Page 34

CHAPTER

TWENTY-SIX

REMI

I pull down my sleeves as Dr. Ravi eyes me.

“Did you sleep okay last night?” she asks me quietly.

I know she can see the thick, dark circles under my eyes. “No.” I chew the inside of my cheek, shifting in my chair. Feeling his hands on me. His words.

Mine, repeated back to him. “That’s right, Cortland.”

I feel heat on my cheeks, humiliation rolling through me.

I think of the clothes I ruined. My stepdad’s voice in my head.

Dr. Ravi frowns. “Why is that?”

I stare at the window behind her head and shrug, not speaking.

If I do, my mouth might say something dumb all over again.

“Keep your mouth shut and listen when I’m talking to you, Remi.

Nothing you say contributes to our conversations.

” Silas’s words. Monotone. That was far worse than his neglect. Than his yelling.

“Remi, is there something you want to?—”

I stand abruptly, grabbing my backpack and hauling it over my shoulder. “I have to go.”

“Remi.” She stands, too. A first for one of our sessions. She didn’t even do that when I was bawling my eyes out in here.

I lift my chin, fingers clenched tight around my bag. “I’m fine,” I lie to her, speaking slowly, like my stepdad used to talk to me. Like I was a child. “I’m fine.” I turn my back to her and head to the door.

She says my name one more time, but I ignore her, my skin crawling as I think about what I let him do last night. How close I let him be. How much what I said was all true.

I’m his.

I don’t want to be.

I hate myself for it.

But I haven’t been with anyone since him.

I open the door, close it softly behind me. And when I look up, Cortland Adler is staring right back at me.

I close my eyes tight, hoping maybe when I open them again, he’ll be gone.

But of course he isn’t.

“You never sent me that picture,” he says softly, cocking his head. He rakes in my hoodie, my jeans, my white Chucks.

My face flushes hot, thinking of what I had been wearing. What I’d wanted him to see.

I throw up my hands, only to slap them back down by my sides. “As you can see, there’s not much to look at.”

For a second, he just stares at me, and I start to shrink under his gaze.

Then he steps closer, and I back up, against the wall.

He cups my face in his hands and leans down close to me, his eyes locked on mine.

“You’re fucking beautiful,” he says softly, like he actually means it.

“I don’t give a fuck if you send me a picture of yourself in a goddamn trash bag.

” He tilts his head, his lips hovering over mine.

“You’re beautiful. Beauty doesn’t change because we try to hide it. ”

Slowly, he lowers his hands, then glances at my arm.

“Have you?” he asks, his words low.

I jam my hands in the pockets of my hoodie and think of Sloane. My lie to her. I shake my head. “No,” I whisper.

He grabs my wrist and I flinch. “You’re lying to me.”

My heart slams around in my ribcage, way too fast. “Cortland?—”

His grip tightens, and it’s painful against my cuts. “Stop hurting yourself, Remi. Fucking stop.”

The door to Dr. Ravi’s office opens and he lets go, backing up so fast, I know she didn’t see us.

But rather than face that—the fact that I’ll always be nothing but a dirty fucking secret—I turn my back on both of them and walk away.