Page 57 of Don’t Let Me Go

My phone buzzes. Again. Then again. Every few seconds, I hear it vibrating on my nightstand. With a groan, I pull my bedspread

over my head to block out the noise. Whoever’s messaging me, I know it can’t be Riley. And if it’s not Riley, I don’t care

who it is.

Even though it’s only a little after seven and the setting sun is still streaming through my window, I try to will myself

to sleep. But it’s no use. The constant buzzing assaults my ears like a persistent mosquito.

With a sigh, I drag my head out from under the covers and grab my phone. I’m debating whether to silence it or hurl it across

the room when I see I have a string of missed texts from Duy, Tala, and Audrey.

After three days of stalling, Riley must have finally told them we’ve broken up. They’re all asking what happened, if I’m

okay, and if I need anything. Whatever reason Riley gave them for our split, I must not have come off as too much of an asshole.

They’re being incredibly kind, insisting that they’ll be here for me whenever I want to talk.

Who knows , Tala writes optimistically, maybe this is just a bump in the road and you guys will get back together.

Even if it isn’t , Audrey follows up, you’re still our friend.

We LOVE you!!! Duy adds.

Messages of support continue to roll in faster than I can read them. In any other scenario, my heart would be swelling with

gratitude. But my heart’s too broken to swell.

Besides, I need to be realistic. Cutting Riley out of my life means cutting Duy, Tala, and Audrey out too. Trying to hold on to them while avoiding Riley would be impossible. I have to let them go.

They may be three of the best, funniest, weirdest friends that I’ve ever had, but what can I do? I have to make a clean break.

Riley’s life depends on it. Not to mention my own.

Although right now, that life feels pretty fucking meaningless.

“Jackson?” My aunt’s voice, followed by a gentle knock on my door, startles me. “Are you sure you don’t want any dinner? I

made sausage and peppers.”

I turn off my phone, pull the covers over my head, and pretend to be asleep.

I hear the door open and then my aunt sigh at the foot of my bed.

“Kiddo, I don’t know if you’re really asleep or if you’re just sick of me trying to cheer you up, but if it’s the latter,

you should know that I am never ever going to stop trying to cheer you up,” she says, patting my foot through the bedspread. “How about you get up, and we’ll

watch one of your terrible zombie movies? We don’t have to talk. We can just make popcorn and watch people get their brains

eaten by the undead. How does that sound?”

I don’t bother to answer.

“I was also thinking that maybe this weekend, we could drive over to Daytona and hit the beach. It’s been a while since I’ve

dipped my toe in the ocean, and I’ve been meaning to try out my new two-piece. Although when I bought it, the fetus who rang

me up at the register had the nerve to suggest I might be more ‘comfortable’ in a one-piece. Can you believe it?”

When I don’t respond, my aunt lowers her voice in what I can only assume is an attempt to mimic mine. “?‘Oh, but Aunt Rachel,

you’re so young and beautiful. I’m sure you’d kill it in a two-piece.’?”

“Aww, thank you, Jackson,” she answers herself. “That is so sweet of you to say. You really are a kind and considerate young man. Whatever would I do without you?”

I don’t know if Aunt Rachel is trying to get a rise out of me or make me laugh. Either way it doesn’t work. I hear her sigh

in defeat, and the next time she speaks, her forced breeziness is gone.

“Look, kiddo, I don’t know what happened between you and Riley. You don’t want to tell me, and I don’t want to pry, but please

know that whenever you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here. Okay?”

When I don’t say anything, she pats my foot again, shuffles out of the room, and shuts the door behind her.

I know I’m gonna have to get out of this bed and face the world at some point. But the thought of living in that world without

Riley feels like an impossible task.

Imagining the rest of my summer, the rest of my senior year, the rest of my life without the one person who’s finally made

that life worth living is impossible. I feel hollowed out. Empty. Like a husk. Like a thing that used to be Jackson Haines

but now is nothing.

That’s what I see when I close my eyes and try to picture a future without Riley.

Nothing.