Page 8 of Don’t Leave (Stay #2)

CASSIDY

W hat I know about Jackie and Cole is that they were best friends growing up before deciding to deepen their relationship. They dated in high school and were still together when they left for college last fall. Sometime during the course of their freshman year, they broke up.

From the little Cole and Sammy have mentioned, I have my suspicions as to what might have happened.

Needing confirmation, I ask, “If you’d loved him so much, why did you cheat?”

If my blunt question surprises her, it doesn’t show on her expression. Her gaze shifts to the surrounding darkness as a cold wind whips through the trees. I tighten my arms around myself as the leafless branches above us shake.

Just when I begin to wonder if she’ll give me an answer, she draws in a breath before steadily forcing it out again until she looks like she’s deflating before my eyes.

Whatever thoughts are swirling around in her head must weigh heavily because her entire body slumps as if it might fold in on itself.

“I experienced all my firsts with Cole.” The smile she gives me is sad around the edges. “First dance. First kiss. First date. First boyfriend.”

I steel myself, knowing what will come next.

“He’s the first guy I slept with.” She sucks in a deep gulp of oxygen. “And my first love.”

I force out a breath as this information settles over me.

“And I did love him.” Her gaze flickers away before cutting back to mine.

“I didn’t think attending different colleges would be a big deal for us.

We’d known each other for practically our entire lives, and he’d always been my best friend.

We talked it all out before I packed up and left.

He’d visit me once a month and I’d come home when I could.

By that point, Cole and I had been together for two years and we knew that, at some point, we’d get married.

I wanted to experience life before we took that next step. ”

To hear her speak about the future she and Cole had mapped out together has my insides twisting into a painful knot. A year or two ago, he’d wanted to marry this girl.

“If he meant so much to you, why’d you throw away your future with him?” I don’t realize the words have shot from my mouth until it’s too late.

Her body stiffens as she holds my hard gaze for a tense moment before tilting her head back and staring into the bright, star-littered sky.

“I met someone a few weeks into the fall semester. We started out as friends and I told him right away that I had a serious boyfriend. We had two classes together, so we saw each other all the time. Before I knew it, we were spending a lot of time together. Studying, eating lunch or dinner together, just hanging out. After about a month, my feelings for him started to grow and change.” There’s a pause.

“I stopped thinking about Cole and all the plans we’d made and started thinking about Drew.

I got caught up in the guy who was with me everyday.

” Her shoulders slump under the weight of her admittance. “I’d thought I loved him.”

“Is that when you and Cole broke up?”

Slowly she shakes her head. “No.”

My mind spins, trying to piece everything together. “You let him believe you were being faithful when you were actually seeing someone else?”

Her face falls as she jerks her head into a nod.

“After a few weeks, I realized Drew wasn’t the guy I thought he was and broke it off.

” She chews her bottom lip as her eyes take on a faraway look.

“I’d thought about telling Cole but was scared.

I convinced myself that telling him would only hurt him and I didn’t want to do that.

It was easier to pretend that it had never happened.

By then, I’d realized it had been a mistake and we were no longer seeing each other. ”

We both into an uncomfortable silence before she whispers, “But then I found out I was pregnant.”

My eyes widen as the breath catches at the back of my throat.

Pregnant.

I shudder. That could have easily happened to me last year. I was hooking up while drunk and wasn’t taking precautions the way I should have.

“I had to tell him that I’d been with someone else because the baby wasn’t his.”

Nausea grows in the pit of my belly.

Poor Cole .

My gaze unconsciously falls to her waistline. In the skimpy nurse’s outfit she’s wearing, there’s no indication she just gave birth to a baby.

It’s as if she knows what I’m thinking.

“I lost it,” she mumbles, sadness threading its way through her voice.

Even though this wasn’t a planned pregnancy, it’s obvious she still mourns the loss.

“I’m sorry.” Sympathy rushes through me. For a moment, I consider reaching out and tugging her into my arms. I can’t imagine what that must have been like for her.

“The only way for me to look at it is to tell myself that it wasn’t meant to be.

After that, I decided it would be best to move back home and attend Western until I can get my life figured out.

” The soft laugh that escapes from her is filled with bitterness.

“I went from having everything planned out to it all falling apart.”

I nod, knowing exactly what that feels like.

It’s weird to think Jackie and I have something other than our love for Cole in common.

I really wish I could hate this girl. Instead, my heart goes out to her.

I know what it’s like to fuck up and want to make amends.

Even though she doesn’t realize it, we’re both trying to find our way back from the darkness.

As my mind grapples over our shared situation, I realize she’s not just here to find her feet. “You also came back, hoping to work things out with Cole.”

“Yes, I did.”

I take another guess. “You knew we were seeing each other.”

Her bottom lip finds its way between her teeth before she nibbles on it. “I met up with Cole’s mother last week for lunch. She’s the one who told me that he was involved with someone at school. Although, she wasn’t sure if it was serious.”

Even though I haven’t met Cole’s mother yet, her sharing information with his ex-girlfriend about our relationship stings like a slap to the face.

“We are serious,” I whisper. Jackie needs to understand that I’m not going to hand him over without a fight.

“I figured that out already.” Her gaze sharpens. “I’ve seen you walking around campus together and I can tell he really likes you.”

He doesn’t just like me, he loves me.

The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I keep them buried inside. They aren’t for her.

“But you’re still going to try and get him back.” It’s not a question. We both know the answer without her confirming it.

She holds my gaze steadily. There’s nothing malicious about her demeanor. “Wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t you do anything to get him back?”

The word rolls off my tongue before I can think about it. “Yes.”

“Look,” she says with a sigh, “I don’t have anything against you.

” She takes a step closer until there’s no more than a foot to separate us.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” There’s a pause as emotion flickers across her expression.

“But I need Cole. I’ve always needed him.

I made a mistake and I hope he’ll give me a chance to fix it. ”

“I won’t just let him go,” I whisper, my voice quivering.

She gives me a slight smile. “I wouldn’t expect you to. What you need to understand is that Cole and I have a lot of history. It might take time, but eventually he’s going to forgive me and take me back. We were each other’s first loves. You don’t just get over that.”

Something inside me shrivels. She might be right about that. What makes it worse is that Cole is the first guy I’ve ever loved. He’s the only one I’ve given myself to that matters. What hurts is that he might have been my first, but I’m not his.

This girl is.

For the first time in a while, it feels as if I can’t suck enough oxygen into my lungs.

My chest tightens as I fight for breath.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I concentrate on drawing the chilly night air into my lungs.

When I’m finally able to gather my scattered thoughts, I realize Jackie has disappeared and I’m standing outside in the cold.