Page 3 of Denying Her Mate (The Wolves of Black Mountain #3)

Chapter 3

Sawyer

R unning is the only way to keep my mind clear. I move through the trees, my pace grueling. I want to feel the burn in my lungs and the ache in my limbs. I want to sleep tonight, without thoughts of her plaguing my mind. Her rejection feels like a pickaxe to the chest, even though I know she isn’t doing it because she doesn’t like me. She is afraid of something, and I need to find out what.

I smell my brother a little distance behind me. It would be easy to keep running, to stay ahead of him, but I have already silenced the pack link between me and my vargr brothers, and I know Cade. He will keep tracking me until he finds me.

His concern for me is no surprise. My brother has been taking care of me his entire life, but this time I don’t want him to. What I crave is peace, silence, and time to wrap my head around my mate never accepting us.

She’s hiding something…

She is. I don’t need the mating bond to know that. I’ve always been good at reading people and Roux is an open book. She wears her shame like a shroud.

My wolf stops and waits in a small clearing surrounded by thick trunks and undergrowth. I can smell so many things—animals, plants, even her. I’m at least a mile from the Sanctuary, but Roux’s scent still clings to my nose.

Even if I wanted to be free of her I can’t. The distance between us would make us both eventually wither away to shells of who we are. Even if I could live with doing that to myself, I can’t allow it to happen to Roux.

Cade’s wolf steps out of the undergrowth, his dark fur glistening with dew from the snow clinging to the leaves and forest floor. His eyes glare with rage as he takes me in.

Follow me back.

I don’t move, not immediately. I know I’m going to get my ass chewed out for being out here alone. Cade has given me this same lecture multiple times in the past few months, but this is the only way I can find the peace I so desperately crave these days.

My wolf wants to do as his alpha commands, so I give him control to follow my brother. In our wolf forms it doesn’t take us long to reach the edge of the trees. There’s nothing in front of us, but as we step through the wards, the hum of magic washes over me before the cabins ripple and form in front of my eyes.

Hester’s magic is strong but, combined with the other tau women, it is magnified enough to keep this place hidden from unfriendly eyes. It will not stop the Order from coming again—not now that they know where we are—but they will find it hard to cross the wards, or so Halle tells me. It will take a powerful tau, or the combined strength of a few, to get through. From what we’ve seen, the tau females with the Order are not working together.

The snow crunches beneath my paws as I follow my brother’s large, black wolf. As soon as the cabins come into view, I can scent Roux. It surrounds me, infusing every sense in my body in a heady way. It’s a special kind of torture having her so close and yet being unable to make her mine in the way I want to.

Shift now.

The order sounds in my head and while I want to ignore it, I do as I’m commanded. The shift rolls through my body as I turn from wolf back into my human form.

My eyes adjust, losing some of the sharpness I had as my wolf, and my body feels weird. I straighten from my crouch, standing tall and stretching my limbs out, as my brother shifts into his human form too.

I can tell he’s annoyed and not just because he’s snarling at me. I know Cade better than most and my brother has never been one to shield his feelings anyway. When he snaps at me it’s not unexpected.

“Have you lost your mind?”

I blow out a breath, not in the mood for a lecture. Lately, I’m not in the mood for anything. “Not as far as I know.” The response is glib, and it gets the reaction I expect it to.

Cade grabs the side of my neck, his grip an iron band around me. I can feel the pressure on my skin already leaving bruises, but there is a sadistic part of me that relishes the pain. “The Order are still out there! They could be in those woods, waiting for you.”

They could. They can’t pass through the wards, but they know we’re here, nestled against the backdrop of the Montana mountains.

But it’s not me they want. It is the women—the tau wolves. Those with witch and wolf DNA: Halle, Apryle, Hester, Tessa, and my Roux.

I won’t let them take her. I don’t care what it takes.

“They want tau, not vargr. I wasn’t in danger, and even if I was, I can take care of myself, Cade.”

He gets in my face, his eyes blazing. “We don’t know what they want!”

It’s not like me, but I can’t stop from responding. My lips pull into a snarl as I go nose to nose with him. I’m not in the mood to listen to my brother or take his orders, alpha or not. I don’t want to stop running outside the wards. Those moments when I’m free are the only times I feel in control of my sanity.

He growls at me, alpha waves rolling off him, but that hierarchy has less meaning here. We aren’t really a pack any more than the women are a coven. We’re all just playing dress up.

“You want to do this?” he hisses at me.

I do. The need to fight, to let go of this tension is overwhelming. “Back off, Cade.”

“You’re going to get yourself killed.”

I know he thinks this because I am being reckless, but I have too much to live for to die.

Before I can retort, movement catches my attention, and my gaze goes over my brother’s head as Halle rushes toward us. I let the anger seep out of me. Hurting Halle is not my goal. I adore my brother’s mate as if she is family.

Her concerned frown makes my chest ache. I don’t like making her feel this way, but I can’t be the Sawyer I was before we came here.

“Stop!” The word is sharp, but I hear the fear crackle through it.

Cade doesn’t step away from me. “I’m not the one who needs to stop.”

I almost roll my eyes. Of course he would blame me for this situation, even though it is he who inserted himself into my business.

“There’s nothing to stop. I’m done talking.”

“I’m not.”

Halle slides closer, as if she can insert herself between our bodies. My brother and I are big men, and Halle would be swamped if we got physical. She would get hurt and that I can’t allow.

“Halle,” I repeat her name, hoping she’ll get the warning in my voice.

“You don’t need to worry about my mate. She’s safe with me.”

His words are a slap to the face whether he intends them to be or not. His mate is safe with him. Mine is not, though not through any fault of mine. I would give my life to keep Roux protected, but she can’t even stand to be in the same room as me.

It hits a nerve, and I can’t stop from snarling at Cade. What I really want to do is shove him away from me, smash my fist into his stupid face, and lose all this pent-up rage building inside me.

And it is building.

I have always been the funny guy in our little pack, but all that humor is gone. I don’t find joy or happiness in anything right now.

“Fuck you, Cade,” I snap, unable to help myself.

Halle sucks a breath between the gap in her front teeth and I know why she is so shocked by my words. It is disrespectful to address Cade this way, but he is not my alpha right now. He is my big brother, and as much as I respect him, I don’t appreciate him needling me.

“Both of you, calm down!” Halle reaches out and I can tell she wants to touch me, to hug me maybe, but I don’t make myself open to that. If she gives me comfort, I’m going to lose my shit.

“I am calm,” I assure her.

Her gritted jaw tells me she doesn’t believe me, and she shouldn’t. My brother is glaring at me as if he is imagining the many ways he can make me suffer for my insolence.

“Stop glaring at each other and put these on.”

I tear my attention from Cade and lower my eyes to her hands, which are clutching two pairs of sweatpants. This is one of the downsides of shifting, though I don’t care that I’m naked, or that Cade is. I hold my hand out, taking a pair from her and pulling them up my legs to settle on my hips.

Cade does the same, but the anger in his eyes has been replaced with exasperation. I prefer the former.

“I’m fine,” I mutter. I don’t need to be coddled.

“Sawyer.” The softness in her tone as she says my name gives me pause. I don’t want to hurt Halle’s feelings, but her concern drives me crazy.

“What?” The word snaps out harsher than I intend and my brother growls at me. I’m pushing my luck here, but I can’t seem to stop the anger from rolling through me.

“Have you tried talking to her?”

The sympathy in her voice makes a dark laugh erupt from me. “What do you think?”

“Play nice,” Cade snarls at me, protecting his mate, as he should.

I force calm into my body and my mind. This isn’t Halle’s fault. I’m not sure it’s Roux’s either. Something has made her shut down and lock me out of the skyscraper-sized wall she has erected around herself. “She’s not opening up to me. I don’t know what else to do.”

“I’ve tried to talk to her, but she won’t tell me either.”

“Your little witch friend cursed her or something,” I accuse.

Halle rolls her eyes. “We don’t curse people, Sawyer.”

“A witch used magic against you to make you forget everything you are. How is that not a curse?”

Her mouth opens and then closes. She was cursed. At barely eight years old, a witch had bound her magic at the request of her aunt. She lost everything in that moment, including all the memories of her mother. Halle says she didn’t even remember her own name. It all had to be relearned.

Only two months ago that binding was removed. and when it was, it was as if a dam burst. Halle remembered all the things that had been lost to her, including those precious moments with her mom before she was captured by the Order.

“This isn’t about me,” Halle says. “Just give Roux time.”

Halle has said this to me multiple times over the past two months, but I don’t see how that is helping. The longer this goes on, without us bonding, the worse I feel. My wolf is desperate to claim her and every day she denies us, I feel a piece of me chip away a little more.

“I’m not going to force my claiming on her,” I grumble. “I’m not into an unwilling mate, but if she keeps pushing me away, I’m going to have to walk away from the Sanctuary.”

Halle shakes her head. “Don’t leave, Sawyer.”

“I can’t look at her day after day, feeling the pain inside me from her rejection.” I rub at the constant ache that seems to have taken root in my chest. “I don’t know what the hell to do here, Halle. She doesn’t want me, and I can’t keep fighting for someone who isn’t reciprocating.”

Halle glances up at my brother. “Say something to him.”

What can he say? He knows how it would feel if Halle had refused to let him claim her. It is the kiss of death for wolves. Over time, this refusal to mate will result in us both fading away, potentially even dying. Distance can help lessen the pain, so running is my only option.

Licking his lips, Cade frowns at his mate, and knowing my brother as well as I do, I know he’s struggling to soften the blow. “Halle…” He says her name so soft, so gentle, so unlike my tough brother who was, only moments ago, threatening to feed me his fist.

Tears glisten in her eyes as she glances between us. “No. No ,” she repeats. “I’m not letting you leave alone. If you go, we all go.”

My throat clogs with the emotion running through me. “While I appreciate the sentiment, you’re staying here.”

“That’s not your choice to make, Sawyer.” When Cade snorts, she glares at him. “Nor yours either.”

“The Order are still out there. Those hunters are desperate to get their hands on you and the others,” I say.

“You’re staying,” Cade adds.

Before she can lay into my brother, I kiss her forehead, which seems to retract the claws a little. When I pull back, she’s still narrowing her eyes at me, but some of the fight has left her eyes. My brother growls under his breath, pissed at me for touching his mate. Usually, I would tease him about that, but I can’t find it in me to do it. Instead, I focus on Halle.

“You need to be here in the Sanctuary. It’s not safe out there.”

Halle’s mouth pulls into a pout. She’s about to become as fiery as her hair. “I can take care of myself, Sawyer! You’ve seen what I can do with my magic.”

There is no denying my sister-in-law is strong—possibly even stronger than Hester—but all it takes is one moment and everything could be over for her. I won’t allow that, not for my benefit. I would be devastated if anything happened to Halle.

“You are very capable,” I agree, “but that doesn’t mean you should go looking for trouble.”

She grabs my arm, her fingers digging into my bicep. “Don’t make any hasty decisions. Think about it first, please. Cade, tell him.”

My brother meets my gaze, and his usually hard eyes soften. “He can’t stay, Halle. It’ll tear him apart being near her and unable to claim her.”

Halle’s expression morphs, her mouth pulling into a tight line and her eyes hardening as she turns in the direction of Roux’s cabin.

Before she can take a step, Cade grabs her arm. “Where are you going?”

“To talk some sense into her!”

“Not your fight, little one,” I tell her. “Put the gloves down and step out of the ring.”

She wrinkles her nose. “I don’t like what she’s doing to you, Sawyer.”

“She’s not doing anything.” It’s a lie. She’s tearing me apart, but I won’t have Halle fighting her for me. Roux has her reasons for pulling away. I just have to understand what they are.

With a final glance at my brother, I walk away, leaving Cade to deal with his feisty mate. As I pass Roux’s cabin, my gaze automatically lifts in that direction. She’s not inside, I can sense that much, but the urge to go to her space and soak up her scent nearly has my feet moving toward her.

Instead, I force my feet to trudge along the gravel path to the cabin I’m sharing with my cousin, Wyatt, and our other pack member, Jackson.

Our cabin is the biggest, with three bedrooms and a porch that wraps around the front and sides of the house. Unlike Roux and Apryle’s cabins, there are no flowers or pots on the decking.

There are no personal touches at all.

I climb the steps to the porch, my legs feeling heavy and leaden. My chest aches as I step inside, into a wall of warmth.

Jackson glances up from where he’s sitting on the couch watching TV, his big body sprawled out. His eyes take me in before narrowing.

“You okay?”

I nod, unable to make any words come out of my mouth. Wyatt is sitting at the breakfast bar, eating pancakes—or what I assume are pancakes. It’s hard to tell. He’s not a cook.

“You didn’t go to the house for breakfast?” I ask. I’m not surprised, but I do want to gauge where their heads are at. Cade and Halle brought us here, and while I found my mate, my cousin and pack mate have been brushed aside a little.

As I drop onto the couch next to Jackson, Wyatt glances at him. The look that passes between them has me sitting up a little straighter. “What?”

Jackson becomes fascinated by the TV, his eyes focused on the screen rather than me. I glare at my cousin, who shifts his shoulders.

“Hester… she’s…um…”

His mouth moves as he tries to formulate the words, but he doesn’t need to because I know what he’s driving at. There’s something off about her, something that I can’t put my finger on.

“You get that vibe too?”

Wyatt sits a little taller on the stool, lowering his fork back to the plate. “I mean, I appreciate her taking us in, but the way she looks at us sometimes is weird.”

I frown. I haven’t noticed any weird looks. “What do you mean?”

My cousin isn’t one to skirt around his views, so the fact he is now sets me on edge.

What’s he thinking?

“Like… I don’t know.” He squirms and I can see his discomfort as well as feel it through the pack bond. “She’s just… weird. I mean, all the rules and shit, eating at a certain time, giving us homes and safety. It feels like we’re in a cult and we don’t know it.”

He isn’t wrong, and it’s a thought I’ve had myself. There’s something weird about this place and about that woman. She’s not done anything to us, but she puts me on edge even so.

I glance at Jackson, wondering if he feels the same. He shrugs. “She’s pretty intense.”

What if Hester is the enemy? What if bringing us here is a ploy to do… what?

What if my cousin is just being paranoid?

“You think she wants to harm us?” I ask.

“I don’t know. I don’t think so, but it isn’t a coincidence that she’s collecting tau wolves in the same way as that white-haired asshole is. It’s like they’re both creating armies of hybrids.”

Cold washes over me at this observation. Is that what they’re both doing? Hester has her little coven of wolf-witch hybrids. The white-haired man from the Order also has tau with him. For an organization that was dedicated to destroying tau wolves, I don’t want to imagine why he’s suddenly collecting them.

“For what benefit?”

“I don’t know. I just know I don’t want to follow whatever suicide mission she’s planning on leading us into.”

I blow out a breath, unable to find it in me to castigate my cousin for his words. He’s right. Whatever Hester is up to, we don’t need to have any part of. I want to grab Roux and Halle and get the hell out of here.

I lean my head back against the cushions of the couch, trying to slow my suddenly racing thoughts. If we leave it will put Halle at risk. Can we protect her?

“You manage to talk to Roux?” Jackson’s question slams through my thoughts, scattering them.

“She’s not interested in anything I have to say.” Pain stabs my insides at that admission. I feel as if I have failed us both.

“I’m sorry, bro. That’s rough. I’ve never known a fated mate to reject their partner,” he muses.

Lucky me.

Wyatt lifts a forkful of pancake to his mouth, popping it in. “Abel rejected Tessa at first.”

Tessa had told me the story of Abel’s rejection not long after Roux denied our bond. I think she did it to show me this didn’t mean Roux and I can’t fix things.

Abel’s moon sickness is not a common defect in our kind, and he is the first wolf I have come across with it, but it made me understand the reason he pushed Tessa away. The full moon makes him more violent, more aggressive. Hester was controlling him, but they found out that the only one who can calm him is his mate, Tessa.

Whatever made Roux reject me feels like this. That same kind of fear Abel had that he might harm his mate unintentionally. Is Roux scared her magic might do something to me?

I brush that off as soon as I think it. The women have been working together to control and harness their power.

“I don’t think this is like their situation,” I say slowly, thoughts forming even as I speak. “Roux’s scared of something.”

“Of you?” Wyatt asks.

Helplessness washes over me. “I don’t know. She won’t tell me anything. I’ve tried to get answers, but she’s holding back.”

And my wolf hates it. I hate it too. Roux might be in denial about our fated mate bond, but I’m not. I know who she is to me, but I’m tired of fighting her. For two months, I’ve been pushing her, trying to get her to open up to me, with no effect. The pain of the rejection slices through my gut every time I sense her near me.

Leaving might sound dramatic, but maybe it’s the only way to handle this. We will both wither away eventually, but it will take longer, and the pain won’t be as bad if we’re separated.

I sag against the couch cushions, pain throbbing through my temple. How can I leave now? The Order are still out there. They attacked us, tried to harm the women, including Roux. I doubt I can convince her to come with me, but even if I could, I don’t think I would. I don’t trust Hester, but I can’t deny she does try to keep the women safe.

Walking away means going alone and leaving my mate to face whatever is coming without my protection. I don’t think I can do that.

It also means trusting everyone here to keep her safe, and I don’t.

I love Cade, and my brother would do anything for me, even protect my mate, but if it came to it, he would take care of Halle first, as he should.

Roux is mine and taking care of her is my responsibility.

“You okay?” The question comes from Wyatt. I must have been silent for too long.

I open my mouth to speak, but a wave of emotions flares through me. If I wasn’t sitting down, I’d be on my knees, breathing through my nose. I close my eyes, gasping as I’m nearly overwhelmed.

Fear.

That’s what I’m feeling. It is so strong, so potent, it makes my vision roll.

I can hear my cousin and Jackson trying to talk to me, but I can’t focus on anything except the thrumming terror rolling through me.

It’s coming from the bond.

Not the pack bond, but the mating one.

Roux.

It’s enough to make me shove to my feet and stumble to the door. My legs feel uncoordinated, but I push through it, reaching for the handle with fumbling fingers.

“Sawyer?” Wyatt’s voice cracks through the silence and both my vargr pack members are on their feet.

“What’s wrong?” Jackson demands.

I swallow the bile coating the back of my throat, fear clutching my heart. “Roux’s in trouble.”