Page 12 of Cruel Alpha (Nightfire Islands Alphas #1)

“I just don’t get him,” I said as Julia pressed a cup of coffee into my hands. “He insists on keeping me safe and acts all protective and—well, he’s acting like my mate, except that he’d rather cut off his own arm than admit the truth to the Pack.”

Julia took a thoughtful sip from her own cup.

“The thing about Cal that you have to understand,” she said eventually, “is that there’s more going on in that pretty head than one might imagine. He’s always planning, but he never lets anyone else in on those plans. I didn’t realize how much he was doing to protect me from Dad when we were kids because he didn’t tell me he was doing any of it. I appreciate it now, but at the time, I felt so fucking alone.”

“So what, I just have to wait?”

Julia shrugged.

“You can try to push him if you want, but he’s a stubborn bastard.”

“I noticed.”

We sipped our coffee in silence, watching the twins stuff their faces with blackberries on the other side of the room. In a rush, I realized that I felt more at home here, in Julia’s little cottage, than I ever had before, either here or on Arbor.

“Hey, Julia?” I ventured.

“Mmm?”

“Thank you—for letting us into your home, for not questioning that the twins are your family. I’ve never really had a friend before,” I confessed. Julia smiled knowingly, reaching out to take my hand.

“Me neither. I’m glad you’re here.”

The moment was interrupted by an insistent and familiar knock on the door. Julia rolled her eyes.

“Speak of the devil,” she said before raising her voice to yell, “It’s open!”

Caleb grumbled as he entered.

“It shouldn’t be. Anyone could just walk in here.”

“Evidently,” Julia said. “Is there a reason you’re bothering us this morning, brother dearest?”

“Alyssa needs training with her wolf.” I’d been expecting this at some point, but Caleb had neglected to provide me with a schedule.

“Alyssa is right here,” I said. “She’s drinking her coffee, and she’s got kids to look after.”

“Julia can watch them,” Caleb said, as if this was a foregone conclusion.

“Oh, can she?” Julia smirked. I knew she was always more than happy to look after the twins, but she also never let an opportunity to rile her brother pass.

“Does she have other pressing business?” Caleb asked, clipped and irritated.

There was a pause, and then Julia sighed.

“No.”

“Great. Come on, Alyssa.”

“This can and must wait until after my coffee,” I insisted, but Caleb would not be put off.

“Bring your damned coffee, then.”

There was no arguing with him when he was on this kind of warpath. I spared a moment to give the twins a kiss and let them know that Auntie Julia would be looking after them today. They squealed in joy; the last time I’d left them with Julia, I’d returned home to find them hopped up on sugar playing “the floor is lava”, so they’d have a great day even if I had to suffer for it later.

I had to jog to keep up with Caleb as we made our way over to the hall, and I was grateful that Julia had tipped my coffee into a thermos flask before I was dragged out of the door. I took a couple of nervous sips. Training with my magic was one thing, but my wolf was—quite literally—another beast entirely. Perhaps she would have the same miraculous resurgence as my magic, but I doubted it. Unlike with my magic, there had never been a time when I felt confident in my wolf form, when I could keep her skin for longer than a few minutes. Sometimes, I wondered if the historical animosity between witches and shifters was something more primal than political, that the two halves of myself simply could not coexist, and I had to pick one or the other.

Like last time, the hall had been emptied of its usual tables and chairs, leaving us plenty of space.

“Why don’t we just do this outside?” I asked. “There’d be more space and less risk of property damage.” My eyes flicked to the scorch marks that my magic had left on the walls and floor from our last training session.

“It’s too risky. We could be caught off guard,” said Caleb, and I should have guessed that, really. “Plus for this… I figured you’d appreciate the privacy.”

My heart dropped into my stomach. In the morning rush, I hadn’t even considered that training with my wolf would require me to undress. It shouldn’t be an issue: shifters were used to nudity. It shouldn’t matter that the last time he’d seen me naked, he’d been between my thighs, kissing me, touching me—but I couldn’t think about that now.

“Right,” I agreed. “So do you have a pep talk you want me to sit through, or should I just…” I trailed off, tugging the bottom of my sweater.

“No, you can—” Caleb waved his hand in a way that clearly meant take your clothes off. I didn’t know if I was comforted or offended that he seemed just as awkward about this as I was. “I just want to test your reflexes as a wolf, see what you’re capable of, and talk you through some defensive moves.”

“Why do I have to be a wolf at all?” I grumbled, my sweater half over my head.

“Because you might be a talented witch,” he said, “but no human is quicker than a wolf. You need to be comfortable in your wolf form if you’re gonna stand a chance against an Arbor hunter. Of course, I’d rather it didn’t come to that, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.”

I couldn’t argue with his logic, so I reached down to unbutton my blouse. Caleb averted his eyes, and I quickly stripped off my shirt, jeans, and underwear. It was cold in the hall, and my nipples were embarrassingly hard. Bringing my arms up to my chest, I tried to cover them as my breasts spilled over my hands.

“You ready?” Caleb said, still determinedly not looking at me. His voice was low and hoarse, and I nodded before realizing that he couldn’t see me do so.

“Yeah,” I confirmed with a squeak.

Taking a deep breath, I lowered my arms, closed my eyes, and reached inside me for my wolf. She was rarely close to the surface, and it took me a moment to find that animal part of me. It had been so long since I’d last done this that the pain of the shift was shocking, and I whimpered as I came to all fours, fur splitting my skin, my bones cracking and reforming.

When I was done, a medium-sized brown wolf stood in my place; she was neither notably large nor notably small, an ordinary plain brown color, totally unremarkable. She was everything I’d always wanted to be but could never quite manage.

When Caleb finally turned around, his gaze was analytical, and he circled me as though I was a car he was thinking about buying. He clicked his fingers, and my head jerked around to find the sound. My wolf and I weren’t entirely separate beings—I was still me when I was in her skin—but the version of me that existed there was more primal, more animal. I thought less and sensed more. Every sound, from the whistle of the wind outside to the huff of Caleb’s breathing and the pound of his heart, was suddenly sharp; I could smell the dry stone of the hall and the lingering scents of all the shifters who had passed through it in the last few days. I could also smell Caleb, that clean pine and charcoal scent that was enticing enough when I was human and that suddenly overcame me as a wolf. A surge of possessiveness rose up inside me.

Suddenly, it was gone, and my wolf was gone, and my human knees hit the stone floor. In an instant, Caleb was crouched in front of me.

“You okay?” he said, and I nodded. His eyes scanned my body for any sign of injury or pain.

“I’m fine,” I told him. “That’s just—it’s as long as I can hold her.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

I expected him to laugh or to chastise me, but he only frowned, thoughtful.

“Alright,” he said. “Has it always been like that?”

“Pretty much.”

“Okay. Okay, fine. You just need practice. Go again.”

I went again. This time, the snapping of my bones and the shifting of my muscles was easier, and the brown wolf materialized faster.

“Alright,” said Caleb, beginning to pace in front of me. “There’s nothing wrong with the wolf, as far as I can see. Your hearing is perfect, and your eyes are tracking me just fine. We need to, uh, just get you comfortable, I guess. Give me ten laps of the hall.”

I stared at him. He couldn't be serious.

“I’m so serious,” he said. “Go.”

With a huff, I went. It was hard to pick up speed in such a small space. What had seemed like a large hall to me was a cage to my wolf, but that animal part of my soul still loved the feeling of running. Perhaps because I no longer had too much boob, or thighs that rubbed together, or the eyes of the Pack on my sweaty, flushed face. I’d managed about five laps when I took a corner too fast and skidded, landing in a human heap.

“That was better,” Caleb said, this time staying where he was on the other side of the hall. “You uh—you lasted much longer that time. Try again, the other five.”

I did. I managed seven laps of the hall on my second attempt, not wanting to stop after the designated five for fear of shifting back again. This time, it was Caleb shucking off his sweatshirt in the corner of my vision that had me tripping over my feet and tumbling to the floor in human form. Winded, I sat up on my heels, looking over at Caleb. I panted while waiting for my next order. He blinked hard, looking away from me again as he asked,

“What sets you off? What triggers that shift back to human form?”

“The first time, I think she was just shy,” I admitted, “but the last couple of times, it was because something went wrong. I skidded in that corner, and then you moving to uh—to take off your sweater was distracting enough to make me trip.”

Caleb nodded.

“Alright. So, we need to practice with distractions. Get you changing direction and dealing with obstacles.” He moved towards the chairs and table stacked at the sides of the room, pulling them out into the space. He glanced at me, naked and shivering in the corner, and said, “You can, uh, wait in your wolf form. Keep trying for longer holds.”

I shifted, determined to show him that I could do this. My wolf wasn’t weak, I wasn’t weak.

Eventually, Caleb stood back; giving his handiwork an approving nod, he said,

“We’re gonna follow this course around the chairs and over the tables. I’m gonna tell you when to go and when to stop. Okay?”

I nodded, pawing the ground beneath me to indicate my readiness. Caleb waved go, and I took off. The first few chair jumps were easy, even fun, and I raced over to the tables, ready to vault them, but then Caleb yelled,

“Under!”

I hesitated for a split second, and that was all it took. My wolf’s skin fell away, and I was once again naked in the middle of the hall. At least I was still on my feet this time.

“Okay, let’s try again,” Caleb barked, and I retreated to my starting corner. I tried my best not to look at him, terrified to see the disgust on his face.

I shifted again—it was getting easier every time—and sank into a ready position.

“Go!”

I was over the chairs in seconds, and this time, Caleb’s second command didn’t faze me. I wriggled under the tables on my belly and then around a second set of chairs as instructed. Coming to the last obstacle, a chair perched on top of a desk, I coiled and sprang: the jump took me high, my front paws cleared the back of the chair, and for a second, I was on top of the world. My mate was watching me, proud and pleased, sending warmth blossoming through me.

Then my back paws clipped the top of the chair, and everything went to shit. I shifted in mid-air, the sound of clattering furniture filling my ears as I hurtled toward the ground. Bracing myself in anticipation of my soft body smacking into hard stone, I gasped as I found myself hitting warm muscle instead.

The force of my fall sent me and Caleb careening back until he landed on his ass and I tumbled into his lap. We both sat, panting, for a few shocked seconds before a wide grin split his face.

“Not bad,” he said. “We can work on that last one.”

“Yeah?” I couldn’t hold back a smile, and he sat up, pulling me closer. My naked breasts squashed themselves against his chest, sending a spark of warmth straight to my core. Close to the surface, my wolf was preening under the praise.

“Yeah,” said Caleb. “You’re doing so good.”

“You’re not hurt?” I asked, and he shook his head.

“You?”

“No. You caught me.”

His hands ran down to my thighs, curious and searching. The pull of the bond wasn’t as strong now as it had been when we were younger, but I could still feel it pulling us closer.

“I did,” he said, as if only just realizing the truth of it.

Caleb leaned forward, brushing my nose against his. I could feel his breath against my lips, his clean pine scent enveloping me. My body was pliant and sore, but I was held, careful and firm, against a strong chest. When I met his eyes, they were full of fire, full of want, and my breath caught in my chest as his hands stroked up my back, following the curve of my hip and my waist until they came to rest, possessive, on the back of my neck.

“First patrol reporting!”

The shout came from the other side of the hall door, and we jerked apart. Scrambling to my feet, I barely had time to wonder what the hell I’d just been doing because Caleb was yelling,

“First patrol acknowledged. Report in five.”

I gathered up the sad little pile of my clothes, pulling them on as Caleb raked a hand through his hair.

“Uh, good session. We’ll leave it there for today.”

“Sure,” I mumbled. He opened his mouth as if to say something else, but by the time he voiced the thought, I was gone.