Page 3 of Don’t Leave (Stay #2)

My life consisted of extra practices, a strict workout schedule and diet, private skating lessons as well as advanced placement classes that would make me academically competitive. I may not have been an Olympian or professional athlete, but I trained like one.

By the time I started my freshman year in mid-August, I was a stressed out and burned-out mess.

And it was all downhill from there. Without my dad there to structure my time and activities, I felt strangely lost. Almost from day one, I found myself buried under an avalanche of coursework.

Instead of excelling, I was failing across the board and drowning in a sea of unknown faces.

Rather than seek out help, I fell into a pattern of binge drinking and hooking up with random guys to numb the pain and forget about the issues I was struggling with.

It’s what eventually led to the disastrous night Luke found me up in that bedroom at a house party.

Even thinking about it is enough to have a shiver snaking down my spine.

I’d been fooling around with a guy, and we’d been on the verge of having sex when two others walked in.

They’d wanted to watch. Uncomfortable with the idea, I’d tried to leave but they wouldn’t let me go.

They’d held me down and even though I’d been drunk, I knew how the night was going to end. That’s when Luke burst in and found me.

The entire time I talk, he holds my hand, squeezing it every once in a while when there’s something particularly painful as if he wants me to understand I’m no longer alone. His gaze never releases mine. Even when I wish the blue-gray depths would stray, his penetrating gaze stays locked on mine.

When I finally purge it from my system, I sit back in my chair, emotionally exhausted. Strangely enough, it also feels as if a few more of the shackles the bind me to the past have fallen away.

The hand clasping mine rises before stroking over my cheek. I still, frozen in place by the tender slide of his fingers and the unexpected shiver that races across my flesh. More bizarre is that there isn’t the normal spike of fear or anxiety to grip me, sending my senses into a tailspin.

I gulp. It’s something else entirely and that frightens me more than anything else. It doesn’t make sense that someone other than Cole could have penetrated the thick, protective armor I’ve shielded myself with ever since that night.

“I’m relieved that you’re okay.” As his fingers glide over my skin, it barely feels as if I’m drawing in breath. “I don’t know how we both ended up at Western, but I’m glad we did. Now we have an opportunity to get to know each other.”

In the back of my brain, I realize I shouldn’t allow him to touch me so intimately but there’s this strange bond connecting us in a way I couldn’t have imagined. It’s what prompts me to lean back until his hand is forced to fall back to the table.

As much as I want to glance away and break the link, I can’t.

This is starting to feel…

I shake my head to dislodge the uncomfortable thought before it can take root inside me and do permanent damage.

“I’m with Cole,” I blurt. As soon as the words escape, I feel like an idiot. Heat crawls over my cheeks. He hadn’t exactly been flirting. But his touch and the way he’d been staring had felt uncomfortably intimate.

I’m no longer used to allowing people in so easily.

For the last ten and a half months, I’ve worked hard to keep everyone at a distance. It’s disconcerting to feel so at ease in Luke’s presence.

Instead of making light of my outburst, his voice dips. “I know.”

The way he watches me only strengthens my suspicions that I haven’t misinterpreted the vibes he’s putting out there.

They’re real.

Silence falls over us before he breaks it. “I wish you weren’t.”

When he rips his gaze from mine, everything within me collapses.

Barely do I inhale a shaky breath before his gaze locks on mine again. “I can’t explain it and I know it doesn’t make sense, but I feel protective of you.”

As soon as the unwelcome thrill slides through me, I snuff it out. Even though I don’t fully understand what’s happening here, it feels like I’m betraying Cole. I lean away from the table to put some distance between us.

“I’m much better now. There’s no reason to worry about me.”

“As weird as it sounds, I’ve thought about you so many times over the last year. I had no idea where you were or what happened to you. Now that you’re here and I know that you’re all right, I’m not sure if I can just turn it off.”

His brow furrows and for a moment, he looks as confused as I feel.

I bite my lower lip before blurting, “Have you been following me?”

When his eyes widen, embarrassment surges inside and I feel ridiculous for even asking the question. Of course he’s not. Why would he?

“I did show up at your practice the other night. I remember you from the girls team last year and you were such a good player.” There’s a pause before he adds, “I’m glad you didn’t quit.”

Warmth blooms in the pit of my belly as I reach out and cover his hand with my own.

“I’ve been playing on the intramural team for a few weeks now.

It’s turned out to be a lot of fun and there’s no pressure.

Not like there was before. Like I said, you don’t have to worry.

I have everything under control.” With one final squeeze, I pull my hand away so we’re no longer touching.

The physical connection between us feels somehow dangerous.

Like a match strike to kindling.

The last thing I want is for something to explode between us.

The way he searches my eyes for answers to questions he has yet to ask scares me because I can’t give him anything more than friendship.

“I’m glad you’re doing so well.”

I lift my lips into a smile, hoping to reassure him. “I am.”

Is it possible I’ve overreacted to the situation and the peculiar feelings that have sprung up between us?

After today, Luke will go his way and I’ll go mine. Maybe, at some point, we’ll run into each other on campus or at a party. When we do, I won’t feel the need to avoid him. We can be friendly.

Or maybe we can be friends.

Who knows?

That’s when I realize I’d actually like to be friends.

How ironic is that?

I’ve tried so hard to run from him these past couple days and now that we’ve sat down and cleared the air, I realize our shared history has unexpectedly bonded us together.

“Does Cole know what happened to you?”

Breaking eye contact, I jerk my head into a tight nod. “I didn’t tell him right away.”

It doesn’t take long before my gaze shifts to his. “He hadn’t known that night you’d said something at the restaurant.” There’s a pause before I push the rest out. “That’s why I lied about it. Lied about knowing you.”

He tilts his head and clarifies, “But he knows everything now?”

“Yes.”

When I’d met Cole two months ago, I hadn’t been looking for a relationship. I hadn’t felt emotionally equipped to deal with one. The last thing I’d wanted was to explain my past to someone who might turn around and judge me for the mistakes I’d made.

In hindsight, I should have realized he wouldn’t think any less of me. But still…stripping yourself bare is scary prospect. And divulging my past—all my mistakes and failures— hadn’t been easy.

Luke’s eyes turn fierce and something within me constricts. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You know that, right?”

I give him a forced smile. The truth of the matter is that I’m still embarrassed about everything that transpired last fall. I made a lot of mistakes.

Failing out of school.

Losing my athletic scholarship.

Getting kicked off the hockey team.

Drinking.

Sleeping around.

All of which had led to a fractured relationship with my family.

“I’m still working on that part.” On forgiving myself.

“Everyone makes mistakes,” he murmurs. “None of us are perfect.”

“I know. It’s just…” My voice trails off before I admit, “It’s hard to live with.”

“Regret is always difficult to live with.”

We fall into silence as those words hang suspended in the air between us.

“Look, I understand you’re seeing Cole,” there’s a pause as he shifts on his chair as if uncomfortable, “but there’s something between us.

” His gaze flickers away as he drags a hand over the back of his neck before skewering me once more with the intensity of his blue-gray depths.

“Whatever this is, I’ve never felt anything like it before.

It’s unnerving to feel so strongly about someone I barely know. ”

I nod, feeling the same way. It’s where the confusion springs from. I’m unsure what to do with all these strange emotions that careen unwantedly through my body.

Before sitting down with Luke today, I’d been angry that he was trying to intrude upon my new life.

I was afraid he’d tell Cole all the ugly details he had firsthand knowledge of.

I was embarrassed and ashamed that he’d witnessed me at my absolute worst. He’d seen me naked and wasted, being held down by three drunken guys.

A thick shudder slides through me as that night rears its ugly head in my memories.

Like a kaleidoscope, my perspective has shifted, morphing into something different. Even though it doesn’t make sense and I’m not entirely comfortable with the realization, Luke feels like the opposite end of a magnet I find myself drawn to.

There is a string binding us and I have no idea how to cut it.

Gaze locked on mine, he leans forward, attempting to close the distance between us.

“I feel like we’re meant to be in each other’s lives.

” With a shake of his head, he plows his fingers through his hair as if he’s agitated by his own words.

“For fucks sake,” he whispers, “that makes me sound like a stalker.”

I’m not going to lie, it kind of does. Under normal circumstances, I’d already be walking—no, make that running towards the nearest exit. Everything he’s just given voice to sounds much too intense.

I draw air into my lungs before holding it captive for a few seconds and then releasing it as I try to wrangle my thoughts and make sense of them. “No, I feel it too.”

How is it possible for something to feel both right and wrong?

My heart constricts to the point of pain as Cole pops into my brain.

That’s all it takes for me to shoot to my feet. I need time and space to think about everything that’s happened with Luke. I have no idea how to define this new relationship that has sprung up out of nowhere.

His eyes widen as he rises. There’s a strange intensity marring his expression. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said any of that. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

I glance away. “I’m not sure what you want from me and that makes me nervous.”

Whatever is unfolding between us, it needs to be straightforward. There can’t be any room for ambiguity. Luke needs to understand that we will never be anything more than friends.

He takes a hesitant step toward me. Instead of retreating, I stiffen my shoulders and hold my ground. Perhaps that’s a mistake. When I refuse to retreat, he takes another careful step until he’s invading my personal space.

“I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give. For now, maybe that’s just friendship. Later on, it could be something more. All I know is that I need to be part of your life.”

“I love Cole,” I whisper.

His eyes darken. “I know.” His hands drift across my cheeks before tipping my face upward. “I can be your friend. If that’s what you want—what you need—then that’s all we’ll be.”

A thick lump settles in the middle of my throat as his quiet words wash over me. Their meaning feels immense and I’m unsure what to do with them.

“But you want more,” I press.

He hesitates before admitting, “Yes.”

My tongue darts out to moisten my lips. “I can only offer friendship.”

“Then I’ll be content with that.”

The way his gaze softens, becoming almost tender, sets off alarm bells inside my head. “I really do love him.”

Cole is everything I never thought I’d find, and I refuse to throw that away.

Even though I don’t understand the bond that has been forged with Luke over the course of an hour, I also realize I can’t walk away from it.

His lips lift into a smile before he presses a kiss against my forehead. “Then he’s a lucky guy.”

“Thank you.” My muscles loosen at his easy acceptance of the situation. As we stand almost embracing, my heart twists under my breast. “I should go.”

My emotions feel strangely tangled. Not only do I need to physically distance myself from him but emotionally as well.

His hands fall from my face before he takes a step in retreat. As he does, I suck in a deep breath and try to clear my thoughts.

With shaking fingers, I gather up my bag and turn to say goodbye when a blur of movement from the corner of my eye catches my attention. As I turn, my gaze collides with Cole’s. His golden gaze holds mine for a painful heartbeat before slicing to Luke who still stands next to me.

His expression darkens before he swings away, stalking through the crowd.

Everything inside me seizes, spurring me into motion. “Cole, wait!”

My heart clenches as his name rises above the din of the Union. If he hears me, he doesn’t stop.

All I can do is hope I haven’t ruined the best thing in my life.