Page 135 of Denim & Diamonds

Her face turned red. “Brock, I—”

“Wait. I’d like to finish. Okay?”

“Okay…” She swallowed.

“I’ve been stewing over it, you know? Not because you didn’t return the sentiment. But because Inevershould’ve said those words.” I exhaled. “I never should’ve put you in a position where you had to respond to that. I was sending you mixed messages to begin with. Earlier,I’d told you I’d understand if you walked away. Then I go and tell you I love you? I can understand why you’d be confused. And I appreciate the fact that you didn’t say anything you don’t really mean in return. If you were ever to say those words to me, I’d want you to mean it. And if you don’t, you don’t.”

“Brock…”

“It was fucking stupid of me. And I’m sorry.”

To my surprise, her eyes began to water. I hated that I’d made her cry, but I was crying inside right now, too. As much as I tried to remain strong, I was fucking hurting. Because I was losing her.

I finally let her get a word in.

“It’s all I’ve been able to think about, Brock. And to think you believe I didn’t say it back because I don’t feel it too is killing me. That’s not it at all. I held back out of fear, afraid of the message it would send if I were honest about how strong my feelings are for you. I’ve come to realize thatmyfeelings are not necessarily what’s most important right now. What’s important is protecting you and Patrick. Having spent those couple of days with you made me realize how difficult a situation this is. Imagine if he got attached to me, only to have me not there anymore. I wasn’t expecting to feel so connected to him. And honestly, that scares me.”

“I respect that, Feb. I respect that you think before you speak and that you’ve been contemplating how our actions will affect my son.”

She sniffled. “Where do we go from here?”

“I can’t imagine a life without you in it.” I paused. “But if you don’t think you can commit to being part of my son’s life, there really is no choice but for us to take a break. Even if we tried to keep our relationshipseparate from everything else going on in my life, that’s not realistic. There is no separation between Patrick and me. We’re a package deal. Anyone in my life is inhislife by default. He’s already lost his mother. It’s too much of a risk to have him fall in love and lose you, too. Because hewouldfall in love with you, Red. Just like I did. It’s impossible not to.”

She closed her eyes for a moment.

“So, maybe what we do is take a step back right now,” I continued. “Remain friends. And do the best we can with that.” I shook my head. “I don’t know.”

She kept nodding for a while and finally said the words I didn’t want to hear.

“I agree. That’s what’s best. For real this time.”

My heart clenched. “Not sure I knowhowto do this, but we’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah.” She wiped her eyes. “Me, neither.”

We hung up a few minutes later, and I stared into space for the longest time, trying to make sense of how I was supposed to be friends with this woman. It seemed like torture, but never seeing her again and losing her entirely wasn’t an option. But friends or not, we’d just broken up. For real this time.

And that sucked.

CHAPTER 35

February

Knock. Knock. Oliver stepped into my office before I could even look up from the computer screen. He held my daily planner in his hands. “I need a favor, boss lady.”

I shut my laptop and leaned back in my chair. “What’s up?”

“My friend Matthew needs some business advice. He’s a former attorney who was miserable at his job, so he quit and started his own import/export company. He has family in Turkey who are in the handwoven-rug business, so that’s what he started with, but he’s now expanded to high-end textiles like cashmere. Anyway, his business is booming, and he wants to take the next steps and expand by buying into a manufacturing facility. But he’s having a hard time getting funding since he’s only been in biz for a couple of years.”

I smiled. “That sounds vaguely familiar…”

“Exactly. That’s why I was hoping you would talk to him. Tell him about how you found your funding and the pitfalls he should look out for.”

“Sure. Why don’t you put him on my calendar for lunch one day?”

Oliver smirked. “Already did. You’re meeting him at one o’clock this afternoon.”

I shook my head. “What if I’d said no?”