Page 45 of Don’t Let Me Go

After I told my father I wanted to quit football, change schools, and move in with Aunt Rachel, he didn’t talk to me for a

month. I wonder how long the silent treatment will last this time now that I’ve told him about Riley.

So far, it’s been three days. No calls. No texts. Nothing.

Aunt Rachel got an earful, though. A few hours after he chewed me out on my birthday, Dad called her. She wouldn’t tell me

what he said, but I’m guessing it wasn’t good. All she said afterward was “Your parents are going to need some time” and “You’ll

always have a home here.”

So, yeah, not a great sign.

Thing is, I should’ve known my father would react this way. That one time I wore a dress for Halloween, he nearly lost his

mind. And that was a joke.

But my mother? My mother has never had a problem with gay people. Her hairdresser is gay. So is her florist and her cardio

instructor. And, yeah, I know that’s fucking cliché, but it proves she’s not homophobic. At least I thought it did.

But I guess it’s one thing to have a gay hairstylist and another to have a gay son.

If that’s even what I am.

I should probably figure that out at some point since it’s costing me my relationship with my parents. But honestly? I don’t care what I am. I care about Riley. So whatever that makes me, that’s what I am.

If my parents can’t get on board with that, that’s their problem. I’m not gonna give up the one thing—the one person—that

makes me happy just because they don’t approve. They can give me the silent treatment all they want. I don’t need their noise.

I don’t need anything. Except Riley.

“Wow, someone’s in serious study mode,” a voice calls from behind me, jolting me out of my thoughts.

I look up from the pile of books strewn across my table in the Winter Park library and turn to see Tala hovering over my shoulder.

“Oh. Uh. Hi,” I say, surprised to see her. “What are you doing here?”

“Getting a head start on my senior thesis. What are you doing here?”

I’m not sure how to answer that. The truth is I’m here because I need the distraction. Sitting home all day waiting for Riley

to get off work, I was starting to go a little stir-crazy. I kept replaying that conversation with my parents on a loop in

my head, and I knew it was gonna drive me nuts if I didn’t do something to take my mind off it.

That’s when I thought about Riley and his whole theory about past lives and reincarnation. He hasn’t mentioned it since my

birthday, but I can tell he’s still freaked out about the dreams. Some nights when we’re hanging out or watching a movie,

he’ll just go quiet and get this intense, faraway look in his eyes like he’s trying to solve some impossible puzzle.

I know he’s gonna keep obsessing about these dreams until he gets answers, so I figured I might as well try to get them for him.

It’s the least I can do. Riley’s been so incredible these past couple of days, calling me every morning before he goes to work and coming straight over when he’s done.

He’s really been there for me. And I want to do something to show him how much I appreciate his support.

That’s why I texted him this morning and asked him to recommend a library with a good history section. The way I see it, Riley’s

freaking out because he thinks our dreams might be memories, so if I can prove that the crazy shit in our dreams didn’t actually

go down the way we dreamed it—like if we got some major historical detail wrong—that’ll be proof that our dreams aren’t memories

but random nonsense. Then Riley can stop worrying.

That’s the plan, at least. Only I can’t say all that to Tala.

“I have to write a report,” I tell her after way too long a pause. “It’s kind of embarrassing, but I got an incomplete in

my history class last semester.”

“Oh no!”

“Yeah. I never turned in my final assignment,” I lie. “But my teacher said that if I wrote something over the summer, he’d

consider changing my grade.”

“That was really nice of him.”

“Yeah. He’s a cool teacher.”

Tala grabs one of the books off my table and reads the title on the spine. “?‘ The Life and Times of Erik the Red .’ You’re writing a paper about Vikings?”

“Yeah.” I roll my eyes like it’s the lamest subject in the world. “My teacher assigned the topic.”

“Learn anything interesting?”

“Not yet. I only just started reading,” I answer truthfully. “I keep getting distracted.”

“Oh, sorry!” Tala says, quickly setting the book down. “I’ll let you get back to your research.”

“No, I didn’t mean you,” I assure her. “I’m just having trouble focusing this afternoon. It’s kind of been a rough week.”

Tala tilts her head in concern. “Is everything all right?”

I start to say no. I don’t want to burden her with my drama. But then I remember what Riley said about her family and how

they reacted when she told them she liked girls.

“Actually, do you have a minute to talk?” I ask.

“Sure,” she chirps, sliding into the chair across from me. “What’s up?”

“So, this might come a little out of left field,” I begin, trying to sound as casual as I can, “but I wanted to ask you about

your parents.”

Her brow furrows. “My parents?”

“Yeah. Riley told me that when you first started dating Audrey, your parents weren’t exactly on board. And I was wondering,

you know, how you dealt with that?”

“Oh.” My question seems to take her aback.

“Sorry. Is that too personal? I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, it’s okay,” she says, recovering with a smile. “And Riley’s right. It was a definite adjustment for my parents. It still

is sometimes.”

“What do you mean?”

“ Queer , Muslim , and Egyptian aren’t words that are typically used in the same sentence. At least, not in my family. I mean, the mosque we go to is somewhat

progressive. But there’s still a lot of shame and confusion in the Muslim community when it comes to queerness and homosexuality.

And sometimes it’s difficult for my parents to navigate that.”

“Yeah. I bet.”

“Don’t get me wrong, my parents love me,” Tala clarifies. “And they really like Audrey. In fact, on some level, I think my

dad is actually relieved I’m dating a girl. He doesn’t have to worry about becoming a grandfather before I graduate.”

We both laugh, but a second later Tala’s smile falters.

“Of course, my parents still refer to Audrey as my ‘friend’ no matter how many times I correct them. And sometimes my mom

says things that make me think she’s okay with me dating a girl so long as when I finally decide to settle down and marry,

I end up with a guy.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s a process. Some days my parents are totally fine with having a queer daughter, and we’ll watch Heartstopper together, and everything seems great.”

“And other days?”

“Other days not so much.” She shrugs. “But the important thing to me is that they’re trying. I see them putting in the effort

to educate themselves. I know they want to understand me. Even if they still have certain hang-ups or they occasionally say

things that make me want to pull my hair out, I know their hearts are in the right place. I know they love me. And that makes

all the difference.”

Tala smiles. It’s a smile filled with hope. I want to return it, but all I can do is stare at my hands and wonder if my parents

will ever make half the effort that the Youssefs are making. Given how they spoke to me on my birthday and how they haven’t

spoken to me since, it’s hard to imagine they will.

“Did that answer your question?” Tala asks.

“Yeah. It did. Thanks.”

“Great.” She pauses. “Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“Uh?.?.?.?sure.”

“Does your question about what it’s like to be in a same-sex relationship when you have conservative parents have anything

to do with all the time you’ve been spending with my best pal Riley?”

I feel the heat rise in my cheeks. Even if I tried to deny the implication—which I don’t want to do—Tala wouldn’t believe me. My face is a dead giveaway. As is the oddly proud smile that I’m unable to hold back.

“Yeah,” I hear myself confess. “We’re sort of?.?.?.?dating.”

Tala gasps and covers her mouth with her hands. “I knew it!”

I can’t help laughing out loud, and Tala instantly blushes.

“Oh, sorry! I mean, congratulations!”

“I guess it’s sort of obvious that we’re into each other, huh?”

“ So obvious. Duy wanted to say something, but I said no, let them figure it out themselves. And you did! I’m so excited!”

An old man at a nearby table shushes Tala, at which point we both remember we’re in a library.

“This is such great news. We need to celebrate!” Tala whispers.

“Celebrate?” I shake my head. “ Wow .”

“Wow what?”

“Nothing. I just wish my parents had had that reaction.”

Tala’s face falls. “Did they not take the news well when you told them? Is that why Riley asked me to come check on you?”

“He did what?”

“Oops.” Tala once again covers her mouth with her hands. “I wasn’t supposed to say anything. But Riley texted me an hour ago

and said you were a bit down. He asked me to swing by here and check on you.”

I shake my head. “That sneaky little...” But I can’t even pretend to be angry. I’m too touched by Riley’s thoughtfulness.

“As for your parents,” Tala continues, “I’m sorry they didn’t react the way you’d hoped. That sucks . But it just gives us more of a reason to celebrate, don’t you think?”

The idea of celebrating the fact that Riley and I are a couple, while incredibly sweet, is something that Old Jackson would find totally embarrassing.

But Jackson 2.0 is very much aware that having Riley in his life might be the most momentous thing that’s ever happened to him.

And if that’s the case, why not celebrate?

Even if I don’t believe in reincarnation or past lives, we still found each other in this life. And right now, despite what

my parents think, that honestly feels like a miracle.