Page 6 of Defensive Zone (Chicago Thunder #3)
Chapter Five
October
Carter
“You’ve got this,” I mumble under my breath as Zach successfully intercepts the puck from Minnesota’s forward.
It’s only preseason, but my nerves are still shot to shit for him. They are playing really well in these exhibition games. The new guys have gelled in perfectly, and the lines Coach Harris has put together are looking strong. Elliot is rock solid in the crease, too. He’s had an incredible start to the season, getting three shutouts in the first four games they’ve played so far, and I know the media are eating up the team’s early success. But again, it is only preseason, and a lot can happen between now and the end of regular season.
It doesn’t stop me from hoping that this is the Thunder’s year to bring the cup back to Chicago, especially after getting so close to the finals last time.
“Carter, we need to talk,” Raegan announces, rounding the couch and taking a seat on the other end of it.
We’ve been dating since Zach and I returned from Hawaii a few months ago. She’s a great woman. Incredibly intelligent, insanely beautiful, and she actually gives a shit about my best friend.
She’s everything I thought I wanted, but the last few months have been… difficult. Since that day Zach left to go back to Chicago, there’s been an underlying tension between us. Things haven’t been as easy as they once were. It’s like we’re trying to force two puzzle pieces together, regardless of the fact they clearly aren’t a match.
Those four words, along with the resigned tone of her voice, tell me that maybe she’s also feeling that things aren’t as good as they were before.
My eyes bounce between her and the TV as Zach jumps over the boards for his next shift.
“Sure, what’s up?” I ask.
She takes in a deep, steadying breath before she begins to speak. “Look, Carter… I think you’re a great guy, and these last few months have been great, but I think we’re on two different paths. Which, don’t get me wrong, isn’t a bad thing, but it would be bad for us to stay together when I don’t think we’re right for each?—”
My attention snags to the TV as one of Minnesota’s defensemen slams Zach hard into the boards, despite not even having possession of the puck. “Fuck! Where’s the boarding call, ref? It’s fucking preseason, why so aggressive?”
“Carter,” she repeats, her voice stern. “I need you to listen to me, please.”
Shit. She was in the middle of telling me something.
I turn to face her again, and this time my gaze lands on where her overnight bag sits on the cushion beside her.
Frowning, I ask, “I’m sorry. What were you saying?”
She sighs. “I think we should break up.”
My mouth drops open, eyes widening in surprise. Well, okay, I wasn’t expecting that.
“Oh.”
“It’s been on my mind for quite some time now, and I don’t think we’re each other’s endgame. I don’t want to be the one who stands in the way of you finding happiness, and I don’t think you would want that for me either.”
“No, of course not. I want you to be happy, Raegan, and I’m sorry that I’ve made you feel that way,” I say, genuinely apologetic.
She shakes her head, a small, sad smile playing on his lips. “It’s nothing you’ve done, Carter. Sometimes we meet people, and it’s amazing in that honeymoon phase, but once the newness wears off, it just… doesn’t work, and that’s okay.”
I get what she’s saying. I’m not the same guy she met. It’s as if the day Zach left, he took a part of me with him. I know he went earlier to spend time with the Olsen twins on their birthday, and I don’t blame him when I hadn’t exactly been the most available friend, splitting my attention between him and Raegan and training camp starting again.
I hadn’t experienced heartbreak before, but I’m pretty sure the ache that’s been present in my chest ever since has been from my heart breaking in two when the door closed behind him.
“So, this is it?”
“Yeah, it is.” She nods, running her palms down the front of her jeans.
I should be sadder about this, right? I should be fighting for her. Telling her to stay and promising we can make it work, but… I can’t. Everything she said was true, and it would be unfair of me to ask her to stay when I’m nowhere near feeling the same level of panic as I did when Zach said he was leaving.
I guess this is just another failed relationship to add to my endless list of failed relationships. At least this time, it hasn’t ended with my and Zach’s friendship being thrown in my face as the main cause.
Standing up, I hold my arms out for a hug. She steps into them, wrapping her arms around my waist.
“We can still be friends, right?” I ask.
“Yeah, we can still be friends.” She tilts her head up to me and smiles. “But will you promise me something?”
“Yeah, of course. Anything.”
“Keep an open mind. I think you’re going to find what you’re looking for, but you’ve been looking in the wrong places. Also, I think it’s going to look different from how you’re expecting it to look… So, just… keep an open mind. An open heart.”
Despite being confused by her vagueness, I nod, not wanting to poke at an already sore wound by making her elaborate. “I can do that.”
We say goodbye, and I watch from the window as her car disappears down the road. I hope she meant it when she said we can remain friends. She’s fun and we did have a good time. It would be a shame to fully end our friendship just because I’m shit at being a boyfriend.
Sighing, I sit back down on the couch and watch the rest of the game, counting down the minutes until I can call Zach and hear his voice. There’s only three weeks to go until we head to Chicago for our away game, and we should have at least an hour together between my game ending and him needing to be at the arena for his game that night.
I’ve been clinging onto that hour like a life raft, and it couldn’t come soon enough, especially now.
The Thunder win 4-1, putting an end to Elliot’s shutout stint. It’s going to be a few hours at least until Zach’s free to talk, so I busy myself by cooking dinner, scrolling through my phone and watching the recap before firing over a text.
Carter
Great game! That D should’ve gotten a penalty for boarding for that hit. Totally uncalled for. Call me when you’re out!
I take a shower and make myself dinner, and by the time I make it back onto the couch, nearly two hours have passed. I purposely left my phone down here so I couldn’t keep sneaking glimpses. My chest suddenly tightens when I see the message was read thirty minutes ago and there’s no reply.
It’s okay, don’t overthink it.
He’s probably still in press. They don’t always know if Colleen is going to pick them to do post-game press. But what if he isn’t doing press and he’s out celebrating the win at Gino’s, the local sports bar where they hang out? It hadn’t stopped him from calling me before, but after the last three games, he hasn’t answered. He just sent a text saying he was busy, and he would call me the following morning, but even when he did, he didn’t sound like my Zach.
I’m not the kind of guy who overthinks things. I’m usually the kind who goes with the flow, but right now, anxiety is creeping up my throat as panic sets in. I don’t think I can wait until morning to talk to him. I need to talk to him now.
Without a second thought, I hit Call. It rings out and goes straight to voicemail, so I hang up. I chew on my bottom lip as I debate what to do. Do I call him again? But what if he is in press and I’m going to look needy and desperate?
“You’re being irrational, Lockwood,” I murmur to myself. “He’s probably busy.” Tingles rush down my arms and into my hands, my fingers going numb, and I nearly drop my phone when it vibrates in my hand.
Zach
Just at Gino’s. I’ll call you tomorrow when I’m back from breakfast with Elliot.
You good?
Anger bubbles in my veins. I love the guy, but fuck, I hate that Elliot gets to monopolize his time. It seems he’s always with Zach recently. Sure, I had Raegan until a few hours ago, but it seems like he’s getting Zach all the time, and I’m being left with the scraps.
That’s not fair.
Ugh. I know I’m being a jackass. I’m glad Zach has Elliot to keep him company when I can’t be there. I’m being selfish because my pride is wounded from the breakup.
Sighing, I begin to type. This isn’t something I wanted to talk about over text, but I’m unable to think clearly.
Carter
Raegan broke up with me tonight.
Zach
Oh shit, I’m sorry.
Carter
She said we were on different paths and we’re not each other’s endgame.
I don’t know what that means.
Zach
I’m not sure either. But even so, I’m sorry.
Carter
Can you call me before you head for breakfast? Or when you get home tonight?
I just need my best friend.
Zach
I’ll see what the time is when I get back. I don’t know what these guys have planned tonight but I’ll let you know if it’s not too late.
Carter
Okay. One positive is it’s only 3 weeks until I’m in Chicago!
Get thinking about where to take me. I’m ready for some good Chicagoan food.
And one of your hugs.
Zach
Can’t wait.
Carter
I miss you so hard.
Zach
Miss you too.
Carter
Go celebrate, you’ve deserved it.
Rubbing over the center of my chest, I dig my fingers in to try and relieve the ache in my chest. I should be heartbroken over the fact that my girlfriend dumped me—the woman I thought could be the one—but the ache is stemming from someone different.
It’s coming purely from the man who’s currently drinking beers in Chicago with his teammates.
The man who has been my favorite person since I was six years old.
And if I wasn’t already confused by Raegan’s words earlier, I’m definitely confused now.