Page 5 of Denying Her Mate (The Wolves of Black Mountain #3)

Chapter 5

Sawyer

O ver the next few hours, plans are put into motion to extract the tau Tessa saw in her vision. It’s risky going after this unknown female, particularly as the Order are collecting tau, but I understand why they want to do it. Tau wolves are at war with the Order, and while we don’t know what those monsters are doing to the ones they have captured, I’d hazard a guess it’s nothing good.

The problem is, going after them puts the girls here at risk.

How do we know the girl in Tessa’s vision is a tau in danger and not an Order spy?

This thought has been rolling around my head from the moment the girls said they wanted to go after her.

What if this is a trap, a way to lure them out into the open?

Halle and the others are powerful. I don’t know much about magic, but I’ve seen the things they can do. They are a prize to the Order.

I don’t like the controlling, possessive need to keep Roux hidden away that comes over me. This isn’t who I am, but the thought of her putting herself in harm’s way makes my guts twist into knots.

How the fuck can I keep my mate safe if she insists on leaving the safety of the Sanctuary?

Roux and Halle are determined to go on this rescue mission. Halle thinks she needs to pay it forward since she was saved by the others, and I suspect Roux would rather go on a dangerous, potentially fatal mission, than stay here alone with me.

That thought isn’t a pleasant one. I thought she might have come around by now. It’s been months. I dig my nails into the arm of the bench, gritting my teeth.

I retreated to the cabin once Roux left the main house to pack some things—followed her, if I’m being honest. I don’t want to let my little mate out of my sight in case she slips away without me. I’ve been watching her door ever since, but she hasn’t come out of her cabin yet.

There is a part of me that wants to lock her away and protect her from any harm, but I don’t want to take her choices from her. Roux is my mate, but I’m not her keeper, even if it’s making me lose my mind piece by piece.

Leaning forward on the bench, I interlace my fingers together between my parted legs. This isn’t right. Something about this has me on edge.

Where do these visions come from?

They are magic, sure, but why is Tessa only tuned into radio tau? Why doesn’t she see other things?

That thought niggles endlessly at me, but I don’t have enough pieces of this puzzle to see the picture it’s building.

I stare in the direction of Roux’s cabin, wondering what role Hester has for my mate in her plan and how I can try to manage damage control. I don’t like the idea of Roux being used as a pawn in a game where the rules are not known.

There is nothing I will not do to protect my mate, even if that is against people she considers friends.

I don’t trust Hester. She has a lot to gain from keeping the women here and teaching them to use their magic more effectively. I don’t believe this place was created from the goodness of her heart. She wants tau wolves here. The question is, why?

And that I can’t answer.

Hester remains something of a mystery to us all. I can’t fathom her motives, or her end game in this, mostly because we have no idea what the Order are doing with the tau wolves they have captive.

Why did their organization swing from killing hybrids to collecting them?

Why is Hester creating an army to mirror theirs?

Nothing about this situation makes me feel good. I don’t like it, and I really don’t like it now that my mate is knee-deep in this river of shit.

The door of her cabin opens, and she steps out onto the decking area. The heavily-padded coat she’s wearing is lined with fake fur around the hood and looks warm. My body sits up, my spine snapping straight, as I take her in. She’s beautiful, and my heart thuds painfully in my chest.

She’s not ours.

Not yet anyway.

I ignore the voice in my head that says she might never be ours, as I shove out of the chair and rush down the steps.

Snow crunches under my boots as I head for her. I can see the moment she realizes I’m close, and it’s not just from my scent lingering in the air. Her eyes lock to mine, and her throat bobs as she swallows hard.

I try to ignore the crushing feeling in my chest as her mouth pulls into a tight line and her gaze narrows on me.

“If you’re here to argue with me, then go away,” she says before I can get a word out.

“You’re leaving with them?” The question comes out abrupt. Rude, even. I don’t care. My fear, my worry for her, is greater than my need to be considerate.

“We’re stronger in numbers,” she says, as if that is a good enough reason for any of them to go. “This isn’t your business, Sawyer. Stay out of it.”

She walks in the direction of the house, leaving me standing there like a mannequin. I watch her for a moment, taking in the way her jeans cling to her shapely body. Her coat hides those delicious hips that I know are curved to fit perfectly in my hands, but I can only imagine what it will feel like to wrap my fingers around them, as I slide my cock into her molten heat.

The image dances through my mind, making a rumble of need come out of my mouth. When I’m around her I feel more animal than man. It is a special kind of torture being inflicted on me, and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep my distance. Already, my wolf urges me to take what is ours, to claim her, even if she doesn’t want it.

I am holding him back by a thread, but it is only a matter of time before he overpowers me.

“What if you get caught?” I say to her back as she moves further away from me. I can’t stand it. I need to touch her, to reassure myself… though, of what I’m not sure.

My feet move before my brain engages. Trampling through the snow, I grab her arm, stopping her. Her coat is thick beneath my palm, the material soft, but the way she reacts is as if I touched her bare skin, burning her.

Her response is instant. Roux spins and shoves me back with enough force that I go back on a foot. I release my hold on her, scared I’ll pull her over if I don’t.

Her face is a mask of desperation, as she tears her fingers through her hair.

“Stop fucking touching me!” It’s a demand, but her words are breathy, and the freckles that cover her cheeks and nose are hidden beneath the blush that spreads through her skin.

I scrub a hand over my face as my mind races, trying to respect what she’s asking. It will destroy me to walk away, but I don’t want to see her like this either. This is torment.

Take her.

Make her ours.

I ignore the command from my wolf to complete the bond. He doesn’t understand why I give her the choice. In his mind, there isn’t one. She is ours and we are hers.

We need to claim her.

Part of me thinks he’s not wrong.

Trying to find a calm I really don’t feel, I dig my hands into my pockets, removing the temptation to reach out to her.

“Is that what you really want?” I ask in a quiet voice, not sure I want to hear her answer. “You want me to stop touching you?”

Her expression remains hard. “Would it make any difference? You seem determined to ignore what I want at every turn.”

“Because I can’t do what you want!” I snap out the words. “I want to, Roux, I really do, but how the fuck can I pretend you’re nothing to me?”

Her jaw tightens. “Then there’s nothing to say, is there?”

“What do you want from me?” I demand, needing clarity.

“I… I want you to go away. I want you to stop trying to fix me as if I’m broken because I don’t want you. This is my home, Sawyer, and you’ve made it my hell.”

Fuck.

Those words gore me. She turns to walk again, but I move around her, coming to stand in front of her, stopping her. “You hate me so much that you want me to leave and never look back? Is the idea of us so bad that you’d rather wither away to nothing and die than let me claim you?”

Her mouth opens, and I feel ice settle in my gut, as I wait for words to spill from her saying she does.

The seconds drag on, but she says nothing.

“Well?” I speak again, needing to know where I stand with her. “Is that what you want?”

“Sawyer…”

I shake my head. I need answers to both of my questions.

“Do you want me to go?”

“I…” She closes her eyes, pain rippling across her face, as the words lodge in her throat.

I’m tired of playing this game with her. She pushes me away, but she doesn’t want me to go either. I don’t want to be her toy.

“I can’t keep doing this,” I admit, tearing my fingers through my hair. “You want me as much as I want you, so I don’t know why you’re pretending you don’t!” I scowl, feeling anger and frustration build inside me. “I don’t know what is holding you back, but we can work through it if you just tell me what the problem is. I can’t do shit when I don’t know anything.”

My lungs feel so tight, as her face morphs into one of sadness. “Maybe you should go.” She whispers the words as if it pains her to utter them.

That cuts deeper than if she’d taken a knife to me and sliced my gut open. Licking my suddenly dry lips, I risk stepping a little closer to her. “No.”

Her brows pull together. “Why did you ask me what I wanted if you’re just going to ignore me?”

“I’d do anything for you. I’d give up everything for you, but I’m not leaving you, not while you have hunters after you.” She opens her mouth to argue, but I speak before she can. “I don’t know what’s going on, but the Order want tau. I don’t want you to get hurt, Roux.”

Her eyes soften a little, and I wonder if she’s realizing I’m not the bad guy, that all I care about is keeping her safe. “I’ll have my coven with me. The other women are powerful.”

“But you’re not,” I counter. “Your witch half isn’t as strong as the others.”

That earlier hint of tenderness is quickly lost behind the shutters she pulls down around her heart. “Fuck you, Sawyer.” I wince as she moves away from me, putting distance between us. “I may not be as strong as the others, but I’m not going to stay here and cower when someone needs our help.”

Desperation floods me as I realize how badly I’ve screwed up here. “You don’t even know where these visions come from, Roux. You’re all just taking it on blind faith that they’re good, but how do any of you know that?”

For a moment, the hesitancy that crosses her face tells me that she hasn’t considered this. A vision found Tessa and Halle. Hester says both Roux and Apryle’s plights came to her in that way too, long before Tessa arrived with her own magic line to taus in trouble.

But I have questions.

Witches don’t like wolves. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember. They don’t exactly tell us their secrets, so I don’t know how their magic works, but what I do know is, I don’t trust Hester or these visions. I don’t understand why everyone seems willing to follow them blindly.

I’m not so trusting, and neither is Cade.

He doesn’t want to risk Halle for some mysterious vision, and I don’t want to risk Roux either.

“I don’t need to know where they come from,” she says, getting into my space. “And I don’t need you to protect me, do you understand?”

As she rolls to her toes to put her face in line with mine, my heart thuds. Hers too, if the pink stain moving up her chest and neck is any indication.

Whatever she’s going to say dies on her tongue as her eyes scan mine. The look in her eyes is heated and tormented. She wants me. I can see it plainly, so why won’t she allow the mating bond to snap fully into place?

Her mouth is so close to mine, I could dip my head and claim it. I want to, desperately, but I hold my position, scared if I try to force the issue, she’ll build those walls around her even higher. Besides, I want my mate willing and open to me.

“I understand nothing,” I tell her, my voice a low growl. “You are mine, Roux, and I’m not going to sit on the sidelines while you walk into danger. So, if you’re going, I’m going too.”

That seems to break through whatever spell she was momentarily under. She steps back from me, and the small distance feels like a giant chasm between us.

“No, you’re not. You need to stay away from me, Sawyer.”

“Do you think that would help?” I raise a challenging eyebrow. “Do you really think we can deny this bond between us forever?”

I don’t miss the flash of uncertainty in her eyes. If she is feeling the same intensity I am, it must be goring her. “No, I don’t.”

“Finally, some truth from you.”

Roux scowls at me. “Just because I think that doesn’t mean I’m changing my mind. This thing between us… It can’t happen. I don’t want it to happen.”

Now we’re getting somewhere. “Why?”

Her bottom lip trembles and she pulls it between her teeth to hide it. If she cries, I’m going to lose my mind. “Please, just stop asking.”

“I can’t.” Tears brim in her eyes and the swing from rage to sadness gives me whiplash. “I’ll hurt you, Sawyer. I’m cursed.”

Cursed? What the fuck is she talking about? “You’re not cursed.”

I reach my hand out, intending to brush my knuckles over her cheek, but she steps back, out of my way. I drop my arm, feeling irritated.

One step forward, three steps back.

“Don’t,” she whispers.

“Roux.” I say her name, not sure what else to add. I want to shake her. “I’m not your enemy.”

“I know,” she says, “but I’m yours.” She steps backward until there is a few feet between us. “If you have any sense, you’ll walk away and leave me alone.”

“Yeah, too bad I don’t have any,” I say, because I’m never walking away. She is mine and I will wait as long as she needs to come to terms with that.

I try to pretend that doesn’t hurt, but it does. Cade and Halle didn’t wait. The second they realized they were mates, they were inseparable. Even before that, they were. My brother doted on his mate the moment he laid eyes on her. It hurts knowing my mate is keeping me at arm’s length, and for a reason I don’t understand.

She’s cursed?

We’re all cursed.

What we can do—the magic that beats inside us—it’s not natural.

“I have to go.” Roux doesn’t meet my eyes, as if she can’t bring herself to.

“I won’t stop trying to protect you,” I warn her as she puts more distance between us, moving toward the main house.

“I know.”

I watch her walk up to the house and disappear through the back door. Fuck. I hate this. Considering her words, I should give her space, but I can’t. There’s no way in hell I’m letting her go out there alone without me there to watch her back. I will follow them if I need to.

I hike up the slight incline that leads to the house, and step inside. I can hear raised voices coming from the dining room and I make my way to them. The women are standing around the long table. Hester sits at the head of it, a mask of indifference on her face as the argument continues.

My gaze locks on Roux who is gripping the back of the chair in front of her. The others look as if they have been sitting here for a while. There are empty coffee mugs on the table and half eaten snacks too.

“Everyone who is mated can stay behind then,” Apryle snaps. “I’m not sitting on my ass waiting for another tau to be taken by those psychopaths, while you guys decide who is coming.”

“I’m not staying behind,” Halle snaps. I feel the irritation rolling off my brother as he collars the nape of her neck. The claiming mark on her throat is fresh, probably redone this morning by the look of the teeth marks. Absently, Cade strokes the only free part of his hand along it, his thumb.

It seems to soothe Halle’s rage a little, but not completely.

“We can’t take everyone,” Apryle fires back. “Someone has to stay behind to keep the wards up anyway, but four tau, plus two mates… We might as well go in a motorcade.”

“Three mates,” I say from the doorway.

Roux’s gaze finally lifts, snapping in my direction. I lock my attention to her, arching a challenging brow.

Apryle throws her hands in the air. “This is what I mean.”

“If my mate goes, I go too,” Abel rumbles, his fingers kneading Tessa’s shoulders.

“Same,” Cade agrees. “Besides, you could do with our strength. You girls are good with magic, but you won’t do well in a physical fight.”

Roux scoffs at this. “This isn’t the fifteen hundreds, Cade. We don’t need protecting.”

Her eyes lock to mine as she says this, and I get her message loud and clear. She doesn’t want my protection either. I growl in the back of my throat, but she crosses her arms defiantly over her chest, as if daring me to challenge her.

“No one thinks you can’t handle yourself,” Abel says before I can respond. “But it took all of us to defend the Sanctuary against the Order last time.”

“We’re stronger now,” Apryle counters.

“Strong or not, we still need to be careful,” Tessa says. “We don’t know what the tau captives can do or what lines they are willing to cross.” I’m not sure why she’s the only one with any sense.

“I don’t care,” Abel says. “I’m going with you.”

“I’m going too,” says Cade, tightening his grip on Halle’s nape.

Arguing erupts and the noise is overbearing. I don’t say anything, keeping my eyes locked on my mate. Usually, witty retorts would be flying out of my mouth, but I’ve not felt a hint of humor since the moment my mating bond flared inside me. What I feel now is annoyed that Roux would try to stop me from doing what I’m built to do. The thought of being left behind has my jaw grinding together so tight I feel like I might break my teeth.

Hester places her hands on the table and slowly pushes to her feet. “Enough!”

The arguing dies down. I keep my attention on Roux, even though she does not look at me.

What is she thinking?

“We’ll split into two teams. One will stay behind; one will come to recover the tau wolf in Tessa’s vision.”

Hester, Halle, and Tessa are in the team going after the tau. Abel and Cade will join them with Wyatt. Roux and Apryle are staying behind with Jackson and me.

I can tell Roux isn’t happy with this. Even if I couldn’t see her anger, I feel it throb through the fledgling bond between us. “You don’t think I can handle myself?” The accusation is leveled at Hester who blows out a breath.

“It’s not about who can handle themselves.”

“But you think I’m the weakest. That’s why you’ve made me stay behind both times—first when you went to collect Halle, and now with this woman.”

I wince. I told her that. I put that idea in her head that she’s not enough. Fuck. I never intended to do that. I don’t want Roux to doubt her magic or her abilities. I don’t care that she’s a stronger wolf than she is a witch. It makes no difference to me, but clearly it does to her.

“Not one of you in this room is weak,” Hester snaps. “We can’t empty out the Sanctuary. The wards require someone to be here.”

“The same wards that didn’t stop the Order from walking right through the front door?” Wyatt’s words surprise me. My cousin has been quiet throughout this entire discussion.

Hester glares at him and I fear for his life. “These new wards will keep them out.”

“Yeah,” I mutter. “Because they did a stellar job last time. Look, I get it. This is your domain, your kingdom, but it isn’t just you here anymore. Everyone deserves a voice in this… whatever the hell this is.” I want to say cult, but I keep that thought locked down. I don’t know if Hester can obliterate me with her mind, but I don’t want to find out. “Roux’s going, and so am I. You leave us behind, we’ll just follow you.”

Warmth spreads through me at the look Roux gives me. She’s happy I stood up for her, and I add that to the mental tally I’m keeping of things I’ve done right.

Hester leans her hands on the table and inches toward me. Something dark swirls in her eyes, something that makes my heart splutter. and an ugly, terrible feeling spreads through my body. For a moment, my chest feels too tight to draw in air, as she stares me down and the scent of magic tinges the air. “Careful, wolf . I’m not one of your pack members. I don’t take kindly to threats.”

I force strength into my body. I won’t look weak in front of my mate, even though I want to fold beneath the weight of Hester’s stare.

“It’s not a threat,” I say.

“Stop it,” Halle snaps and raises her hand as if she is going to intervene. Roux, I notice, hasn’t moved, but she’s gripping the edge of the chair so hard the skin over her knuckles is taut.

Hester glares at Halle before spearing me once more with her gaze. I don’t falter or fumble. I will die for Roux if that is what is needed.

“Hester,” Roux says finally. “Don’t.”

Her soft voice makes me want to fist punch the air, but I remain still, not daring to remove my gaze from the tau bitch standing in front of me. I feel my chest loosen as Hester’s magic withdraws, and I try not to suck in air like a starved man as my lungs refill.

“Fine. Halle stays. Tessa, me and Roux are going with Abel, Wyatt and you .” She says ‘you’ with an inflection in her voice that makes a shiver travel up my spine.

I’ve made an enemy here, but I don’t care because Roux’s cheeks are heated, and her eyes are filled with gratitude.

That right there is all I give a shit about. I give her a lopsided smile as the arguing erupts in the room again.