Page 77

CHAPTER

FIFTY-FIVE

REMI

By the time I arrive, the fire is contained. Sloane called me to tell me she would wait for me, and the damage was minimal.

But when I back into a spot, smoke still streaking across the dark night sky, I see Cortland’s truck.

And Sloane’s Altima.

My heart skips a beat.

I open the door to my car then get out, the cool night air whipping around me while I shut my door.

Fire trucks still have their lights on, firefighters all decked out in their gear standing and watching the smoke.

Before I can take a step, I smell strawberries, and Sloane is throwing her arms around me.

I stumble back a step, glancing at Cortland’s truck, backed in a few spots from mine. His window is down just a few inches, and I see him staring at me.

I hug Sloane back, glancing at the red lights of the fire trucks.

Sloane pulls back, her bright hair in a sloppy bun on her head. She’s in sweats and an oversized, long sleeve T-shirt that I think is probably Asa’s, but I don’t see him.

I drop my arms from Sloane and she does the same, chewing her lip. “Where were you?” she asks quietly.

I can smell the smoke in the air, and I have so many questions about the fire, but for some reason, it just feels like that’s not the blaze I need to put out right now. “Meeting with Silas,” I admit, crossing my arms and leaning against my car.

I can still feel Cortland’s eyes on me, but I’m grateful he’s waiting.

Sloane arches a brow, mimicking my stance. “In Raleigh?” she asks, incredulous. “Why didn’t you tell me you were meeting him?”

I shrug. “You were off with Asa and?—”

“You know I’d want to know something like that,” she counters.

I glance at the fire behind her. “Yeah, well, it’s probably a good thing I wasn’t here, huh?”

She smiles at that as my eyes come back to hers. “Yeah,” she agrees. I see her look down at her sneakers as she rocks back on her heels. “They think someone did it intentionally.” Those words are so quiet, I can barely hear her.

I glance at Cortland.

He’s still watching me, his window all the way down now, and I see the glowing ember of a cigarette dangling from his fingers.

“What?” I ask, shifting my gaze back to Sloane. “Why? Who?”

Sloane’s gaze holds mine.

I think of Chase’s arm around my throat. Brinklin and Storm surrounding me, too.

“Is there anyone you can think of?” she asks me quietly.

Then I remember something else. Something that doesn’t really make sense.

Silas said Cortland’s mom called him and told him I was seen hanging out with Cortland.

But why would his mom do that? I don’t know anything about her, but that seems strange.

She was defensive of her son during the pre-trial.

Fierce in protecting him. To call my stepdad would put her in a bad position if anything ever came from this again.

I hold Sloane’s gaze. “Sloane.”

She shakes her head. “I saw you with him,” she says quietly.

My throat feels tight and my heart races in my chest. I resist the urge to glance at him now, but I can still feel his eyes on me.

“In the cemetery. You know, I used to go with you there. Not just Van. Me, too.”

She did. Even last year, we’d walk around the graveyard. But I always thought she was just indulging me. I thought she kind of hated it. Now, though, she almost sounds hurt that she saw me with him and with Van, and it was rarely ever her at my side.

I don’t know what to say.

She knew.

All along, she knew, and she never said anything.

“Why didn’t you?—”

“Why didn’t you?” she counters, cutting me off, knowing exactly what I was going to ask her.

My stomach flips and my palms are sweaty at my sides. “But you told Silas?” I ask, incredulous.

She shakes her head. “Of course not. I told Mom.” She has the decency to look ashamed at that, glancing down at the asphalt between us. “After I saw your… arm. She might have called him, to make sure you were safe.”

That’s almost hilarious. I assume he covered for Mrs. Stevens so I’d keep being myself around Sloane and he could get more dirt on me if he needed it.

I take a step back from her and her gaze snaps up.

She throws up her hands. “You scared me, Remi. And I found the razor blades,” she says in a rush.

“I tossed my backpack on the floor and it hit a drawer in your desk that popped open. I went to close it and… they were just… there.” She drops her hands and her face is so pale.

Her eyes are big and scared and I want to disappear.

I want to run to Cortland.

Hop in his truck and have him drive me far away from here.

She doesn’t get it, because of course she doesn’t. Because I’m messed up.

“You scared me and I’ve been worried about you and…

” She takes a step toward me and that urge to bolt grows stronger, but I dig my nails into my palms and force myself to stay right where I am.

“You can’t be with him, Remi,” she whispers.

“He’s fucking with your head. Maybe you needed to talk about it, and work it out, but he hurt you , Remi.

” She takes another step, her hand coming gently to my arm.

I want to yank it out of her touch, but I don’t move.

“I thought you might understand,” I whisper, even though I never once thought that. “But I didn’t know how to tell you?—”

“I do understand,” she insists, closing her fingers around my arm.

“I know it’s been eating at you and you probably needed closure since the charges were dismissed but he hasn’t changed.

He did it once, he’d do it again.” She drops her voice to a whisper with her next words.

“I’ve heard from other girls on the cheer team that Maya Bell said he’s rough with her. ”

I clench my teeth and I want to shrug her arm off. I want to turn to Cortland and ask him if that’s true.

“Is it always like this?”

“It’s never like it is with you.”

I open my mouth, only to close it again. I have no idea what to say.

“Why don’t you come over to Asa’s until they sort this out? I talked to our RA, she said they’ll assign us a temporary dorm tomorrow morning if we could find a place to stay tonight.”

No.

No.

“We can talk more about this, yeah, Rems?”

No.

I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to stay at Asa’s. I want Cortland. Tell me it isn’t true, Cort.

Sloane reaches out for me, but I twist away at her touch. So many memories ringing in my head, I don’t know which one to grab. I don’t even know who Cortland is anymore, so hot and cold, does he care at all?

“I think I’m just going to crash at a hotel,” I lie to Sloane.

She immediately looks to my arms. “Rems, I don’t think that’s such a good?—”

“I’ll be fine, Sloane.” I hear the bite in my own words but I can’t stop it. I feel cornered, and despite what she said, she doesn’t understand.

How could she?

She closes her eyes a second, then nods. “Okay,” she finally says. “Okay.” She swallows, looking at the ground. “Can you just text me in the morning?”

My stomach twists into knots with those words. I know this past year has been hard for her. Tiptoeing around what happened. Never knowing what to say. How to act. What to ask me, if anything at all.

But she’s really tried.

I know that. But something must be wrong with my brain because even her love hasn’t saved me from thinking about him. Lately, obsessing over him.

Something is wrong with me.

But I don’t have the strength to do a goddamn thing about it.

“Yeah,” I tell her, and I mean it. It’s the least I could do. “Of course.”

She nods once, her eyes searching mine. Then she turns around and walks to her Altima, parked a few rows in front of my Corolla.

I don’t dare look at Cortland as I slip behind the wheel of my own car. And I wait until she’s left the parking lot to turn the ignition.

When I pull out, headed to Cortland and Storm’s house, he’s right behind me.