Page 18 of Denying Her Mate (The Wolves of Black Mountain #3)

Chapter 18

Roux

I don’t mean to stare, but I find myself watching Dove from the porch that wraps around the main house. Tessa and I are sitting on the oversized bench that overlooks the cabins, while Apryle is sprawled on the porch swing, surrounded by blankets. Wolves tend to run a little warmer than humans, but we’ve been out here so long that my nose feels numb.

“What do you think about her?” I ask as Dove rushes at Jackson.

They walked hand-in-hand toward the lake just a few minutes ago, a closeness between them as if they are already mated.

Tessa’s gaze follows mine. “It’s hard to say.”

“She must have a magic twat,” Apryle says, making Tessa’s eyes flare. “What? Tell me you’re not thinking the same thing. She’s got Jackson whipped.”

I can’t disagree. He is.

“Speaking of whipped,” Apryle continues, “where are your mates? I don’t normally get the honor of either of your presence.”

She’s not wrong, which makes me wince. “Sawyer’s in our cabin,” I say.

He gives me space to meet with my coven sisters, though I know he hates having me out of his sight for even a second. I do like that growly possessiveness he has for me though. It makes me feel special and loved.

“Apryle,” Tessa speaks softly. “We don’t mean to make you feel that way.”

The wave of her hand is uncaring, but I know Apryle. For a time, it was just her, me, and Hester; we became close, pushed together by our unique shared experiences. Because of that, I can tell her nonchalance isn’t real. She’s far more affected by all this than she’s letting on, and I hate that she feels this way.

“What do I care who you’re rutting with?” Apryle says. “Have at it.”

I wrinkle my nose at the way she puts it. Rutting seems so… animalistic, and while we do have animals within us, we’re not beasts.

“One day you’ll find your mate and you’ll be just like us,” I warn.

She snorts. “No thanks, and as for our little lab experiment… I don’t trust her.”

“Don’t call her that,” Tessa chastises. “She’s been through hell.”

“Haven’t we all? I seem to remember you having to run through the woods for your life.”

Tessa shifts uncomfortably, tugging at the neck of her coat. “I’d rather not remember that, thanks.”

“You can’t erase your past, Tess.” She rocks the swing, making it sway. “Believe me, I’ve tried.”

Tessa’s gaze slides in my direction, a questioning look on her face, but I’m not about to divulge anything. Apryle’s business is just that—hers.

“What do you think Hester felt when she touched Dove’s mind?” I chew my thumbnail, wondering how to bring up my mistrust of her without causing friction. I don’t know where either woman stands on the issue of Hester.

“I think if it scares Hester, we should all be scared,” Apryle says.

Tessa leans forward, rubbing a hand over her neck. There’s a pale pallor to her skin that I didn’t notice before, but looking at her now, I’m worried. “I don’t… I don’t know.”

I grab her shoulders as she starts to slump over, keeping her in place. “Hey! Are you okay?” It’s a stupid question; obviously she’s not okay.

“I don’t feel good,” she admits with a groan.

“Apryle, get some water.”

For once, Apryle doesn’t have some smart-ass response as she tosses the blankets aside and rushes into the main house.

I focus on Tessa and the fact her moon-touched hair is sticking to her forehead in a damp, sweaty mess. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?” I ask.

“Hot.” She gulps as she says the word, like a fish left to die on land. “I feel like I’m boiling inside my skin.”

I help her out of her coat and when I brush my hand over her skin, I feel how searing it is. My palm presses against her forehead and I gasp at the heat coming off her. “You’re burning up.”

My breath steams in front of my face as I speak, reminding me how cold it is out here, and while wolves run a little warmer than humans, Tessa shouldn’t be this hot considering the snow.

“Am I dying?”

Oh. Damn. How do I answer that when I don’t know what is happening to her?

I’m grateful Apryle returns holding a glass of water, so I don’t have to answer her.

“Is she okay?” Apryle asks, sounding concerned for once.

“I don’t know.” I hate admitting that, but it’s the truth. This is beyond my knowledge.

I take the glass from Apryle, lifting it to Tessa’s lips. She doesn’t try to help me position it, but takes large gulps of it, as if she hasn’t drank in weeks. It sloshes down her front, but she doesn’t seem to notice as her rheumy eyes slide around.

Is this a spell? A hex? Some kind of curse?

Did Dove do something to her?

That is an evil thought, but I can’t stop it from invading my mind. Even so the guilt that washes through me leaves an ugly feeling behind. As I keep telling Sawyer, Dove is a victim in this. She’s not our enemy.

“I’m going to check what’s going on,” I tell Tessa as I hand the glass back to Apryle.

Sweat beads on Tessa’s forehead, and her arm hair, now exposed without her coat, stands on end, as if she is cold even though her skin burns.

I put my hand on Tessa’s and open myself to my magic. The power swirls inside me, ready to be unleashed, and the thrill I feel as it washes through me is indescribable. It leaves me believing in my own invincibility.

Carefully, I push the power from me into Tessa. The smell of burning wood infuses my nose but I don’t pay that any attention.

Instead, I focus on what I’m feeling as I move the magic through Tessa’s body and mind. As it flows into her, I probe, seeking anything dark or wrong within her that might explain her symptoms, but there’s nothing.

Everything feels normal.

Eventually, I withdraw my magic and open my eyes.

“I don’t sense anything. No spells or hexes.” Panic claws at my chest as Tessa sags forward again, and both Apryle and I have to hold her up. “We need to get Hester or Halle. I don’t want to admit it, but I don’t think my magic is strong enough to detect whatever is wrong with her.”

It stings to say that to Apryle, and to expose something I’m insecure about, but my feelings don’t matter right now. All I care about is helping Tessa.

Apryle stands suddenly, leaving me clutching Tessa’s shoulders alone. “That’s because this isn’t magic, Roux. She’s in heat.”

I snap my head up to look at her. That’s not possible. It’s too soon. Tessa’s been mated to Abel for a while now, but usually it takes at least six months for a heat cycle to begin. It’s been, what? Three or four maybe?

“Wolves don’t go into heat this soon after the mating bond,” I counter.

Apryle shifts her shoulders, crossing her arms over her chest as she peers down at Tessa who is gripping the edge of the bench like it’s a life-saving driftwood. “We’re not wolves, Roux.”

That statement hits my gut like a wrecking ball. She’s right. We’re not wolves, not entirely anyway. I grew up in a pack, surrounded by pure-blood wolves. I saw heats and I saw how the woman were affected by the physiological changes that make a wolf ready to breed, but not one of those wolves were tau. I have no idea what heat cycles look like for our kind.

Does our witch side accelerate things? Does it slow things down? Does it make it harder for us to have pups?

I never really considered what being tau could mean for me and Sawyer. Has he saddled himself with a mate who can’t give him a family. Does he even want one?

Now isn’t the best time to have a baby, not with everything happening, but faced with the realization that I have zero idea about the mating habits for my kind, it’s something I should have asked questions about.

“Make it stop.” Tessa’s whimper draws my attention and I grip her wrists to stop her from clawing at her arms. There are deep scratches already welling with blood.

Shit.

“Stop it. You’re hurting yourself.”

Tessa scrunches her eyes closed. “I feel like I’m coming out of my skin.”

Apryle is right. Tessa is in heat, and her mate should have known that the moment it started. Where the hell is Abel?

“She needs her mate,” Apryle says, stepping back a little and swallowing hard. She seems freaked by this, and I don’t know why. I don’t have time right now to unpack Apryle’s behavior.

“Right,” I murmur. “We need to find Abel.”

Tessa shakes her head back and forth, as if trying to lift whatever fog is clouding her mind. “I can’t be in heat. It’s too soon.”

“Yeah,” Apryle says, “for pure bred wolves maybe, but for a bunch of misfit hybrids like us? Maybe this is exactly the right time.”

Tessa tips her head back and pants as if there is a weight sitting on her chest. “I need… him. There’s this ache inside me. Please help me.”

She writhes on the bench, and it takes me a moment to realize she’s rubbing her thighs together, trying to relieve some of the agony she must be feeling.

“Tess, where’s Abel?” I ask.

“He’s gone into Laurel Falls… to get… supplies.” Her throat bobs as she swallows.

“Of course he has,” Apryle complains. “What a fucking day to leave the Sanctuary.”

I can’t argue with that. It is crappy timing that today of all days he chose to go into town. Abel goes into the tiny mountain town of Laurel Falls once a week to pick up groceries and any supplies we may need. Sometimes he takes one of the vargr males with him, but most of the time he makes the trip solo—probably so he can get back to Tessa without being delayed.

Usually, he’s never further than the grounds of the Sanctuary, which would be useful in this moment.

“Tess!” I grab her face as her head lolls on her shoulders. “Can you reach Abel through the mating bond?”

“He already knows,” she assures me. “He was… he was on his way back… when it started.”

“What are we meant to do with her until he gets back?” Apryle asks.

What happens when someone is in heat?

I desperately try to pull up those memories from my life with my old pack, but nothing is coming to me.

“Just let me think for a moment.”

“Roux!” Sawyer’s voice cracks through the air like a whip. I raise my head as he rushes down the steps of our cabin, jogging across the grass and the gravel path toward us.

Apryle has the sense to move into my place, her fingers wrapping around Tessa’s shoulders as I stand from my crouch. Was I transmitting my fear through our mating bond? I must have been because as he leaps up the steps, his hands latch onto my shoulders with an almost bruising grip. He ducks his head so he can see my eyes.

“Are you hurt?” He hisses the words, concern etched onto every line of his face. I hate that I’ve worried him. That was not my intention. I guess this mating bond is going to take some navigating, though I feel better now he’s here.

“I’m fine,” I assure him. “It’s Tessa.”

Sawyer’s gaze goes over my head, his brows furrowing as he takes in Tessa. “Shit,” he mutters. “She’s in heat.” Apparently, he’s more in tune to women’s reproduction than either Apryle or I am. “Where’s Abel?”

“On his way back from Laurel Falls. We don’t know what to do to help her until he gets here.”

Tessa is writhing, her chest heaving, as she tries to control the sensations bombarding her body. I can’t imagine what she’s going through, but it makes me nervous for my own first heat. Will it feel this way for me too? How much pain is she feeling? I hate that she’s suffering so badly.

“There’s nothing we can do. Only her mate can ease her needs.”

I know that is true. As my panic clears, I’m starting to remember some things from when I was with my pack. I recall the women in heat were desperate to be taken by their mate and their mate was just as feral with need.

Our nature is cruel. It pits everything we are against ourselves. The pain of the first shift, the agony of heat cycles, and the injustice of fated mates, it is all some big cosmic fuck you. The more I see and experience, the more I truly believe our biology is a curse.

“Help me,” Tessa begs, and my heart breaks for her. The desperation in her voice nearly shatters me.

I pull free of Sawyer, dropping onto the bench next to her and wrapping my arm around her shoulders. “Try to focus on anything else,” I tell her, brushing her sweaty hair from her face with my other hand. “Abel will be here soon.”

I hope that’s true. I don’t know how long Tessa can deal with this.

“Maybe we can put her out with magic,” Apryle suggests.

I glare at her. Apryle isn’t known for her compassion, butthat’s cold even by her standards. “We’re not putting her out .”

“Do you have a better idea?”

I open my mouth to say something—anything—to counteract her words, but before I can speak, I hear the screech of a car coming up the driveway. It must be coming at us full speed, because the sound of gravel spraying under the tires is loud even though we are around the back of the house.

Tessa lifts her head, her nose lifted, and she sucks in a lungful of air. “He’s here.”

I have to jump out of the way as she lurches to her feet, weaving like she’s had too much to drink. Both Apryle and I reach for her, attempting to steady her gait, but she sidesteps with surprising agility, getting around us both. I can do nothing but trail after her like a lost puppy, as she rushes down the steps of the porch like a magnet, seeking her mate.

I’m aware of Sawyer close behind me, Apryle too, but I don’t stop. All I am focused on is Tessa and making sure she remains safe.

As we round the side of the house, all of us jogging to keep up with Tessa, Abel appears looking fiercer than I have ever seen him. His eyes are wild, his expression downright terrifying.

I sense the danger at the same time as Sawyer, who pulls me back against his chest, wrapping his arms tight around me to keep me in place. He doesn’t need to worry. I can sense getting between these two would be a mistake.

Abel closes the space between him and his mate in a movement that doesn’t seem possible for a man of his size. Without any words between them, his hand grips the back of Tessa’s head as they crash their lips together. The kiss is savage, filled with need and desire that has Apryle making a gagging sound.

“Doesn’t look like they need us anymore,” she says, turning to walk away.

Abel tears Tessa’s yoga pants down her legs, which is the only cue we need to get the hell out of there. Sawyer grabs my hand, and we rush away from the house toward our cabin. He doesn’t take me there though, we pass it instead, heading toward the lake.

The crunch of snow beneath our feet is strangely soothing, my boots sinking into the drifts as we walk. My mate keeps a tight hold of my hand, as if he is scared to let go of me because I might disappear beneath the blanket of white.

I block out the sound behind us of Tessa and Abel fucking like rabbits, and instead focus on the man in front of me. As always, I am struck by how lucky I am to have found my mate and to feel this intense sense of happiness that I have with him. Most wolves don’t have anything to compare to. They either find their fated mate or they pick a chosen mate and stay with that wolf for the rest of their lives. I have experienced both sides of this coin, and although I cared for Edward, it’s nothing compared to the depth of feeling I have for Sawyer after such a short time.

It's as if I have known Sawyer my entire life. While I don’t fully understand the mating bond or how mates are chosen, I don’t doubt that it picked right. Sawyer is mine, just as much as I am his, and I cannot imagine being with anyone else.

He pauses at the edge of the water. There is a layer of ice covering the surface, though in some places it looks more like glass. I slip my hand into his, curling our fingers together, as I look out over the water and the backdrop of the black mountain behind.

“It really is beautiful here,” I murmur. I don’t want to disturb the peace by speaking loudly.

Abel and Tessa have other ideas about keeping things quiet. Tessa shrieks out what I’m sure is an orgasm that seems to reverberate around the mountains.

Sawyer grins. “And so peaceful too.”

I poke his ribs with my free hand, smirking too. “One day soon that will be us. Do you really want the others listening and judging?”

He scoffs at this, seemingly offended by what I’ve said. “If we aren’t waking up the entire place when we’re making love normally, I’m doing something wrong.”

Oh, kill me now. I feel the heat rising in my cheeks, even though I shake my head at him. “It’s not a competition.”

“I want everyone to know that my girl is being satisfied.”

Keeping hold of his hand, I roll to my toes and press a searing kiss to his mouth. My tongue slides along the seam of his lips, and he opens readily, letting me inside so he can tangle with me.

Kissing Sawyer is becoming one of my favorite things to do. There’s something magical about the way he feels against me, as if we were molded to fit perfectly together. Like two sides of the same coin. When we break apart, it is only because we have to draw in air, though suffocating from kissing doesn’t sound like a bad way to go.

“We haven’t really had much time to talk since we became mates,” I observe. My words are a test, to see if Sawyer is open to the conversation I want to have with him.

He shifts his shoulders, everything about his stance open and willing, which makes me relax. “We can talk about whatever you want to.”

“I’m… I guess seeing Tessa in heat has raised a few questions.”

I relax as Sawyer circles his thumb back and forth over the back of my hand, his grip strong enough to tell me he’s never letting me go. “What kind of questions?”

I try to consider how best to answer him without seeming a little unhinged. Sensing my reluctance, Sawyer turns to me, giving me his full attention. “Let’s make a rule right now. We don’t have secrets from each other. You feel some kind of way, I want to know about it, understand? We don’t go to bed angry with each other—ever. Agreed?”

This outlook from Sawyer doesn’t surprise me. He is not the kind of man to dwell on anything. If he has a problem, he’ll be the first to say something. I like that about him.

“Agreed,” I say. “It just got me thinking. We don’t know very much about tau reproduction. Tessa shouldn’t have had a heat cycle for at least another few months, at least that’s the case for normal wolves, but we’re not normal. What if… What if we can’t have pups? I mean we haven’t talked about it, so I don’t even know if you want them, and now really isn’t a good time to bring young into the world, but heat cycles come when they come.”

Tessa is proof of that. I’m pretty sure, given the choice, her and Abel would not be thinking about having a child. There’s no guarantee she will get pregnant from this, but there’s also a possibility she could.

“Why do you think you can’t have pups?”

I shift my shoulders, trying not to feel awkward about the conversation we’re having. “No one really knows very much about tau,” I explain. “I just… I don’t want you to be disappointed if you can’t have something you want because of me.”

His hand slips out of mine so he can cup my face. My wolf whimpers her pleasure at the way our mate is taking care of us, soothing us and wiping away all our fears.

“I want you, Roux, and anything else is a bonus. If we have pups, I will love them with all my heart and my soul. If it’s just you and me for the rest of our days, I’ll be content with that too. I don’t need anything more to be happy, so if pups aren’t in the cards for us, then so be it.”

My heart soars. I didn’t think it was possible to love him any more than I did, but in this moment, I feel so full of joy and happiness. “I love you.” I stare into his eyes as I say this, letting all my love shine back at him. “I know I screwed up in the beginning, that I let fear get in the way of all this goodness, but I want you to know, Sawyer, I am all in.”

The kiss he presses to my mouth is gentle and speaks more than words ever could. When he’s done capturing me, he pulls back, resting his forehead against mine. “I thought I knew what love was. I love my brother, I love my parents and my cousin, and I love Halle. But those are a different kind of love. The way I feel when I am with you is like true freedom. I love you more than I ever thought was possible, and I will never let you go.”

“Good,” I say. “Because I don’t want you to let me go.”

Another scream punctuates the air, and Sawyer’s lips pull into a smirk that I match. “This shit’s making me horny,” Sawyer says, slipping his hand inside the waistband of my yoga pants. His fingers slide through my folds and into my wetness. “Will you let me fuck you, Roux?” His breath is warm against my ear and makes me shiver.

“Yes.”

He kisses me quickly and grabs my hand, pulling me through the snow and toward the cabin. We barely get the door closed behind us before he’s stripping me out of my clothes. And I don’t have a single complaint about that.