Page 124 of Denim & Diamonds

Still, it was a gift to experience raising this little mini-me. As hard as it was, I wouldn’t trade a single second. The way he looked up at me on occasion, like I was his entire world, more than made up for the tough parts. I supposed Iwashis entire world, which was crazy. That didn’t seem right. He deserved more than just me.

I managed to get Patrick cleaned up and into the carrier to take Oak out. Thankfully, the dog didn’t get freaked out by his shadow this morning. Chasing him down the street with a baby strapped to my chest wasn’t ideal.

The second we got back to the apartment, I was about to finally pour myself a morning coffee when Patrick started crying. It was time for his formula, so I fed him before getting caffeinated. Headache be damned.

After he finished his bottle, I set him in his mechanical swing just off the kitchen. He immediately started crying all over again.

“What’s wrong, man? You can’t still be hungry!”

I picked him back up, and he stopped crying.

“I see what you’re doing.” I shook my head. “I can’t keep holding you, you know. I need to have my coffee so I have energy to deal with the rest of the day with you. I can’t drink it with you in my arms because I’m afraid I’ll burn you. Can you at least give me five minutes?”

I tried again to put him in his swing, but he cried even harder.

Lifting Patrick into my arms again, I rocked him. “I’m doing the best I can, little dude. But if Daddy doesn’t have his coffee soon, we’rebothgonna be crying.”

Someone knocked on the door.

I didn’t care who the hell it was—the mailman, even—they’d be holding my son for five minutes so I could make my damn coffee.

With Patrick in one arm, I opened the door to find my brother Trevor.

He grinned. “Hey,I was just—”

“Here.” I handed him the baby. “Take him. Rock him for a bit.”

My brother awkwardly bounced Patrick back and forth while I headed straight for the coffeemaker.

Thankfully, Patrick didn’t cry. At least he didn’t insist on being held only by me. That gave me some hope for the future, that I’d actually be able to hire help when I was ready. I wasn’t quite there yet. Elvin had said Linda would watch Patrick next week so we could all work on the cabin, but I couldn’t imagine leaving him for an entire day. I’d have to play it by ear.

Trevor tilted his head. “You okay?”

“I will be once I get some caffeine in me.” I opened the cabinet and grabbed a pod. “You want a coffee?”

“No. I’m good. Just had one. You look tired,” he added after a moment.

“Let’s see… No sleep. No coffee. That’d do it, wouldn’t it?” I watched eagerly as the coffee dripped out of the single-serve coffeemaker. I grabbed the mug before the gurgling even stopped and downed half of it.

When the mug was empty, I headed for the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” Trevor asked, still rocking Patrick.

“To take a shower. I gotta take advantage while someone’s here. You good?”

He shrugged. “I guess.”

As I headed to the bathroom, I hollered back at him, “He just ate, so he shouldn’t need anything.”

When the door closed behind me, I let out a long, deep breath. Just being alone in here felt like a vacation.For a moment, I felt human again—like myself, without a little human attached to me.

After I exited the shower and dried myself off, I thought about the last time I’d checked social media. A couple of days ago I’d seen February tagged in a bunch of photos by the wife of that Italian investor. She’d looked so happy with a drink in her hand and a beautiful landscape behind her. Seemed like heaven. That was the life she was meant to have.

I returned to the living room and saw that my brother had placed a sleeping Patrick in his bouncy seat.

“Damn. How did you get him to sleep?”

“I did absolutely nothing but look at him. And that’s probably why he relaxed.”