Page 28 of Denying Her Mate (The Wolves of Black Mountain #3)

Chapter 28

Sawyer

“S o we leave,” Wyatt says. “There’s no point in staying when they can just walk through the wards any time they choose.”

It’s a fair point, and while I do agree with my cousin, I don’t believe running is going to solve anything.

“And go where?” Hester snaps. She’s been tetchy since we discovered the existence of male tau wolves. Of all the things that have happened recently, this seems to have unsettled her the most, as if she did not want us to know that dark secret. It makes me wonder what else she is keeping from us. “If we leave, we still have the same problem. They will hunt us wherever we go.”

“It’s a lot harder to hunt us when they don’t know where we are,” Wyatt bites back. He’s been in a shit mood since the attack. I don’t know if it was the brush with death, or if he’s just reached the end of his patience, but my cousin seems even more discontent than usual.

“We have resources here, a home. I’m not leaving it. If you want to go, then by all means…” She waves vaguely in the direction of the front door.

“No one is leaving,” Cade says as Halle snuggles deeper against his side.

They’re sitting in the corner of the sectional, Halle’s bare feet tucked under her bottom, her head resting on my brother’s shoulder, her arm draped around his middle. The black smudges under her eyes, and the way she keeps slow blinking, tell me my dear old sister-in-law isn’t sleeping very well.

In truth, none of the women seem to be sleeping—except Dove.

“It’s insanity to stay here!” Wyatt throws his hands into the air, his frustration clear. “I nearly died, Sawyer too.”

“And me,” Apryle mutters, sounding annoyed about being forgotten.

“You think we’re going to do any better out there?” Cade ignores Apryle, focusing on our cousin instead. “They are going to hunt us no matter where we are. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live out of motel rooms, constantly looking over our shoulders.”

Wyatt stares at him, as if he has lost his mind. “You tell me you trust this woman now?”

Cade slides his gaze toward Hester. “I don’t trust anyone other than my mate.”

I don’t take offence at this. Now that I have Roux, my priorities have changed. My first loyalty was to my pack, but now it’s to my mate. She will always come before everyone.

“What do you think?” our cousin asks me.

I have discussed this endlessly with Roux, so I know exactly where I stand. Wherever she is. “Roux wants to stay. So I stay.”

My mate, who is sitting next to me on the other end of the couch from my brother and Halle, squeezes my hand. I also feel her warmth through our mating bond.

“If we run, we are always going to be running,” Roux says. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m tired of running. The Sanctuary is home. I would rather defend ourselves here than out there.”

“But we’re not defending ourselves,” Wyatt counters. “It’s only a matter of time before one of us dies.”

“So we do better,” Tessa says. Abel’s leaning against the wall with his mate held against his chest in front of him. He looms over her tiny frame, but the way his arm’s wrapped around her is so protective, no one would be able to touch her if they tried. “We create more intricate wards. We patrol the perimeter and monitor the danger. Abel doesn’t go to Laurel Falls alone anymore. We just don’t take risks.”

It’s not a bad plan. Though it’s still risky to stay here, I agree with Cade. Here, or on the road, it makes no difference. If they are going to come for us, they’ll come. At least here we have an advantage. We know the woods that surround the property, the mountains too. We can defend ourselves better here. Do I like it? No, but I will do whatever is needed to protect the people I have come to care about.

“It kind of feels like we are sitting ducks,” Apryle mutters. “We’re meant to just sit here and wait to be attacked again?”

“They’re going to come no matter what,” Roux says. “At least here they have to bring the fight to us.”

“Plus, I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant.”

Everyone turns to Tessa as she drops this bomb. Her hand slides down her belly, splaying over where a pup would be growing. Shit . I’m happy for them, truly happy for them, but what we’re facing is dangerous, and now we face these risks with a pregnant female.

Roux is the to first move, slipping out of my grasp and going to her friend. She wraps her arms around Tessa, hugging her tight. “Whatever happens, your pup will be safe.”

It’s a promise given in earnest, and one I hope we can keep. The dangers that lie ahead should not be underestimated. I glance at Abel, wondering what he is thinking. Under normal circumstances, a pup would be a cause of celebration. Our kind struggle with fertility, many wolves unable to have children until at least the third or fourth heat cycle. Tessa and Abel had the additional hurdle of Tessa being different.

I desperately want to watch my mate grow and swell with my child, but not like this. I don’t know what I would do or how I’d feel if I were in Abel’s shoes right now.

Halle moves to congratulate her as well, even Apryle. Hester keeps her distance, and although her expression remains impassive, I can sense how troubled she is.

“I’m not going to lie, I’m terrified.” Abel’s big hand collars the back of her neck, kneading the flesh there. “Bringing a child into the world is scary enough under normal circumstances, but with things how they are…”

“I’m not going to let anything happen to either of you,” he assures her.

“None of us will,” Cade surprises me. I didn’t realize he was fond of the little moon-touched woman, but in this moment, there is a fierceness in his eyes.

Knowing my brother the way I do, I can guess what is running through his head. At some point, all the mated females within our group are going to have a heat cycle. That is inevitable and unstoppable. Nature will do what it pleases, when it pleases. Cade knows he is going to need help when it is his and Halle’s turn. Working together is the only way to ensure the survival of us all.

“So we stay,” I say. “And we draw up battle plans so we can protect ourselves.”

“If we change the wards every day, it will make it harder for the tau with the Order to bypass,” Hester says. “Each time we change a little of the spell.”

Halle shifts her shoulders. “It’s worth a shot.”

The conversation shifts to more routine things like supply runs and baby names. I don’t participate, my thoughts turbulent as I consider what I would do in Abel’s position. My instinct would be to grab my mate and run, but there is strength in numbers, and although we are not bound by the same loyalty a pack bond forces, I would do everything I could to protect and save the lives of everyone in this room, including Hester.

As the conversation wraps up, Roux comes to me and together we leave the house, making our way back to our cabin. In the past few days, the snow has begun to thaw, and patches of green poke through the blanket of white, an indication that spring is around the corner. No matter what happens, the seasons will continue to turn, life will go on whether we want it to or not.

“You’re quiet,” Roux says, squeezing my hand in hers as we make our way down the path that leads to our cabin. “I’m not sure what to do with you when you are.” It’s a joke, and my lips kick up into a smile despite the heaviness swirling in my gut.

“I’m sorry,” I say as I lift our joined hands, kissing her knuckles.

“Tessa being pregnant bothers you.”

I’m not sure if I am projecting my discomfort through our bond, or whether she just knows me well enough to gauge my reaction.

“I’m happy for her and Abel, but I would be terrified if I was him.”

Roux rolls to her toes, pressing a kiss to my mouth that begins to calm the sudden fear I’m experiencing. “It’s bad timing,” she agrees. “No one gets pregnant in the first heat cycle, but she did. We have to keep her and that child safe.”

“I know.” I cup the sides of her face, wanting nothing more than to push her down onto the ground and slip inside her wet tightness. But this conversation needs to be had first. “But that doesn’t change the risk. And what if we can’t keep her safe?”

“All we can do is the best we can. The rest is out of our hands.” She turns her head slightly to the side. “Has it made you unwilling to have pups?”

Her bottom lip is dragged between her teeth, tension in the tight set of her shoulders. Roux wants a family. So do I, but not like this. I am already choked with terror about keeping her safe.

“I want nothing more than to watch you swell with my pup.” I press my hand against her flat stomach, imagining the emotions I would feel if our baby was growing there. “But we can’t bring a child into the world we live in at this moment. They are hunting us like animals, and I don’t know if you girls being pregnant makes you more of a target for those psychopaths.”

I watch her eyes soften as I unravel in front of her. Her arms wrap around my waist, her head burying against my chest, and I instinctively pull her against me, needing to feel every inch of her. “We can’t stop a heat from happening, Sawyer. No one can. But if I fall pregnant, it will be a blessing, not a curse.”

“I never want you to think I believe it is a curse. There is nothing I desire more than to grow our family, but not like this. Not under these circumstances.”

She steps back, unhooking her arms from around my spine so she can peer up at me. “What are you saying?”

I don’t really know, but I need to do something to stop the terror from building within me. I pull her back into my arms, my nose snuffling through her hair. “Let’s hope we don’t have to think about it for a while.”

I’m not sure that I would be able to rut her during her heat, knowing the danger I could be implanting inside her. I want a family, but not at the expense of my mate’s safety.

I keep this locked away, not wanting to ruin the moment with the inevitable argument it would cause.

We start to walk again as a spattering of rain begins to fall. As we get closer to our cabin, I glance across the way. To my surprise, Dove is sitting on the porch of the cabin she shares with Jackson.

She isn’t moving, just staring forward. I’m not sure if she sees or feels anything. She seems to have moments of clarity between her zombie-like status, moments of lucidity where she seems almost normal.

But they are fleeting, and between the clarity is the rambling nonsense she says.

I try not to shudder at those milky eyes I know are staring at nothing. There’s not much that unsettles me, but that does, especially when she turns her gaze toward me and stares as if she is looking right through me.

Creepy.

“She seems a little better,” Roux says. “She spoke to Halle and I yesterday for a little while, before she started spouting nonsense again.” I grip her shoulder, trying to infuse as much support and assurance as I can.

“It’s going to take time. She already seems better than she was.”

Roux’s smile is tight. I know her and Halle still blame themselves for what happened, even though they were trying to help.

“I hope so, for her sake.”

I give her a little tug to get her moving and lead her up the steps of the porch and into the cabin.

As soon as the door is shut behind us, I feel as if I can breathe. This is mine and Roux’s slice of paradise, even if it is surrounded by a den of vipers.

Roux hasn’t talked much about what happened with her and the mate she chose before me. I saw her stab him over and over with a violence I didn’t know she was capable of.

I don’t want to push her to talk about it.

I know she will come to me when she is ready, if she needs to. I’m glad she did what she did, because the alternative would have been unthinkable. Her psychotic ex would have killed both of us without a thought, and when it comes down to it, better him than us.

As soon as Roux shrugs out of her jacket, I lift her onto the counter and step between her spread legs. Her arms drape around my neck, and I like how soft she is.

“I love you with everything I have,” I say.

“I love you too. You are the reason I fought so hard to live.” She presses her mouth to mine, and I get lost in the sensations that wash through me as her lips move against me. How did I allow her to deny us for so long? There is not a moment that goes by where I don’t think about her and only her.

“No matter what happens, you always fight that hard,” I tell her when we break apart. “Promise me.”

She gives me a confused smile. “I don’t have to promise that, Sawyer, because I will always find a way back to you.”

That knot in my chest loosens and I breathe easier for the first time since my wolf recognized Roux as ours.