Page 28 of Don’t Let Me Go
“Was it something I said?” Aunt Rachel asks, setting her groceries on the floor.
I don’t know what to do. My brain is shouting at me to go after Riley, but my body refuses to move. I don’t think Rachel saw
anything, but the thought that she could have has me frozen on the sofa in a cold sweat. I don’t understand what just happened.
me. Was I about to kiss him?
“Riley had to go,” I hear myself answer, my mouth on autopilot.
“Is he okay?”
“Yeah. He was just?.?.?.?late for something.”
Aunt Rachel looks dubious. Thankfully, one of her overstuffed bags tips over, spilling several bright red tomatoes across
the floor. I jump off the sofa and start gathering them up.
“Here. Let me help you.”
“Thanks,” she says, hoisting up her bags again with a laugh. “I kind of went overboard on kale.”
We take the groceries into the kitchen, where my aunt launches into a story about some drama that went down at the farmers’
market. Something about a fistfight that broke out between two farmers because one of them accused the other of passing off
Smucker’s as his own homemade organic jelly. I don’t know. I’m only half listening.
All I can think about is Riley.
Less than an hour ago, in that gazebo, I was so certain I wanted to kiss him. Just once. Just to see how it felt and find
out if there really was something between us.
But now? I don’t know what I want. The fact that I’m on the verge of a heart attack because my aunt almost caught me making
out with a boy isn’t a great sign. It’s pretty much proof that I am not ready for anything more complicated than friendship
with Riley. Not if this is how I’m reacting.
Then again, who knows how I’d be reacting if I’d actually gotten to kiss him? Maybe if Aunt Rachel hadn’t come home, I’d still
be doing it. Maybe a kiss would’ve changed everything.
Is that what I want, though? For everything to change?
If so, why does the thought of that terrify me?
“ Jackson ,” my aunt barks, snapping me out of my head. “Did you hear me?”
Blinking in confusion, I turn to see her staring at me with an expression of amused exasperation. I think she’s been trying
to get my attention for a while.
“Sorry, what did you say?”
“I said, ‘Don’t go into the light, Carol Anne.’?”
I’m so lost. “Carol Anne?”
“The little girl in Poltergeist ? She falls into a trance and gets sucked into the light of her TV?”
“What?”
“Oh, for goodness’ sake, Jackson, shut the fridge .”
I have no idea what my aunt is talking about until I feel the chill on my skin and realize that I’m standing in front of the
open refrigerator. I must have spaced out in the middle of putting away the kale.
“Sorry,” I mumble, shutting the door.
“You okay, kiddo?”
“Yeah. I’m fine. Duy just had me standing in the sun all morning. I’m a little wiped out. If it’s okay with you, I’m gonna go lie down.”
Without giving my aunt a chance to respond, I hurry to my room.
I need to talk to Riley. Regardless of how freaked out I am, I need to make sure he’s okay. He looked really upset when he
left. And I don’t blame him. He must think I hate him.
I pull out my phone. But just as I’m about to call, it occurs to me that I have no idea what I’m gonna say.
Am I calling to tell him that everything’s cool between us and we can just pretend nothing happened? Or am I calling to tell
him that I’d like to try again?
Would he even want to try again after the way I acted? And what happens if we do try again and I decide I don’t like him in
that way? That’s not fair to Riley. He’s already had one guy in his life who played with his head and fucked with his heart.
I can’t put him through that again.
Unsure what to do, I lie back on my bed and stare up at the ceiling as a nauseous feeling opens up in the pit of my stomach.
I can’t call Riley until I figure out what I want. But I can’t figure out what I want without talking to Riley. I’m stuck.
And I don’t know how to get unstuck without potentially hurting the one person in the world I’d do anything to protect.
So what do I do?
I shut my eyes and try to think, but it’s no good. Maybe it’s the stress of this impossible decision or maybe I’m just drained
from this impossible day, but I’m suddenly so tired . I can feel my body sinking into the bed as my mind surrenders to the sweet oblivion of sleep. I don’t fight it. I welcome
it.
At least if I’m asleep, I don’t have to think about today. Or the fact that I might just have lost Riley forever.