Page 17 of Defensive Zone (Chicago Thunder #3)

Chapter Sixteen

Carter

After I drop Zach off at the Thunder practice facility, I make my way over to Lincoln Park. There’s a gym that I started going to last year, which is the one where Nate works. I met him through Blaine’s fiancé, Alex, as they usually attend the games together and Zach’s comp seats are next to Blaine’s. We struck up a conversation when I mentioned needing a gym in Chicago that was more advanced than the one in Zach’s building, and Nate, being a personal trainer himself, hooked me up with a membership. But I haven’t been here since before we left for Hawaii last year, and I also haven’t worked out once during the off-season.

Oops.

But I’ve had a valid reason. Zach needed me, and I wasn’t going to break my word and leave him, even if it was only to go to the gym. This is the first day I’ve been apart from him since I got here, and I’m itching out of my skin to get back to him.

“A workout will be good for you,” I say to myself as I park Zach’s SUV in the gym’s parking lot.

The off-season is supposed to be for relaxing and going a little easier on yourself after pushing hard during the season, but I know if I let myself relax too much, it will be ten times harder when I need to start upping my training regime to get ready for the next one.

“He’s going to be busy, and you need to do a workout. Blow jobs and frotting do not abs make.” I roll my eyes at myself and snort.

They really should, though. That would be epic.

I’m about to switch the ignition off when a name flashes on the screen with an incoming call. Picking up my phone from the center console, I swipe to answer and bring it to my ear as I turn the engine off.

“Hey, Hayden. You good?” I greet my agent.

“All good here, bud. How are you? How’s the big guy?”

We’ve not spoken since I landed in Chicago, only exchanging texts touching briefly on Zach’s recovery.

“He’s doing good at the minute. His wrist is healing up nicely, but he’s still struggling with the headaches.”

Hayden sighs. “Oh, fuck, really? I was hoping they would have eased up by now.”

“Yeah, me too. I think if anything’s going to keep him on IR, it’ll be these damn migraines.”

Zach was placed on the team’s Long-Term Injured Reserve List as he was going to miss at least ten games and twenty-four calendar days of the season with his broken wrist. While I know the Thunder are hoping to get him back in a few weeks, if these headaches don’t subside, he could potentially be out for the rest of the season.

I’m worried about him. And if there was ever a time I wished to be proven wrong, it’s now.

“Damn, that sucks. But how about you? Are you holding up all right?”

A smile tugs at my lips. If I ignore the fact Zach’s hurting and my last season was the worst I’ve ever had, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.

Ghosting my fingers over my bottom lip, I’m pretty sure he can sense the smile in my voice when I say, “I’m really good.”

“Oh, boy,” Hayden chortles. “Come on, tell me everything. That sounded like a ‘getting laid often’ kinda good. Who is she?”

“ He ,” I quickly correct, then grimace. We haven’t exactly discussed what we’re going to tell people, or if we’re telling people at all right now.

There’s a beat of silence before Hayden’s laughter filters through the line. “Fuckin’ hell, Lockwood. Finally, fucking finally ! I have been waiting for this day to come for years.”

A swarm of embarrassment floods my veins. “Don’t tell me you knew, too.”

“It wasn’t so much as knowing; more like I had this feeling there was something going on between you two. Let’s face it, you spend more time together than a married couple does. I mean, shit, you were together more than I was with my ex-wife. I always assumed you were either having a secret relationship, or it was some unrequited love and the other was in denial.”

Sighing, I rest my head against the headrest and close my eyes. I know Hayden means well and his words are not meant to hurt me, but knowing that other people seemed to know about Zach’s feelings for me while I had no clue makes me feel like the biggest asshole.

“It seems everyone knew except me,” I say, echoing my thoughts.

“Hey, sometimes it’s all about divine timing, right? At least you know now, but…” He trails off. “Do I need to start approaching your contract from a different angle? You know the trade window opens soon…”

And that’s the million-dollar question: do I want to go back to Denver?

The thought of being away from Zach for six months makes me antsy. Hell, I’m restless already, and it’s been less than an hour. It would be different if I were here and he was on the road, but being states apart and seeing each other maybe twice during that time? I was able to deal with it before, but now that we’ve crossed the line into relationship territory, I don’t know if I could do it, even for the final year of my contract.

I know it’s not as simple as just upping and moving to a different team. Hayden can try to work on different deals, but ultimately, the team could trade me anywhere if they do decide to trade me. I don’t have a no-trade clause in my contract or optional teams, after all.

If I end up getting traded somewhere else, would I give it up? I love my job, and I’ve been fortunate enough to get incredible contracts and sponsorship deals, meaning money isn’t a concern for me, but still. Football has been all I’ve known, and I wasn’t planning on hanging up my cleats just yet.

This is something I really need to talk about with Zach. Figure out how we’re going to navigate this new version of us. We’ve been blissfully ignorant in our bubble, where nothing else matters except us.

But as much as we can ignore it right now, reality is going to come calling at some point, and I don’t want us to go through another six months of pain like we just did.

“I… I don’t know. I know that I don’t want to resign with Denver if the offer comes up, but I also don’t want to go anywhere else except?—”

“Chicago,” he supplies.

“Yeah.”

“I get it. Let me see if I can work my magic, but for now, just enjoy your time together.”

“I will, thanks,” I say, relieved.

“Anytime. This wasn’t why I was calling, but it’s still good to know where your head is at. The reason for my call is that I’ll be in Chicago at some point in the next few weeks and wanted to ask if you and the big guy wanted to get dinner.”

“Oh, yeah, for sure. Let me know when, and we’ll figure something out.”

After we say goodbye and hang up, I make my way into the gym, feeling a little lighter than I did before.

“Can I get you anything?” I whisper, carding my fingers through Zach’s hair a couple of hours later.

He’s curled up against my side where we’re lying on the couch, one muscular leg hooked over mine. His head rests against my chest, and his casted wrist lies on my stomach.

It seems that going into the training facility has completely wiped him out. He complained about a headache forming on one side of his head the moment he got back in the car, which meant we didn’t end up making it to the bakery for donuts, much to his dismay.

“No, I’m okay,” he murmurs. “I’ll be good in twenty minutes, just need to shut my eyes.”

I laugh under my breath as he snuggles even closer. It was a good thing I showered at the gym because we weren’t in the apartment for a minute before he tackled me onto the couch and has been hanging on to me like a koala since.

Not that I’m complaining. I will happily stay like this for as long as he wants.

“I heard from Hayden today.”

He angles his head up toward me but keeps his eyes closed. “Yeah?”

“He’s coming to visit in a couple of weeks and wants to grab dinner.”

“I won’t say no to food.”

I scoff, reaching down to pinch his ass. “I know. I… I told him about us.”

Zach opens one eye and looks up at me. “You did?”

“Mhm. Is that okay?” I move my hand back into his hair. “He seemed happy for us, but also made me feel kinda shit because it’s like everyone knew but me.”

“Of course it’s okay.” Zach sighs heavily and shifts to lean up on his elbow. His eyes are weary when he opens them, but I know it’s because of his headache rather than me. “But you’ve gotta stop beating yourself up for it, Carter. You didn’t know because I didn’t want you to know.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry.” He takes my chin awkwardly in his hand. “This isn’t going to work if you keep holding on to it. We’re here now, and we’re in this together, yeah?”

I know he’s right. We’ve had this conversation so many times, but I can’t seem to ignore the guilt nestled in my chest over my obliviousness. I know I need to get over this because it will end up driving us apart, and that’s the last thing I want.

“Yeah, we are.”

“So, let’s not focus on what we can’t change and focus on the now and the future.” He leans down and kisses me before settling back down on my chest. “Did Hayden say anything about your contract? Does he think Denver will keep you?”

I’m about to reply when there’s a knock at the door. Furrowing my brows, I ask, “Are you expecting anyone?”

“No.”

The buzzer didn’t go off, so it’s either someone in the building, like the twins, or someone on Zach’s pre-approved list. He groans when I try to peel myself out from underneath him, then grabs hold of my thigh with such force I’m unable to move.

“Ignore it, they’ll go away,” he grumbles.

I laugh. “Zach, if you let me go, I’ll get rid of them, and we can have naked cuddles in bed.”

He drops his hand so fast, you would think my leg burned him.

“That’s what I thought,” I snicker.

Making my way over to the door, I peer through the peephole to see a familiar figure. I swing the door open and greet Jacob with an easy smile.

“Hey, Jacob! Come in.”

“Hi.” He gives me a quick, tight smile as I take a step back to let him inside.

I’ve only met Jacob a few times. He’s dating Zach’s captain, Ethan Parkes, and he’s Alex’s brother. We first met last summer, and I could tell he was unsure about me. His posture was rigid, and I noticed he kept watching me cautiously. Zach explained later it was because he didn’t know me, and he had acted the same when he first met the guys because he was nervous. But I haven’t seen him since to let him know he doesn’t need to be nervous around me.

Jacob bypasses me and heads straight to Zach, who is now propped up in the corner of the sectional, and sits down beside him, holding a plastic container in his lap.

“Can I get you something to drink?” I ask, trying to offer an olive branch.

“No, thank you. I can’t stay long but wanted to check in and see how this one is doing.” He motions with his hand toward Zach before turning to him. “I’ve missed you. It’s been a while since you’ve been in the bakery. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” Zach murmurs, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

I know he’s trying to put on a brave face. The last thing an athlete wants is to look weak, but there’s nothing weak about him. Every day since he’s come out of the hospital, he’s been fighting whether it’s migraines or other symptoms that are a result of his injury.

Silently, Jacob assesses him with narrowed eyes. There’s a small crease in his brows, like he’s debating whether to call him out or not. But he must decide against it because he holds up the plastic container. “I brought you two of your favorite donuts.”

“For me?” Zach instantly perks up and takes hold of the box with his good hand. Placing it on his thigh, he flips open the lid, and a wide smile spreads across his lips as he picks up one of the donuts. “Oh, thanks, Jacob. You’re the best.”

Jacob smiles shyly at his compliment and looks over his shoulder at me. “One is for you. If he doesn’t eat it first, that is.”

I want to fist-bump the air. Maybe he is warming up to me after all. “Thank you. I don’t normally get a look in unless I go into the bakery myself.”

He chuckles and turns back to Zach. “Ethan mentioned you’ve been getting migraines?”

Zach grunts, stuffing more of the donut into his mouth to avoid answering.

“Almost daily.” I answer for him, walking over and taking a seat on the edge of the couch by Zach’s outstretched legs. “But the doctor doesn’t seem concerned right now, so it’s just a case of resting and hoping they will eventually go away.”

Those icy blue eyes lock on mine, and there’s a shimmer of heat sparking in them. A look that says, Do orgasms count as resting?

I arch a brow, lifting my lips in a smirk. We take a nap after, don’t we?

Jacob clears his throat, and we both turn our attention to him.

“Something you want to tell me?” he asks, a teasing tone to his voice.

“Nope.” Zach shakes his head slightly.

Jacob narrows his eyes, then quickly takes the box away from him and snatches the half-eaten donut out of his hand. Zach’s mouth drops open as a choked noise leaves him, and I have to smother my laughter with my hand.

Jacob may be small, but shit, he is feisty. I met him before he started dating Ethan, and there was a time when I thought Jacob and Zach would be well-suited. I also remember there was a moment in Blaine and Alex’s apartment where Zach gave Jacob a hug, and the surge of jealousy that whipped through me was alarming. They are both quiet and gentle, and seemed to share this mutual connection that no one else was privy to.

But now, I can’t picture Jacob with anyone except Ethan. And well, Zach’s mine.

Zach groans, reaching out for the donut. “Jacob. Give me the donut back,” he whines.

“No. I will not give you these back until you tell me what you’re hiding.”

“I’m not hiding anything.”

He gives him a pointed look, then quickly looks at me. He flashes me a wink and a small smile.

“Don’t make me tell Ethan you’re hiding something from me.” He pouts.

Zach sighs and reaches out to me with his good hand. I take it, lacing our fingers together and giving his hand a small squeeze. “Carter and I are together.”

Jacob’s face morphs into the widest smile I’ve ever seen on him. “Really? Like together together?”

“Yeah, really.” I nod, unable to stop my own smile. “I got my head out of my ass and finally realized what’s been in front of me all this time.”

Jacob drops the donut into the box and claps his hands excitedly before wrapping his arms around both our necks, bringing us in for a hug. “I’m so happy for you. Oh, gosh, this is like a book I’ve read. Best friends forever, finally falling in love. Aw! It’s so amazing.”

Zach rolls his eyes, but his expression is soft and adoring. “I haven’t told the guys yet, so if you tell Ethan, make sure to tell him to keep it quiet.”

I try to hide my hurt by looking down at our linked hands. I know we haven’t spoken about what we were going to tell people, but knowing he didn’t tell the guys he’s closest to stings.

Is he still unsure about this?

Jacob’s face falls. “Why haven’t you told them?”

“I was planning on telling them at boys’ night so they can interrogate Carter, and it can be my entertainment for the evening.” Zach grins.

“Thanks. Setting me up for the wolves. Nice,” I deadpan, but inside, I’m relieved.

I’m so fucking nervous about messing this up. Zach means everything to me, and I’m so desperate to make him happy that I keep forgetting he’s had nearly two decades of suppressing his feelings for me. Hiding them from those around him.

I’ll take every doubt going forward as long as it means I get to call Zach mine and continue to show him I’m in this for real, no matter how long it takes for him to believe me.