Page 61 of Don’t Let Me Go

When Duy and Caleb showed up at my house this morning and insisted that I go ride some roller coasters with them, they didn’t

mention anything about Riley. In fact, the only reason I agreed to go was because I knew today was his birthday, and I was

afraid that if I didn’t do something to distract myself, I’d go crazy thinking about him.

Now here he is, standing in front of me and staring at me like a deer in headlights. I can tell from his panicked eyes that

every instinct in his body is telling him to run, but he’s too startled to move. And honestly, so am I.

“What the hell is he doing here?” Riley demands once he remembers how to speak. His voice is choked with fear, but Audrey

simply smiles.

“Surprise!” she exclaims, beaming at us both. “Welcome to your intervention!”

“Our what?” I ask.

“A relationship intervention,” Tala clarifies.

“That’s right,” Audrey agrees with a nod. “We have no idea why the two of you broke up, but we do know that you’ve both been

miserable. So we decided it was time for you two to stop avoiding each other and figure out your shit because you both clearly

regret splitting up. And you can be as mad as you want at us for tricking you when you get home tonight, but right now, you

two need to talk. So talk .”

Spending time with Riley—even only a few minutes—is all I’ve wanted for the past two weeks.

Given what’s at stake, I know it’s the stupidest thing we could do—especially on his birthday—but there are things I have to tell him.

And I don’t know when I’ll have another opportunity.

So despite every fiber of my being warning me that this is a terrible idea, all I say is “Okay.”

Riley’s eyes go wide with surprise. For a second, he looks like he’s about to protest. Then he shrugs in defeat, too tired

to fight a battle against his own heart.

“Great! We’re gonna get some ice cream at Ye Old Ice Creamery. You two sit down and talk,” Audrey orders, pointing to a nearby

picnic table shaded by a red-and-white-striped umbrella. “We’ll be back to check on you in a bit.”

Riley nods, but it’s not until we both sit down across from each other that Audrey and the others look convinced that neither

of us is gonna pull a runner. Slowly they drift across the street and into the ice cream parlor, leaving Riley and me to stare

at each other in awkward silence.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” he says, gazing down at his hands in an effort to collect himself. “It’s not safe.”

“We’re only talking. We’re not...” I can’t bring myself to finish that sentence. Obviously, we’re not getting back together.

But if I have to say those words out loud, it will break my heart all over again. “How have you been?” I ask.

“Awful.” Riley snorts. “You?”

“Awful.”

Riley looks up at me, his eyes wet and wretched. “I’ve really fucking missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

My body is aching to reach across the table and take his hand. It’s killing me not to.

“What are we going to do about the others?” he asks, wiping away a tear. “They’re going to keep pestering us to get back together.”

“Don’t worry,” I tell him. “After today, that’s?.?.?.?that’s not gonna be an issue.”

Riley’s eyes narrow in suspicion. “Why not?”

“Because.” I take a deep breath. “I’m moving back to Tallahassee.”

Riley’s face falls. “You’re what?”

“My mother came to see me. She asked me to move back home. I told her I needed a few days to think about it. But I’ve?.?.?.?I’ve

made my decision. I’m moving back to Tallahassee.”

Riley shakes his head. “I don’t understand. Your parents weren’t even talking to you, and now they want you to come home?”

“Yeah.”

“And, what, they’re suddenly okay with you liking guys?”

Now it’s my turn to avoid Riley’s eyes.

“No, of course they’re not,” he scoffs. “Let me guess—they want you to come home so they can watch you and straighten you

out?”

“It’s okay,” I insist. “I’ll be fine.”

“No, it’s not okay, and you won’t be fine!” Riley shouts. “I don’t care if they’re your parents. You can’t live with people

who don’t accept you for who you are. They’re going to spend all their time trying to change you, trying to make you into

something you’re not, and you’re going to be miserable, Jackson. You’re going to be miserable .”

He’s right. But what can I do? “I can’t stay here.”

“Yes, you can! You can stay with your aunt, and you can hang out with Duy and Audrey and Tala!”

“Riley—”

“Please stay. I know we can’t be together, and I know it’ll be hard seeing each other when school starts up, but you can’t

go back to Tallahassee. You’d be throwing your life away!”

The tears are streaming down his face faster than he can wipe them away. Unable to resist the urge any longer, I reach across the table and take his hand. He doesn’t pull away.

“This is so stupid!” he exclaims, his words coming out in something that’s half a laugh and half a sob. “How is this happening

to us? How is this our life?”

“I don’t know.”

He squeezes my hand, and it’s like a jolt of electricity. It fills me with recklessness and something like hope. We’re getting

strange looks from all the sunburned tourists, but I don’t care. Being with Riley, even if we’re both fucking devastated,

is still a million times better than the past two weeks of unrelenting emptiness without him.

“Promise me you won’t move back to Tallahassee,” he insists. “ Promise me .”

“Okay,” I hear myself agree.

“Okay?”

“I won’t move back to Tallahassee.”

Riley smiles up at me, and I swear it’s like staring into the sun. His happiness is blinding. It doesn’t seem possible that

I’ll have to spend the rest of the year—the rest of my life —without that smile. Without that happiness. Without him.

“All I think about is us getting back together,” I tell him, the words spilling out of me.

Riley nods and wipes away more tears. “I know. Me too.”

His sharp green eyes peer into mine, and before I know what I’m doing, I say the impossible. “So why don’t we?”

Riley snatches his hand away like he’s been stung, and his whole face clouds over in shadows. “We can’t, Jackson. You know

we can’t.”

But seeing Riley in front of me after two weeks of agony, I don’t know anything anymore. Except how much I need him in my life. “Jocasta said if anything was gonna happen, it would happen on your birthday. Maybe if we can just get through today—”

“We can’t trick the universe!” Riley snaps. “We can’t break up just for my birthday, then get together tomorrow and expect

the universe to be like, ‘Oh, well, guess you guys got me on a technicality. Guess I’ll have to let you live.’?”

“We don’t know what the rules are. Maybe if we get past today, we’re in the clear.”

“Jackson—”

“These past couple of weeks without you have been the worst fucking weeks of my life,” I confess. “I thought I could let you

go if it meant we’d both be safe, but I can’t.”

“You think I don’t feel the same?” Riley shakes his head. “Not seeing you is hell . But we know what’s going to happen if we stay together.”

“No, we know what Jocasta thinks will happen if we stay together.”

“And I believe her!”

“I know you do.”

“And you don’t?” Riley throws up his hands in exasperation. “Because you were pretty fucking certain two weeks ago when you

dumped me.”

“I know,” I answer, feeling a fresh stab of pain at the memory of that night. “And all I can say is, at the time, I thought

we were doing the right thing.”

“And now?”

Truth be told, I don’t know what I believe anymore. Maybe Riley and I are doomed if we stay together. But it feels like we’re

also doomed if we stay apart.

“Look,” I say, “Jocasta said if we stayed together, something bad would happen on your birthday, right? Well, it’s your birthday.

We’re together. Nothing’s happened.”

“There are still twelve hours left in the day.”

“Right. And what I’m saying is, if nothing happens in those twelve hours, then maybe we consider getting back together.”

“Something could still happen after I turn eighteen.”

“Yeah,” I concede. “Maybe. Or nothing could happen.”

Riley doesn’t say anything to this, so I keep going.

“I know what I’m asking is a lot. Especially considering how fucked we are if I’m wrong. But I don’t care. Living to a hundred—living

a long, full life—that’s gonna mean nothing to me if I don’t have you.”

Riley looks at me helplessly, his eyes swimming with confusion. I can tell he’s wavering.

“You don’t have to answer right now,” I tell him. “You can take as much time as you need. As much time until you feel safe

and certain that nothing bad is gonna happen. If that’s a day or a week or a month or a year, that’s okay. I can wait. I can

wait forever as long as I know that at the end of that waiting, you and I will be together.”

Riley is silent, so I reach out and take his hand again. “Please, Riley. Just tell me you’ll think about it.”

He hesitates. Then, looking deep into my eyes, he nods. “Okay.”