Page 23 of Don’t Leave (Stay #2)

CASSIDY

I suck in a deep breath as my thumb hovers over the screen of my phone.

I’m scared.

Scared to see him.

Scared to hear what he has to say.

But I know he’s right. We need to talk about what’s going on between us.

Ok

Two letters.

That’s all I’m capable of typing before I hit send. Even though our dorm room is tiny, I pace as I wait. It only takes a few minutes before there’s a soft knock on the door. I grab the handle and open it to find Cole standing on the other side of the threshold.

“Hi.” Barely can I force out the greeting. Already, everything feels different between us.

He jerks his head as his whiskey-colored eyes collide with mine.

As they do, I realize with a sinking heart that whatever is happening between us is much worse than I originally suspected.

Cole’s hands are shoved into the front pockets of his jeans.

He’s wearing a Western Wolves sweatshirt with the hood pulled up over his head.

His mouth is a tight slash across his face as unhappiness radiates off him in heavy waves.

“I thought it would be better for us to talk in person,” he says before pushing the hood back. His hair is still shiny and damp from his recent shower. I want nothing more than to tunnel my fingers through his thick locks.

Instead, I keep my hands to myself.

“Um, yeah. That’s probably a good idea.”

Although, it doesn’t feel like a good idea.

In fact, it feels like this could potentially be the end of us.

I shake my head to dispel the thought. Have we really reached that point? It seems almost unbelievable.

Unsure what to do, I step aside so he can enter the room before closing the door behind him.

Nerves prickle along my skin as I force myself to settle on my bed as he takes a seat across from me on Brooklyn’s.

With his knees angled apart, he leans forward, resting his forearms on them.

He knots his hands together in front of him.

For a long moment, he stares at them as if there are too many thoughts churning through his head for him to organize.

“Cole?” It kills me to see the unhappiness that is written across his face and the tension filling every muscle of his body. What hurts most is that I’m the one who caused it. All I want to do is reach out and smooth away all the hurt and anger filling his eyes.

But I don’t.

It’s as if there is an ocean of uncertainty sitting between us and there doesn’t seem to be a way to breech it.

Time slowly ticks by before he drags his bruised eyes to mine. A dull ache rips through me. This is the first time I’ve felt like he’d prefer not to look at me. He inhales, holding the air captive in his lungs for a beat or two before slowly forcing it out.

“I don’t like playing games. It’s not who I am.”

I nod. Cole is one of the few people I’ve met who refuses to engage in that immature bullshit.

It’s just another reason I fell so hard for him.

He was always so upfront about everything he felt for me and what he wanted.

It was as refreshing as it was scary. Even though it took me some time to trust him with the truth of my past, eventually I did.

That was a huge step for me. I don’t trust people easily.

Not anymore.

That has everything to do with Cole and the kind of person he is. I couldn’t have taken that leap of faith with anyone else but him.

I realize that even if he doesn’t.

“And I can’t be in a relationship with someone who’s going to play games with me.”

My eyes widen as everything in my world tilts precariously. It’s almost as if I can’t suck enough oxygen into my lungs.

“I’m not playing games,” I whisper.

His expression never falters. “I think there’s something going on between you and Luke.”

I shake my head in denial. “No. We’re just friends. You know that.”

He breaks eye contact and stares out the window into the swirling darkness for a painful heartbeat.

“I don’t know. It feels like something’s going on and I don’t want to be the dumbass who gets cheated on again.”

I lean forward, my body straining toward his. “We’re nothing more than friends. I had no idea he would be at the library today. It was a coincidence.” I stare pleadingly at his profile until his gaze slides back to mine.

“But you weren’t going to tell me about it, were you?” It’s more of an accusation than a question.

I close my eyes for a moment and try to figure out how to best answer his question. I owe it to both of us to be honest about what I feel, not only for Cole but for Luke as well.

“I’m not sure if I would have mentioned meeting Luke at the library.”

Hurt and distrust flash in his golden depths.

I rush to add, “But not because I was doing anything wrong.”

“Then why not?” His gaze sifts through mine, searching for answers. “Why not be honest about it?”

My teeth sink into my lower lip as I confess in a very small voice, “I know you don’t like when I spend time with Luke.” Even though I want to reach out and physically connect with him, I keep my fingers tangled together in my lap.

“You need to tell me the truth, Cassidy.” His voice drops, sounding as if it’s been scraped from the bottom of the ocean. “Do you have feelings for Luke?”

As much as I want to reassure him by vehemently denying the question, I can’t.

What I want most is to be worthy of Cole Mathews. And being worthy means being honest even though it might cause him pain. I take a moment to sift through my feelings for Luke before I give him an answer.

“I feel very connected to him,” I admit. “He helped me when no one else would and I can’t let that go. I know he feels the same way about me. We’re nothing more than friends.”

He leans forward, inching closer to me. It’s like we’re two opposing ends of a magnet desperately trying to connect with one another.

“You know he wants you, right?”

Even though it’s tempting to look away from his probing gaze, I don’t.

“Yes,” I say with a nod. “He told me that he feels more than friendship for me.”

Cole snorts before shaking his head in disgust. “He knew we were together when he told you that.”

“Yes.”

A heavy silence falls over us before he asks in a clipped tone, “Is he trying to steal you from me or is his plan to undermine our relationship and wait it out?”

My brows pinch together. “Does it matter? What we have has nothing to do with Luke. It shouldn’t matter what he wants. You just need to trust me.”

He plows his fingers through his damp hair.

“Jeez, Cassidy. You have to realize it’s not that easy.

Even though Luke is my teammate, he’s more than willing to screw me over to have you.

How am I supposed to trust him both on and off the ice?

” He doesn’t give me time to answer. “I can’t do it.

” Exhaustion fills every line of his face before he adds, “And it doesn’t feel like I can trust you to tell me the truth either.

You could have told me that you two were together at the library and you chose not to. ”

My heart flutters painfully before beating into overtime. “I didn’t want to upset you,” I whisper.

But it sounds bad.

Even to my own ears.

I made the wrong choice and should have been upfront with Cole.

And now it looks like I might lose him because of it.

The corners of his lips tug downward. He looks as miserable as I feel.

“If Luke hadn’t come out of the library with your notebook, you wouldn’t have told me that you two spent any time together.

” The pause that follows has my muscles tensing.

“And that’s what bothers me most. I have no idea if this is the first time it’s happened or if you’ve chosen to hide it from me because there’s actually something going on between you two. ”

A hot rush of tears sting my eyes. “Nothing is going on between us. I would never cheat on you.”

“Yeah, well, unfortunately someone else I trusted said those very words to me and I’m not about to let it happen again.

” His gaze drops to his fingers. “I think Luke saving you that night has messed with your head and you either feel beholden to him or you’ve actually developed feelings that run deeper than friendship.

” He pauses as his hollowed-out eyes cut back to mine.

“You need to figure that out without me getting in the way.”

When I shake my head, ready to argue with him, he jerks to his feet.

I have no other choice but to do the same.

Even though I’m loath to put myself out there, I take a tentative step toward him, only wanting to bridge the distance between us.

What I really want to do is hurtle myself into his arms and feel them band around me, holding me tight.

“I love you. You have to know that you’re the only one I want to be with.”

As the words leave my lips, I know they’re the truth.

I feel them deep in my heart.

The fact that Cole feels like he can’t trust me, rips me apart inside. I can’t help but wonder if maybe, without realizing it, I’ve sent Luke the wrong message. Did I let him think there would be, at some point, an opportunity for us to be more than just friends?

I don’t know.

“Cole, please…” I have no idea what I’m begging for.

Forgiveness?

A second chance to prove that he’s the one I love?

The way he shakes his head makes my heart clench painfully.

“I think we both need to take a little bit of time to figure things out. What happened on the ice tonight…” his voice trails off as he glances away.

Dull color stains his cheeks. “I can’t allow that to happen again.

That’s not the kind of player I am.” He amends softly, “It’s not the kind of person I am. ”

“I know that,” I whisper.

I know exactly who Cole Mathews is.

It kills me to think that I’ve caused this to unfold between us.

“Everything happened really fast between us. Maybe I pushed you too far. I don’t know anymore.”

“No, that’s not it.” My voice is so thick with unspent emotion that it feels as if I’m choking on it.

He beelines for the door before saying, “I need to take a step back and clear my head. I think we both do.”

My shoulders collapse until the weight of the realization that there is nothing I can say that will change his mind. In a way, his actions don’t surprise me. Cole is just being honest and he’s doing what he thinks is best, not only for himself, but for me as well.

“That’s it then? We’re…” No matter how hard I try, I can’t wrap my lips around the words breaking up .

I’m trying so hard to keep it together and if I force out those two words, the tears stinging the back of my eyes will fall. I don’t think I can bear to hear him say them either. I don’t want him to tell me that it’s over and he’s moving on with his life.

That I need to do the same.

I can’t help but think about the empty shell of a person I was before meeting him. Just going through the motions. Scared to get close to anyone. Afraid of opening up and allowing someone to know the real me. The one who fucked up and made a mess out of her life.

I’m terrified of reverting back to that again.

“If you have feelings for Luke, you need to explore them,” he says, cutting into my thoughts. You owe it to yourself to be in a relationship with the person you truly want.”

I swallow thickly as he reaches his hand out toward me, toward my cheek, before retracting it before he can actually make contact.

“We both need to take some time to figure out what we want.”

I bite down almost savagely on my lower lip so I won’t break down and beg him not to do this. Unable to speak, I jerk my head into a tight nod. Even though it’s a small movement, it takes a herculean effort.

Just as I do, his arm snakes out and he hauls me to him so that I’m flush with his hard body. His golden eyes scour mine before his lips crash down onto mine, dragging me under with him. For one blissful moment, I’m consumed with him.

He’s all I can taste and feel.

Just as I sink into his caress, he wrenches himself away.

With one last soulful look aimed in my direction he yanks open my door and leaves the room.

Leaves me.

It’s only after the lock clicks into place that my knees buckle and I collapse onto the bed, knowing that I’ve just let the best thing that ever happened to me walk out of my life.