Page 3 of Doubts of the Egoist (Egoist #3)

His body burned with hellish flames. And wasn’t that ridiculous?

In the past two years, he’d been with countless more handsome men, but he barely remembered any of them.

Sex with them didn’t satisfy him. Even with Noah, he was constantly looking for new things to keep himself interested.

Sometimes it helped, but mostly he couldn’t come for hours because his mind went elsewhere.

Now, the view of Kuon biting his lips in anticipation made his cock leak.

Ridiculous , Yugo thought. With medical tape strapping opaque white shields over Kuon’s eyes and pink and brown skin peeking out from under the perforated plastic, calling the man attractive would be a stretch.

If anything, the wide, elongated medical eye shields resembled facet eyes.

Kuon looked like a dork awkwardly cosplaying a comic-book insect man for Halloween.

Besides, Kuon had gained bulk and leaned toward being muscle-bound.

Yugo had never been attracted to men larger than himself, preferring lean, slender youths.

But now, euphoria streamed through his system, making him feel high from a simple touch.

He was sure if their kiss lasted long enough, he’d cum in his pants like a fucking teenager.

The familiar, clean scent of Kuon’s skin…

his reluctant obedience at the table… the flicks of his tongue as he tried to clean his lips of gravy…

his Adam’s apple bobbing every time he’d swallowed a bite.

Such simple things shouldn’t drive Yugo crazy, yet he wanted Kuon to swallow his cum with the same gusto as he’d swallowed a piece of lamb, then lick his lips with eager thoroughness.

Strong, hot fingers stabbed his ribs with painful impatience as Kuon bent his knee to rub his inner thigh.

The pain vanished when the pink tongue flicked out, wetting chapped lips, snatching his attention.

It called him, so Yugo propped himself up on his left elbow and pressed the thumb of his free hand to Kuon’s kiss-swollen lower lip.

With a little pressure, he pulled it down.

Kuon relaxed his jaw, exposing the smooth tissues of his inner mouth for observation.

The dim light seeping from behind the half-drawn curtains didn’t reach the bed, edging Kuon’s mouth in shadows, making it look dark and sinful.

So fucking hot…

Even in his wildest dreams, the former cop had never been this obedient. An obsessive need to touch the inside of his mouth overwhelmed. Slipping his index and middle fingers inside, he stroked the velvety surface of Kuon’s tongue which was quickly coated with pooling saliva.

Kuon tensed. His hand shot up and fingers gripped Yugo’s forearm to prevent deeper penetration. To reassure him, Yugo leaned closer and dragged his tongue over the spot where his fingers had rested on his lower teeth, collecting a glistening drop of saliva from the edge of his lips.

“Let me…” His breath bounced against Kuon’s cheek, warming his own lips. Kuon swallowed around his fingers, then let out a slow exhale, granting him full access. His hand dropped on the linen in surrender. “Lick them for me. Show me how much you want to taste me.”

Kuon wavered. His cheeks flushed, and a harsh exhalation ricocheted off Yugo’s palm, dampening it.

Cautiously, Kuon’s chapped lips closed around Yugo’s knuckles, and a light suction made his cock jolt with lust. Kuon’s slick tongue rolled shyly around his fingers.

The tenderness of the lick, in striking contrast to Kuon’s rough exterior, made his head spin.

“So fucking hot…” The room seemed to grow warmer, or maybe it was just Yugo’s blood heating up. He had to open his mouth to ease his heavy breathing. He leaned closer, following every flick of Kuon’s tongue with rapt attention.

Ghosts of things they had done on this bed surfaced in his mind, rousing a desire to repeat them.

The unskilled mouth locked around his cock…

hooded eyes filled with indignation and desire, watching him with caution…

heavy, metal chains stark against sinewy wrists…

iridescent beads of sweat on smooth skin…

the corded muscles on the powerful back, pain and pleasure tearing through the most perfect body.

The ghosts differed from reality, but Yugo didn’t care.

Mine…

His fingertips rubbed a spot on the root of Kuon’s tongue, then drew a long trail to the tip, and slipped all the way in again. The tender sensation turned his fingers into an erogenous zone, messing with his mind.

His hand froze, anticipating slight spasms to seize Kuon’s throat. It grew hotter and wetter under his touch, and soon enough, the man beneath him writhed, gasping for breath.

“Uho…” Kuon slurred, trying to wrench his face away from the iron grip, but he no longer heard him. His consciousness had sunk into the red haze of raw instinct. Their tongues met around his finger.

Sweet… It was so hard to think with his upper head when his lower one longed to sink into the softness of the welcoming mouth. He’d waited too long for this moment to fight the urge. So damn sweet…

Eyes feasting on the twist of Kuon’s lips and his bobbing throat, he didn’t dare blink, wanting, needing, to feel that hot mouth milking his cock the way it milked his fingers.

“Two fucking years…”

The man beneath him stilled, breath hitching against his palm as if waiting for continuation, but Yugo had nothing to add.

Rising to his knees, he withdrew his fingers from Kuon’s mouth, tore his shirt off, and undid his pants. His cock felt heavy and hot on his palm, thick veins throbbing with desire.

He moved a knee closer and invited his lover to lift up on his elbows with a pull on his shoulder. His angry-red head brushed over Kuon’s lips, smearing a glistening drop of pre-cum across them.

“Open your mouth for me, hm?”

Kuon tensed when Yugo’s fingers gripped his jaw and pressed on the joints there, demanding obedience. With an air of uncertainty, Kuon’s chapped lips parted just enough to reveal a perfect row of white teeth.

“Wider,” Yugo whispered as his index finger snaked under Kuon’s tongue, pressing on his salivary glands to make it even wetter inside. “That’s it.”

“Ugh…” Kuon winced, crumpling the stormy-blue silk as saliva trickled down his chin.

“Be still,” Yugo commanded as he remembered how beautifully lust, pain, and fear had dilated Kuon’s pupils, pushing the irises to narrow rings.

Peering into the voids of those eyes had always made him feel powerful, as if he could see his soul and read every hidden secret.

Now, with medical plastic concealing half of his face, Yugo didn’t know where else to look to fill the hollow darkness growing in his chest.

Something blunt and slippery brushed against Kuon’s lower lip, and the musky scent of arousal filled his nostrils.

Yugo’s fingers hooked his cheek from the inside and pulled on it, before he shoved his thick cock down Kuon’s tongue, stretching his lips around the girth.

The cockhead bumped against the sensitive spot at the back of his throat. He gagged.

Kuon didn’t mind rough sex. He remembered times when he’d even enjoyed it, but blindness made him insecure, wary, and defenseless. He wanted to ask Yugo to stop, but the man pulled harder on his cheek, adjusting his head position for his comfort.

“Easy there. Don’t scrape me with your teeth, and relax your throat.” Cool fingers drew soothing circles over the side of Kuon’s face. “Fuck, I missed your mouth so much. You feel so fucking good.”

The raw lust in the low baritone smothered his protest. He swallowed the mix of pre-cum and saliva, breathing through his nose. Not wanting to ruin Yugo’s pleasure, but needing air nevertheless, he pressed a hand against Yugo’s thigh to have more control over the depth of his thrusts.

Yugo didn’t seem to notice. His cock pulled out before he slammed his hips forward, driving himself all the way into his throat. The metal zipper of Yugo’s pants scraped Kuon’s chin while his pubic hair tickled his nose. His eyes watered as the cockhead hit that sensitive spot again.

“Ugh,” Kuon groaned, thick saliva flooding his mouth and dripping down his chin. He instinctively pulled back, trying to stop himself from gagging.

“Stay still!” Yugo’s demand scalded his nerves as the man’s other hand clenched in his hair, and the cock thrust so deep it breached his throat. “Go on, please me. Didn’t you want this?”

Kuon did, but not like this. Pulse spiking, he pushed Yugo’s hips away to clear his airway.

The cock left his mouth, allowing oxygen into his lungs, but his elbow was yanked out from under him.

His back landed on the pillow, and cold metal clasped around his wrists with painfully familiar clicks.

His arms stretched upward with a haunting rattle of chains, and Yugo straddled him, knees bracketing his chest.

A surge of panic doused the last sparks of arousal. Nausea rose as the memories of the rape flickered. Vivid. Painful. Cruel. They chilled his blood and stuttered his heart.

“No…” Kuon managed with numb lips. The hope that they had left these forced relationships behind turned to dust. Yugo’s jerky movements, demanding tone, and the cruelty of his gestures—everything reminded him of their first encounters.

When Yugo’s cock pressed against his lips, demanding entry, he whipped his head to the side. “No, wait, please.”

Metal rattled as he gripped the chains with trembling fingers.

“Open your mouth.” The cold order dripped deep, sadistic notes.

An invisible needle shot through Kuon’s chest. His lungs spasmed as air caught in his throat. Cold sweat slicked his neck as he choked out hoarse words, “What the fuck is wrong with you, bastard? Release me right now!”

“No!” The flat refusal felt like a slap.

His panic accelerated. Rigid fingers seemingly amalgamated with the chains as he couldn’t unclench them.

“Enough!” he nearly shouted. Gathering the last drops of his strength, he twisted his body in an attempt to shake off Yugo’s weight. “I said enough! I hate it!”

Yugo blinked, and the crimson veil fell from his eyes. He slapped the switch, and soft, yellow light illuminated the room. His focus jumped from the thick vein pulsing at Kuon’s temple to the blanched knuckles, bitten lip, and heaving chest.

A hollow, sucking feeling settled in his stomach. “Are you scared of me?”

Kuon’s pale lips barely moved as he mouthed, “Release me.”

Yugo swallowed the bitter taste of disappointment. He unlocked the handcuffs, grasped Kuon’s icy wrist to check his pulse. “Why?”

Not giving an answer, Kuon sat up and tried to shake off his grip. Sensing the rapid drumming in his fingertips, Yugo held tighter.

“Tell me.” Lowering his voice, he intoned the name like an order, “Kuon…”

“I can’t see fucking shit.” The words rushed out of Kuon’s mouth, then he grimaced.

“I hate chains. I don’t have good memories of them, so even if I try, I can’t relax.

I don’t know what to expect—pain, pleasure, humiliation, or whatever else crosses your mind.

I can’t do this right now. I don’t think I want to do this at all. ”

The realization that not only his appearance had changed stunned Yugo.

Seeing Kuon’s fear was no longer fun, and for the first time since their reunion, he was forced to recognize the extent of the loss Kuon’s disability caused.

There would be no more sparring sessions or fights.

Sex wouldn’t be as kinky or rough because any excessive physical activity could cause corneal rejection.

The things he’d enjoyed doing with Kuon were left in the past and would remain there for at least two years, perhaps forever.

Frail… The ill-fitting word stuck on his tongue as he looked at the white eye shields on the equally white face. Without seeing those eyes, he couldn’t tell if the challenging look he loved the most remained or had been lost to the past. If so, he would hate it.

Throat tight, he croaked, “I didn’t mean to scare you. I… got excited to have you here with me.”

Kuon cringed as if hearing those words was as painful for him as it was for Yugo to say them. He pulled his wrist free and rubbed the spot where Yugo’s thumb had bruised his skin. “Don’t look at me like that, or I’ll punch you.”

Yugo snorted, although he didn’t feel a shred of amusement. “How do you know how I look at you? You said you don’t see shit.”

“I feel it,” Kuon hissed through clenched teeth. “Let’s make something clear. I’m not asking you to be gentle or to change your preferences. Just… don’t push me until I can see again. When I’m healed, I’ll play with you however you want. Willingly. With verbal consent, if you know what that is.”

Suspicion crept into Yugo’s tone. “Is that a promise?”

“It is, but if I hate it, I’ll kick your ass.” Kuon turned his face, giving the illusion that he was watching him from behind the shields. His growing grin made the corners of Yugo’s lips curl up in response.

“Deal!”

Yugo leaned in to seal the bargain with a kiss, but Kuon turned his face to avoid the touch. “Until then, why don’t you play by my rules? Blindfold yourself.”