Page 15 of Defensive Zone (Chicago Thunder #3)

Chapter Fourteen

Carter

Leaning against the doorframe, I simply stand there and watch Zach sleep. There’s a slight crease between his brows, almost like he’s thinking really hard about something. The covers have been kicked off, exposing one tattooed leg and his casted arm, while the other arm is tucked underneath his pillow. I’ve noticed he does that a lot. Like he needs to regulate his body temperature, but it’s too cold to be completely uncovered.

The headache-free days were short-lived, and they’ve returned with a vengeance. We only managed to build the base of the Falcon before they struck him down again.

I feel so helpless. I wish there was something I could do to help him aside from supplying him water and massaging his head and neck. I’ve spent hours scrolling the internet, trying to find alternate means to help ease the pain. Ice caps, vitamins, massage techniques, soaking his feet in hot water. Each of them has only given him a small reprieve, and when I called the doctor yesterday, she said it was normal and it will ease up in time.

Well, it’s easy for her to say when she’s not the one watching someone you love be in constant pain day after day.

What if they don’t go away? What if these migraines are the reason he has to retire early? He’s twenty-nine years old. It’s too early for him to hang up his skates.

Don’t think like that, my conscience scolds me.

It’s hard not to, though. I’ve seen firsthand how concussions have ended people’s careers over the years. In football, head injuries weren’t taken seriously for a long time, and even so, strict concussion protocols have only been in place recently. I know how much hockey means to Zach, and it will break my heart if this is it for him.

He’s due back at the training facility tomorrow, and I know how much he’s been looking forward to seeing everyone again. I just hope he’s well enough to go.

I step into the hall, closing the door softly behind me so as not to disturb him, and head into the living room.

“I don’t know what to do,” I grumble to myself, falling back onto the couch and tipping my head against the cushion.

Whenever Zach was away on the road before, I would go to the gym or take a drive to find some random cute coffee shop somewhere. But I can’t leave the apartment. I don’t want to leave Zach alone in case he needs me.

Fetching my phone from the coffee table, I scroll through my contact list, and my thumb hovers over Raegan’s name. Since we broke up a few months back, we’ve remained friends. I don’t harbor any ill feelings toward her for breaking up with me. In fact, come to think of it, some of the things she said make a lot of sense now. I hit Call before I can second-guess it. Maybe speaking with her will help clear up a few things in my head.

She answers on the third ring. “Carter, hey. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you.”

I smile at her familiar voice. “Hey, Raegan. I hope I haven’t caught you at a bad time.”

“No, no, not at all. I’ve actually been meaning to call you for a few days now and ask how Zach’s doing. I saw it while I was scrolling on social media. Not going to lie, it made me feel a little sick.”

“Yeah, me too. I’ve never felt fear like when I was watching him lying there unconscious.”

“Shit, I’ll bet. I would’ve been terrified.”

“I was, but he’s recovering. He’s got some shit side effects from the concussion, but his wrist is healing up nicely. So, depending on how his head is, he’ll be back on the ice in a month or so.”

“Wow, that soon?”

“Yeah, I think he’d go out now if they cleared him.”

She snorts. “Of course he would.”

“I…” I let out a shaky breath. My palms are beginning to sweat, so I wipe them down the front of my sweatpants. “I was hoping I could talk to you, and I need you to be honest with me.”

“Uh-oh, that sounds ominous.”

I laugh. “No, nothing like that. It’s just… When you broke up with me, you said we were on different paths. Did that have anything to do with Zach… and my very oblivious feelings for him?”

A heavy silence passes between us before a small sigh filters through the line. “Yes. I thought there was something there the first time I saw you in that bar in Oahu, because of the way he looked at you, and vice versa. Then there was the couple hitting on him and the jealousy pouring off you in waves, but I just put it down to the fact that you were on vacation, and you didn’t want someone else taking his time and attention. But then when he left Denver…” I hear the sadness in her voice. “Carter, you were more devastated about him leaving than when I broke up with you.”

Squeezing my eyes shut, I run a hand down my face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

The sadness that was in her tone is now replaced with amusement.

“And say what? ‘Hey, Carter, I think you might be bi or pan and be in love with your best friend, who, by the way, is totally head over heels in love with you?’”

“Well, yeah,” I reply, and we both laugh.

“I figured you were either in denial about your feelings for him, or you had no clue how you really felt, and I didn’t want to stand in the way of that when you finally came to the realization that you’re meant to be together. You two have such a special connection. I didn’t want to be a roadblock and stop you from exploring those feelings.”

Fuck, I was such a terrible boyfriend. And a terrible friend. The signs were there all along, and I was clueless. How could I get it so catastrophically wrong?

“I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. I kinda knew what I was getting myself into. Maybe I was a little in denial myself, but I don’t blame you for anything. I want you to be happy, Carter, and I’m hoping the fact that you’ve called me today means you’ve come to acknowledge your feelings, perhaps?”

“Yeah, so… We’re kind of a thing now?” I say, but it comes out as a question.

She laughs. “Are you telling me, or asking me?”

“No, we are a thing now. We’re taking things slow. There’s a lot at stake, you know? He’s been my best friend for pretty much my whole life. I don’t want to risk jeopardizing that, but at the same time, I can’t see myself with anyone but him. We haven’t done anything except kiss, but holy shit, Raegan, the kissing is so good.” I grimace. “And now I’m nervous-rambling to my ex-girlfriend about how good it is to kiss the guy I’m dating.”

She bursts into laughter, and the tension I was feeling eases. I rub my hand over my face, trying to scrub away the smile. I’m glad there’s no hard feelings between us.

“Are you done?” she asks between fits of laughter.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Good, because I want you to know I’m so freaking happy for you. All along, I’ve been hoping one of you got his head out of his ass and realized you two are meant to be together. And Carter?”

“Yeah?”

“I might be your ex-girlfriend, but I’m still your friend, and it makes me so happy to hear the happiness in your voice, especially knowing Zach is the reason behind it.”

Oh, fuck. My eyes burn at her words. Who decided to cut onions around me?

I pick at the loose thread on my sweatpants. I didn’t realize how much I needed someone to talk to about this. Yeah, I’ve spoken to Zach about it, but it’s almost like we’re in our own bubble, blissfully blocking out the rest of the world while we navigate the grounds of our new relationship. But there’s something that’s been playing in my mind on repeat. Something that I don’t want to place on Zach’s shoulders since he’s recovering.

“The night he ended up in the hospital, seeing him lying there in that bed and then being told he had swelling on his brain…” I let out a shuddering breath as my vision begins to blur. “Fuck, I had to stay strong for him, but inside I was terrified he was going to be taken away from me. I was ready to make a deal with whatever higher power there is to take his place. To plead for him to be all right because there was no way on earth I was living without him, and it was like everything started making sense. Me being jealous. Me always putting him before girls. How I always need to be close to him, touching him in some way…”

There’s no malice in her voice when she asks, “Have you always found him attractive?”

“Always. He’s the hottest person I’ve ever known.” I wince. “Fuck, I’m sorry. That wasn’t cool of me.”

“It’s okay, I’m not offended.” She chuckles softly. “Sweetie, I think the series of events led you to have an epiphany. Sometimes it takes nearly losing someone, or the concept of losing someone, for you to acknowledge feelings that have been there all along. You don’t need to justify it to anyone. You’ve got to do what’s best for both of you, in your own time.”

“Thank you. You’re awesome, you know that?”

“Yeah, I know.” I can sense her smile through her words.

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Thanks for being so great about this.”

“I meant what I said earlier, Carter. I want you to be happy—both of you. And make sure I’m a bridesmaid at the wedding.”

I snort. “Whoa, okay. On that note, I’m gonna go before we get way ahead of ourselves.”

She cackles.

We say our goodbyes with the promise to speak soon, and when I hang up, I feel lighter. Like a load has been lifted from my shoulders.

Maybe I’ve been oblivious all this time, but I can’t dwell on what I could have done differently. It’s about how I move forward that’s important. I can sense Zach’s apprehension, and it might just take time and patience to show him that my feelings are genuine, and I’m all his, if he wants me.

“You know you’re never gonna lose me, right?”

I jump two feet off the couch at the sound of Zach’s voice behind me. Dressed in nothing but his black boxer briefs, I take in his sleep-tousled hair and kind eyes, and my heart skips a beat.

“You heard all that?”

He nods softly, and I sit back down as he moves to sit next to me. He rests his legs on top of mine, then takes my hand and holds it on his thigh.

“I’m sorry I put you through all that.”

I open my mouth to argue that it wasn’t his fault, but he silences me with a pointed look.

“I can’t even begin to imagine how you felt, but I know I would have felt the same if the roles were reversed. But me and you? We’re endgame. If there were such a thing as fated mates, I’d like to think we would be that. You’ve always been my person, Carter.”

His face goes blurry as tears fill my eyes again. I quickly wipe them away with my palm.

“I don’t know why I’m getting so emotional about it all because I know you’re okay. Like, you’re right in front of me, in flesh and blood. I just…” I shake my head. “That was Raegan. She said some things when we broke up that I wanted to clarify.”

His smile is genuine as he asks, “How is she?”

“Good. She asked about you. I think hearing her say all she wants is for us to be happy kinda struck a chord and opened up the floodgates.”

“That’s understandable. You’ve had a lot to deal with. What with my grumpy ass, then the hit, and now looking after me.” He shrugs and squeezes my hand. “It’s normal to be emotional, but you’re not going to lose me.”

Closing the gap between us, I press a kiss to his lips. “How’s your head?”

“Eased up, luckily.” He murmurs against my mouth. “Great. In fact… I was wondering if you wanted to join me in bed for a bit.”

I pull back so I can see his face. His blue eyes glisten with heat, and my dick instantly takes notice of the smirk lifting the corner of his lips. I’ve been thinking about this nonstop.

“That good, huh?”

He nods. “Only if you want?”

“Oh, I want , all right.” I stand up so fast, my phone drops to the floor with a clatter. “Time to show me what you’ve got, Reid.”