Page 19 of Cruel Alpha (Nightfire Islands Alphas #1)

Three days. It had been three days since I’d last seen Alyssa—five days since I’d last touched her—and it was driving me crazy. As ridiculous as it was, I was more agitated by these few days than I had been in the three years that she’d been on Arbor. Maybe it was knowing she was close but still out of my reach. Maybe it was the double blow of separation from my mate and my pups. Either way, my Betas cowered away when I entered a room, afraid of when I would snap next. They deserved better from me, but I was too strung out to keep my wolf contained. He was snarling and snapping inside me, furious at being kept away from his mate. He didn’t understand that this was our own fault, and we simply had to bear it until she came back to us.

In the meantime, I could only content myself with flipping through the battered album she had given me. Alyssa herself wasn’t in any of the pictures, but I could feel her presence in every image, the twins’ eyes wide with adoration as they looked at their mother behind the camera. On occasion, I tortured myself by imagining how things could have been; she could have held them in her lap, all three of them smiling at a camera that I held; I could have laughed as I caught her snapping an image of me playing with the pair of them.

That wasn’t reality, though, only a dream where I was a better man.

In reality, I had to wait. I patrolled the island perimeter; I ordered food and coal and everything the Pack needed; I took out my burning frustration on the sandbags in the gym above the hall.

On the evening of the third day, I returned home to an ambush: Julia was reclined on my couch while Ethan sat on the loveseat, elbows resting on his knees. This was bad. If Julia was willing to call Ethan in as backup, then she was seriously worried.

It would have been nice if my little sister and my best friend could be in the same room together without trying to rip each other’s throats out at any given opportunity, but I had long resigned myself to the reality of it. Julia was irreverent and stubborn, and Ethan was serious and stubborn: they were never going to get along, but apparently, they’d come together this evening to tell me to pull my head out of my ass, which was embarrassing.

“This is an intervention,” Julia announced. “You’ve been absolutely insufferable since Alyssa cut you off.”

I knew it was true, but I wasn’t about to admit it when Julia was in full meddle mode.

“My wolf’s not happy about it,” I said. It was true enough, but all three of us knew there was more to it than that.

“I know you’ve got a better handle on him than this,” Ethan said. Despite being only three years my senior, he could really pull out the Dad Vibes when he wanted to. Maybe it was being an established Alpha since he was seventeen, or maybe it was just his personality. “Your sister says Alyssa doesn’t want to see you.”

“His sister has a name,” Julia grumbled. I knew it would only be a matter of time until they started sniping at each other, but I’d hoped I had a few more minutes at least.

“Yeah,” I said before Ethan could snipe back. “She wants some space to think. It’s making me a bit antsy.”

Julia snorted.

“You can say that again. I found Nate crying in the woods yesterday.” I winced. Nate had always been sensitive, especially where my praise or censure was concerned.

“It is what it is,” I said. “Like you said, I just need to get a better handle on myself.” I could do that. Probably.

“That’s bullshit,” Ethan growled, and Julia rolled her eyes.

“How so?” she asked. “Please enlighten us.”

“She’s your mate; those are your children,” said Ethan. “She can’t just forbid you access.”

If only it were so simple. Perhaps in some Packs, it was. I knew that Ferris was old fashioned, that they were far stricter about what mates owed each other. For a female to shut out her mate would be unheard of there. It might be frowned upon on Lapine, but if her mate treated her as badly as I had? The Pack would probably turn a blind eye.

“She can, and she has,” I told him, but he only frowned at me.

“You remember that you’re Alpha, right?”

I did, and that was half the problem. I was trying to find the right words to explain it to him, but Julia was faster.

“This isn’t the kind of situation you can bully your way out of,” she snapped. “That’s only gonna make things worse.”

Ethan bristled, and when he spoke again, I could feel him actively trying to hold back the boom of Alpha authority. As much as the two disliked each other, he’d never used that tone with her, I assumed out of respect for my jurisdiction.

“It’s not bullying,” he insisted, “it’s authority. Shifters are designed to respond to that. It’s natural.”

Julia rolled her eyes.

“Oh yeah?” she retorted. “Then why don’t I give a single shit about any of the things you say?”

“Can we get back on track here?” I said before things could escalate. I didn’t really want to continue talking about my embarrassment of a love life, but it was better than watching another Julia vs Ethan smackdown. Those things were brutal.

“I was on track until—” Ethan started, but Julia cut him off.

“Until your idea of helping was making things worse. Alyssa isn't a full shifter, and her only experience of Alpha authority is the way it’s been used to humiliate her. She’s not going to respond to some macho show of strength. You turn up at my door making demands of her and you’ll be hocus-pocused straight into the sea.”

Ethan clearly didn’t have anything to say to that, and it made me a little bit proud. I loved him, but he could be an asshole sometimes. Julia kept him in line.

“What do you suggest, then?” he asked through gritted teeth. Julia shrugged.

“Give her what she wants,” she said. “Alyssa knows you’ve changed, but she’s still really hurt. You know when you adopt a feral cat, and you have to just let it hide under the sofa for a few days before you even try to give it pets? Like, it might want those pets, but its experience of the world is that human hands are for hurting. I know she misses you, though. She’ll come out from under the couch soon enough.”

“You’re calling my mate a feral cat?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Julia smiled, wide and cheeky. I wished I could share her optimism.

“So I just have to wait?”

I already knew the answer, but I wanted to hear something else. I wanted to agree with Ethan that the best course of action was to bust down her door and sweep her up in my arms whether she liked it or not.

To my surprise, Julia’s smile wavered.

“I mean—there is something you could do, but it’s big,” she said.

“What?” It didn’t matter how big it was; if it got me back in her arms, I’d do it.

“It would make her feel a hell of a lot more secure if you claimed her and the kids. Publicly.”

Of course. Of course that was what she wanted—what she needed from me. I’d been so stupid to think that anything less would suffice. I’d rejected her in front of the entire Pack; the only recourse was to claim her in front of them. Unfortunately, it was the one thing I couldn’t afford to do right now.

“She can’t ask that of him,” Ethan said, much to Julia’s displeasure.

“And she isn’t, asshole,” Julia replied. “I explained to her all the reasons why it might be dangerous, and she gets it, but… I gotta say I understand where she’s coming from.” Ethan huffed out a dismissive breath, but Julia only continued, louder, “She’s afraid that if she gives herself over to you, then you’ll reject her again eventually. If you’ve claimed her publicly, you can’t do that.”

“If he claims her publicly, he’s gonna be facing a coup as well as an inter-Pack incident,” Ethan said slowly, like he was explaining it to a child. Even lost as I was in the fog of my thoughts, I knew that wouldn’t go down well. Julia’s face split into a wide, insincere smile.

“Oh really?” she said, her voice pitched high and mocking. “I was, like, totally unaware of that!”

“Can it, both of you,” I snapped. “We all know what’s at stake here.”

“You can’t claim her before the Arbor attack,” Ethan insisted. “That’ll send your ranks into chaos.”

That was what I’d been trying to do: wait until the Arbor threat was dealt with and the Pack was feeling more stable, then re-introduce her as Alpha female and Jack as my heir. That would bring a whole host of new problems, but they were problems I could tackle when I wasn’t constantly worrying about hostilities from our neighbors.

“I can’t wait forever, though,” I pointed out. “Slade’s already held off the attack longer than I ever thought he would.”

“What if he really has just retreated to lick his wounds?” Julia suggested. I admired her optimism, but I didn’t share it. “He must know that he can’t win this fight if you’re forcing him over the bridge. Maybe he’s given up.”

“Or he’s waiting for you to think he’s given up, then he’ll attack the second you stop patrolling the island perimeter regularly,” Ethan countered. This time, I was with him. I knew Connor Slade well enough to know that he wouldn’t back down on this. He’d rather fight and lose than be accused of cowardice.

“I’ll keep it up forever if I have to, if that’s what will keep her and the twins safe,” I said. I meant it, too, even if I didn’t think it would ever come to that. Eventually, Slade would cut his losses and attack over the bridge.

“But how much longer are the males going to put up with it?” Ethan asked, and Julia groaned.

“You’re a real downer, you know that, right?” she said.

“He’s right, though,” I told her. “My Betas are happy to do it; they’re loyal, and they’ll take any excuse for a run. The other males, though, they’re working their usual shifts at the quarry as well as patrol duties. They’re getting tired.”

“Has it occurred to you that maybe the females are just as capable?” Julia said, and I sighed. We’d had this argument more than once, and I wasn’t about to have it again. All of a sudden I was bone tired and sick of this whole conversation.

“Would you both just… just leave me to think?” I said. I needed to search my own thoughts about it, not listen to my sister and my best friend argue about what was best for me and my mate.

“Sure, man,” said Ethan, rising immediately from his seat. “Give me a call if you need anything.”

He slapped my shoulder as he passed, and I nodded my thanks. If Ethan could be counted on for anything, it was to understand my responsibilities as Alpha and not to meddle with my decisions. He was out of the door in a matter of seconds, not even bidding Julia goodbye. It was probably a wise choice.

My sister was another entity entirely. She rose slowly from the couch, glaring at me.

“Alright, but I’ll be back if I hear you’ve pulled any stupid shit,” she said. I didn’t doubt it, and I let her ruffle my hair on the way out just to indulge her. Julia liked to think that she was in charge of our sibling dynamic, and most of the time, I was happy to let her.

“Oh,” she said, spinning around on the threshold to point an accusatory finger at me, “and no more sex in my kitchen.”

I could only blink at her, mortified. She blew me a kiss and breezed out of the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts.