Page 5 of Don’t Leave (Stay #2)

CASSIDY

“ D r. Thompson is ready to see you, Cassidy.”

I smile at Wendy before passing by the reception desk.

After my life imploded last December, my parents decided it would be best for everyone involved if I lived with my grandparents.

They didn’t want my bad influence to rub off on my younger sisters, Lexie and Miranda.

I’d been so depressed and riddled with anxiety, that my grandmother had found a local therapist for me to work with.

After I moved to campus in August, I found Dr. Thompson.

I drop down in my usual spot on the couch as she settles onto the chair parked across from me.

Even though we’ve only been working together for a few months, I feel really close to her.

She’s a great therapist and it’s doubtful I would have made such a smooth transition to Western without her support.

“Cassidy,” she says warmly, “you’re looking well. It’s been more than a week since I last saw you. Tell me how everything going.”

“It’s going well.” With that, I launch into what had been discussed during my last session.

“I took your advice and spoke with two of my professors about changing my courses for next semester and they gave me some great suggestions. I’m probably going to drop my history course for a sociology one instead.

I’ve also made an appointment to speak with my academic advisor about the majors I’m interested in exploring. ”

She nods approvingly. “That all sounds great. It seems like you’ve got everything under control. That must feel good.”

“It feels great.” A smile tugs at the edges of y lips.

“I’m sure the sociology class will help with your decision to pursue a career in psychology,” she adds. We’ve spent time discussing possible majors since I’m currently undecided. I’ve narrowed it down to psychology and education since math and science are two of my stronger subjects.

“That’s what I was thinking. Professor Mullens also mentioned a couple opportunities for me to assist her grad students with their experiments next semester.”

Her brows rise as she nods. “What a wonderful, not to mention valuable, experience.”

“Yeah,” I agree, “I’m really excited about it. I’d love the opportunity to help out with or even participate in something like that.”

“That all sounds amazing and if nothing else, you’ll get a better feel for that particular area of study.”

I beam. “That’s what I was thinking.”

“And classes are still going well? Are you feeling overwhelmed now that we’re two and a half months into the semester?”

I do a quick mental rundown of each class and the assignments coming due before shaking my head. “No, everything is going smoothly. There’s a lot of reading but I’m staying on top of it by doing a little each day and that helps to keep everything manageable. I still have A’s in all my classes.”

“Tackling small chucks at a time is a smart way of staying on top of your classes.” She takes a few quick notes. “Tell me how you’ve been doing otherwise. Any anxiety since we last spoke?”

I shake my head. Now that I don’t have to worry about Luke sabotaging me at Western, it feels like a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Sitting down and discussing the past with him made me realize that he probably needed closure.

Even though I’m glad we were able to do that, I’m worried this new relationship with Luke will cause problems with Cole.

“Have any other issues popped up?”

“No,” the whole Cole-Luke situation flits through my head, “not really.”

“Not really?” Her brows arch in question as she picks up on my hesitation. Have I mentioned that Dr. Thompson is really good at what she does?

“Well,” I nibble on my lower lip, silently debating whether or not to tell her about Luke, “there’s someone here who I knew from Dartmouth last year.”

“Is that going to be a problem for you?” she asks.

We both know how much I’ve struggled with my failure and the fight it took to get back on track. It’s something I’m still working on. Any setback has the potential to send me spiraling back down the rabbit hole and I’ve worked too hard to allow that to happen.

“I don’t think so. We grabbed a coffee yesterday and talked about everything.”

Surprise flickers in her eyes. “How did that go?”

I blow out a steady breath our conversation replays through my brain.

“Better than I could have expected it to go. When I realized who he was, it made me sick to my stomach that someone from my past could dredge up my mistakes and spread it around.” I fall silent before admitting, “Who could destroy the new life I’ve created for myself. ”

Her dark eyes fill with both understanding and compassion. It’s one of the reasons I feel so comfortable talking with her. “Now that you’ve had a chance to sit down and face your fears, do you still think that will happen?”

“No, I don’t.” I think about the fear that had swamped me over the previous week. “The guy who is now here is the one who rescued me from that bedroom.”

If Dr. Thompson is surprised by what I’ve just revealed, she never allows it to show on her expression. “I see.”

“Yeah,” I agree with a small smile. “He wants to be friends.”

Her smooth brow furrows. “Are you comfortable with having a relationship with him?”

I take a few moments to turn the question over in my head before nodding.

“Yeah, I am. After we began talking, I realized he wasn’t here to hurt me.

He was genuinely concerned about how I was doing.

Even though we don’t know each other, there’s a bond between us.

I ended up telling him everything that transpired throughout the semester leading up to that night.

As strange as it was, it felt good to talk about with him because,” I gulp in a breath, “he was there.”

With a nod of understanding, her expression turns thoughtful. “Striking up a friendship Being seems like it might be good for both of you.”

“I think he’s interested in being more than just friends.” As soon as the words escape from my mouth, I wish it were possible to suck them back in again. I don’t know why I mentioned that. It doesn’t matter what Luke wants.

With a tilt to her head, she asks, “How do you feel about that?”

I nip my lower lip, pinning it in place as I consider how truthful to be. If there’s one place where I can admit the unvarnished truth and lay myself bear, it’s in this office.

“Confused,” I whisper.

“Why do you think that is?”

I shrug, not understanding it myself.

“Before we sat down to talk, I’d wanted to avoid him. Seeing him was an ugly reminder of what had almost happened.”

“But it no longer feels that way?”

“No. Talking everything out with him felt…freeing.” I glance away for a moment, attempting to wrap my mind around the strange thoughts and feelings that course through me. “The entire time I was at Dartmouth, he’s the only one who tried to help me.”

“I suppose that’s true.” She picks up her note pad and jots down a few things. “Even though your interaction was fleeting, it was enough to forge a connection between you two.”

“Yes,” I admit, relieved that she understands, “that’s exactly the way it feels.”

How could it not?

How could I not feel something more than friendship for him?

I suppose that’s exactly where the confusion stems from.

“It’s not uncommon for people who have a shared traumatic experience to end up befriending one another and becoming involved in each other’s lives.” She allows those words to sink in before asking, “What kind of feelings are you having for?—”

She looks at me, brows raised, waiting for me to supply a letter.

“Ah, W .”

For Wellington.

Luke Wellington.

Since Dr. Thompson works with a number of students on campus, she’d previously asked me to use a letter when I referred to someone in our sessions.

My code letter for Cole was M.

For Mathews.

Cole Mathews.

“What kind of feelings are you having for W?”

My fingers twist together in my lap as I consider the question. It’s a nervous habit I picked up within the past year. “I’m not sure.” There’s a pause. “I want us to be friends but...”

When I remain silent, she encourages, “But?”

I shrug, not wanting to verbalize my feelings. It’s as if releasing them into the atmosphere will be a betrayal to Cole. And I don’t want to do that. Not even here in this office.

“We barely know one another and yet I feel this strange closeness to him. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Is that necessarily a bad thing?”

“I don’t know.” I glance away, my gaze getting drawn to the window. “It makes me feel guilty.”

“Guilty?” she prompts.

“Because of of M.”

She asks what I’ve been too afraid to think about. “Are you sexually attracted to W?”

I shift in my chair as my fingers play with the hem of my shirt. “A little bit,” I whisper.

A slight smile tips the corners of Dr. Thompson smiles lips patiently as she says, “There’s nothing wrong with finding other people attractive. It’s what you do with that attraction that matters.”

Doesn’t she understand that I don’t want to feel attracted to him at all?

“I think I’m drawn to him because of this strange closeness I feel.” The fact he feels the same way makes it even worse.

Luke isn’t trying to bury his feelings or maintain a distance.

That scares me more.

“You shared a very personal experience with him, something that ties you two together in a very intimate way. It would be difficult not to feel connected to him.”

As I release a steady breath into the atmosphere, I silently wonder what the best course of action is. It would be so much easier if Dr. Thompson could just tell me what to do. But I know she won’t because this is something I need to figure out on my own.

All I can do is follow my heart and hope no one gets hurt.