Yugo ever was. ”

“I’ll walk.” Kuon grabbed the door lock, but it didn’t budge.

With a huff, Tobias grabbed a dark blue blanket from behind his seat and tossed it toward Kuon.

A familiar aroma of freshly baked bread and cinnamon enveloped Kuon, indicating that Mio had used it last. Kuon’s pride reared up, but he nodded anyway and wrapped the soft fleece around his shoulders. It was stupid to refuse it when he was frozen.

“Buckle up.” Tobias said. The car spun as he floored the gas pedal, speeding toward Vienna.

The silence and the monotonous landscape behind the window drew Kuon’s thoughts to Yugo.

The way he held Mio, just like two years ago, the way their lips touched.

His reflection in the window grimaced as a thick knot of bitterness clogged his throat.

His eyes stung and burned with resentment, and his chest ached from the accumulated frustration.

He wondered if Mio felt as insulted and humiliated as he did, but then he remembered the hard glare of the azure eyes and the farewell gesture.

How many times had Mio gone through this to be able to handle the shock so well? Kuon couldn’t even imagine. He must really love Yugo if he still fights for him… I don’t think I could do that.

He couldn’t help but think that, unlike himself, Mio was patient and forgiving. A perfect lover for someone like Yugo.

“Didn’t I tell you I’d help? You should’ve called.”

Kuon rubbed his neck, touch scalding with ice. He didn’t want to talk, yet heard himself say, “What makes you think I need your help?”

“I know Yugo better and longer than you. Santellis don’t let go of their toys. Mark my words, nothing good awaits you. Leave while you still can, because the only way to stay with a Santelli is to dive into their world. You can’t be with them and stay clean.”

“Speaking from experience, I suppose?” Kuon asked, though he struggled to say why he was answering instead of staying silent. Tobias’ warning was outdated, now that he’d already left, but the unsolicited advice rubbed salt into a still-too-fresh wound.

Tobias smirked. “Kinda.”

“Why are you so eager to ‘help’ me?” Kuon croaked. He wanted to ask if it was to help Mio hop back into Yugo’s bed, but that wasn’t his concern anymore. The sooner he left the Black Duke and everything related to him behind, the better.

“Consider it a token of goodwill. Or maybe I’m feeling a little nostalgic. You remind me of myself.”

“I’m nothing like you,” Kuon growled. Having experienced Tobias’ manipulative games once, he had no desire to listen to the man again, especially when the man insisted they were alike.

Deep down, he knew the best tactic was silence, disengagement.

Yet the warmth surrounding him made his control slip a bit.

“Oh, but you are. Na?ve and earnest.” The car pulled to a stop, and Tobias pierced Kuon with the heavy gaze of his colorless eyes. “I was just like you, once. The law was my religion, the crime code—my Bible. You see, I worked for Interpol, and I loved my job.”

Kuon’s eyes widened, the drowsiness receded a bit. None of Yugo’s files said anything about that.

“Like you, I believed in justice, and just like you, I was in love with a Santelli.”

“I’m not in love with Yugo,” Kuon said, perhaps too quickly.

Tobias gave him a knowing look that annoyed the hell out of him. “Sure, and your eyes are red because dandelions are in bloom? And you’re barefoot because foxes stole your shoes?”

Kuon glared but there was no point in arguing. Still, Tobias’ words piqued his curiosity, so he fueled the conversation. “Why did you leave Interpol?”

Tobias shrugged. “When you love something with passion and believe in it with all your heart, disappointment kills. It only takes one step for love to turn into hatred.”

Kuon blinked, then blurted out, “Are you talking about Milana’s death or her marrying someone else?”

Tobias’ eyes narrowed as he gave Kuon an ominous look. “You don’t waste your time, do you?”

The car lurched into motion without a warning, pushing Kuon’s back into the seat.

Kuon shrugged and turned away. Questions buzzed through his mind, but it was pointless to voice them.

Not that he would ever have a chance to solve the mystery now that he and Yugo were strangers.

He pressed his forehead against the bulletproof glass and closed his eyes, not knowing what to do next.

The gentle motion lulled him, and reality blurred as he slowly sank into himself.